Thread 216474181

secret squirrel edition

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwvxKgk9fxA
thread theme

Friendly reminder anime is for nonces

>>216474181 (OP)
we must secure a future for reds

Having a lovely lunch out in a cafe. This is what being confident looks like.

Enjoy your rustlers burgers in your smelly bedrooms

Remember Hong Kong phooey?
Now THAT was a cartoon

Imagine telling a girl you're a gardener lmaoooo

need to think about making some luncheon

Imagine thinking eating out is some power move oh no no no...

>>216474214
Anime is for shaggers like me

Breaking Bad, Sopranos, Star Trek etc is for fat ugly nonce incels

funny to imagine sacked tranny workshopping these posts in the background during yesterday's discussions about the Waterstones coffee pic

french rhymes with stench

It is kind of funny how America was governed by a Bush and a Dick in the 2000s though

>>216474220
wouldn't be able to make that now due to woke

Having a beer but only as a hair of the dog

british tax revenues are being squandered on "halloumi flatbread"

>>216474255
When is the last time you shagged?

>>216474282
It looked uncooked and mouldy too

>>216474292
When I was 3 I think my uncle sexually abused me. I would shag more today if it wasn't for transphobia

women with big massive chebs

>>216474266
why's that funny

>>216474311
So you're not a shagger at all then

>>216474326
willies n taht

>sick freak! is now making up scenarios of his unc raping him
oh my days!! what an odious little rodent. just like french and canadian posters

ate a crazy cheesey sardine quesidilla for lunch
last thing in the cupboard type jobby

When I've finished do I need to take the plate and cup back to the counter or leave it on the table and just go?

>>216474315
good post

Aussie autismo up late posting cartoons he wants to marry but can't because they're imaginary

>>216474292
He's never had sex. Also it's believed that his story about being nonced up the bum in his youth is a total fabrication, made up to secure his PIP claim.

The infamous 'Uncle Remus' guide to bennies suggests PTSD as the best and easiest route because you can basically make up an entire traumatic event and its authenticity will never be questioned by the medical establishment. It's likely he used this approach.

>216474311
L
O
L

>10/10 cute Indian girl asks if you'd like to spend diwali with her
would you?

Asked my boss for the afternoon off for bereavement as Cheney has died. He's told me to fuck off. Should I go to ACAS about this?

>>216474358
I get PIP for Borderline Personality Disorder, Bulimia Nervosa, Major Depressive Disorder and Gender Identity Disorder and I didn't mention my sexual abuse in my application.

is it wrong to get on the dating apps while being in a relationship

>>216474340
They're not real mate, no point in taking out your frustration on others.

>>216474381
houston, we have a bruh moment

>>216474388
Duck ACAS they're useless cunts didn't support me at all after Greggs bullied me to suicide and implied it was my fault I was sacked for trying to end my life twice.

>>216474391
only if you get caught

>>216474372
this question is an iq test

people think I'm Indian or racist against black people cos I wank to blacked porn, bro I just think it's hot wtf

>Greggs bullied me to suicide
if only, if only

>>216474358
>The infamous 'Uncle Remus' guide to bennies
Where might I find this guide?

cucknadian rodents aren't even worth pissing on
>*pisses on you anyway*

>216474411
>Greggs bullied me to suicide
Well that never happened did it or you wouldn't be here lying about it now would you mate

glod

democracy is great but only like 10% of people should be allowed to vote

>>216474315
sign me up

>go out for a lovely lunch
>/Brit/ has a meltdown

Why?

>>216474512
shut the fuck up animal

>>216474411
Grow up

Don't reply to him

sucking a covfefe, watching the rain

when i first started my job i wore a shirt and tie but now i just turn up in a t shirt and trainers and no one says anything

>>216474432
it's a fairly obscure document but anyone who has spent time on NEET-adjacent communities will have come across it. Suffice to say, sacked tranny's entire PIP claim is built on shit he made up.

>>216474540
sorry

raping a cock with my arse

mum's made terrible pancakes and now I feel sick

>>216474550
It's ok anon x

>>216474545
I wear a sweater, that's one good thing about the winter months you don't have to wear a shirt every day

>>216474545
I'm supposed to wear a tie but you can easily get away with ditching it
however the shirt is necessary and I will get many snide remarks from my colleagues if it's not ironed

>>216474576
*jumper

hello
7 11
I'm glowing with the power

>>216474593
Thanks

*does rorke like they did pac*

>>216474432
>>216474547

I fucked up combining the images in the last one, here's the correct order.

