prev >>40341407
you alal suck the world should burn editon
>qott: why havent you kileld yoruself

>>40377629 (OP)
This song has a special, though unusual meaning to me.

I'm a transgender woman, and I happened to first discover Animal Collective around the time I had that epiphany. I was deeply depressed. Everything seemed to be going right in my life, and yet I was unable to feel any of it. It got bad enough that I dropped out of college for a semester because I was a serious risk to my own safety. Like many people, MPP was the first Animal Collective album I'd listened to. I loved the album, obviously, but Bluish just stuck with me like candy in my teeth. I couldn't get it out of my head. I'd play it whenever I was alone, and I couldn't define the feeling the song would give me. It was addicting, melancholy, loving, all at the same time.

By my fourteenth or fifteenth replay of the album, Bluish became a serious obsession and I needed to know why. The first five tracks felt like an eternity and I'd be so lost in thought after listening to Bluish that the rest of MPP would play, the album would end and I wouldn't notice for several minutes.

I decided I would solve the Bluish problem and do nothing else until I understood. I thought, I meditated, I analyzed, tried to feel and really get the song, but nothing worked. I thought I had failed and then it hit me. My stomach inverted, my soul was stuck in a Hitchcock dolly zoom and I finally got it.

Fuck.

I'm a fucking girl.

The melancholy was because nobody would ever be lost in my curls, draw pictures on my skin, want to see me in a dress and stockings and just love me as the person I truly am.

Three years have passed since then. I've been living as a woman for just over a year now. I've been happier than I have ever been before.

If I'm ever lucky enough to meet the guys in person, I'm going to walk up to Avey, give him a hug and thank him for changing my life. And i'm going to be wearing blue eyeshadow.

>>40377629 (OP)
qott: i dont know, i probably should its not like its going to get better. probably lazy like everything else in my life

Always knew that Animal Collective is Tranimal Collective, shitty, pretentious band

is there any way to fix my life if im a neet repper with 0 social skills? i dont know where to even begin

>>40377629 (OP)
because I don't 100% believe in an afterlife, so I'd rather not waste the life I have by cutting it short, as sucky as it is
if I kill myself because life is painful, but there ends up being nothing after death, then I get no catharsis as I won't exist to experience it
my only plan is hopefully living long enough to see sci-fi-tier bodyswap and/or modifications become real

Should I talk to the hons at work?

I'm not sure what to feel about the whole thing. I have artistic and feminine sides to myself that I unintentionally cover up, as they seem like personal things. I do enjoy crossdressing but it isn't really something that feels life-changing or eye-opening, just a passive enjoyment. I am a gay man and have always felt weird and questioned gender things for years now and just recently one of my close friends who I would never have expected came out as trans, and it kind of lit a fire under my ass as I realized that I don't want to get in too late. I am motivated and work hard in my career but any success is just dependent upon how well I'm able to separate my professional life from a constant depression and a lack of any interest or love for anything. I feel like I'm wasting all of my time and that I've never been happy in my entire life. I don't know if this change would be a breakthrough or a change that I need in order to get more in touch with myself and feel more complete, or whatever; or if it is just an unrelated depression brought on by the human condition that can never be helped. I have a decent environment and a 'good' life but I hate living most days. How do you differentiate between feelings of regular depression from your situation and frustration with your identity?

I think that a young man taking his life is the ultimate tragedy
https://youtu.be/lJQf-gcG-g4?si=IEDlmwmIxuzpOKOy

just be an uncastrated, highly effeminate, long-haired homosexual male PLEASE

>>40378386
Working on it. That's why im here

>>40378415
based!

>>40378386
these sort of posts just disgust me, you have to wonder if it was some nasty tranny or soul-rotted foid who made it
maybe some pedophilic fag, who knows
im glad im bisexual and not some feminine fag thing

>>40377958
No. They dont want to feel like your therapist

>>40378386
I'd end up looking like picrel tbhon

>>40378479
This is true. I had a tranny friend of multiple years that just blocked me on everything one day after my 200th self-pity session. They'll feel the urge to help you at first, but that well dries up quick.
Just go to a therapist instead if you wanna talk about your issues.

