Thread 76622329

>Sunday
Another weekend another drink anon, how has your weekend been?

Sounds gay but I tried journaling this morning, actually felt good writing some shit down and just letting go of a stream of consciousness. If I ever KMS or crash out the police will have something to read. I'm gonna keep doing it. Went for a nice walk on a trail in the woods after and thought about some more shit. Feel pretty good actually

>>76622329 (OP)
>14 hours since last vape hit
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH FUCK

>>76622329 (OP)
shit
she keeps treating me like shit but won't breakup or admit she's looking for other guys
i hate that i wasted so many years yet again on a wrong relationship and i've just kinda lost all hope that i'll ever have a family
wasted time until 26 on my first long term relationship, wasted time until 31 for my second relationship
modern women are a waste of space, money and oxygen
they "want to get married and have a family" but it's always later, after i do this and that and i just never get it so im wasting money and time on babysitting a woman, again

>>76622398
Why dont you break up with her?

>3 weigh-ins in a row with no weight loss
gonna go down to 1200 calories a day

Had to stop doing overhead press for a while because of a impingement in the shoulder. Did 30° incline db press instead, the dumbbells felt way heavier than i thought they would. Only at picking up though, pressing went relatively easy. Hope that shoulder doesn't take more than a month to heal.

>>76622401
i'm retarded
i'm hoping she starts treating me better and we actually start the family
we live together, she knows my parents and friends and all my world honestly
it would be a big breakup, she'd have to move out
and she's actually so beautiful it mindfucks me, pale blonde green eyes
so idk, it would be so easy to just start the family but she keeps postponing for travel and doing stuff with friends that we couldn't do with a newborn
she could just finally mature and decide to get us to that part of life, but she doesn't seem truly interested even though she says she is. but its always later

The same as the rest of my week, pretty shitty.
I'm constantly reminded of how I'll probably remain alone for the rest of my life. Every interaction I have with people feels awkward and I have to fight the urge to not just run away from all my obligations. Every attempt at socialization, no matter how successful, ends the same.
I'm only in my 20s. Lord knows what my 40s or 50s are going to be like. I don't expect to live that long, but I'm not exactly suicidal either.

>>76622410
Leave her man, you sound like a crazy person.

>>76622414
People are overrated, start reading and get some hobbies you can do alone like hiking. Live your life anon, you don't need other people.

>>76622416
but i have no guarantee of actually finding another girl so beautiful again, plus i'd have to rebuild a whole relationship. we've been together for years. i don't want to re-do all of that.

>>76622425
So you'd rather spend the rest of your life miserable?

>>76622408
I've had to avoid overhead work altogether due to shoulder pain. Shit sucks and it's been like this for a year now. I'm in luck tho because shoulders grow from isolations better. I just miss shoulder press.

>>76622421
>you don't need other people
You and I both know that's cope. Humans are a social species. We evolved in tribes.
That being said, I have been meaning to get into hiking, so thanks for reminding me. Are there any sites I can go to to find good routes?

>>76622426
i'm hoping she changes, i'm hoping she gets bored of the travel and partying with friends. she says she's interested even though she always postpones. and as i said, we live together. i invested so much into this relationship. it still feels like the shortest path to getting children, rather than finding another woman and then rebuilding the relationship and then moving in together again...

Rum & coke please.

I'm 31 and live with my mom, at the very least I'm employed and healthy. You'd think with these savings I'd be able to move out but shit's fucked beyond reason (not US based btw). Here I am in my early thirties unable to be independent, the only move is to gtfo, but I'm a degreeless retard with a job soon to be replaced by AI. Every Sunday I sit on my couch trying to come up with something but there's nothing.

Other than that heavy preacher curls have been blowing up my bis lately.

>>76622436
what state? Alltrails might be helpful

>>76622437
She'll be fucking jamal while you wagie and take care of the kids

>>76622442
idk, maybe
but i care about having kids more than i care about her loving me
if we actually got to the point of having multiple kids, then i'd be fine breaking up
but doing it now feels like giving up on kids entirely

>>76622436
It isn't cope, you need some human contact of course but you shouldn't base your life around other people or getting a gf. Go and live life first. Then see what happens.