She's said she can't go out for the 4th time s I give up

No idea why she said in the first place that she wanted to go out and has kept it up so long

>>216474652
mate you should've taken the hint by the 2nd time you asked at the latest

>>216474652
She was testing you, you failed

Out for a late lunch at Costa, lads

>>216474679
Maybe
>>216474688
Truke

Just twenty more weeks and she'd be free trust the plan

>>216474652
Had this happen to me once but then the one time she asked me the enchanted edition of gtv5 was releasing and I wanted to play it so said no. I'm unironically still a virgin and have always been an idiot.

>>216474693
nice shoes, nice trousers, just a great outfit overall :) hope you enjoy your late lunch at Costa mate

>>216474693
looking sharp lad

>>216474718
Simply got your priorities.

cats are my favourite. just seen one that looked quite shiny and well fed

reginald van gleeson the third

>>216474728
Still seething that others have stolen your picture and take the piss out of you I see?

>>216474693
Hahaa nice one lad enjoy the coffee :)

Sir Samir Zitouni

>>216474751
wish mine was still around

I haven't really thought things through

>>216474759
think you've replied to the wrong person here but I will be having that (you) all the same

wanking to naked Japanese girls

thinking about women's hands

>>216474790
no one does
there's the gifted and the ungifted
simple as

>>216474819
code?

on my lunch break

who remembers when we'd just post "having a go" and that

>>216474718
Really by this point if she it wouldn't be a good relationship since she'd always be too busy to see you anyway

Arise, Sir David Beckham

>>216474850
loved that meme i did
i did it a lot

Slaughter Leto.

one word to describe myself: 'craptastic'

trying my best

Might live in south east asia for a bit

My brother was 8 and I was half his age

He is now 80

What age am I?

Feel like pure shit just want him back

I created an Amazon S3 bucket, put a .png and .txt file in it, connected it to an EC2 instance, and then added versioning to the files.
Cheers x

>>216474909
me when I'm a paedophile

hate being a decent looking bloke with a thin penis. I get female attention and am good at kissing and whatnot but as soon as it comes to the big one, I can't bring myself to bare my nakedness.

expanding my horizons

>>216474916
40

>>216474916
dont know never met him

>>216474644
not applicable to the uk though is it

>>216474916
Dead at the age of 29 (suicide)

>>216474932
are there any penis exercises you could do to bulk it up?

I saw a black man from Wales and Philippine woman together in Edinburgh

I don't understand what I've done to witness these horrors

>>216474916
idk when you and your brother's birthday is so i can't say for sure x

mad how there are places in the world where we all know sex crimes go on but it's normalised because its in 'that' part of the world. Unironic racism, if it was norway instead of thailand and if they were african nonces instead of whites, there would be an uproar. Someone should be protecting asian kids

>>216474928
:|

>>216474916
97

>>216474974
I dont think penis exercises is a real thing mate

>>216474994
People used to make those jokes about the Netherlands and Denmark because it was legal there until recently

well?

Day 17 of No Porn.
Day 10 of No Fap.
Day 7 after trying to lose virginity to an escort.

No changes today. Libido still dead.
I have found myself keeping eye contact with women easier though weirdly.

>>216475017
t. dogfucker

>>216475013
They aren't. The penis isn't made of muscle so it will remain the same genetically determined size forever.

>>216474961
It's analogous 1:1 if you replace "SSI" with "PIP". Lifetime spacker bennies to fund a NEET lifestyle, granted upon acceptance of a successful claim founded upon specific "mental illnesses', all of which are emprically unverifiable yet come complete with supporting documentation provided by doctors who take the patients' lies at face value.

>>216475040
Rude and baseless accusation

>>216475013
Penis pump, bro

>>216475045
noooOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH

>>216475026
benign tweet but Scottish words

would you rather be ugly but with a smashing willy or have a smashing willy but be ugly?

>>216475073
*misspelt English words

absolutely abhorrent post that

>>216474928
kahteem!

would you rather be attractive but have a small willy or be ugly but have a perfect sized willy

>>216475026
you typically don't travel to residential areas where driving lessons tend to be conducted

>>216475082
I HATE THIS QUESTION!