>>40378521
i had good tranny friends online when i was younger and i cut all of them off suddenly when i decided to rep, worst decision of my life im so lonely now

>>40378532
I did the same thing lmao. After I got blocked by her I got possessed by a bpdemon that made me write a whiny and vaguely suicidal message in our friend group's discord server and then I left.
It's been a year now, and I already deleted that discord account.
Looking back on it, if that's how I react when I get rejected, maybe it's for the best I stay here instead. I have zero emotional control and don't deserve to be happy.

>i'm a girl
>i'm a man

>>40378640
*blocks your path*

>>40378675
Would you like to have the brain of the right?

>>40378675
if they have such good intuitive abilities why are they all so attracted to abusers

i'm an agp freak who is jealous of female orgasms

>>40378457
its ok to be an effeminate gay man without taking hrt!

>>40378486
stop worrying what others think of your appearance

>>40378532
The worst decision of my life was to KEEP talking to my mtf friend. This led me to so many other horrible decisions.

>>40378728
im not an effeminate gay man obviously, unlike you im human

>>40378718
Me too. And I have a neighbor who moans loudly while having sex every night.

>>40378758
effeminate gay men are just as human as anyone else!

take your meds and i will call you good girl(mtf) or boy(ftm)

>>40378763
>And I have a neighbor who moans loudly while having sex every night.
that would break me from envy

sometimes i wish this general had better posters

>>40378793
I mean, there's only so much you can talk about repping, an inherently transitional state. All reppers either kill themselves, transition or stop coming to this board eventually. One by one, the good posters leave, until you're left with whatever this is. This high turnover rate is true to the website in general, but especially strong in these threads.

>>40378793
ill get better at pinkpill posting for you anon

>>40378848
some reppers realize they were just gay all along and self hating and go on to lead happy lives as fulfilled effeminate gay men who have no issue dating other men as men themselves

When I was a child, I was very lonely, and the only time I could play with another child was when I visited my cousin, a girl who was a bit older than me. I became completely obsessed with her for years. I kept wondering whether my actions would be well or poorly received by her. Whenever I did something, I had intrusive thoughts that she was judging me.

I believe that led me to develop this identification with the female gender. Later on, I fell in love with a girl who reminded me a lot of her, and the same thing happened again. I found out the day before yesterday that this is a symptom of ADHD.

>>40378848
probably because this board hates them so much

Why do femreppers bully us? I thought we were friends :(

>>40379173
because women are evil and cant be trans

Ever date a tran?

I mostly rep for moral reasons
Willpower is a finite resource. It is good to supplant it. Kneecap the self now so that you in 5 years has no way out when they come across that inevitable moment of weakness. Such is moral duty

>>40378532
>i cut all of them off suddenly when i decided to rep, worst decision of my life im so lonely now

It's so hard to just resist the urge to cut off all connection with my friends. I don't know why I'm like this.

>>40379497
> Willpower is a finite resource
Absolutely correct
>Kneecap the self now so that you in 5 years has no way out when they come across that inevitable moment of weakness
this is how bald fathers of 3 troon out at 50. "Surely becoming a father figure will seal the deal and I'll never troon!".
Don't be stupid. Since willpower is a finite resource, you should conserve it and make repping as easy as possible. Do laser on face, work from home, remove mirrors from home

>>40379644
Good ideas. Remote work is easier said than done, especially with the push for returning back to the office. Inexplicably, everyone wishes to speak to me for some reason. Mirrors thing is wise. Did that already, but catching glimpses of myself in puddles, screens and windows makes me want to vomit; see yourself every day and the change is gradual, so you scarcely notice. See yourself once every few months, and it's like a jolt, and you see just how much you've deteriorated. No way to win, haha. But yes, good points.

How's your relationship with your mother, repanon?
Mine is kinda wishy-washy. She's my mother and she cares about me, but I can't really connect with her at all. She constantly asks why I'm so weird and never leave the house, why I'm so lazy, why I don't act like the others.
At least she isn't abusive, so I shouldn't complain too much.

