Thread 216608639

WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU ARE DRINKING THE LOVELY FUCKING CANS FASTER edish

I'm not messing around anymore. How do I meet a cute British girl online and have her fall so hopelessly in love with me that she invites me to come visit her in the UK?

need a new asmr gf

i scream
poo scream

she's not even irish, the twat. she's a yank.

On the so called "Stellar Artwa"

increasingly find canslad to be a massive wanker

just lit the sandalwood, cedar and cardamom scented candle

fantastically positive orgones all around me lads

>>216608673
just come here for uni and you'll be reet mate

>>216608670
LOL

>>216608680
find them slightly grim from a cold can

>>216608679
Don't think anyone I post is actually Irish, lad

>>216608682
Alri wankerlad?

got the swans on

>>216608700
looks like my knob that

>>216608697
i see a tampon string

imagine just yanking that thing like an outboard motor

>>216608697
first night of freshers week POV of jamal

>>216608697
was wanking to this pic once a few years ago and realised her tampon string is hanging out and she also has poo on her foot

>>216608700
hate when girls do lots of tiny scribbles in jew ink like this

>>216608697
I've already graduated from college here, twice.
What else? Are there online forums UK women frequent that I can join? What sort of hobbies do they like? I could start a youtube channel that makes videos catering to that sort of thing and maybe a fan will fall in love with me.

cockmogs me!

i'm the only straight redditflagger

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT FUCKIN THING

>>216608738
even the you know what on the right? surely not

NO DREAM
NO SLEEP
NO SUFFERING

>>216608752
and then everyone poo screamed

do brits back the blue?

>>216608730
that's clearly a bit of grass not poo

>>216608718
um swans were cancelled sweaty x

maxwell jafar cbe
for services to hymens

>>216608735
come UK for your PhD la'

just get boots on the ground, big sesh when you land, all the /brit/ lads, Montague Pyke.

mental that they have similar bodies

before they turn around, look at their body shape, very similar

>>216608752
melanin receptor was twitching

>>216608776
the blue what

>>216608781
yeah?

>>216608691
very fancy i have a berry christmas one from last year which i'll start using again. also got a rose scented one

>>216608791
blind mong

>>216608793
(the police) aka the Blue Line aka the Boys in Blue aka the rozzers aka The Fuzz

>>216608792
women don't have melanin receptors mong

I'm pansexual

timmy's first gf
he thinks he's made the big time

still a few bokkles to get through, fuck me

reckon the belgium flag is heathermong with a VPN he gets obsessed with things like hair removal and linea nigras

>>216608791
yeah about that...

HERE
NOW
HERE
NOW
HERE
NOW
HERE
NOW
HERE
NOW

>>216608805
how is the berry one
next cop for me will probs be a vanilla one

>>216608813
i think i might have to report this post or i could go to prison

>>216608835
Just finsihed the first out of five cans, lad
And then have the 350ml of gin

We can do this. I believe in you, lad

>>216608845
i think in this case it's some shitskin rivalry thing

>>216608846
2 pints deep in the club and I absolutely would I won't lie to you.

>>216586523

too late, the deed is done

going to take an ibuprofen
got a head ache now

Timmy's fiancée

would you shag bonnie blue if she spread her flaps for you and offered you a go?

>>216608863
now THIS is a man who backs the blue til he's black and blue

>>216608879
hope you get a migraine x

... supper time wearing my excellent glasses watching Live Sao Paulo F1 GP qualifying on sky sports F1 on my PC via puck in home ..

>>216608893
no, the other one yeah

>>216608878
shall be honest lad the run I took to the retail centre and IKEA earlier this afternoon was a total fucking waste of time

just wandered about by myself through a handful of clothes shops. Everyone else was there with their gfs and all that.

>>216608894
can vegetarians eat meat that jumped in the pan voluntarily?

the scrandemic

>>216608914
>the retail centre
still here?

>>216608914
pov skinny onyx

>>216608856
it's a bit cheap and smoky but i'd tolerate it for the christmas season. generally prefer woody scents

I need someone to clarify this for me once and for all.

So the name of the State is United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland but then England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland are like regions or are they also states or countries?

>>216608927
e

>>216608927
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZIJyFcjF6I&list=RDKZIJyFcjF6I&start_radio=1

vanessa music video grimes, my wife

>>216608919
so long as it's Halal and Certified Kosher I don't see why not

still not over lil peep

I wanna die

too fucking hot in here now
got the electric fan on

>>216608914
that's why i don't bother going shopping or walking around town
wish there was something better to do

timmy's zoinks quirk chungus wife x

>>216608928
I mean I'm here now yeah but I was genuinely away for a bit driving to the retail centre then walking up and down doing nothing for several hours then I came home and hopped back on

glinner retweeting morgoth now

>>216608970
ive been here all day
couldnt be arsed to go out because of my anxiety you see
will try again tomorrow

hungry... thirsty...