There he goes talking about cock again
Not gay by the way

>>216475105
ugly with a small willy
i'm not comfortable with change

having coffee then i'm going to search for mushrooms

it's al willy bum bum bum bum poo up in here

>>216475169
pretty sure they sell them at the supermarket mate

>>216474872
Shame they got swayed by his astroturfing campaign when he was queuing for the queen
Should have been automatically disqualified from ever getting a knighthood when he went on that rant about how he deserved one

>>216475180
not the kind i'm looking for

>>216475105
I'm already ugly I might as well go for the willard. Mine is only 18cm

>astroturfing campaigns

garderner lad's LinkedIn

drinking my 4th monster of the day

>>216475231
grow up

analogue pussy

>>216475212
U tryna trip out dude?

>>216475242
plant nursery lads linkedIn

>>216475256
think you're some sort of clown. you grow up as well

literally makes no difference what size my penis is considering no girl will ever see it

>>216475273
me when Warwick Davis auditions for my remake of The Greatest Showman but he forgets his motivation

wanking it to jav so hard that I fracture my dick

>>216475278
you can always show it to your mum

shave your beard loser

*furiously spams the [Update] button to see some new posts*

Just made a cheeky carbonara but I didn't have the right ingredients in so used back bacon and Gouda

Actually turned out kinda bussin ngl

>>216475278
what about boys

tfw no victorian era wife

>>216475301
pretty sure mumberg has already seen it multiple times

>10mph speed limit

This is what the zoomzooms call a humiliation ritual right?

>>216475310
...Gouda-nuff

>>216475310
if it had ham in it it would've been closer to a british carbonara

>>216475302
have a Nietzschean moustache me

had those halloween pringles and they're shite

>>216474872
overrated

>>216475358
Screaaaaaming

>>216475359
Dinnae ask

>>216475380
oh glad i'm not the only one that made that mistake

>>216475380
had a big share bag of Minecraft flavour Doritos back when the minecraft movie came out and they gave me horrible diarrhoea

Having a deep pan Goodfellas pepperoni pizza with green peppers and trying a can of Dragon Soop because someone said its like cocaine in a can. Never had cocaine but that sounds unlikely.

>>216475342
I swear roadworks and car park designers have no concept of speed
Actually believing 5 or 10mph are reasonable speeds is just ridiculous

>>216475427
the original shagger

>>216475105
attractive with a small willy, I can always jelq it longer

>>216475414
it's not even 2 pm you lard arse

Don't know how to drive 10 mph let alone 5 mph
Pretty sure my car would stall

>>216475412
Must've been Jack Black flavour. Emma Myers would never

leftypol in the year 900 explaining that the reconquista is bad for spains GDP

>>216475454
try first gear. cheers x

>>216475342
london driving in general is just one big humiliation ritual

>>216475453
Only had Marmite on toast for breakfast. Starving aint I

>>216475427
cerne abbas. it 4x lush

>>216475454
me when I'm a half-blind pensioner cutting about on a Saturday for no apparent reason

who's going to show me a good time?

>>216475548
best time I can think of is when you fuck off

might shit myself

Sir Dick Cheney

>>216475548
sorry mate we were all having a good time just before you showed up but we've stopped now

i want to visit dorset and see all the cool old stuff. do i have to go to london to get there or can my plane just go to dorset? not interested in seeing the rest of england

>>216475574
Chuckling

maybe i'd visit canterbury/kent too. I hear its good ale

I need urgent medical attention

>>216475604
me when I have to come up with a name for a character whose dad is a yank but his mum is chinese

Sir Seagull Shooter
Sir Washing Machine deliverer
Sir Ticket Collector

>emo girl wants 2 fuck more than she wants to die
>i <3 simps
phwoar might subscribe to her OF

>>216475548
*flicks your paki spot*

>>216475638
ffs is it you again, the one who always makes these comments

>>216475694
sctr

>>216475698
why keep asking when you already know

>>216475717
I don't

2012 is the most recent US President election where both main presidential and vice presidential candidates are still alive

remember one time i smoked too much weed and worked myself into a panic attack over the question “did they have time in the year 1952”

initially shut it down as “of course they did retard” then got panicky about why i would ask such a question, and then panicky that i couldn’t prove it (i wasn’t born then),

horrid drug

>>216475624
If you visit Kent get a glass of spitfire or hobgoblin

over 9000

>>216475746
me when someone asks how many times ive raped my own arse

>>216475574
>>216475591
>>216475694
i look forward to the day you grow out of your benderhood

scotslop for lunch

I've done far more for this country than David Beckham ever has where is my knighthood?