>>76622449
Bruh you need to leave this woman, clearly this relationship is toxic as fuck.

>Almost at my goal weight
>No happier
>No further along in life
>No more friends
>No gf
>Job still sucks
I honestly convinced myself that getting fit would magically fix all my problems. I guess not. It is nice not being a fat blob but i honestly thought i'd be happier.

>>76622437
Anon you may need to give her an ultimatum, she grows up or you have to leave.
>>76622449
>if we actually got to the point of having multiple kids, then i'd be fine breaking up
This is no life for kids to grow up in.

>>76622329 (OP)
>got job at sheet metal factory
>finally gonna start my career
>learning how to use all the machines is actually fun
>the company buys up another business
>I'm assigned to build the products they made
>it's stupid bullshit that takes forever to make and doesn't even get sold (i know becuase I do the invoices)
>they're still paying me decently but Im afraid this is all im going to do at the company and not even gain any actual skills
Im Considering doing welding but I heard that sucks complete ass. Don't know brehs I 'm getting anxious about my future again. Everytime I have something good going on it does a complete 180 and proves me wrong.
Im hoping they're just keeping me busy doing bullshit jobs so i can eventually replace one of the older guys when they retire,. I dont want to gamble and throw this away because im making good money and I like my coworkers and everybody there.

I'll take a Boulevardier please. Turkey 101 and Martini & Rossi if you have it. If not then whatever the house combo is.

Week 4 of sleeping by myself out in the woods one day per weekend
>fog rolled in heavy last night
>Heard some animal kill another one while I was trying to go to sleep
>something was messing with my tarp from the outside of the shelter about 45 minutes later
>heard raspy breathing while the tarp was being messed with
>I just had my hatchet and my buddy burner lamp to keep me company
>least chill night I've had in the woods for the entire expirament
I really wish that gun laws on these lands weren't so stringent. I have never needed a gun while innawoods but boy does it make you feel more secure.

>down from 207 to 190 as of this morning, the IF continues
>ran a 5k this week
>did a 9/11 challenge where you climb 110 flights of stairs on a stair master while wearing a weighted vest
>told my boss the work he gives me isn't challenging enough and that I want a harder position
>he said he's really happy i talked to him about it and gave me a program to see how well I handle it
>immediately made an ass of myself in front of everyone at work and am now getting the stink eye

I'll take a Boulivardie

Meh, went out on Friday but forgot college was back in town and there was a football game - it was packed. Ending up doing some coke with this lesbian in the bathroom and hooked up with some older lady on the patio at last call but kind of a waste of a night. Some fag bought me a drink on his brothers company card though so that was cool

Getting real tired of nightlife/bars and feeling like shit the next day but ever since this summer when I slept with 4 8/10s and their $2.50 beers I've been addicted to going to this place

Yes I am a degen

>>76622514
Damn your life sounds comfy, i need to try sleeping outside.

>>76622329 (OP)
>>76622398

I'm i being played brahs?
>be me 33
>meet a 22 year old on dog walks
>add her on ig
>she texts me a week later if i wanna join her
>go for a walk
>we vibe it off
>a week passes we go again
>we vibe it off
>I try to get closer
>Says 'you touch a lot i need my space'
>literally touched her hand 2 times to check her tattoos
>she then went on a trip 2 weeks with her family
>haven't talked much
>comes back and texts me if i wanna hang out again
>we go for a walk again
>we vibe it off
>she laughs at my stupid jokes
>she is in her feminine
>she asks me stuff about my exes
>interested to hear what i say

And yet i still get mixed signals from her. I lost a bet and had to give her a sourdough bread from my bakery and she came over with her sister and we chatted there a little bit and her 28 year old sister was hot af aswell and she was asking me questions. Those mixed signals are insane tho, she is always tired after 8 because she works a lot so i don't know what my plan should be, i maybe need to pick her up and go for a dinner or something? She is also lost every weekend with her friends.

