> My big office chair gives up under my fat ass and the metal bracket underneath breaks
> Decide to weld it back
> Forget that the chair's piston was in compression.
> With the heat of the welding the piston inner mechanism breaks and releases instantly.
> It hits me square in the face.
> Fortunately i had the welding helmet on but the hit still splits my lip open and hurt my teeth.
> Have to tell everybody is not herpes.

>>2930419 (OP)
>need to rip down a 4x1, 6x2 whatever
>grab skill saw
>cut towards me
>cut my middle finger tip damn near in half
>start going into slight shock
>start laughing my ass off
>mommy brings me to doctor
>4 stitches
I was 17

>felt like killing myself that day
>long depression
>grab skill saw
>had the bright idea to try and cut one of my hoodie strings off
>got much to close to my neck

>working on my van
>electrical issues
>looking at wires
>mice
>dig arm deeper into engine bay
>slip my elbow past metal support, or whatever it was
>arm stuck for 2 hours
>someone finally got home and grabbed some oil
>elbow bruised for weeks

>first time welding
>Thingy stops glowing
>grab the obviously still hot piece of metal
>*sound of meat in a frying pan* for a brief moment
Lesson learned

>>2930658
We all learn that lesson as kids sticking our finger on the cigarette lighter in our parents' car, must be a zoomie.

>>2930667
Cigarette lighters in cars... I'll bet you still stomp the floorboard when you go to turn on the high beams, too.

Most accidents and injuries are from willfully continuing with something you know is wrong.
No more cowboy shit, the amount of times I should've been skewered in the taint or abdomen by a piece of metal doing parcour to get to the back of my 10x10 shop when it's literally completely full and can't get to the back wall.
Same with mistakes on projects, if something seems like a bad idea, stop and get the right thing instead of doing more damage, did the same thing today on something because I didn't grab a torch.

>working in the baggage pit of an a300 jet
>go to step out on to the ladder, slip and fall 8 feet to the floor
>nothing hurt but my pride

>welding at home
>forget to wear arm covers
>get second degree burn on my left upper arm
>smells like cooked ham for 2 weeks
>probably will get cancer there

>walking across the hangar
>someone distracts me
>keep walking
>turn head back in direction I am walking
>walk right in to a piece of seat track sticking off of a storage shelf
>stitches on forehead

>11 years old
>building stuff with my dad in his really cool workshop
>use bandsaw
>cut a 1/16 in deep groove in my thumb
>my mother bans me from ever going back in there
>later she divorces my dad to get on welfare
>cunt

>my brother is climbing up a ladder rated at 250lbs
>he's 6'4" and over 300lbs at the time
>can you guess what happened next?
>he was over half way up to his roof
>whole thing caught on security camera
>messed up one of his knees and his back

>>2930709
oh shit made me laugh. but really though stompers died in the 80's mostly but smokers carried on strong through y2k.

>be 15
>have a coil of copper wire
>need a straight section for a project i was making
>need a handle to tug the wire to straighten it up
>get a bright idea that knife handle would do the job
>Wrap one end of a 3 meter wire around a radiator and the other around a knife handle
>tug
>oops, knife slipped
>a clean cut from the base of my thumb down to the base of my palm
Was too afraid to tell parents so i just washed it with peroxide and closed it with bandaids
Did you know that meat inside of your hand is purple? And tendons are off white.

>>2930725
boy that story took a turn in the end

>cut chain lock with angle grinder
>pick up hot bit of chain
>TSHHHHHHH
Don't say give it back Jamal, it was my lock.

>>2930839
give it back shanequa

One time I was cutting the sleeves off a polo I was wearing while I was driving, using a pocket knife, and I hit a bump then cut my arm pretty bad

>>2930419 (OP)
>removing cabinets from Metro station in telecom room
>ask coworker to kill the breaker
>test circuit, it's dead
>start cutting wires
>BOOM
>mfw home runs to each cabinet

Same day

>removing conduit from cabinets
>conduit locknut only backs off 1/8th of an inch. not enough room to pull it out of the cabinet
>go up the escalators to the work van to grab my grinder
>get to the top of the station
>pigeon standing by the door
>open the door for the pigeon and watch him walk right out
>grab the grinder
>grind the locknut off the conduit
>set off the smoke detectors
>fire alarms going off in Metro station
>fire department shows up
>tell them we must've kicked up some dust despite it smelling like a welding shop in the closet (no hot work permit)
>they buy it

