Thread 40183667

Dysphoria about not having dysphoria….

>>40183667 (OP)
Help me..

>>40183766
drop your disc

>>40184228
No not doing this sorry

>>40184421
Its ok

>>40183667 (OP)
i can kindof see that maybe being a thing someone actually feels

but what about it do you feel; what flavor of our suffering and exclusion do you long for? what of the experience do you wish you had

>>40183667 (OP)
I feel the exact same and I really wish I knew why. There's nothing about me that would suggest I am trans and yet I can't stop yearning to transition for whatever reason.
Transitioning would be the end of me though because of reverse dysphoria and yet I agonize over not having regular gender dysphoria.
I really want a lobotomy

>>40188202
What? Do you want to be alternative? Or think trans people are cool but you just aren't one or something?

>>40183667 (OP)
lowk i wish i was born a guy so i can be a tgirl
idk why, not dysforic or anything but its a nice thought
agp? not sure
to be in a t4t relationship w my gf would be awesome

>>40183667 (OP)
>>40188202
I genuinely don't believe this kind of people actually exist. Being trans is not fun, it's not beautiful. It's fucking agony and humiliating even without society and your own family wanting to murder you for it. Public awareness of trans people was a mistake.

>>40189531
No pico... I though you were based

>>40189719
how is it bad...

>>40189801
If you were actually a tgirl you'd give anything to be a cis girl so it feels kind of dismissive of our suffering to say you'd give up your privilege to be objectively worse off like us. Really makes me feel like you don't take our suffering seriously when people say that. I've considered suicide many times because of being trans. You wouldn't want this if you understood what it's like.

>>40189986
This is true, I genuinely don't understand what's it's like to be in your guys position
I'm not dysphoric and I don't understand the true cognitive struggles that goes into being trans

I genuinely don't want to be dismissive of your guys problems, it's not a genuine wish at all, just a thought I thought would be nice but you're right, I didnt really think of the real struggle that will truly go into it

I'm still learning about the trans experience myself and yeah in hindsight what I said was super retarded and insensitive, I'm sorry :(

>>40189986
The first line is internalized hate. Please dont think that way or project it onto others. Trans women are beautiful and unique creatures, even if we suffer.
If I was born cis, I wouldnt be the person I am and that'd be kinda sad.
>>40190026
Pico pico hi pico hey hey pico hi ur so cool you know that right?

>>40190067
A-and im not trying to come off as dismissive to your dysphoria. That wasnt meant to be a mean "dont think that way" but more of a sorrowful "please dont hate yourself. :'(" kind of thing. Reread it after and realized the tone was bad.

>>40190067
She's got a point tho! I've kind of overall romanticized transitioning in a way where i almost ignore the true struggle it takes

Recognizing the struggle and being empathetic is a major part of trying to truly help those with dysphoria

I wanna do better and genuinely help and appreciate the ladies on the board, I'm happy to be called out if it'll genuinely improve my attitude and it didn't hurt my feelings at all

U seem very nice tho! Please never let that fade

>>40190165
Yea yea yea yea for sure. Like, its important to realize that dysphoria is a struggle. But it doesnt have to be a process centered on self hate.
Ive been struggling a LOT with self hate lately. Meeting people who love me for the things that make me who I am even when I want to tear myself apart has made a huge difference.
I have a friend who pointed you out and after reading some of your posts I just wanted to very enthusiastically come and say we need a lot more of that wholesome romantic view out there.
I cant say I love trans women, but I want to, because that means loving myself.

>>40190237
Wh-which is to say, Im kinda derailing the thread a little bit specifically because I was looking for you. <<' Sorry.

>>40190237
THATS SO SWEET,,,, :(((
You are honestly so right!! You need to surround yourself with love to help you learn how to love yourself
Wholeheartedly transitioning into a girl is a beautiful experience about finding acceptance and discovering your sense of femininity! Watching you guys learn what you love about yourself in your body, fashion, and personality is so fucking satisfying

Thank you for genuinely being so sweet, you have no idea how much the messages u sent made my day
I hope to make u and the community proud

Also did a girl whose discord starts w g show u about me I feel like I know who ur talking ab

>>40190638
Im glad to have helped lift your mood a bit. I felt a very strong inclination and, yaknow, gotta follow your intuition sometimes. ^^'
>girl whose discord starts w g
C-called out so easily... Yeh, she's a good friend of mine. Sorry, I'm not trying to be a weirdo, I just, like, I dunno, people dont encourage positivity enough and I think encouraging that is as important as being positive so I just... yea. ><'

>>40190829
YOURE SO CUTE I LOVE HOW YOU TALK IM GONNA EAT U UP

Shes my friend too and she mentioned you! i hope we'll properly meet one day :3

>>40191812
THIS VIDEOTESRIIH SO CUTE

>>40183667 (OP)
>>40188202
this sounds like normal tranny dysphoria. theres no hard line about being a tranny its all handwavey shit and the closest we've gotten is "wanting to be of the opposite gender / sex". no one gaf bro just take whatever
>>40189531
kikomi real ??

