Thread 17893119

Scottish history be like
>King James finally turns 18 and asserts his prerogative against Earl Dougal the Frugal macGillebrigte Stewart of Morgay who killed his father
>Earl Dougal raises arms against the king with the Earls of Douglas and Angus and the MacFaggotry clan of Kinkilleckmore
>The sworn rivals of MacFaggotry, the MacLosers join the king
>The king wins at the Battle of Dunballitar
>Total dead: 200
>The king finally gets some stuff done
>dies with a 2 month old heir
>The Black Anuses of Dumbassburghshire take control the country by a regency after defeating the Red Anuses of the Isle of Shitelay
>Black Anuses can now be corrupt and give all their shit to their friends, like the MacRetards of Fagdort
>Red Anuses run to England and beg for help
>England intervenes and defeats a Scottish Army outnumbering the English 3 to 1 at the Battle of Faggend
>Romanticize the Battle of Faggend and le epic warrior scots for the 500 years
>Red Anuses are now in power
>Red Anuses can now give kickbacks to their friends, like the Gaystrongs of Fagroxburgh
>In-fighting for the next 18 years
>Nothing gets done, blame the English
>Meanwhile the MacGays of Forthestay raided the MacBottoms in some shit hole no one cares about; this will be romanticized 500 years later
>repeat

Cromwell was the real Hammer of the Scots

The white man is evil bloodthirsty and devious and can’t be trusted

>>17893119 (OP)
Scots were originally Gaelic Irish tribes that ethnically replaced the Caledons in the lowlands of modern Scotland and the Picts of the highlands. The Caledons were celts like them but the picts were probably the pre Celtic indigenous. Then the lowland Scots were progressively ethnically replaced by a combination of angles and Danes in the early Middle Ages and the Dutch in the late Middle Ages and early modern era.

>>17893119 (OP)
Funny, because it’s all true

Mesoamerican history be like
>Lord Tzocmatitl of Fajo de Puta sleeps with, and then sacrifices, the daughter of Huitzillohuihui, lord of Penis Hill
>Huitzillohuihui, seeking to avenge this humiliation against him and his bloodline, undermines Fajo de Puta's system of alliances and tributes by convincing their lords to betray the city
>some of the more noteworthy vassals to have been persuaded by him were Lord 40 Cakes, who had switched sides in various conflicts approximately 1200 times, and Lord 8 Turkey, whose reign was fraught with instability due to rumors that he was anally birthed as a result of a homosexual affair between his father and Lord Tzocmatitl
>It is generally thought that Penis Hill's strategic location between routes transporting Cacao from the Mayan city-state of K'ek and obsidian dildos from Teotihuacan granted it leverage with which to forge these new alliances
>some scholars disagree with this view however, such as Prof. Tardbum, who states that "nobody could possibly be that gay" and pointed towards ona-holes made from cottton fibers and agave flesh found at various sites in the region as proof of an elaborate ideological complex that Penis Hill established
>after some intricate diplomatic and military maneuvering, Lord Huitzillohuihui forced Lord Tzocmatitl into a pitched battle on the shores of lake Xiticaca
>Lord Huitzillohuihui's strength: unknown
>Lord Tzocmatitl's strength: unknown
>casualties: unknown
>There is some debate between scholars on whether this conflict was an actual historical event, or an elaborate metaphor warning of the dangers of excessive Pulque consumption

I'm Scottish and this had me in tears I was laughing so hard. It's funny cause it's true. Thankee.

>>17893119 (OP)
2019 type thread, comfy

>>17893375
>dropping the trvth nvke this early in the thread

>>17893119 (OP)
This meme was kind of funny the first time, before it was a meme.

>>17893119 (OP)
You've just made an enemy for life!

>>17893375
TRVKE

>>17893119 (OP)
>Scottish history be like

Bump

>>17895334
B A S T E

>>17895250
We have to secure thread control as soon as they’re posted xister