With my older sister being a repped FTM her whole life and her having been married to another woman for the past 20 years, I've watched a young butch dyke lesbian grow up into someone's adored husband.
This left a significant impact on me as I emulated her throughout my life, playing dolls with her and watching anime with her growing up. I literally went by Ayden for a long time before that name became a meme for pooners. It's very easy for me to fall into FTM tendencies without knowing it, and I thought I'd give men a try because it's something my sister never did. After that I've lezzed so hard with the most vapid self centered whorish ladies I kinda picked up their habits as well and I even worked at a whorehouse. I thought I would be able to settle with one of the girls like my sister did, but I never could. The universe was guiding me towards a different path. I'm sitting here after all this, my last girlfriend being a young little androgynous brunette with a slight mustache (which seems to be my go to type) thinking I could have and would have made it, instead I'm typing this bullshit away into the /tttt/ void at hopes venting about it will reveal some sort of grand providence for me.

>>40166370 (OP)
Let me sock it to you like this: historically, there have been people whose primary function in their social structure was not related to reproduction, they couldn’t biologically pass on their strengths, and therefore they converged towards this androgynous eunuch archetype. Bean counters. Advisers. Priests. Shamans. Healers. The more people are around you, the further the dream of reproduction, the greater the drive to secure your legacy in these ways. This is why we see so many trannies. But! This is an artificial stimulus for such a social role. There are likely genetic factors as well. This is why we see some that adapt into the roles well, and some that misunderstand the specifics. Trannies think it means they have to switch genders, this is basically impossible. Really, you’re shooting towards an irrelevance of gender, androgyny. To sum up, the reason you are like this is because of a genetic predisposition to a kind of indeterminate gender, manifesting as a desire to possess the good of all sexes instead of fundamentally changing yours.

>>40166511
Inneresting
Despite my huge skepticism towards predetermined roles this seems to fit me very well
It actually seems independent from my transness. I feel I should've been a girl but I want to be an androgynous woman, a kind of largely sexually unavailable witch/monster/priestess archetype, and even feel a lot like an ftm sometimes
Sometimes I'm even OK with being a femme guy, but only via being trans. It's weird

>>40166570
Autism is likely a comorbid thing as well and the idea of embodied gender roles is basically anathema to the autistic mind so you see the gender roles as social and fluid rather than embodied. This is a natural psychology of this androgyne archetype, because it drives you to take cues from both sexes, developing properly into a gender freak. Vs the average tranny who internalizes male roles, gets buyers remorse, and then tries to imitate the veneer of female roles while retaining the internalized male bullshit. Thats why you were taking gender cues from your sibling vs ignoring it/finding it unseemly like most male children.

>>40166511
Nah I feel daf fr
I just had dinner and muttered to myself "I'm more of a spectator of the human race"
You know, I wish I could find something to do to make a vibrant living with my circumstances instead of being locked up on 4chan (Don't get me wrong I love spending time with you guys and I'm here forever)
It's just been a while and definitely I made my own mark here and there but, it definitely was hella confusing and I haven't much to show for it.
That part about leaving a legacy... That's it, and also just being so damn lonely crying all the time trying to release oxytocin to fight depression, staying alive in the midst of gaslighting and abuse, lies, just tired, you know

>>40166642
I'm not that poster (OP) here's me >>40166661

>>40166680
I dont wave flags Im not from the flag generation shit I dont know wat any of these flags mean and I dont wanna put one on
Is there like a Nazi or a Confederate flag like /pol/?

>>40166680
>>40166752
TYPICAL TROON ALWAYS SEEKING ATTENTION

YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT ATTENTION CAN YOU

>>40166775
No no I really canr, pick me, look at me, love me

nigger

>>40166661
It can be really hard because society like, thinks it has evolved past the need for us. But I mean just look at the male loneliness epidemic shit. The gender wars. The spiritual degradation of corporatized religion. For all the gaslighting saying “oooh you don’t exist” or “ooooh you serve no fundamentally useful social purpose” like they DO need us to defuse the gender war and share existential ideas that ward against out and out suicidal nihilism. Its important to guard yourself against isolation, it does FEEL very isolating, but you need to make friends that aren’t like you, and share yourself with them. Your life will be richer, and so will theirs. Thats the way its supposed to be, under all the neoliberal rot.