Might as well throw my UN on...
>>40191812
Ah! Im flattered! ^^
She said she gave you my UN. Im always down to chat with fun people. :3 I was told you were studying? Good luck!

>>40191931
UN? whats that?

>>40192373
Username. I used the term twice differently. The first time I meant my 4chan UN, Seraph. The second time I was referring to my Discord UN my friend said she passed to you?

>>40183667 (OP)
you can be trans without being dysphoric. to say otherwise is to conform to a rigid gender binary and veer into the realm of transmedicalism and that gets gnarly and reductive very quickly

be yourself. if you don't want to be what society thinks of as male or female, if you do, or if you're satisfied where you are right now, then seriously good for you, you are avoiding the abject everyday misery a third of this board with severe gender dysphoria experiences. some might say that being trans itself is dysphoria but desu it depends entirely on your individual experience. go read some of the literature on 'doing gender' if you aren't convinced

but you're in a huge echo chamber of people who experience the bad side of that equation so uhhhh don't sike yourself out

>>40192407
IM RETARDED SHE DID BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GIBBERISH SHE WAS SAYING

>>40192545
Lawd, my sides have achieved liftoff. Im very glad I reached out, then. X3

>>40183667 (OP)
ive had this too since i was a kid, id look at the "other" trannies and be like no i cant be trans, they have much stronger feelings than me and they look better and its just obvious that they are girls and i am a confused man. its been a life of standing outside of myself, i dont know who i am, im nothing, i just observe and feel pain. but i still dont feel like im "supposed" to be a girl, its so weird to me that i even have to be anything to feel like a human, but i kinda do? i wish i jsut thought i could be a girl so i wouldnt have to live like this

>>40192658
elaborating: i seem to not have dysphoria about a bunch of things trannies typically do, i dont mind my chest being flat or having a dick, i actually like them. but only if i can be feminine, and men cant be feminine and im getting older and ive started thinking about suicide a lot

so it feels like im forced to transition even though i dont want to? i dont want to be a girl really, i just want to be me, but my body doesnt allow it, my face is masculinised and im tall and hairy, nobody will ever see me as cute or pretty.

but if i transition, then ill be a faker, ill always feel like a fraud because im not a real girl, im jsut a man who couldnt cope with being a man

>>40192685
What you are describing is dysphoria, love. That fear of masculanizing? That can be a huge part of things.
Everyone's dysphoria looks different and comes feels different. I repped for a long fucking time because my dysphoria centered on social aspects and missed experiences, which was very easy to ignore -- especially with a late and weak puberty that left me looking like a kinda girly dude.
Try not to philosophize too much about the correct way to be. The only incorrect decision for transitioning is repression (and even then, is justifiable if your life situation makes transitioning dangerous).
Have you considered the possibility that you may be a femme presenting NB or demigirl?
Like, womanhood and femininity is its own spectrum just as transness is. You dont have to try to cut your bits off as a kid to be trans (trust me, that is an awful experience...) and you dont have to be hyper feminine to be a woman, either. Its okay to like your masculine traits, too. (I love being a tall lady, but actually shrunk between HRT and a massive lower back injury QQ)
Like, focus less on the why and more on what makes you feel better. Thats the important thing.

>>40192843
i also had quite a late puberty, all puberty seemed to do to my body is make me hairy, and it fucked my face up in my late teens and early 20s, and i thought about transitioning and i repped. i just repressed 10 years, the regret is insane, its like that was your young adult life and its gone, i spent it in a bedroom wondering what the fuck is wrong with me

>>40192860
My path was very much the same. I actually got estrogen pills at 18 with the help of a friend and ended up flushing them due to fear and anxiety. At 18 I could pass as a woman... so I backflipped deep into the closet for over a decade. Finally transitioned at 30. Fortunately I have some luckshit genes in my family, so im not a total ogre.. but definitely a shadow of what I would have been if I had followed through at 18. Puberty hit me full force in my early 20s after some starts and stops in my teens. Ruined my voice, put hair in places I didnt want to have, squared my jaw and shoulders... shit sucked. But on the flip side, Im short compared to the men in my family. Im 5'9" (confirmed repeatedly by doctors after measuring 6') for years and the shortest man in my family is a mere 6'4". My Mom is taller than me. So I was always going to be a Valkyrie, it seems.
Best thing I've come up with is to just treat my past like a book. I can read from it, even tell stories to others to help them out, but I cannot live in it. I still have more than half my life ahead of me, which will all be spent as a woman.

