>>7605597
yeah, i still breathe.
i had a conversation with my mom, i told her, i do the best to take care of her,
i told her that i understand that i contribute nothing money wise, and it must be stressful to her that i don't, but i do my best to help- her with her medical and psych issues.
when i was in college she was severely depressed, had trouble breathing, sleeping has diabetes and suffered through psychosomatic pain in all over her face.
i have all but cured her of these things.
her facial pain is minimal, her diabetes controlled, she can sleep well, breathe, does not cough throughout the night, and begged her into getting on psychiatric medication for the things i could not help with by myself.
i also help her run her business better, and talk to her about things eat her inside her head.
and that if she thinks I'm only a weight on her shoulder, i can hide in my room and never bother her again, and if its not enough, i can kill myself.
that i have been depressed practically since i was born, and it would not be much of a task for me to end myself.
i also told her that she doesn't even bother to notice how i am doing, even though I'm constantly trying to help her.
in hindsight, i never deserved the shit i got, i wake up every day, grit my teeth and try as much as i can to be a good helpful human being.
she didn't apologize (Asian mom) but did realize that she was only being an asshole to me, because other unrelated economic issues had her extremely stressed.
everything around me has been falling down and i have been feeling like a bothersome existence, someone better off dead.
i also talked to my girlfriend and told her that shes constantly trying to fit me in a box of a good boyfriend, and that I've been told to change so much that i don't feel shed ever love me if i was being purely myself. etc etc.
