Thread 106288207

What is it? Does anyone know

robo mechanical domestic assistant probably
First they're gonna give Siri/Apple AI a face and a personality.
Then they're gonna give it mobility, like wheels or legs.
You can fill in the rest

I it Tim, it'll be AI powered golden dildo with multi-anal mode.

Empty hype. I'll wait for the Chinese clones.

>>106288207 (OP)
>iCock

>>106288231
what will it be called?

>>106288315
iCook™

>>106288207 (OP)
>Tim Cook doing a pump n dump
The bubble is about to explode, isn't it?

>>106288207 (OP)
iPhone 17

>>106288207 (OP)
a proprietary port that somehow conforms to UE law, but still requires you to buy a dongle

if it doesn't jerk me off and do my laundry I am once again not interested

>>106288207 (OP)
>Apple CEO Tim Cock says the technology they're developing will be 'one of the most profound technologies of our lifetime'
I bet it's just a limited edition new color for the iPhone.

>>106288207 (OP)
Lying. They are behind on AI, and iOs UI/ UX is garbage.

>>106288207 (OP)
Home automation without the autism

>>10628820
Whatever it is, can't be worse than liquid ass, I guess.

If it's anything like the $3500 Vision Pro goggle shit they flogged to idiots the other year, then I very much doubt the veracity of Mr Faggottops' statement. Another bullshit comment in an attempt to keep the share price healthy.

Tim's getting on a bit mind. Maybe the device was a machine like a teasmade/alarm clock that made him a cup of milky coffee when it woke up or an automatic warmer for his slippers.

JUST for /g/
A Sneak Peek Behind the Scenes Here at Apple Labs Top Sekrit Stuffz Desk.
>Apple: Yesterdays products,Tomorrow.

iphone with 2 screens

>>106288207 (OP)
The Gay Bomb

>>106289713
Rainbow flag colored iPhone

>>106290090
>iPhone: Tinder Edition
A product close to Tims Heart

>>106290106
>Tinder
Grindr, ffs.

>>106288207 (OP)
It's just going to be some retarded AI slop.

>>106288207 (OP)
Ready Player One styled gear so I can finally meet anime girls

probably a headphone jack

>>106291271
a headphone jaick, shurely?

>maker of product claims product is great.
Guess I should give him all my money then.

>>106288215
Moving the charging port to the front of the mouse.

>>106288207 (OP)
An Apple butt-plug sure will be very profound in Tim Cuck's life

The technology I'm working on is gonna be life changing. Just wanted to let everyone know.

>>106291398
for the better, right??

>>106288207 (OP)
Is it an SD card slot? I hope it's an SD card slot

>>106288207 (OP)
IPhone with removeable battery.

It's the (long-awaited) iCar, obv.

Subscription Mousepad(s)

>>106288207 (OP)
AR. It's the only thing Apple is genuinely excited for. They only did the VR thing because the AR tech was taking way longer than they expected and they wanted to start building up software support early. Their whole company has been in cope mode for the past decade because the one tech they were actually interested in turned out to be a meme

A(nother) 'Free' U2 Album

>>106288207 (OP)
AI powered anal stimulator

>>106293860
a $699 set of case wheels
no, wait...

>>106288207 (OP)
It is going to be a revolutionary technology that using high level AI calculations, will show you the approximate time to full when you plug your charger.

>>106294086
>It is going to be a revolutionary technology
anon >>106293958 called it

>>106288207 (OP)
>man whose job is to prevent stock value from dropping hypes up the stock

>>106288342
iPussy™

He's got that Keir Starmer vibe about him.

>>106294313
this. massive sell signal. if they believed their propaganda, they would be buying back like a motherfucker.

>>106294406
but he doesn't even like pussy

>>106295421
That's why it will be shit anon.

>>106288315
Tim Apple from Apple rwewr elppA

>>106288207 (OP)
If it has nothing to do with spirituality, then it is still lame.

>>106288207 (OP)
Actually I think Apple has the capacity to develop a technology that allows devices like tablets to access the frequency of communication with the people who lost their bodies.

didn't they make a mattress, or a bed, or something like that? maybe the next thing will be a kitchen sink, get it? profound, as in deeeeep!
god I'm hilarious.

>>106288207 (OP)
It means "We're cooked"

>>106288342
LeTimCook.

>>106294406
he looks like a lesbian
>>106288207 (OP)
probably some AI-related bullshit
when will he finally die?

> Profound
Doesn't mean anything in this context

>>106288207 (OP)
a neuralink-type brain-digital interface without the need to drill into the skull

>>106294406
But it's really an asshole when you open the box

>>106288207 (OP)
it's some slop because they got left behind so they're trying to make up for it and of-course they'll use "reality shattering" propaganda slop. that's how it goes these days, gotta one up the competition so they need to build the hype somehow. and these days, building hype is hard, there's no where else to go but the craziest of claims
>huger than a doom star
>our shit is a quasar
>gets you in the 11th fuckign dimension
>you will meet god
>you will meet all gods
>our tech will make gods weep

>>106288215
>You can fill in the rest
I sure will.