>>40192897
yeah in my early 20s my jaw developed and i started looking much older, i was clinging to the vague youthfulness i sitll had left in my face and when that went it broke me. AND I KEPT REPPING

>>40186018
Nothing
It’s a pointless self victimisation
I might as well wish to be in an Iron lung
More proof I’m not
>>40191903
It is vital that choices have consequences
Not being trans means hrt, transitioning, and changing life this drastically would have serious effects on life for no gain. No point if you don’t need or want it
>>40192459
Nothing of my wants matters as the simply fact I’m not supposed or should or could or can transition
Hrt is meaningless beyond castration
Transmeds are mostly right imo, though I do disagree with a lot of what they say.
I don’t have the “girl gene”(quite literally xy) or trans gene or anything. It’s just loneliness and validation seeking. Nothing more.
This thread too
>>40192897
We are not the same or similar and this extents to every trans person I know. That difference is as stark as black and white, no grey areas can be deciphered.
>>40192843
I have nothing but my own acceptance of things. Accept I’m a man born to be one. I made mistakes. Move on. Seek nothing but truth and I’ll be ok. No more of this validation and sex and all the other crap.

At the very least a suicide would abolish all my sins. But that remains on the far end of the table.

>>40193076
What a pointless thread post and life

>>40183667 (OP)
same

>>40189719
I agree
Gatekeeping should have been more ruthless

>>40193101
It’s validation seeking
Seek help

>>40189307
I am sane enough to be aware of how much worse the alternative is, and I also don't think trans people are inherently cool simply for being trans. Trans people are people like everybody else. While heavily influenced by it, their identity isn't defined solely by them being trans.

All I know is that I am more often than not distressed about not being distressed in a dysphoric way. I think it's more likely that I am simply mentally ill than a deeply repressed trans person though

>>40189719
I am quite certain I exist (Descartes has my back on this), and I am not baiting.
I've lurked long enough to know just how excruciating and kafkaesque being trans really is. No sane and empathetic person would ever wish that for themselves and for any other person. Yet, I am struggling daily with the fact that I don't experience the same distress and I am too dumb to actually understand why. Best reason I can think of is that it would give me a substantial reason to transition because thinking of living my whole life as a man genuinely only fills me with dread. This dread feels misplaced to me though

>>40191903
In what way is being distressed over not being dysphoric normal tranny dysphoria? I genuinely feel like it's more likely that this is much more likely a sign of completely unrelated mental health issues and not actually any gender incongruity (I'm certain I don't have ocd).
If I were trans, I simply would be distressed about my male characteristics. That is not the case for me. I am just hyper aware of them, basically at all times. It's like I have an incessant voice in my head screaming at me about just how much of a man I actually am.
I also don't think it's normal to first develop such feelings in one's 20s while having genuinely no trans thoughts during one's childhood and puberty. The thing that started it all was me learning that transitioning is an option to begin with. I knew trans people existed, just never connected the dots.
It's all really inane

Why is this happening to me :)
I know I’m faketrans not trans non dysphoric male mef agp on hrt but here I am trying to be more :)
There is no solution is there.

I feel this too, but when I do manage to girl up successfully I get really happy and stuff. I think it might just be the first stage of turning off the repping, just keep experimenting and see how far you want to take it.

>>40194848
I don't think everyone lives a nightmare before trooning, I think for a lot of people its just a little empty feeling or question mark over their lives that transitioning turns into a point of joy

>>40195114
I’m on fucking hrt

i thought about being a tranny nearly every day for 10+ years and still manage to convince myself my dysphoria isnt real because xyz.

like at that point what does it even matter, you're already fucked in the head. just troon out

>>40195138
I did start hrt but I’m faketrans

>>40195135
lmao how the fuck is everyone on HRT except me, no one is just a confused crossdresser anymore?

>>40195128
I wish that were the case for me. I was on on hrt but all it did is intensify my "dysphoria dysphoria" while making me panic over having to hide it's effect.
I'm off of it now, but nothing got better. I wish I could love hrt though. I have to keep from starting it again even if I know I'll feel bad on it.
I'm not even agp. I am completely devoid of any positive emotions, and doing anything transition related brings nothing but anguish. It only contrasts and highlights all the ways in which I am not a woman.
I should just accept that I am a man already

>>40195146
its not 2010 anymore, we are at peak trans

>>40195146
Crossdressing feels icky
I never do it even on hrt
I wanna be real not an imitation :)

>>40195252
>>40195217

i have weirdly good genetics for it so maybe i don't have the same incentive, I definitely want to get on it soon though

>>40183667 (OP)
i think most of my dysphoria is just about being ugly, i am shockingly ugly and weird looking.

I like being trans.

>>40195294
Most trans people I know share this they enjoy being “themselves” which includes being trans
I wanna be trans with my trans friend and do girl stuff and be girly but it is all fake validation seeking
I’m faketrans and gd isn’t real

>>40190237
>I cant say I love trans women, but I want to, because that means loving myself.
so real sis....its really hard to learn to love oneself

I will never be a real woman
I will never be trutrans