>>40380006
proud of me for repping but not understanding why i'm so mopey despite efforts and why i refuse to pursue a girlfriend or what have you

>>40378521
Therapists are worthless. They just tell you stupid shit like "How does that make you feel?" or "You should care about your needs." and "Why are you so depressed?" And don't even fucking think of talking about the tranny thoughts, then they're going to want you to troon out.

>>40380006
Full of resentment.

>>40377629 (OP)
not a repper but love anco......what is your favorite album op mine is Feels

>>40380006
good, but she's probably the second-biggest person contributing as to why I'm a dysfunctional NEET (the first obviously being me and my own lack of ambition) as she's somewhat spacey, a procrastinator just like me, and generally seems to fancy herself as being smarter than she actually is. covid and masks somehow mindbroke her from a moderate dem to maga, which can also be tiring
my parents don't prod into my nonexistent social life at all, so I get the feeling that they've already given up any hope of me being in a relationship, which is fine by me
neither know that I'd rather've been born female, and I don't think I'd ever troon without faking my own death and moving across the country first

i can't tell what my sexuality is

Schizo rant incoming
You know when you get sleepy, and you start imagining random shit? Yeah, that just kind of happened to me, except I kinda forced it into a specific direction, kind of like jung's active imagination exercise.
I've been realizing I have a very dualistic personality, one side is very masculine, the other is very feminine. No middle ground. I noticed I was getting tired and decided to think about that and just let the thoughts come out.
I was in a black void, where I saw a woman. She was quite strange, pure white skin and she constantly kept changing her body shape (neck would get really long of nowhere, sometimes she'd get really tall or really short in a matter of seconds, that kind of stuff), and I asked her what she wanted.
>I want you to live.
I asked her what would happen if I accepted her.
>Then you'll become a woman.
I asked her what would happen if I rejected her.
>Then you'll suffer.
I asked her why.
>Because you never let yourself live.
She came close to my ear and whispered.
>Let loose.
Why is my subconscious trying to pinkpill me? How do I put my anima in her place?

>>40380606
Can we date?

>>40380611
Will that fix my anima problem?

>>40380606
>Why
She told you, she wants you to live.

>>40379173
ok imm convinced foids are sovlless and ftms are retarded now
I HATE WOMEN SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO BE ONE

>>40377629 (OP)
>qott: why havent you kileld yoruself
i've tried man, i'm sorry i failed

>>40380356
>picks up phone
Speak

>>40381877
If you failed you didn't really want it. Live bro

i wish i wasnt such an autist, im the kind of person trannies on here post about hating except less fat and more of a recluse

>>40377629 (OP)
>faceapp recognized me as female despite looking not even close to one
thanks I guess

>estrogen vial arrived
what now

>>40382560
killing yourself is actually pretty hard so that's not true

>>40377958
Where are you people working that there's transwomen (plural) working there?

>>40383148
take your meds

>>40380006
my parents are actually both really great, doesn't line up with how I turned out lol

>cursed with a mental illness 99% of the population without it can't understand nor empathize with
>bullied by trannies for not being mentally ill enough
>bullied by femreppers for having it at all
>bullied by everyone else just because you give off weird vibes
How is this any fair? I'm tired, bros...

>>40383844
>femreppers

Women can't have dysphoria.

>>40383844
All you can do is just not think about it

i wish i were trutrans instead of a gross moid

>>40383844
Basically their hatred of their own bodies makes them incapable of thinking there's anything good about them, it's like how some people here talk about male bodies. People that make posts like this don't have an objective view of their biology, and lack the emotional maturity to understand that things they dislike might be thought of positively by others.

they should invent a pill that makes you motivated

>>40377629 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

Had another couple of dreams where I was female
In one I was just myself except in a smaller more feminine body, it felt like I finally fit my body right and like a constant weight had been lifted. I felt lighter and more free. Idk how else to describe it. Maybe like when there’s constant construction work and it finally stops, or your ears were blocked and then suddenly are clear again. Felt like how things are meant to be and that a constant grinding away at me irritation was finally gone and I could breathe.