>>216475769
says the batty boy walking into a 100% male thread and asking for a good time

>>216475769
my dad when I got a Futurama-themed hoodie as a kid and refused to take it off

>>216475769
bloody benchod

>>216475783
wrong
david beckham scored that free kick against greece and also made british men globally recognised as handsome stylish shaggers

>>216475796
screwszah

>>216475775
good man

It's mad how hentai has mindraped me normal porn does nothing for me anymore

>>216475811
>handsome stylish shaggers
Not you then?

>>216475811
>and also made british men globally recognised as handsome stylish shaggers
What's your excuse then?

>>216475787
isn't there an employed woman here?

>>216475799
bastard benderchod bitch

me:
ugly
incel
retarded
neet
evil

>>216475831
irish me x

Arise Sir David Beckham

>>216475769
bud bud ding ding 2.99

I’m not British i’m Cornish mate

>>216475775
quite fond of a donner pie

Mark eats fried bread with organic butter and olive oil cooked in cast iron while the trolls eat gruel from a teflon pot

>>216475853
Don’t worry I’m pro ugly retarded evil incel neet lives

>>216475853
ktimmers

It lush

Simpin ain’t easy

Yanks be eating shite like “Red 40” lmao

love a bit of red 40 me, I like to buy some and dip my chips in it

>>216475896
and it's lush all the way

new cellular device has arrived
concerning how it's come with shit like TEMU and candy crush preinstalled

>>216475972
me when I'm ranking my favourite bath smellies shops

>>216475979
Flash the stock ROM on it
No idea what else is running on it, Xi looking at all your pics and laughing at the gaijin

>>216475979
chinkphone, is it?

using worcheshire sauce as wank lube

>>216475935
you eat real blood pudding

>>216475775
>4032x3024
>reflective metal in centre of frame

Be wary of this going forward lad. Either move your cutlery to the side or make sure you have your jumper / hoody pulled up over your nose or resize images to ~1500px. If in doubt literally turn your full head away before pressing the camera button.

There's plenty people here waiting to pounce on a single mistake.

>>216476019
gook
(the phone not you)

Everyone goes on about having chinky phones these days but when was the last time Aryans made a decent phone. And I don’t mean the iphone. Judeo-American nonsense that it is.

>>216476029
alri james blonde

>>216476014
imagine thinking anything you can do as a consumer will remove hardware level backdoors on chinese or western devices

>>216476026
which is far healthier and more organic than the literal research chemicals you people douse on your doritos and bread
black pudding has plenty of iron, vitamins and minerals to keep you strong and healthy. perfectly natural food.

>>216476029
worst that will come of it is a bit of banter calm down

What do racists have to say about this?
genuine question

having a shitty day and just watched mystic river (2003) now my days even more shitty cause it was depressing
good movie tho

>>216476071
I'll add another 10p to your Xiomi botnet defender account

>>216476071
check fuckin johnny english over here lmao

>>216475972
Aaaaaalllll the wayyyyy

>>216476029
easy inspector fagget

>>216476112
>brown fella making friends with a squirrel
THATS IT! LET THEM ALL IN!

>>216476112
Very nice but him and his grey can fuck off somewhere else

>>216476083
Still worth it. You wouldn't believe how red it is, It's red times 40

>>216476043
probably back when they had dials that you spin around with your finger

>>216476112
fuck grey squirrels

finally unbanned for racism

whos the saddo who clipes on people

>>216475775
can see your exposed penis in the reflection mate oh my days

>>216476112
just makes you want to flood the country with 400,000 pakistani muslims doesn't it

>>216475427
went to see this lad last year

>>216476127
>johnny english
better than james bond

>>216476116
i rewatched about time a few months ago and almost cried

>>216476170
he's trans now??

>>216476071
I think most people have accepted that, the ROM’s are mostly for debloating and removing all the adware crap

>>216476150
You’re so hateful. What about making friends with the whole community

Rorke is getting absolutely rinsed here

>>216476170
couldn't get away with that nowadays

>>216476212
The KGB couldn’t have dreamed of such brainwashed people.