Lads, I, Canslad, have a confession to make
I want to spaff on the Latvian's face

imagine having hot steamy sexo with a Syrian girl and you blast on her hairy legs. Sounds awesome.

almost forgot seasons are reversed and it's summertime in Britain right now

>>216608902
what is that scar/mark on the side of his face
>>216608914
this is why I don't go out much, just end up aimlessly walking around alone by myself while everyone else is with other people
bit depressing really, rather be at home distracting myself from the lonely feeling

>>216608993
would be blasting inside her

dont have another wank in me im going to bed

>>216608941
consult the chart

>>216608999
>the knife did it!
what would they blame if he'd strangled someone?

timmy proposed to dis

mamdani thread
>>216608950

>>216608956
will be 8 years ago in a few days
was at uni back then, was literally on a night out when I heard he died
mad how long ago its been, feels like a lifetime ago but also I don't feel old, feels like I should still be in my early 20s

>>216609026
It's all England

>>216608967
Even at the height of summer it's a fucking waste of time. Walk as far as you like for as long as you like, still on your own among a sea of people out with their pals and their girlfriends. I've put in serious mileage and nothing happens. No one will ever speak to you or reach out to you. You need some semblance of social currency for something to happen. When you're truly on your own "going outside" means fuck all.

>>216608982
tomorrow's a new day eh? Might take a run out to a different retail centre tomorrow if I can be arsed. Unlikely though as I'll be hanging out my arse.

im on cameo now if anyone wants to put in a request
birthdays, weddings, just for fun

>>216609037
the victim, obviously.

>ziedy posting the exact same low resolution blurry screenshots as heathermong
interesting

>>216608962
got the window open but can STILL hear fireworks

>>216608969
timmy's hapa queen

>>216609039
as he should

>>216609051
oh it's jeets seething about them
makes sense

>>216609059
>>216609059
Brutal reality but a fate that most urbanoids share. Find outdoor hobbies if you can like hiking or camping and you'll meet decent people who enjoy those things. You don't want to fraternize with citydwelling trash, they love their miserable podlife and will only drag you down.

its really taking the piss this

just made Brazilian lemonade. Congratulate me lads.

well done me lads

>>216609039
n she played hard to get looken like dat LOL

l dont rate the mongol empire

>>216609102
this is he
he's from ireland

one day last week I stayed up all night not even in bed just totally awake then went into work and did a 4 hour shift

honestly it was fine. When I got home I was fucked and fell asleep but at work I made it through. Probably shouldn't get into the habit of doing it tho

>>216609167
What's that lad?

>>216608700
where's her winky on the right???

>>216609205
he had a pee, nothing exciting really

>>216609202
your toil is only 4 hours?

hiiiii

watching vids from the long-gone asmrfu and crying

timmy tink he won di jackpot
timmy tink he finally entered di big league

Australian Lemonade, now there's an energy drink flavour.

>>216609059
>No one will ever speak to you or reach out to you.
talking to strangers outside of a pub is weird imc

>>216608700
would scran both arses

Peng

genuinely work about 3 hours a day at my comfy well paid wfh toil

>>216609053
It's sad the name popped into my head earlier and back then I used to listen to him all the time and I haven't heard his name for years but he had some tunes. been listening to a few now RIP

>>216609191
she made him work for dat nasty hairy diarrhoea pussy

just had an extraordinarily sloppy shit
finally cleaned up
alri lads x

>>216609259
>Mike Smith, best known for playing Bubbles on Trailer Park Boys, is charged with sexual assault. Halifax Police say the alleged incident took place on Dec. 30, 2017, in Dartmouth, N.S. The allegations have yet to be proven in court.

8 years later and suddenly he's a rapist? Lol some miserable foid is looking for a payday.

>>216609235
yeah I only work part time, 16 hours a week

finances are tight but it just about works out althouh I have no money left over after bills and that. Will never retire but not arsed, will just top myself when I feel like it.

crazy how 80% of your personality is crying about it still

>>216609289
what is this job and how do i get it?

Just made a pint of diluting juice after waking up. Had 8 pints from noon today. Starting to come back around now boys

>>216609309
peng x

>>216609059
Only time anyone's ever spoken to me while out walking is when their dog runs up to me, scrounging my lunch. They're like 'ahaha watch out he'll steal it out of your hand' and carry on walking instead of getting the fucking cunt on its lead.

>>216609259
best thing you ever produced

got some kind o fvirus the screen keeps flashing YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY
im not gay

>>216609306
LOL

>>216609323
code monkey
dont bother AI will replace me before long but enjoying it while it lasts x

>>216609323
pornstar for blacked.com

pissing every 5 minutes
beertoil taking its toll

>>216609254
prefer monarch which is peach flavour, if only they had a sugar free version

>>216609324
>diluting juice
what on earth
you mean squash?

