Thread 213493426

>A druggy is spotted on the street spraying water all over it with a hose
>His friend comes up and asks him "What are you doing"
>He replies "I am spraying alligators away"
>His friend replies back "But there are no alligators?"
>"Of course, because I am spraying"

Gajodhar was rejected at an MBA interview bcoz when interviewer asked him for an example of teamwork he replied
"GANGRAPE"

Goodnight.

>>213493456
Do a vocaroo of this jeetbro in the thickest accent possible

>>213493507
I'm in class but someone else will.

>A professor asks to the class "how many millilitres do you think a man ejaculates"
>A girl raises her hand and says "1000 mililiters"
>the professor responds "i'm sorry, but they pissed on you"

Loš sam u vic

a sphere rolls around the corner and toppled over

>>213493426 (OP)
>>213493456
>>213493674
Good stuff guys

>A guy goes to the hospital
>"Help me! they beheaded me!"
>The nurse tells him "But you have a wound in your belly"
>"Yeah, the guy who did it was a manlet"

In the near future, two very old geezers were sitting on a bench, talking, complaining, the usual.


- Do you remember the last years of communism, John? I know both of us were very young before the Revolution.
- I do Luke, vividly, unfortunately...
- I don't. Either because my memory is failing or because I can't really remember the bad parts.
- Well, let me remind you. The winters were difficult, very difficult and–
- Yes, I seem to remember that. Continue, sorry...
- Yes, and during winter, people were howling at their neighbours if they saw their window cracked open or their balcony door: "Close the damn thing, are you crazy!?! You'll let the coldness get out!"
- Ha, funny. Was this really true or was this a joke?
- A joke.
- So it mustn't be true. Why'd you say this, though?
- Well, even if it was a joke, it must've had a grain of truth to it.
- Why mention it to what were we talking?
- Because, I remembered it after I went to buy another fake Christmas tree from the market, I saw someone had forgotten their windows open and I yelled like a maniac: "Close the damn windows, you crazed moron!!! You're letting the heat get out!"

>>213493426 (OP)
I'll do one from my father's country

>a Laz man goes to a piano concert somewhere in Europe and sees that Temel, also a Laz, is playing
>the performance is absolutely beautiful so afterwards he goes up to Temel to congratulate him on being such a successful Laz musician and making it big in Europe
>Temel asks: "but how did you know I was a Laz?"
>the other Laz man says: "Any other man would have scooted his chair in when he sat down at the grand piano. You kept the chair in its place and pulled the grand piano towards yourself."

>Jesus is walking with his apostles
>Calls them one by one
>"Simon, kiss my hands"
>"James, kiss my feet"
>"Judas why are you running?"

>"Mom, in school they say im deformed"
>"Don't listen to them son, give me a high seven"

A Russian comes up to the bar and didn't lied to anybody.

>>213493426 (OP)
The bear sees a burning car, sits inside of it and dies.

>>213493426 (OP)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSVqLHghLpw

>>213493426 (OP)
Wanna hear a joke? The cat with a tie. Haha.

>>213493426 (OP)
>its not the fart that kills its the smell
joke is that certain rally drivers where pretty bad in english and when interviewed at the end of a race and still full of adrenaline they would say stupid shit like this, replacing random words with norwegian
fart = speed and smell = bang/crash and the best part is it makes sense anyway.

>>213494289
Kek made me laugh

>>213493426 (OP)
Two guys talking at work
>When I get home I'll rip up my wife's panties!
>Damn what'd she do to you?
>Nothing, but they're so fucking tight!

untranslatable puns :DDDD

What's 'pilates' in finnish? Melilosvot.
What's smaller than sushi? Kethu.
Why are there no flowers in Hollywood? Because Sylvester Stallone and John Wayne.
What are the three species of shorebirds found in Finland? Eurasian curlew, eurasian whimbrel and sliding door.
How many bananas fit into a bunch? That's Terttu's business.