>>106288207 (OP)
downloadable RAM (for $1000/4GB)

>>106288207 (OP)
remember when this retard spent billions developing a worthless VR headset because he was afraid that suckerberg would get ahead of him? lmao

>>106298785
same

>>106288207 (OP)
Another wearable. This is just hype for share value.

Banana phone

A new tech that's going to make us much richer than we already are, because there's no way we're going to give up our greed.

>>106288207 (OP)
Liquid Ass Pro

>>106288231
>AI powered golden dildo
or bluetooth butt plugs. so we can all be chessmasters. and edc solar ar/vr helmets for reasons

>>106288243
>>106288231
>>106288215
>>106288207 (OP)
It's an apple watch but with imac form factor. It's the dumbest fucking thing you've ever seen.

>>106288215
If it doesn't vibrate AND jack me at different speeds I'm going android.
Just FYI, Tim.
You know the gook robot is gonna have more than 3 holes to choose from.

>>106288342
Pluck that ear hair jfc

>>106288207 (OP)
>What is it? Does anyone know
it's obviously an air castle
the only ones who'll fall for it are the apple simps
they've already fallen for apple silicon being better than all the other silicons
honestly at this rate it's just embarrassing

Apple has now less than 50 percent of the phone market. Dying company.

>>106288207 (OP)
>innovation since Steve Jobs died from ligma
>made their own chip only out of necessity because Intel kept shooting itself in the foot
>.........

>>106288207 (OP)
>iWatch
>$3500 AR facemask
>Project Titan

0/3, probably 0/4.
Tim Apple is a great example of the Peter Principle at work. He should have remained in the COO position, in which he was an absolute genius.

MY GUESS is that it's some AI thing. Too bad Tim Apple deliberately gimped applel devices so they lack the system resources to run any of the decent small models on board. OOPS, nice job, Tim Apple.

>>106288207 (OP)
probably something about sucking massive loads of cock

>>106302550
The M-series has been the only interesting thing Applel has made since Jobs died

Jony Yve jojned OpenAI to make some bullshit AI-first successor of smartphones, Apple probably wants to do the same

>>106288207 (OP)
nanobot anal lube

revolutionary

>>106295946
iSoulPhone wen

>>106288207 (OP)
Neat.

>>106288207 (OP)
they should just sell a suicide booth, iToddlers would slurp it up and begone

>>106288207 (OP)
It's probably wireless usb so they can make a portless phone

>>106289981
>Faggottops
and I thought devsecops was bad

I thought the secret is out already? they were talking about G5 being integrated into macbooks (something that has been standard in other laptops for years), no?

>>106288207 (OP)
Yeah man just like the icar and apple intelligence.. I believe you this time Timmy!

>>106304835
>There was even speculation it was a teleportation pod.
lel

>>106293773
Financially speaking, that's a pretty impressive cope mode if true

>>106288207 (OP)
AI more deeply integrated into things more than anyone ever asked for?

>>106304835
segways are awesome, we just aren't ready for them yet

>>106307506
right idea, wrong form factor. the shitass electric scooters everywhere got the form right

>>106288207 (OP)
A $1200 upgrade for your $700 Mac wheels

>>106303857
The apple watch and the tags are nice, even if they're not ground breaking. They integrate nice with the whole wall garden.

>>106288207 (OP)
A phone that folds, kinda like the old Motorola razr but with touch screens instead. It will be revolutionary and the first of it's kind, another genius innovation for apple.

gotta be some hardware clearly they love selling that shit

>>106288207 (OP)
It’ll be gay AR glasses no one will buy

>>106304835
If people still wanted to be in cities they absolutely would be designed around PEVs.
Unfortunately we use them as holding pens for niggers and immigrants to farm for votes instead so that never happened.

>>106288207 (OP)
They are inventing a new plug.

>>106304835
didn't the segway ceo literally drive off a cliff and fall to his death on one of these retarded things?

>>106308873
lol

>>106308881
>Page includes: Philanthropic activities, Setting, Inventor

Behold, the power of AI. We truly live in the worst of times.

apple watch with hiv sensor

>>106308873
WEEEEEEEE

Whose patent have they stolen now and claim as their own?

>>106309143
since when is apple a korean company?

>>106288207 (OP)
it's AI tech to eliminate all jobs. we're all fucked.

They are announcing an announcement? They never did that before. Jesus Christ they are already creatively bankrupt

>>106288207 (OP)
Hands Free Fapping

>>106288207 (OP)
iSegway 2.0