I wonder if Balmoral has sat empty since the Queen died.

dlootin juice

he's seething because he is poor and unemployed in runescape and in real life

>>216609341
Wahey!
Top banter

>>216609312
he's well known around here for being a predator
i bet the girl was underage at the time

>>216609371
being used to house boat people atm

>>216609246
link
>>216609319
what do u do

>>216609354
diabetes

>>216609397
>what do you do?

Prefer not to say.

>>216609365
Alri tarquin?

get a room

just went on the "BLACKED" site for the first time and noticed how expensive it was

do people really pay £35 a month to watch porn (obviously they do, that's how they make their money)

>>216609371
charlie goes there for chrimbo dunt he

ultrawide on a spree of vigorous violations x

so who is the current parliament bull? lammy?

cronem after finishing another gherkin shift

>>216609409
fucking hell.... big awooga from me at these peng ladies

you will end up working in ALDI taking orders from sacked tranny

just wish you'd stop being boring hun
love you though

>>216609394
i heard he's a messy alcoholic creeper

>>216609397
https://www.youtube.com/@SleepyCupcakeASMR/videos

>>216609427
sad little man

>>216609416
if i was a tarq id call it cordial

>>216609383
Not like me
Every day, man's on the block (smoke trees)

>>216609440
mmhmm

>>216609451
is there an ASMR channel where the girl actually speaks and doesn't just make these weird mouth sounds

gorw up

ginger tea made my belly feel well enough to eat
time for a cheese salad sarnie

>>216609482
yeah

>>216609485
timmy gettin butterflies

cvp flow rate reaching new heights

>>216609494
lucky. i've been nauseous on and off all week

check your report logs janny!!!!

>>216609450
>>216609394
nooooo not my heckin TV star guy!!!

>>216609442
Get ordered to suck his weenus

>>216609482
Eliza asmr

>>216609499
cunt
>>216609527
thanks

posted the ponies again award
change the channel marge!

nigger

bruh zone

>>216609425
dont know. suppose he probably does. id like to get a look at it one day.

you saying that is cuh-razy btw

what is brit like at 3/4 in the morning?

>>216609527
damn she cute
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-KjqouQYTc

>>216609555
Wagwan my brudda

im in french for bread

pepperoni penis

>>216609579
slow posting, yanks and aussies, nothing really going on.

>>216609579
I wake up for work at like 5am sometimes and have a peek at /brit/ while checking morning emails, etc. It's really not good.

>>216609579
Extremely slow
Yanks posting
Eventually a Brit wakes up and the cycle is renewed

>>216609596
BRADLEY NO

My chronic pain and fatigue is especially bad today.

for me it's printing last night's brit threads to read on the train on the way into toil

>>216609583
she's goated, has a very relaxing voice and demeanour and actually knows what she's doing

Sloppy poo left in the toilet bowl for neighbours to smell on the morrow

I don't know why, but the Ukraine war makes me unreasonably angry. The lines never fucking move. I just want the orcs to kill every uke man over 25 and get this shit over with.

going to write extension to filter regional flags bye bitch

>>216609629
aww fibromyalgia playing up is it? grow up

>>216609631
cackled at this

asmr isnt sexual like I don't wank to asmr but at the same time you'd never watch an asmr-tist who isnt pretty it just doesnt make sense

seasideMARK

>>216609643
you share a bog with the neighbours?

>>216609661
Nose long like garden hose (check your nose f am)

>>216609629
that sucks, sorry to hear it. hope it gets better

oh
bye!

>>216609649
ktim

>>216609661
youtube clearly knows what I like but still throws a curveball like 'rajesh does indian poo massage asmr' into my recommendations sometimes.

>4 /brit/ threads
A bit much don't you think

zzzap

>>216609579
dominated by a certain sect of neets whose sleep cycles are fucked
glad i don't engage in that kind of behaviour any more

>>216609683
Yes
Grow up

Can't believe how shite the remake of conana the barbarian is.
The original had so much soul, the new is just generic woke slop

and so i awaken into another boring day in my cursed nigger life

In retrospect I may have gone too far tonight with the self-destructive behaviour

fuck it though sometimes it needs doing. I've never seen a vagina so I have to get my thrills where I can

>>216609707
@Employed Woman care to comment?

>>216609748
what? lmao

>>216609661
i love just plain scratching asmr, like on cardboard or the mic, nothing weird or sexual. but i recently got this channel in my recommends where it's this creepy guy finger fucking kleenex boxes and it's so weird

cronem chucking their cvp-stained nike tech joggers into dyson

I poo in the neighbour's hedge. He still hasn't figured out it's me doing it.

got some weed but its shit

>>216609783
ziedy mindraped you

Oh my fucking days lads. It's just reminded me.