The second dream I was similar but I think had always been a girl and I dressed a little more feminine, and I was comfortable with myself crushing on a big guy. I was totally fine knowing my type was gentle giants, and happy planning to flirt with them later.

>>40383131
I hate when it does that. the feminine filter does so little compared to the female filter so you just end up still looking like a man

Only troon if you are a girl if you aren’t a girl you can’t actually transition

>>40383844
Please don't take our shitposting literally. I'm going to translate your picrel for you
>Amab reppers like female bodies and porn with female bodies and the feminine stereotypes. I can't fucking comprehend it. They get off to all the shit I find gross. Bleh.
>Looool I hate periods and piv sex. I suspect amab reppers have somewhat of a rose-tinted view of the female body.
>Same bestie. Btw I want to kms :3

>try to crossdress
>look awful
>toss the clothes in the closet and never look at them again

how the fuck do trannies get "Gender Euphoria" from this shit?

>>40383844
periods would suck, I think everyone can agree with that, but the 50% of the population that has them typically gets on with them like normal. that, and being a woman is already an impossible fantasy, so what's stopping from me from simply wanting to be a woman who gets very mild, easy periods? really that's the only downgrade for me, I don't even want to be a woman primarily for any explicit sexual reasons

>>40385604
MEF fetish shit or they're already built like women so they finally wear something that fits

>>40385604
They're fetishists, not trutrans dysphorics like you.

>if i get the job i move out and order hrt within a week of settling down
>if i don't i continue to rep, possibly for the remainder of my life

>>40385448
I mean, you can just switch to the correct gender in the upper right, if I remember rightly. I just don't understand what its algorithm is thinking, since despite giving me the female options, the male filter still barely changes me while the female one does. As expected.

>>40385604
I only did it when I was a teenager.
I really could have passed if I had started HRT as a teenager, now I'll definitely at least need FFS. It really bums me.

Just went on a site to look at diy hrt prices and see what they ask, how to pay, etc
but i was put off by how much information they need. i get they're shipping something, but putting my address and name in a suspicious website seems like a horrible idea

i'd be more up for hrt if /mmg/, the place i'd have to go if i took it, wasn't filled with fembrained tall twinkhons

>>40387083
couldn't you put yourself under a pseudonym and have then ship to your post office?

>>40377629 (OP)
Idk

>>40387083
isn’t diy hrt dead anyways (in the US)
age of troons is over, repchads won, rapebians btfo, etc etc

>>40387308
>isn’t diy hrt dead anyways (in the US)

No, the heck are you talking about. You can order meth through the mail in the USA.

>>40387083
Do you expect HRT to magically appear before you?
Are you like 12?

>>40387227
Do I need to put a street address if I will just pick it up from the P.O box myself? I'm kinda stupid.
I literally never buy anything online because I'm broke as shit and shipping prices are ridiculous. I guess I could just fumble around and figure it out eventually but those vials are kinda pricey with shipping

>>40387484
P sure you put P.o. BOx as the street address

>>40387543
Oh.
Thanks.

>>40387579
you should look it up though i’m kind of retarded

>>40387308
>isn’t diy hrt dead anyways (in the US)
how

>>40387083
>>40387543
how retarded am i if i just use my real name and home address for diy
i'm too much of a moron to use a po box

>>40387689
>>40387349
source: two threads i read on 4chan, probably not the most reputable source of info but whatever bro

>>40387308
They put in some new policy in regards to taxing international shipping for small packages (because of the tariffs) that makes some people afraid their shit will get seized more often. No actual law or policy came into effect targeting diy specifically.