>>2930419 (OP)
>direct competitor install non uv rated indoor only cable penetrating roof to antenna
>cable is completely destroyed despite being only a year old
>offer solution of pulling new properly rated cable to directly replace old cable
>customer says yes and we go back the next day
>tape old cable to new cable with a few rolls of electrical tape
>lube up the new cable
>go up stairs and start pulling
>pull out my back for the first time in my life in early 20s
>give up pulling
>take the 150 feet of conduit apart on the roof to finish the job
>fire department inspector shows up and aggressively scolds me for fixing work the original company should've fixed
>"just doing my job bro"
>he chills out and I give him the damaged cable while he starts bitching that he'll ban our competitor from his city

competitor continues to install this cable outside for another year. When they're finally forced to fix the issue they cheap out and paint the cable with uv resistant paint. Guess what it's still not weather rated. Buddy who works their suggested using the correct cable and management told him to shut the fuck up.

>Installing a specialized computer set up in a new police department
>Going the extra miles to make everything look good
>Installing clips and screws under the desk to hold the wires in place.
>Particle board particles get in my eye because I wasn't wearing safety glasses
>Spend the rest of the day crying and washing my eyes out at the sink


>Fixing corroded electrical connector
>Have my safety glasses on
>Soak the entire thing in contact cleaner
>Move the wire and connector rather quickly to start soaking the other side
>A drop of contact cleaner somehow gets around my safety glasses and lands in my eye
>Look like this the rest of the day

>Parents installing a new oven
>Volunteer to wire it since they're not really all that handy
>Lose grip of the grounding wire while trying to tighten it
>Reflex kick in and have moves to catch it
>Back panel of the oven is all rough cut sheet metal because who's going to be behind the oven?
>Inch long, deep gash in my palm
>Just clean and bandage it, have to change bandages a bunch since it probably needed stitches, or a butterfly at the very least


>Switch to shaving with a double edge safety razor
>Go whole hog and buy a pack of a brazillion off Amazon
>Also have a 3D printer
>Make some silly holder for the razor blade with no real purpose outside of maybe decorative cuts in dough before baking
>Screwing it together to play with it
>Hand slips, screwdriver turns, blade twists out
>Another deep gash in my finger

>Building Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts
>Doing something with a pencil and really going crazy with it, scribbling madly with an ice pick grip
>Run off the car and stab myself in the palm
>Still have a graphite colored mark almost 30 years later

And the best part? This is all my left hand. This isn't mentioning numerous other things that happened to it like dislocated middle finger in 4th grade, smashing the tip of my thumb at work, getting stabbed in the palm by someone else with a pencil about an inch over from my 'car accident', and a punch of other little scars I don't have specific memories for.

>be 19
>fancy a female
>lets carve her a thing out of balsa because I'm poor
>get bored with task
>decide to do a big cut to save time
>knife stuck
>change my grip and pull harder
>knife goes thru the wood
>knife goes thru my hand
She did, but also called me a retard for slicing myself

>have an old TV for my Nintendo as a kid
>TV dies one day
>sits there broken for a year
>one day curiosity gets the best of me
>open it up with a butter knife because no screwdriver
>see something like pic related
>it's been unplugged for a year, what can go wrong?
>start taking off every screw I can find
>knife manages to touch both contacts of a large capacitor
>ZAP
>drop knife and recoil in shock
>felt like someone had punched me as hard as possible in my fingertip, knife had a black burn mark on it
>mum hears commotion, comes in and yells at my dumb ass and I get in trouble

My hand was numb for a few minutes and red but that was it, I learned what a capacitor was that day.

>>2930930
you absolute buffoon

>>2931260
>recoil in shock

I see what you did there.

>be me, a kid
>salvaging old hard drive for magnets
>no eyepro
>decide to smash the plate as hard as I can
>shit flies everywhere except into my eyes
>pause for a second
>think how incredibly lucky free lesson I've just received
>never go without eyepro again

>middle school
>in the middle of class, my pencil is dull
>no pencil sharpener on hand
>I’ve used a knife before to sharpen pencils, scissors are fancy knives, why not use scissors to sharpen my pencil?
>use scissors to sharpen pencil, except the blade manages to slip and leaves a deep cut right on the joint of my right thumb since I was using that hand to hold the blade.
>blood starts pouring, very little pain surprisingly, think I could see my muscles since I cut that deep
>class just stares at me, I go to the office
>You’ll need stitches anon! Go home with a bandaid on the cut.
>dad literally just uses paper towel to compress and stop the bleeding, then superglues it shut so it’s not bleeding
>gets properly bandaged, have to go through like 2-3 bandages because the old ones get all crusty
>scar isn’t that big, and thumb mobility isn’t impeded, stitches would’ve probably fucked it up worse.
I also managed to staple that same thumb while trying to refill a stapler with fresh staples and that fucking HURT