>>216609750
Ever had a conana milkshake?

peng choon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2xzN7hjIew

>World's biggest spiderweb discovered inside 'Sulfur Cave' with 111,000 arachnids living in pitch black

COOL

>>216609752
Ah... Hello lad
Might make some noodles shortly, second wind now I'll end up being on here until 3/4am (knowers will get this call back)

>>216609758
reminded me of that brutal samefagging employedwoman got caught in a few weeks back

probably still devastated by it

one of my friends said you can't be racist to white people so I responded by being racist to him
no more of this nonsense, I'm taking a stand

Grinched Gherkin Shaker Fries SOON!

>>216609831
not clicking that creepy nonce link. sorry x

>>216609781
If it's sounds you're into then generally male content creators are much better when it comes to that stuff. Like the audio quality and the nature of the sounds is objectively better and hits harder.

For me though it's tangled up with women and attraction even though I don't wank to it. It's something about a woman speaking softly and in a certain way.

>>216609835
mfs be like "KTIM"

>>216609755
What did you do lad? Can't be that bad surely?

>>216609835
Uhh, Hans? Get der flammenwerfer

>>216609835
only one solution for that.

Chiyo Chiyo Chiyo Chiyo no O - Sakura Chiyono O [10 Hours]

>>216609827
>>216609855
Very organic posts. Not buying your slop mate.

>>216609869
>>216609875
They're minding their own business

>>216609788
Top banter
>>216609829
Nh... Any good?
>>216609835
Arbeit nacht frei cool

>>216609868
nothing really just had a few too many alcoholic cider beers for which I will pay the price tomorrow. Will be fine for toil on monday thoughbeit

One of the lads out to say alri

>>216609905
Aha rattled those little squids

>>216609902
You want to buy McDonalds... And maybe a cheeky grinching? It is nearly that time of the year. I know you don't have kids, most people here don't, but maybe a cousin? Or a sister or brother? Their kids might like a grinching. It's good, clean Christmas fun.

>>216609961
idgi

>>216609905
Screaming at that fat Grinch

>>216609983
F1 x Umamusume prety derby
#umamusume #formula1 #ayrtonsenna #grasswonder

bet east ridings has a tight little bumhole

>>216609865
idk, i think the best non-sexual asmr creators are women, although there aren't very many of them. with men, there's always a creep vibe and i think it's because there are less of them and their biggest audience is usually gay men and so they have to pander to them, just like most of the women have to

i guess there are a couple of non creepy male creators now that i think about it but their content is very nerd oriented and that's not really my thing

>>216610002
should be silence suzuka since they both had their heads blown smoove off during a race

>>216610014
Not a bad way to go

>>216610030
zest ridings

>>216610030
who?

>>216610053
nunya x

talk about something else.

>>216610053
ariana homosexual

where’s gorpheus?

>>216609904
yeah until they're not

get the pre 1974 counties back on the map pronto

Right, where's everyone fucked off to then?

So what's the deal with beans
They're in a can but you gotta get them out into another can to cook them?
Just put them in a microwave can to start with

>>216610132
*blows your head smoove off*

>>216610106
Just use the historic counties

>>216610014
hate when that happens

>>216610147
No good?

>>216610132
Love beans me, all kinds, bit like women t bh

wasn't a fan of the egyptian dance hat bitch does

>>216610149
correct

They should invent a microwave you can put metal into

It loometh

>>216610188
mae is too light haired and pale to be french

wait, was carly bender the one who used to post that tranny image with ...yh

>>216610208
...yh

prefer not to say

>>216610208
Yes

>>216608952
that old man is asking for it tbf

if femboys had a hole that wasn't full of shit (like a bussy) I'd be all up in there

>>216610190
Basically an air fryer but the mechanism of heating isn't the same really...
Actually, nevermind.
Fuck sake.

oh right well i was the one who kept spamming the tranny with her cock out then turning around to shake her arse

This cheap Lidl wine is quite lush desu

They should invent a microwave you can put your bollocks into

>>216610234
you have better taste than the freak that's been posting them for centuries

>>216610193
>>216610193
>>216610193

hath cami exposed thine cock and balls yet?

>>216610132
Beans are fucking rank straight out the can, needs crushed garlic and wooster at least.

>>216609661
I watch an Indian man from Birmingham do eye test ASMR

>>216610237
I tried a few of the goon sacks from there and they're decent but not as cheap as buying beer or worse, a litre of Lidl whisky (balmuir)

Watching the final duet from Omori over and over again, streaming my tears out

>>216610234
um

>>216609517
Choke on your blood

>>216607615
>>216607615
>>216607615