>>40387746
which threads

>>40387704
alright unless you got family that has no boundaries (every sibling ever). just cry and be like “you can’t see BITCH” and they’ll probably think it’s a pocket pussy

>>40387753
There was another but it’s probably in archive rn
>>40386325

>>40387761
what if i live alone

>>40387785
then you’re probably good to go unless
>tfw the neighbor clocks the astrovials package

>>40387943
i'm worried more that i'm putting my name and address on a shady homebrew hormone website

>>40387977
Welcome to the club
What other option do we have :)))

>>40387985
repping more or going to a planned parenthood and hoping that doesn't backfire

>>40377629 (OP)
unironically i wish i could go back and tell myself to rope knowing how much i’d still hate myself after transitioning

I want society to break down. Maybe it's due to a world war ending in mutually assured destruction, climate change getting too intense or nature trying to wipe us out, it doesn't matter, the end is the same.
In that fallen world where basic needs like food, water and shelter take the forefront of the human mind, we wouldn't have time to bitch about gender or whatever, the thought wouldn't even cross our minds.
That way I would be free, maybe starving and possibly dead, but free.
My dream is to build a community of people that care about eachother in that world. People would struggle and sacrifice a lot just to keep things running, but they'd do it out of love and compassion for one another.
You can't do this in this current world, the closest thing is a cult's compound in the middle of the woods, but even then modern society would find a way to bother you.
Uncle ted was right. But in the end I know this is merely a childish and edgy fantasy.
And then I'm alone again.
If only god could hear me...

>>40388387
That is very edgy and childish, but that doesn't mean I don't sympathize with you. Spend some time thinking all of those things in your mind over. There are ways to achieve something close to what you want, but be warned the tranny thoughts will not go away. I specifically didn't troon out to avoid becoming dependent on a man or a shitty office job to live, and it may or may not have been worth it.

i'm drunk and imagining myself being a slutty drunk kitsune woman serving alcohol in a bar
holy fuck i want to be a woman

this is such a stupid fantasy but i've always wanted to get my nails done since i was like 5 years old
i don't know why but for some reason i was always jealous of girls for being allowed to do this and i always wanted to go to a salon and get a manipedi

>>40389592
I get it, I've always had the similar desire to paint my nails. I can't tell you how bad I wanted to join the emo fashion trend when I was a teen so I'd have an excuse without outright coming out, if I wasn't sure my parents would beat me for it.

I've repped so much I've developed this insane AAP fantasy. In my fantasy I'm raped and it's recorded and everyone on the planet sees my MALE, MASCULINE body take what it fucking deserves, on camera and it circulates the Internet forever. I'm a disgusting sick freak who needs to be hanged, I don't deserve life (which is a privilege not a right).
Sometimes I wish I'd experienced sex that I'd ever wanted, but what would one instance of that matter to the ones that I have already have? Why should sex not be violent and hateful to me?

It's ok to be a feminine man.

>>40389655
True. I think I decided what I want to do.
Trooning, as I've said on multiple posts before, will not work without any drastic measures (only ways I can think of is either getting so many surgeries I become unrecognizable or to become a fatass so my skeleton is hidden).
Those don't feel healthy, like at all. They feel like weak measures against the unstoppable force of time, which is a facet of reality every human will need to confront at some point.
I'll never be a woman, and that's ok. The basic human experience is similar regardless of birth sex, so that shouldn't be a big deal.
I have parts inside of me that the average man could never begin to comprehend, and that gives me depth and wisdom, but it's also very dangerous. AGP/anima possession/whatever is both a blessing and a curse, in that regard.
Repping only makes people miserable. Stop repping by realizing there is nothing to repress, and you shall be set free.

Sucking dick makes me forget about my dysphoria

>>40390887
>Thinks he can just THINK himself out of wanting to be a woman
You're gonna be be here in a week making the same lamentations as before after your failed attempt to be satisfied being a pretty twink.

>>40389637
i was so jealous of girls for it for some reason
i always wanted to do it, i'm not sure why
having long nails probably sucks though besides the looks and the feeling of going to a salon

Gorilla here, every minute is torture, idk what kind of crazy fucked up bad karma caused this, thanks for listening to my ted tlak

I have a 36 inch underbust at 6'2 it's so over i need to rep ughh

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF

>think about buying female clothes
>remember that a 5'5 female wearing male clothes will look a million times cuter than a 5'5 male wearing female clothes
>don’t buy female clothes

>>40392429
>successfully resisted the agp urges
You did good bro I’m proud of you.

i hate women and i see nothing to them beyond being sex objects and i hate women even more bcuase they make me want to be on

Any cross dressing stories?