>be me
>be smith/welder apprentice
>get assigned to cut and assemble PVC piping on my own
>have to clean all the cut ends of pipes with strong chemicals before putting pvc glue on both sides of the joint
>this creates an amazing seal so you have to move quick and make sure you use the right joints at the right angles
>UnsupervisedApprentice.exe
>inevitably fuck up and glued the wrong joints together and only noticed after i assembled another the wrong way
>grab coworker to get advice and help to fix
>observe coworker fix one
>coworker fucks off to narnia, so i try to fix the other fuckup
>slap it with an angle grinder and try to wiggle the rest of it off with non-locking folding pocket knife
>need alot of force and wiggles in different directions
>wiggle in the wrong direction and snap knife shut onto my finger holding the hilt
>panic
>look around for coworkers
>spot one behind me who wasnt welding
>stare at cut while washing it to try to find out if i need stitches
>decide i need stitches
>coworker puts on bandage and i tell my boss i think i need stitches
>fuck off towards local hospital
>dunno how to go to ER
>text mom
>says i need to call even more local doctors office and have them look at my finger before they can tell me to go to ER
>at this point 2 hours has passed while im wearing a tight bandage and my fingertip has gone from normal in colour to blue, purple, grey and then back to purple
>panic setting in
>finally get to doctors office
>get told to wash my hand
>doctor plugs the sink and lets water run filling the sink
>tear off bandage and put my hand in
>bleed so much i make an underwater pool of blood
>doctor pretty much calls me a pussy
>glues the wound shut and bandages it
>now have sick scar

>>2931366

like 2 weeks later
>get told to have to help coworker roll some steel plates
>two coworkers pull out roller from smaller room into bigger hall then fuck off to narnia
>UnsupervisedApprentice.exe
>think ill be useful while waiting and plug in the electric roller
>now what
>decide to turn on the roller and play with it
>move the adjustment roller up and down and notice it isnt level
>idea.jpg
>be useful and try to level it
>make it go all the way to the bottom
>sure enough one side reached the bottom first
>keep pressing button and wait for the other side to reach bottom
>other side hits the bottom
>thought i heard a click noise
>push button to move it up
>nothing happens
>panic
>try holding up button for a bit, still nothing
>hurry and unplug the roller again put everything back to where it was when coworkers left
>coworkers get back and plug in roller
>doesnt move
>act suprised
>coworkers clueless
>end up finding out i snapped two pins holding the adjustment roller
>spend 2 hours fixing it
>quit 2 weeks later on unrelated reason
nobody knows it was me despite a security camera being pointed straight at where it all happened

>>2930658
>holding sulfur over flame with a spatula in science class
>spatula red hot, cool blue flame too
>spatula stops glowing
>put spatula away for the day
>*sound of meat in a frying pan* for a brief moment

>>2930419 (OP)
You are honestly lucky it wasn't worse. Those things can explode. Could have maimed you, deafened you, etc. Welding anywhere near it is crazy stupid.

>>2930419 (OP)
Fab a rolling dolly base for a truck or car seat. I used a driver seat and base from an early oughts GM van, and a pax seat from some car I forget since it was in self-service salvage. Then I used a car seat on a dolly holding a powered recliner base.

No chair has the engineering invested in crashworthy vehicle seats.

If you can rape the powered base out of a junk electric recliner (which I did to disassemble it for easy movement and disposal) you can as I did bolt that to a seat base and use both sets of adjustments. Powered recliners exist to raise diabeests who cannot stand so you want one for your old age.

Make the dolly wide enough to be (very) stable. Use non-marring casters if that matters.

>>2930722
>>forget to wear arm covers

Sunscreen is my friend. Make it yours.

>>2930709
>Cigarette lighters in cars...

Were deleted for cost reasons but make excellent high amp power sources. Not that you non-mechanic filth would ever think of that.

>>2931471
What are you talking about? I used cigarette lighters in cars plenty, I even used them as a power point before they were phased out into nothing but a power point. I also had a car with floorboard high beams still.

>>2931468
Explode how? It is a metal cylinder with some compressed nitrogen inside, is not explosive or anything.

