Thread 76581973

I'm an ugly beta male in my mid 30s. In every single workplace or college environment I become the loser loner that nobody talks to within a week of starting.

I haven't had any friends since school, and even then I didn't socialise with them outside of school after around the age of 13.

I haven't had a girlfriend or date or any interest from women ever. I've read about the blackpill and know that it all accords with reality.

Any advice that allegedly fixes the above points seems like ramshackle artifice. Going to clubs or pubs or hobby groups, "just" talking to people, online dating: it's all a humiliation ritual that only normies can succeed at. There's the added humiliation that none of it is "necessary" (physically, financially), meaning people would literally sense the patheticness on me if I did any of it. They'd think I was stupid and desperate, that I'd be someone who was acting like a 1950s caricature ("Just wear a suit and walk in with a firm handshake!), potentially resulting in widespread humiliation (maybe even social media vitality). Being a loser doesn't remove this humiliation; I wouldn't go outside without proper hygiene either.

I've come to see all socialising, whether informal or formal, in groups or with individuals, as a "heads they win, tails I lose" rigged game where people simply assert the preexisting social hierarchy to either insult, ignore, or take advantage of me. If people are in a situation where they don't simply want me to go away as soon as possible, they will try to exploit me in some way, which they will predict they can do because they instinctually (or factually) know that they fit in more than me with other normies, so they will face no consequences if they try to run over me.

>>76581973 (OP)
You are autistic, everybody can sense that

I like it when hot girls bully me

>>76581973 (OP)
you sound like you have an ego problem
guys who are not only low hierarchy, but don't act like they're low hierarchy are the worst.
im sorry you have nothing to show for your life, but since you're so 'blackpilled' then you should accept your position.

>>76581973 (OP)
you're just autistic anon

>>76581976
fpbp
Normalfags have some kind of sonar when it comes to autists. Even if you are high-functioning they'll sooner or later see that you're different from them.

>>76581973 (OP)
Didnt read your wall of text. You gotta get fluent in normie talk. Strike conversation with non important things. Make random compliments. Say non important information. Make lazy superficial jokes. Smile when you say good bye. Repeat the next day. Normies feel as lonely and insecure as you, they dont want you to make them kill themselves, just a lazy comfy talk is enough to get them hooked. These same things are the ones they do. You will never receive a compliment and no one will strike a convo with you if you dont have an opener, you need small things in your appearance or everyday actions that makes them think "yep, this is what defines this guy". These small details also keep the conversations alive. A silly tshirt, a tattoo, bright colored shoes, some weird hairstyle, anything that is remotely amusing to look at, im not telling you to look like a clown or a naturo chronic weeabo masturbator, just be subtle. If you wear a cross necklace they will hit you with "are you christian or something" then you can hit them back with a joke, some random experience or just the typical pseudophylosophical slop comment that women love.
>tldr
Do anything man.

>>76581976
>>76582217

There's a fairly famous paper from 2017 that looks at "thin-slice judgements" of both normal people and those with autism / aspergers. Basically interpreting the immediate first impressions made by aspies and normoids based on looks, manner and speech and whether these first impressions can be changed.

>https://www.nature.com/articles/srep40700

The results across the board show that normal people instantly and permanently reject autistic people within seconds, SECONDS, of seeing them or hearing them or just observing them.

The only time autismoids were not viewed negatively and rejected is when the content of their speech was transcribed i.e people were reading the content of the person's speech completely independently, not listening to some aspie talk or seeing them or being near them but just reading text responses in a vacuum.

Crucially, people's impressions "do not change with increased exposure". It's over in a few seconds and then permanently over forevermore with that same person. If you have autism or that sort of thing then social interactions are over before they begin for you.

>>76581973 (OP)
I’m going to be straight with you — not dismissive, not sugarcoating, but real.

You're clearly intelligent and self-aware, and you're in pain. You're not whining — you're laying it all out. And that honesty? It's a sign that there's still some part of you that wants change, even if you don’t believe it’s possible right now.

But here’s the truth: you are not doomed. What you're experiencing isn’t because the universe handed you a permanent “beta male loser” card. It’s because your mind has internalized a narrative that only reinforces isolation, rejection, and shame — and then scans reality to prove it right. That’s not weakness. That’s a defense mechanism. But it’s one that’s slowly killing you inside.

Let’s dismantle the blackpill first.

I’m not going to argue that looks, status, and early socialization don’t matter. They do. But the blackpill makes one fatal logical error:

It takes patterns and turns them into immutable laws of nature.

Yes, certain types of men have it easier. Yes, social dynamics are cruel. But it is simply not true that all people like you are doomed. That’s not ideology — that’s observable reality. There are people with your struggles — looks, background, social history — who have made changes and found connection.

If even one person like you found real human relationships — then this isn’t physics. It’s a probability game, not a scripted outcome. And your brain is stuck treating it like a death sentence.

Why lifting didn’t work

Lifting is great. It’s healthy. It helps posture, presence, confidence. But it doesn’t undo 20+ years of internalized social trauma, rejection, or alienation.

You’re trying to fix a deep emotional, social wound with surface-level tools — and then blaming yourself when they don’t work.

That’s like putting on a clean shirt and expecting it to heal a broken rib.

>>76582303
>>76582303

You have deep beliefs that tell you:

People will always look down on you.

You’re fundamentally lesser.

Any attempt at connecting is inherently pathetic.