Also she is kinda brainwashed af atm thinking she needs to build a career first and have kids when she is 30 and stable with money lmao. She must be also pro-abortion but didn't say anything. Should i dodge this bullet and ghost her or try and change her? She is still young. Also before you say she wants me for beta buxxing im not even rich, just above average looks who gives daddy vibes

>>76622434
Honestly i don't think i'll miss it much. I can still do lateral raises which i think are actually more important. Just hope my shoulder doesn't get worse doing flat bench, but ever since i fixed my form i don't think it puts a shitton of stress on the shoulder at least not comparable to the ohp.

>>76622523
Ask her out to something alone, just take it casually, and see what happens. Don't get an ego about her liking you

>>76622518
Thabjs fren. It'll be nice while it lasts. I have ~20 months until I have to go do the part I don't wanna do for 5 years. Do you camp at all?

>>76622555
I don't camp but i need to start, the modern world is hell and i want to escape it. 20 months until what?

>>76622542
>Don't get an ego about her liking you
I don't even know if she likes me as a potential lover or a friend

i downloaded grindr and found another guy who is down find local women to tag team. so far just two wishy washy ladies with ''hmm today? well what time'' but i think this has some potential here...

>>76622523
Send her my way, I'll fuck her right for you

>>76622563
Extremely gay

>>76622569
>>76622569

>>76622565
She is out of your league

>>76622349
Posting on /fit/ can be cathartic.

>>76622559
I'm a sailor and live at sea. Right now I'm on a hiatus so I'm enjoying my time while I have it. After I get to live in a box for months at a time with 350 other people. It's a five year contract and I've already done it once.

I lay in my kitchen today and listened to The Enchiridion by Epictetus. Very kino.

>>76622600
Damn 5 years. So you just have to put your life on hold for 5 years? Sheeeeit.

>>76622349
I used to journal and kept a log of everything that was bothering me. My wife found it a couple years later and was shook about what I had to say about our relationship at the time. It ended up being good for us but make sure that you get one of the journals that you can lock or keep it somewhere where prying eyes won't find it while you're not around

>>76622561
So ask her out pussy nigga

>>76622603
Basically. It's not all bad though, waterfront property and all.

>>76622349
There's nothing "gay" about any of that. In fact, it's very honorable. Good on you. I'm proud of you. Try meditating next.
I swap between writing it down physically and digitally myself. I write down most of my thoughts.
>>76622609
I use google docs on for now. I should probably switch to something more secure like obsidian notes or whatever.

>>76622594
It has its place
>>76622609
>>76622629
Thankfully (or sadly) I've got nobody around who will read it

Should I go buy running shoes and start adding some more cardio? I haven't run since high school gym class 15 years ago, I've just been cycling instead

>>76622658
Running is cringe, walking is king.

>>76622514
>Sleeping outside
My dad used to do this. It sounds so serene. I'm a bit scared to try it.
>>76622658
Cardio is a totally different beast from cycling. It's def worth doing. You get pretty good returns when you start out.
I don't see why you need to buy running shoes before starting. Seems like procrastination to me.

>>76622673
>I don't see why you need to buy running shoes before starting.
All I have is boots and sneakers like Adidas Sambas or Reebok Club C 85s.

>>76622611
A month ago we went for a walk again then she dissapeared going camping for a week with her friends, then she comes back and i don't see her and then she went to greek island with her sister and mom and now she texted me this week when she came back for the walk, i saw her for like 2 hours but i do call her and text her but whenever i asked her to go out at night she was always tired. I'll try text her tommorow and see whats'up

>>76622677
The latter will work for until you can get better shoes. Get out there.

>>76622690
Think so? I know it seems like I'm making excuses but my knees aren't the best from working a job I stand on concrete all day. Just afraid to try it in casual sneakers and make things worse

I feel empty

>>76622714
My knees have gotten better from taking regular walk and jogs. There are mobility exercises you can try out too I see them online sometimes.
I started walking in sneakers/tennis shoes too. When it's snowy out I do it in boots kek. That is all to say, you don't need optimal equipment and an optimal day. Get out there and do it. You'll improve and get better materials faster if you start out now.