>>40166775
We all need attention fren

>>40166790
>you need to make friends that aren’t like you, and share yourself with them.

Thats why Im here pal, love ya

and yea hopefully I can help with the gender war thing

>>40166775
And what are you young miss?

>>40166642
I'm probably autistic & I'm not exactly sure what you mean by embodied gender roles but yeah I always saw bioessentialism as demeaning & didn't like it. Taking cues from people of all sexes just seems natural if you're trying to be a well rounded person too (and these days, I'd say if you want to challenge yourself to be an interesting person). I did play the male role bc of outside pressure but always hated it, I don't hate female socialization in the same way but I still care more about myself & my loved ones than maintaining any role.
I do feel a draw to a womanness or girlness that's mostly separate to gender roles, which is the confusing part for me. I was gender abolitionist before I was trans & I had to realize 'oh I actually DO care, just not in the way I'm supposed to'
I think I took cues from media and friends more than siblings, but I'm fairly sure all my siblings are genderweird in some way anyway
>Vs the average tranny who internalizes male roles, gets buyers remorse, and then tries to imitate the veneer of female roles while retaining the internalized male bullshit
That seems uncharitable and mean desu but sure I guess it fits some of the transmaxxers and stuff on here. It also is what a lot of cis ppl seem to think I'm doing / project onto me & I'm very frustrated by those people bc idk how to get them to understand that I'm not doing anything cynical or predatory I'm just trying to be myself

>>40166850
It sounds kind of schizo but like idk society has kind of convinced the normie boys and girls that they are different species to each other and its reaching a head where they are competing instead of working together. This as part of a larger scheme to get the underclasses competing with each other instead of working together to build a better society that isn’t run by hogs. But they kinda yolo’d a bit far and birthrates are coming down, thats pretty bad for us overall. So androgynes are important to showcase in a single body the cooperation of male and female towards a single goal. Really, this is just one axis of a larger issue and we need go-betweens of all sorts, but on this whole men hate women women hate men thing us gender weirdos are kind of incubating the solution in ourselves, now we just have to export it above the capitalist gender programming.

>>40166872
>That seems uncharitable and mean
Okay I will agree it does seem mean, but its ultimately where a lot of the bullshit is coming from. I think it IS possible to essentially convert to a new gender, and I bet that has neurological consequences like a burst of brain plasticity that lets you reach stuff deep down and change, but lets be real your average tranny cannot be assed to perform that level of critical introspection and nonjudgemental observation and acceptance of the norms of the opposite sex upon themselves.
>I'm just trying to be myself
Yeah thats what it comes down to like whatever stupid signals society sends out this is just a completely natural variation of human socialization you just happened to roll. Obviously its up to you to decide what to do with it but like I think very few happy people have consciously decided to repress their authentic self.

>>40166902
Hard Chance

but fair suggestion

>>40167019
I'm checked out from intra community hate rn so I don't really have opinions about boomerhons or whoever you think the problem ppl are, but yeah that's interesting I guess there has to be a process of conversion. And for some people that's more deconstruction of gender, for some it involves more reconstruction of the opposite gender. I think the narrative of 'you were always a girl' is tricky in that way. I do feel like, with some deconstruction done, the 'real me' that naturally emerges is a girl. But not a very girly one. And the stuff you pick up doesn't just go away that easily. I'm finding it hard to adjust to some of the standards of femininity (a lot of which cis women have intense and conflicted relationships to already), and i'm realizing I still have work to do on stuff like women's labor and my family history.
I reread it and i think it partly is mean but also my brain just reacted badly to seeing 'internalised male bullshit' desu. When I think about it there are a lot of ways to go wrong and develop harmful weirdness about gender. Cis ppl of both sexes have plenty of internalized bullshit

I do think the 'you can't repress your real self' is one of the contentious bits of messaging from trans culture that I stand behind desu