Trying is worse than giving up, because at least giving up protects your dignity.

These beliefs are not “rational.” They are trauma-encoded scripts — they feel true because you’ve been rehearsing them for so long.

You’re not imagining the pain. But you are interpreting it in the worst possible light.

You said something really powerful:

"I've come to see all socialising... as a 'heads they win, tails I lose' rigged game."

This is exactly what people with chronic social rejection or alienation often feel. That every interaction is a test. That people are judging, mocking, or waiting to exploit you. That you're under a microscope just for trying to do what others take for granted.

But that doesn’t mean this perception is accurate. It means your system is on high alert. You’re in a constant emotional state of “fight or flight,” especially in social situations.

That’s not weakness — that’s your nervous system reacting to years of hurt.

So what do you actually do?

Not fake-it-til-you-make-it. Not blackpill despair. Something else.

1. You need healing, not hustle.

Trying to “get out there” socially or romantically right now is like trying to run a marathon on a broken leg. You’ll just end up in more pain, proving the same script to yourself.

Instead: focus inward, not outward — for now. Your internal narrative is deeply wounded and needs attention.

Therapy with someone trained in social anxiety, CPTSD, or rejection sensitivity dysphoria (yes, it’s real) could help. And I know — therapy can be expensive, hard to access, awkward, whatever. But even books or online programs on these topics can be a start.

>>76581973 (OP)
>>76582308
2. Stop trying to “fix” your life like a machine.

You're treating your personality and loneliness like a checklist:

Lift

Approach women

Get insulted

Revert to doom

But human connection doesn’t come from performance — it comes from authenticity. That doesn’t mean baring your soul on day one. It means small, honest human moments. Even just not hating yourself while sitting in a coffee shop around other people is progress.

You have to stop thinking that you must be “better” or “worthy” before you're allowed to exist socially.

3. Find micro-connections, not relationships.

You’re not ready for deep friendships or dating yet. That’s okay.

Start with the smallest possible social wins:

Saying hello to the barista and meaning it.

Asking someone a question about something you both have to do anyway (a coworker, not a stranger).

Talking to a stranger online about a shared interest without trying to impress or prove yourself.

Don’t make these moments into “tests.” Don’t even think of them as practice. Think of them as reminders that the world is not always hostile.

You need to see that not everyone is a predator or a judge. That will take time.

4. Drop the "alpha/beta" lens.

This isn’t just bad science — it’s actively toxic.

Life isn’t a hierarchy where everyone’s scanning for weakness. You’re not in high school anymore. People aren’t as obsessed with your rank as your brain wants you to believe.

Real connection — friendship, romance, community — isn’t built on dominance. It’s built on trust, warmth, honesty, shared pain, and humor.

If someone is judging you on status? They’re not your people anyway.

>>76581973 (OP)
>>76582312
The uncomfortable truth:

You will stay stuck if you don’t challenge the beliefs you’re clinging to, even though they hurt you.

They feel safe because they explain the pain. But they also guarantee you never escape it.

You don’t need to be fixed.
You need to feel seen, understood, and safe.
That won’t happen overnight. But it starts with not believing everything your inner critic says.

If this hit a nerve — good. Not because it hurts, but because it means the numbness didn’t win today.

Let me know if you want resources, books, or steps to start unwinding this.

You're not a hopeless case. You're a wounded human. And there’s still a road forward.

>>76581973 (OP)
Find a video you like the look of here:
https://youtube.com/@alphaaffirmations?si=-BeanT3GRkyVis81
Remember, with manifestation and affirmation, it doesn't need to be true "yet", all you have to do it agree with it and claim it as your own as if it were true for it to come true.

>>76581973 (OP)
All I can say is, don't try to be perfect and don't try to make people like you. You are probably too afraid of making mistakes, doing or saying the wrong things. Be more relatable, and engage with people without expecting a certain outcome. Become comfortable with who you are as a person. The real you, not who you want to be. That's not to say you shouldn't work on your weaknesses, just don't put all your energy into hiding them.

>>76581973 (OP)
I don't think you're wrong to think any of this, and you probably have some kind of mental disability that makes it so normie advice doesn't work on you. I'm not dismissing your schizo ramblings because you wouldn't have ended up a 30something virgin if there wasn't some truth to it.
But the "heads they win, tails I lose" part is just ridiculous. As someone who has single digit irl friends, is a bit retarded and awkward, has never approached a girl but has had girlfriends and generally pleasant conversations/bonding experiences with female friends, I have no interest in "winning" against someone who's older and less accomplished than I am. I wouldn't even call myself a normie and even I'm completely above shit like that, I'd just feel vaguely bad for you and think to myself "I'm lucky I don't have to wake up as him every day". If you aren't an asshole I don't see why anyone would go out of their way to pick a fight with you for social points. It's actually seen as lowly and pathetic to pick on losers

>>76581973 (OP)
There are weird women out there too, so that's probably your best bet. Get into magic crystals, shit like that.

About online dating in general, for men the only way you don't come off as a desperate loser is if they think you're trying to get laid as much as possible. (Not trying to find a girlfriend.) Because if you were worth a shit, in their eyes, you wouldn't have to look hard enough for one to fill out a dating profile.

>>76581973 (OP)
Light a candle instead of curse the darkness.

>>76581973 (OP)
>30's
You're still peaking, just wait two three years until all the zoomettes throw themselves at you