>>76622629
>I use google docs on for now. I should probably switch to something more secure like obsidian notes or whatever.
Yeah that's a good idea. While I was writing mine I could only do it with pen and paper so I just used a free work notepad.

>>76622673
My dad used to do this. It sounds so serene. I'm a bit scared to try it.

Strength in numbers. The woods make a lot of noise at night and it's really jarring if you aren't used to it. Go camping with at least one other person and things are a lot more comfortable. That and learn how to do things like make a fire swing a hatchet without accidentally slicing an artery

>>76622329 (OP)
I love the feeling of being 30 and realizing how many people let me down. How growing up in a small hick town in Bumfuck, Nowhere raised by white trash set me up for failure. How limited my experiences and opportunities were. I would like to pursue my dreams and try different things that could lead to different career paths (data analysis is something I really enjoy) but understand that there is no hope in today's world.
>every job requires a bachelor's (minimum)
>an in state tuition costs ~$110k for living spaces, books, tuition, etc
>scholarships are nepo baby grants at best and about as successful as finding a job/woman on an app in today's market at worst
>even if i did manage to go through all of that i would still be outsourced by ai or an indian. god knows how bad things will be in 2030.
>could've easily obtained this but wasted my 20s in the trades because ez money
>inb4 keep doing your trade work. fuck no. this shit stops being fun in your late 20s and once you've experienced actual decent people, you'll never be around a trade retard again
I am utterly disappointed in life.

>>76622771
Trade 4 years of being uncomfortable for the rest of your days having benefits, a trade that people covit, or are degree for whatever you want paid for already. Being older means that you will have some superiority over the kids joining out of HS/College and you are disciplined enough to rank up quickly.

>>76622771
>trade retard
Yeah because office cucks are any better, kys.

Life is a curse and we're all being punished.

>>76622421
Thoughts on urban trekking? I'm a cityfag that can't drive so I'm pretty much stuck in my rotting, post-industrial shithole for the time being. It beats not hiking at all I suppose but it seems very depressing compared to hiking in nature.

>>76622885
Do what works for you anon. But you should try camping and hiking since they're both very fun and rewarding.

>>76622811
Fuck off ZOGbot

>>76622811
Fuck off this site already.

>>76622329 (OP)
im feeling deflated. i am ready to fall in love..i feel receptive, soft and tender. though i know, how hard it is to find the right heart, i never not secretly put mine on the line. and i wish there would be one day a guy, who actually means to come through and make a wonder happen. ice tea please.

>>76622329 (OP)
Had a good sunday, went to visit a new town with parents and had lunch at a pretty nice restaurant and food was great. That should have been it, I should be content yet there were other patrons there and they were all with their wives and friends and that had made me realize I'm missing on a lot of things.

it's me >>76606903 again, pic related
i got confirmation she was at his apartment. i got confirmation she's been lying to me about them hanging out. i got confirmation that they're flirty and handsy at work.
it's over.
i've never felt more broken in my life.

>>76622985
Sorry bro, that's terrible. At least you know for sure. How did you find out?

>>76622329 (OP)
I was on a hike today. Saw other hikers making a campfire or something, they didn't see me.
Decided to make some more distance and scream at top of my lungs.

Still feeling quite down. Need to get my mind off of this but difficult. Not even enjoying things I normally do at the moment.
Dated a girl short term, both really enjoyed being with each other but were aware there was an end point.
Went back to her country 3 weeks ago.
Initially was sending me instagrams and tiktoks, then started to get slow at responding to my texts.
Haven't text since a week ago now.
It's unlikely that either of us would move to each others country again, but not totally out of the realm of possibility, just too early to make that statement.
Would like to continue speaking to her and see her again, she was super into me while she was here but maybe it was just the effect of it being short term and little commitment.
Told me how amazing I was and how much she liked being with me etc, so I find it hard that she would go this cold so quickly.
Can't stop overthinking it all the past week in particular.