There was a woman in the neighbourhood that gossiped too much that they called her "The hinge"

Because if she wasn't at the door she was at the window

What's the Sumerian joke?
>a dog walks into a bar with his eyes closed
>i'll have this one he says

>>213494035
....wut

>Somebody's mother-in-law ends in the hospital
>Son in law asks the doctor "How is she"
>Doctor says "Look, she's in a very critic state"
>"Can't believe it, that old fatass is always critizicing me!"

British: Can u Swim?
Indian: No
British: Then a Dog is Better den u because It Swims
Indian: Can u Swim?
British: yes!
Indian: Then Whats the Difference between u&Dog...
Britisher Shocked, Indian Rocks! ...

>>213493426 (OP)
Gypsy is driving his Mercedes when his tire goes flat. He gets down to try and fix it when another gypsy comes up to him.
>Watchu doing bro?
>I'm taking the tire off.
>Say no more.
The other gypsy breaks the car's windshield.
>Dibs on the stereo.

A man went to the store. Shovel.

There was a path and it was graveled

>New guy in the job
>Workmate shows him the casino
>Tells him "you'll meet Dry soup"
>"Dry soup? why you call him like that?"
>"Dry soup" goes to them with a plate with food
>He's limping and spilling the water

>>213493426 (OP)
>In a noisy, crowded auditorium, a university professor asked loudly: "Which one of you is Albert Einstein?"
>One of the students stood up in deathly silence.
>This student was Albert Einstein.

A man bought a hat, and it fit him perfectly.

>"Doctor, doctor, i think my boobs are full with water"
>"why you say that?"
>"Everytime my husband grabs them my vagina gets wet"

There is a cow in the meadow. It was the cow that was in the meadow.

>>213493456
I still remember the backlash that laughing colours got for that lel back when jeets weren't absolutely everywhere just ok Facebook

An old man is driving his rusty fiat 500 on a narrow mountain road. Suddenly the engine starts making some weird noises, make some smoke, and finally it stops working.
The man is quite worried, he's far away from home and have no way to call a taxi or being towed, he has no phone. He decide to wait on the road and ask for help.
After a while, a young guy driving a flaming Ferrari stops and ask the old man what's the problem. After hearing his story, the Ferrari guy says "don't worry, I'll tow you to the nearest mechanic! There's one on the way"
The old guy is very happy, he goes back in his 500 being towed, but before he asks to the Ferrari guy to please drive slowly on the road. No problem old man, says the young guy.
After 20 minutes, something happens. A Lamborghini drives at full speed surpassing the Ferrari and the towed 500, who were going very slowly. The Ferrari guy can't take this, and forgetting about the old man, starts going faster and faster, trying to catch the Lamborghini. He reach the other car, but then the Lambo accelerates too, and they end up going 200km/h trying to surpass each other, in this very narrow mountain road.
The poor old guy right behind the Ferrari is scared and terrified like hell, he starts honking, he screams, he waves his hands our of the car window, everything to catch the attention of the Ferrari guy, who is too busy in the race to realize he still had the old man towed behind him.

While driving at insane speed, the three cars pass right next to a police car, parked in the street. After seeing the scene, he calls the police station saying "you never believe what I just saw.. A Lamborghini and a Ferrari racing each other and going 200km/h, and right behind them there was this old guy on a 500 honking and screaming like a maniac, because he wanted to pass both of them!"

>>213493426 (OP)
why was the Norwegian bent over in the store? He was looking for low prices!

A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian competed to see who could stay longest in the pigsty.

The Norwegian went first, but after a quarter-hour he came out and vomited.

Then it was the Swede's turn. He at least tolerated the smell for a whole hour, but also came out vomiting.

Then it was the Finn's turn... An hour passed, a second and a third, yet nothing happened. The people waiting outside were already starting to wonder.
Finally, after a long wait, the pigs came out and vomited!

>American, German and Romanian governments meet to discuss monthly salaries and costs of living in their home countries.

>the Americans go: For an average american to live a normal life he needs $3500, we give him $5000 and with the rest he can do whatever he wants.

>the Germans go: For an average German to live a normal life he needs $2500, we give him $3500 and with the rest he can do whatever he wants.

>the Romanians go: For an average Romanian to live a normal life he needs $1500, we give him $500 and with the rest he can do whatever he wants