>>216476184
yeah the performances were really good poor Dave
ending was a bit weird though

I'm now wondering if I could pull of a successful New Trainers with a face reflected in a butter knife or a spoon. Difficulty though is you'd to either convincingly photoshop a rorkean face into an existing image of a plate + cutlery or find such an image in the wild online and submit it as your own. And it would need to be very high-res so the face in the spoon could be picked up by my intended victims of the New Trainers post (you lot). It's hard to get high-res images like that in the wild because any big website will usually compress them.

I'll mull it over.

>>216476241
did you think at 10 years old you would be spending your free time as a grown man typing this?

>>216476241
moron

>>216476234
Kek fuck up rorke
Samir Zitouni saved innocent people from Anthony Williams
Doesn't fit your narrative does it??

>>216476280
my narrative is that i don’t want pakis in the country so it has no bearing on it

bloody rorkes coming in here bummin our fags

>>216476241
understood and i'll keep a sharp eye out for it

>>216476232
The pizza looked fucking delicious

>>216476280
don't think leftypol wants to be playing the cherry picking game

take the L on this one rorke

>>216476241
>pull of a successful New Trainers
wut

leftypol doing a knee slide across his back garden in celebration of his own demographic replacement

>>216476313
me when I'm helping rorke play hangman

>>216476293
>>216476310
You've been done rorke, take the L

time as we know it didn’t exist until the 10th century

>>216476235
i think james spader in secretary might be the best acting i’ve ever seen. i need to watch it again to make sure

rorke is on the ropes

She hopes I'm
Cursed forever to sleep on a
Twin size mattress in somebody's attic or basement my whole life

the bbc has systemic impartiality problems

apparently the only people who get anything right about me are the ones who don't need these tips in the first place (because they play in games of zero days and high budgets, and not accusing random people over 4chan)

sir east asia

it has come to my attention that rorke had you on the ropes playing fifa, and that you are a wasteman, a pagan, and a BENCHOD

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/2129390/girl-raped-locked-toilet-morley-leeds
leftypol shut your eyes!

rather drink a pint of arsehole slime or die of thirst?

>Man charged £4.3k to buy back his own flags council removed from lamp posts
>Shaun Remmer, 49, has been told he will have to pay 36 for each new St George or Union Jack flag he erects in his home town of Thirsk, North Yorkshire

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA for fucks SAKE rorke can you go 5 minutes without embarrassing yourself??

Conversely
If there was no one else
I would find a way to you
Again and again

>>216476453
dear diary:
jackpot!

they shall no longer be known as immigrants. instead we shall call them heroes.

asked the fit emo girl who works at Tesco for her number yesterday
She gave it to me but I've still yet to text her

hiding under the covers farting

>>216476530
me when I'm about to become a legend in a Cadbury's product development meeting

>>216476538
it's now or never do it you plonker

>>216476580
Nah, also probably can't go to that Tesco ever again which is shit because it's the closest one.

lets get over the line shall we

sex should be illegal

>>216476601
don't kick yourself later you idiot

come in rorke
do you read me rorke? over

+1 to my postcount

>>216476707
that wouldnt make any difference to me anyway

would kill myself but cba with getting reincarnated and shit

give a man a fish and he'll eat fish for a day. Give him 7 fish and hell eat for a week. Give him 14? He'll eat for a fortnight.

sex should be mandatory

how about you reincarnate as a new thread

>>216476860
doubt it mate. fish goes rotten really quickly

>>216476884
ever heard of a freezer?

>>216476884
not if you salt it

>>216476860
and if you give him 28 he'll eat for a month but only if it's february

>>216476884
that's when you put it on your cheese

>>216476891
Don't think they had freezers back when this proverb was thought up.

you can lead a man to put his fish in one basket but a fish in the hand can't throw stones

>>216476719
*radio static*
Rorke here

>>216476891
Man has a freezer but no food :' (

>>216476538
You miss all of the chances you don’t take

we need to nationalise willies

there was a news story years ago about a guy who left a bowl of spag bol out on the kitchen counter 5 days then reheated it and ate it

he then died in his sleep due to the insane bacteria that had managed to grow in that time. Unclear why he thought 5 day old unrefridgerated spaghetti bolognese would be safe to eat.

this is november india golf golf echo romeo do you copy over

um lads the post count

>>216477103
>>216477103
>>216477103

you can tell the Tesco story is fake because you're not allowed to use your phone at work (I've worked there for 8 years)

wonder what the first aquarium was