>struggling with depression, anxiety, social phobia my entire life
>get fit and lose weight
>still feel like a sub human
>borderline suicidal, can't feel like myself in crowded places, feel like a fucking alien who doesn't belong anywhere and has no rights to exist
>meet a girl
>really really like her
>think i should shoot my shot and try and ask her for a date
>she's a lesbian (for real)
>she declines my advances but she wants me to join her friend group because apparently she thinks i'm interesting in some way (i really don't know why)
>i think she's cool and i can't interact with her any other way
>whatever, i'm a loner, i NEED to connect to people because i'm so fucking lonely i'm going insane
>anxious as fuck because i never did well in groups
>meet up with her group of friends (like a dozen of people)
>they're all completely fucking different ranging from a literally schizophrenic guy to a hypersocial megaslut who spends half of the meetup trying to get into the lesbian girl's pants and flirting with everyone (me included (no i didn't fuck her))
>they're all really cool people
>vibe and talk well with basically everyone present
>people respond to me well
>i feel comfortable just sitting around listening to them talk and just being there
>i finally fit in
>i don't even have to use a mask or something because i can basically say whatever the hell comes to my head and (most) people somehow like it
>end up talking to a younger girl about pretending to be a girl in an MMO to get gold and items from simps, she tells me how she pretends to be a man online to start shit in male dominated online communities, explain her that an episode of Xavier Renegade Angel "Going Normal" had a plot like this and she liked it
>spend like 15 hours with them
>leave feeling great and leaving a positive impression on everyone
>lesbian bro now considers me a part of the group as well and wants to see more of me
This feeling is so complex i don't think anyone will ever relate to this

>>76623064
>>explain her that an episode of Xavier Renegade Angel "Going Normal" had a plot like this and she liked it
I would literally befriend you on the spot if I met another soul irl who has watched this show

TURTLE TAX

>>76622811
>just go from working with trade retards to military retards

>>76622819
Nah cunt. I'd rather be lectured about tranny acceptance than deal with some fat blob bitch about his kids and the alimony he has to pay

>>76623103
peak cringe

>>76623125
You wanna be a slave? Go ahead, bud. When you notice you start waking up (at 4am) with shoulder pains I hope you remember this conversation

>>76622893
>>76622895
>>76623095
Im just saying, if you really.hate your life that much and are also refusing to try out something else you deserve to be a miserable faggot doing something you hate for 40 years

>>76622876
I like my life pretty well, good luck with that though

>>76623135
>to try out something else
Nigger, what is there to try out in today's world? Everything is gatekept and requires selling your soul, paid for by debt, to even stand a chance. How many people you know today that started over in the past year or 2 and are happier now?
>join the military
Again, fuck off. You didn't join, so why would I? Or is your idea of trolling coming to these threads for shit generic advice?

I want my sister in law to fart on my dick. I want to see her butthole skin swell up around my dick then flutter as the air escapes it with a loud “Pfffffftttt” as it massages my dick toward a massive orgasm blowing a gigantic wad of spooge up her turd cutter

>>76622730
I bought the shoes and went running. I need to work on my form. Definitely striking the ground too much with the middle of my foot

>>76623144
My wife quit her job at a bank last year and now works with me on a NASA base testing tech for the military and she's 35.
>You didn't join, so why would I?
I did though. I just got to do a tour of Europe and Turkey for free where I got to stop into a random country and hang out with the locals every 8 days for 9 months straight. After that my job was to sign a muster sheet at 0800 and then go home at 0815. I did that for 6 months before taking 45 days of leave and now I work on a NASA facility with my wife where I show up at 0700 and go home by 1300 most of the time.

Do I grill my pork chops or do I try cooking them on the smoker?

>>76623159
You clean the shitter at NASA, and your wife isn’t real

Was peaking last year but fell into a depression and drinking more than I should. Wouldn't even take me that long to regain momentum but I just feel lost and shame for getting this deep.

>>76623189
You're right. I made it up for zero reason at all and actually flip burgers at McDs. Enjoy pretending that the world is gatekept from you and complaining about it on /fit/.

>>76623159
Give your branch, rank, and MOS

>>76623206
Your name is Mike Rotch

>>76623221
No. There are very few military/NASA cross over facilities and I'm not making it any easier for you to look me up. I'll let you know I'm a 6 year E6 pushing hard to do the E to O program and leave it at that.