>>2931552
not him but
what happens to nitrogen when it gets hot in compression.
you were lucky the expanding gas broke the internals before it found a less controlled escape for all the superheated pressurised gas.
mate of mine almost lost an eye trying to weld a gas strut directly to a metal bracket. thing just popped and sent chunk of the case through his cheek.

>>2930435
>had the bright idea to try and cut one of my hoodie strings off

Heard a great story on a radio call in show once discussing this same subject-
>finish carpenters are on 2nd floor
> tell idiot gofer/cleanup guy to grab them some rope to tie something back >how much?
> doesn't matter, we only need like 6 feet
> goes downstairs, time passes
> just as they begin to wonder wtf is taking so long, hear table saw start up
> idiot guy has no table saw training
> holy shit .exe
> run to edge of balcony just in time to see idiot guy holding rope to cut it on table saw, just about to contact blade
>pic related
At that point the caller starts laughing...host says c'mon, what happened? Did he get hurt?

Caller apologizes while still laughing, says oh yeah he made contact and got sucked in and cut both of his thumbs clean off HAHAHAHAHA!!!
host is like WTF is wrong with you? That's horrific!
Caller apologizes again and says yes it is, but the guy had the presence of mind to try to retrieve his thumbs to get them reattached, and have you ever seen a guy try to pick anything up with no thumbs?
Says it was like a slapstick routine and the guy kept saying "c'mon guys it's not funny, help me pick up my thumbs!" which they did but they couldn't stop laughing...

every caller after that one was laughing too for the rest of the show and so was the host. I guess the idiot guys thumbs got sewn back and kind of still worked but he had to look for other work.

>>2931603
Shit, forgot picrel

>>2930944
Southpaws are Soo clumsy

>>2930936
Which metro

>>2930419 (OP)
when i did this it wasn't compressed and a bunch of ooze just leaked out. didn't work afterward

this is much less impressive than the rest of the thread but it's my story
> dryer is being wonky
> wife notices the door sensor metal is bent
> gets pliers to pull it back
> snap
> dryer now dead
> get new door sensor
> unscrew everything to take the dryer top off
> forget about the plastic latch on the front and just pull straight up instead of forward then up
> snap
> realize there's also two bolts on the back that need to be removed so the top can lift off
> drag dryer back from wall to get at the bolts
> forget theres an exhaust hose
> snap
> unplug old dryer sensor
> realize it's screwed in as well
> unscrew it from the outside, forget it's not plugged in or attached to anything anymore
> thud
> try to take off the front panel to get the old sensor out from under the drum
> forget there are screws on the bottom bot just the sides
> snap (well bent but idk the onomotopia for that it was kinda like a snap)
> give up
> reattach exhaust hose (actually do things well for once)
> screw everything back together
> try to put the plastic covers over the screws back
> can't fucking tell up from down and just push as hard as I can because I'm already mad
> snap
> shove everything back together and hit it until it fits
> dryer works again
> throw laundry that's been sitting in the washer all day in, call it a day
> turn to go inside
> wet shirt on the ground
> thud

>>2931606
I'm not left handed. I can't remember the geometry of the oven to explain why I was using my left hand, but the other two were holding the thing in my left hand while I scribbled and screwed with my right.

>>2931606
>Southpaws are Soo clumsy
>>2932151
>I'm not left handed. I can't remember the geometry of the oven to explain why I was using my left hand, but the other two were holding the thing in my left hand while I scribbled and screwed with my right.

Righty here and my left gloves always wear out faster than my right because my left hand is my clamping/vise hand while I manipulate the finer details of the thing with my right hand.

>>2931351
>staple that same thumb while trying to refill a stapler with fresh staples

That reminds me of a story.

>Father has this fancy office stapler that uses a staple gun-like mechanism for stapling harder for penetrating more sheets
>Has a nailgun-like safety where it would fire unless a little tab is pressed down near the applicator
>Girlfriend is over, playing around with it shooting staples around, pressing the safety tab down with finger nail
>Girlfriend wants a try
>Does the girl thing and doesn't hold it right
>Drives a staple right through the tip of her finger and straight through her fingernail
>Have to chase her outside because she panics in pain over it
>Won't let me pull it out, has my father do it

The next few weeks were fun as we watched the hole in her fingernail grow out until it got clipped.

>replacing switch
>do it live!
>open neuteral bundle
>lights flicker
>light above staircase bursts into flames
>light at top of stairs fries itself
>mfw

>Ripping a long piece of hickory
>Send a huge knot right through the blade
>Knot explodes; ricochets off my watch (shattering the screen) and pops me in the face on the nose and above my eye, making me bleed
Was away from the shop for awhile before that. I'm a bit more cautious getting back to things now.