>>76623230
Yeah

>>76623237
What do you get out of being an annoying faggot on the Internet who lies constantly? I really want to know?

>>76623239
>annoying
Reminding you that you deserve what you have sewn yourself. You people complain and complain that nothing is working for you and that there is nothing you can do about it and then are offended that someone else isn't as depressed as you are. There's a whole board for you faggots called >>>/r9k/.
>lies constantly
Why do you want to keep accusing me of lying? You can pop over to any /k/ MEG thread and talk to 30 other people like me. I live the life you claim to want and it wasn't even hard to get.

>>76622329 (OP)
I don’t understand how normies can deal with each other. Like even in simple conversation they sound incredibly retarded
>dude she isn’t cheating on me she said she isn’t she said he’s just a friend
Like what??? No fucking shit she told you that are you dumb? How do these people not trip over their own shadow and die? I can’t deal with them
>>76622349
It works great. Look into Dominic harts journal productivity tracker if you really want to get into it. You can still use seperate journals for free writing stuff and he recommends that. It’s helped me a lot but I keep forgetting to do it.
I do think if I ever free wrote my constant nonstop stream of thoughts and someone found it I would be put into an asylum though.

>>76623262
>works for military/nasa
>is too stupid to prevent himself from being doxed with a simple branch or mos name

>>76623274
Yeah basically, I know how to find me using that info and I know a lot of you are smarter than I am. I can get you a timestamped pic of my CAC if you really care that much about me proving that I'm actually enlisted.

>>76623328
That will do.

There's gotta be some way to make the gay thoughts go away bros
>at the gym working out
>big shredded dude walks by
>randomly imagine him manhandling me and picture how big his cock is
>catch myself and think about something else
>little while later see him again
>very obvious dick bulge through gray sweat pants
>the image of him proneboning me flashes through my mind in .5 seconds
>spend rest of workout blushing like a schoolgirl unable to focus
>go home and furiously masturbate
>repeat like 3x per week
I swear I'm not gay
I'm totally into chicks and stuff
I just have these thoughts and can't get rid of them

>>76623395
You should try exposure therapy.

>>76623395
You may just be bi, just go get fucked by a dude just to be sure

>>76623414
I volunteer. I'm not gay either so it will thing will be pretty straight

>>76623237
i actually know one who did, and he is a nasty guy.

>>76623396
I'll look into it. Thank you.

I shouldnt have even downloaded Bumble. Small country so there's no location filter for distance within the place, just came across the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on, but even if we matched by God knows what chance, she lives on the opposite side of the country.
I havent even swiped past her profile for half a day, I just keep looking at her pictures.

Holy shit I need to get laid, I'm down bad.

One of my best friends are getting married next week and I'm his best man. I know that I'm expected to give some sort of speech but I honestly don't know what to say.

>>76623667
ChatGPT knows

>>76623463
You're welcome. I brought it up because I'm also 30, I was doing the same thing you're doing (not exactly but close enough) I grew up in a hick town and I hate going home because all my friends and family are doing the same shit they were doing 6 years ago when I left. Meanwhile I've traveled the globe, met my wife, got into shape, and work on RADARs for a living. I'm not going to lie it can get pretty shitty sometimes and you would to be tested on your mental and spiritual faculties if you went that route but I am objectively better off than I was before I joined, I never run out of cool stuff to talk about that I do, and I don't know what I would do if I left. I enjoy the that I have no clue what I'm doing tomorrow and the fact that any day something big can kick off and I have to stay prepared for it gives me purpose.

I know a few people who joined at our age or a little bit older and they are doing well compared to the kids that are still learning how to tie their shoes.

>>76622985
What happened? How'd you get the info?

>>76622985
It's a canon event anon. I'm sorry that happened to you. If it makes you feel better once your bender is over and you hit the gym like a monster you will take the lessons learned and be an unstoppable force against people like her.

>>76623064
>This feeling is so complex i don't think anyone will ever relate to this
I relate to it, just that everything starting from
>meet a girl
happens in my maladaptive dreams.
Good for u tho anon

>>76622329 (OP)
>permanently banned from r/depression for saying women are superficial enough to not give manlets a chance purely because of their height
Genuinely explain to me how this works. My reason for wasting to kill myself somehow violates their rules?

>>76622985
>playing at work
If your hole is working with men just know she has a work husband(s) and plays with them physically to burn the 8 hrs faster.

>spent the entire day basically in bed watching RedLetterMedia videos on my tv and scrolling instagram reels
>feels like my life is at a dead end
>three week vacation is coming to an end and I barely feel like I had fun or relaxed
>kind of just miss the loop of work because I can just go on auto pilot through life
Genuinely can't see life ending in any other way outside of suicide. Surprised I even made it to my 30s

>>76622329 (OP)
Lonely and boring like any other. This upcoming weekend might be better if my parents piss off for a week so I can invite my suicidally depressed friend I haven't talked to in months over for some drinks and maybe let him vent to me as much as I can't comprehend other people's problems, but I'm also a horrible cunt who'll probably skip out inviting him like the other few dozen opportunities I've had because I barely feel genuine emotion for other humans.

Finally had the end of a long friendship. We had a final conversation. Me and the dude grew up together. In short, he has routinely crossed lines and just done all sorts of belittling and plain mean things to me. I’ve only ever turned the other cheek and I have had to ask for basic levels of respect. I finally decided to be the bad guy and do it back, show him how much further I’m comfortable taking it (didn’t go much further than he has). And all he could really say is
>so what why are you bringing up the past
I wasn’t bringing up past I just offered key examples without giving him shit for specific incidents from the past to point out he has always done this same shit to me and it’s a reoccurring pattern and how this is the only time I have ever retaliated.
>oh so you think you’re absolved from what you’ve said
I had to tell him I’d been outspokenly clear that I don’t deny I crossed lines and in fact it was my intent. The bottom line is he isn’t going to treat me the horrible ways he historically has without me doing it back.
>okay but I didn’t take it as far as you did
It doesn’t fucking matter. The sentiment is the same. I should not have to beg a lifelong friend for basic minimal level of human respect, I should not have to give someone 4,5, 15, 30, 1000 chances to just be normal.
>tried to insist it was just banter
It wasn’t. We all know the very clear line between ball busting and when someone’s trying to be hurtful and cruel.
>tried to slip in stuff like “well you weren’t that close of a friend to me anyway”
Lol
He just didn’t care. I’m not even sure he understood the gist of what I was saying, which was if I have to play the heel and be the bad guy then I’m fine with that. I’m fine with the friendship having to end. I’m not going to be disrespected. I proved my point. When he does it for years unprompted it’s okay, you do it back once you’re the bad guy. You match his energy and you’re going overboard.

>>76624573
And this all started because he called me a fake friend because I wasn’t screaming calling people faggots over an issue he had with someone else a few weeks ago. Insinuated I was betraying him while I was just trying to be the one calm person trying to find a resolution.
Just for him to a week later turn around and do exactly what he accused me of when I had an issue with someone else. He sided with them, started his ultra aggressive fast ranting bullshit just trying to silence me and be mean.
He was being extremely unreasonable in his issue before but I was on his side. His claim is I was being unreasonable in mine but in his he was attacking and name calling every third party who just wanted to find a resolution in his issue so everyone could be happy.
I’m sick of it. I am ashamed that I tried as hard as I did to be friends with this person.

>>76624573
Maybe you're just a bitch

>>76624586
I’m not the one throwing fits the second the same disrespect I’ve spent years dishing out comes back to me

>>76624202
I know this feel, i want to just move inawoods and do nothing till the day i die

>>76624202
I'm at the same place in my 30s. At that dead end, almost look forward to work just because it's something to do on autopilot all day, and just waiting to die

>>76624835
Reading anon, get into reading and hiking. It's good for the soul.