>>2930839
Your lock, but not your bike, eh, Jamal?

>replacing mainboard on 3d printer after years of troubles
>remove a red and black paired cable from screw terminals on old mainboard
>put wires on the ground and place the new mainboard into the electronics bay
>place pair of wires into new board, red to positive, black to negative
>power on to make sure it works
>something smokes, detonates and showers me in sparks
>power it down and notice the pair of wires i THOUGH i had just connected sitting on the ground next to me
>i had just plugged a 24v board directly into 240v mains

in my defence what kind of retards use red and black cables for mains instead of blue and brown?

>>2930419 (OP)
Not particularly diy but when I was about 3-4 years old my aunt was renovating a shitty house and garage in industrial Racine with plenty of my other family members, being a barely sentient child I tried to pick up a 24 inch crowbar to help the adults.
I crushed my middle finger to a sand like state and the other was shattered.
My mom says the nurses struggled heavily with how badly I thrashed in pain, and honestly in the little bit of lizard brain memory I can kind of remember the sepia hospital windows, the ceiling tiles and thrashing about something fierce while people try to hold me down. If you'd been in a 1990's us hospital you would understand the scenery.

I really wish my parents had requested my X-ray in triplicate when I ate a drywall screw when I was a toddler, my acid reflux is legendary

Hook up oscilloscope probe. Attach a ground clip. Get another probe and stick it somewhere else, also ground it. Kaboom.
Constantly happens to me.

>>2931273
Same experience but I was probably even younger than you were and I was using a brittle knife to pry something open. It broke in half and sent 10 or 20 metal flakes flying into my face.

Stabbed myself at last week's bonsai club meeting, lads. Bled all over the place. Not sure I'm going to live this one down anytime soon.

>>2930930
Lmao what

>>2930419 (OP)
>cutting metal plate with angle grinder
>it's just one quick cut so I don't put any PPE on
>in shorts and sandals and no eye protection
>holding metal down on something with one hand and holding grinder with the other
>grinder kicks back and I lose my grip
>drops onto my foot while still spinning
>mfw
>narrowly misses larger veins and tendons on top of foot
>bounces off the side of my foot at the base of my big toe
>keep it closed with a butterfly and limp for several weeks
>must've been pretty deep because it took a month to heal

I still think about how lucky I got that it didn't sever a tendon or something, and also that it was a paddle type that turns off as soon as you let it go.

>>2930709
Yes

>working on old bike
>Allen bolt for side cover strips
>Go to angle grind a slot
>Bit of brake clean on the ground I thought was too little to ignite ignites
>Scares the shit out of me and I drop the grinder
>Lands on my foot still spinning and drives across
>Osha disapproved safety sandals for the loss
>Cuts about half of my foot about inline with the ball
>Doesn't go tendon/bone deep but deep enough
>Only stitches I've ever needed in my life
>Walking sucked for a while

>Helping friend do turbo swap on his diesel
>Going to put exhaust back on
>Pipe won't fuckin reach the outlet for some reason despite being the exact same part number turbo
>No clamps or adjustability in the exhaust anywhere that would help
>Resort to wrenching it over with a 4 foot pry bar
>I'm prying while he's trying to get the v band on
>He's having a hell of a time and my arms are getting tired
>Brilliant idea to hold it with my knee to rest my arms
>Actually works well
>For 20 seconds
>Bar slips and the head hits me square in the front fucking tooth
>Must've reflexively beared my teeth when it happened otherwise it would have flayed my lip instead
>Go to dentist
>Oh wow that's so bad
>I don't even know if I can fix that
>Honestly you might lose the tooth
>*Cartoon gulp*
>Spends like 30 minutes cutting a channel over the crack for the glue and then glues it
>Works perfectly and I've had no issues for the past 7 or 8 years

>99% sure this is a real memory but could also be a hallucination/fabrication
>Be young child in kindergarten
>Teacher has an automatic stapler
>See her use it a few times
>Become intrigued
>Go to press the trigger with either my finger or thumb
>Memory goes blank so I must have blacked out
>Resumes with me having a bandage over the fingernail
>No permanent damage and I don't think I ever went to the doctor for it so it must not have pierced the nail
>Or I was extremely lucky and it just so happened to be empty

>>2933751
Nice!

>>2930930
>One time I was cutting the sleeves off a polo I was wearing while I was driving
What the fuck lol why