I AM SO LONELY

>>76622329 (OP)
I have a suspicion there's something wrong with me.
A couple years back there were headaches and moodswings I was getting that went away, they've come back the past few days. Well more headache and feeling sick than being irritable or anything like that. On top of me slipping and hitting the back of my head/neck on a step at work last year definitely didn't help
I just don't want bad news and at the same time I just worry that ignoring and hoping this'll blow over will make me feel worse if it is something serious...
I just don't know what to do.

>>76622329 (OP)
>reached peak stress
>ended up not giving a shit about works anymore
>mfw Monday feels infinitely better now

How do you guys deal with the crushing loneliness of life? I'm 32 with a job and my own Home. But I just feel empty and lost in life.

>>76624837
NTA but I do read a ton and I still feel the same

>>76625428
Have you tried hiking and camping though?

>>76625547
Yes, don't go camping as much but still hike pretty often

>>76625337
I don't know man my life is good by most metrics and I accomplished most of the things I expected to at this age, and while I'd like better success in some areas, I'm doing generally well and don't have much to complain about.
But I still can't help but feel this void, like I'm getting sucked by a black hole inside of me and I can't stop it or escape from it. I used to think it was tfw no gf, not having a career, job, money, adventures, friends, fitness etc, but after all those things it's still there and I just wanna get drunk or do drugs or kill myself about it.
Nature is good but in the end I can only get so much of it. I live in a city, work in front of a computer and lack the skills, resources or imagination to change that. And even if I was surrounded by nature all the time I'd surely get used to it and begin to hate myself again.

>>76625337
I make YT videos as a hobby and go out of my way to meet people in the area that like the same things that I like

>>76624573
Good anon, I usually give people one chance to prove they are special enough for me to lend my time to and then keep them in the acquaintance box if they don't meet my standards

>>76625337
I had kids and now I'm too busy for friends

>>76625640
Post one of your videos

>course I've started at my local college is heavily group-work based
>whatever no biggie I can work in groups
>first group task rolls around
>everyone avoids me like the plague, professor has to assign me to a group
>the group I'm assigned to ignores my existence
I don't smell or anything like that, I dress quite nice, I'm not great looking but not ugly, I'm not an asshole, the next 2 years are gonna suck. Contemplating dropping out.

>>76625862
Punch them in the back of the head, teach those cunts a lesson

>>76625862
Ask them why they don't like you

>>76625838
I'd love to but I haven't made one since I started losing weight and I'm a fat PoS in all of them so far. I'll shoot one once I hit my goal weight and then you can enjoy that

>>76625862
Just play the quiet guy man. Do only your part only your share of the work. If they fuck the grade up meet with your professor and show him that you did your part and it’s unfair, point out they kind of cold shouldered you.


Always just be okay with not being accepted or liked. Don’t try to talk when this happens, only speak when spoken to. Focus on your stuff. Be comfortable that the interaction ends if they do talk to you. This is the best move here. You’ll find groups who don’t make you feel outcasted but by doing this it can at times cause the outcasting groups to try to pull you in. You need to be comfortable not being liked or accepted like you couldn’t care less. Literally just don’t give a fuck. This is a display of confidence and also can serve to make THEM uncomfortable and in both circumstances it compels them to try and engage.
Don’t even speak up to point out where one of them is wrong fuck em.
>do nothing wrong
I don’t doubt it man but is there anything at all you could have done on campus? I don’t doubt because I’ve had this happen while I was just moderately in shape, average faced, good hygiene, etc.
Things that CAN cause this are
Fat
Smelly
Opposing political views
Being anxious (yeah, how crazy is that?)
Being eager to interact
Seeming insincere


Seriously dude it’s ridiculous. This shit used to make me wonder if I was secretly mentally retarded and no one ever bothered to tell me. Like freak show levels of retarded. Just don’t give a fuck, focus on you, they’re temporary people. Would you care if the homeless guy begging for change called you an asshole? No of course not you’d probably give him a weird look maybe even laugh and forget it within minutes. Most people are no different. And ironically the less you care the more everyone wants to engage. You cannot be outcome dependent. And you never know how tomorrow will go.
Same is true with women. Got rejected? You may get head tomorrow from a new chick

>>76625862
>I dress quite nice

We need to see the fit anon