>>40393406
yes I wrote one here >>40385604

Do you have any outlets so you can express your femininity?

>>40385633
>>40385631
I feel very valid now.

>>40392429
but just think anon, a 5'5" male will look cuter than a 6'5" male wearing those clothes
sincerely, a demon determined on making your life miserable

The idea that trans people online were soldiers of Satan trying to convert people to trans is wearing off . I'm becoming Atheist again

God I want big boobs and a fat ass (anime) so bad!!!! ughh!!!!

is it agp to want to look like my mom when she was in her 20s

Transitioning didn’t help guys keep repping :)

>>40394566
We know anon. We know

>>40394579
:)

>>40394273
I don't know.
But I'm an agp tranny and I like that i look like my mother's daughter even if I hate my mom

>>40390956
I woke up today and the feeling of "enlightenment" was gone again.
why do I keep falling for this mental bait and switch, this is like the 5th time

>>40394928
Don't know anon, but I'm also used to revelations and plans of action that just fade away in a day or two.

>Wide ribcage
>narrow hips

AHHHHHH

>>40394928
>why do I keep falling for this
unironically, because you're a fucking moron.
I can understand 16 year olds or whatever having this "I'm just gonna not think about and opt out of dysphoria" revalation for the first time, but if you've been through this 5 times, you're a resident of repgen, and you're still falling for it, you might just be clinically retarded

>>40395673
This is repgen we're all retarded here.

It's over, isn't it? 19yr old, 6 foot tall (lines on the side are where my hip bone show up)

>>40395743
Didn't even need to read your post or look at the image, yes it's over.

In some ways I think my being a closeted wannabe tranny is just as bad as being a clueless open about it tranny

>>40395743
Your still young. Like do you want big hands and a ribcage?

I think I might had transitioned early if this board in the 2010s didn't tell me transition as a last resort . And I wasn't true trans

im not actually dysphoriac. im onnyl want to be japanese cartoon sex object. miss me with that irl 3dpd foid shit, im not gona troon NEVER GONNA TROON

wtf i'm crying in fetal position over not being a girl?

since im cannot possible mset realitsic goal for troonsition this mean im faketran i dont need 2 troon im gna REP
miss me with taht gay shit im only ever gynephilic even if im coom to fantasys of being a hot anime girl slut fucking moids

Can a r4r (repper for repper) relationship work out?

>>40397269
wanna figure it out?

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>40396691
God I wish that were me
God I wish that were me
God I wish that were me

I'm just gaslighting myself

i'm the most faketrans porn addicted freak here. i just wish i looked like a woman but had a huge cock, so futamode. instead i look like an ugly man with a slightly above average cock. i am absolutely positive i am just a pervert and have been since childhood. oh well.

i wish a femrepper could take my body and be happy with it

>>40399615
fem"reppers" look down on us. i dont trust those bitches

Being a man is such a life hack. I'm short Im not hot but none of that even matters. I will never compete with women on attractiveness. Almost all women are pretty. But I dont need to because men are judged on their character. They make their own standards and get to define their own life. Being a man isn't hard. You literally have the world at your fingertips. You don't have any expectations. You make your own expectations and people like you for you.

I feel anxiety sickness again

Drinking heavily has been my been my go to coping mechanism. Its fucked up my life and doesn't work anymore. I don't know what what to do now

i dont know how to cope with the fact that real life is incredibly dull. like wtf nothing fun or interesting ever happens
hobbies feel boring, people feel boring, existing is boring and the wild dreams people have aren't actually achievable 90% of the time.
and yet i'm supposed to feel fulfilled with this? i have literally nothing to look forward to.

i'm crying again

>>40397269
No. Its the most miserable relationship imaginable with the femrepper wanting the man repper to be masculine as possible and vis versa. Skinwalking your partner is a recipe for disaster when just one person is doing it when both are it's a catastrophe

>>40378714
They intuit abusers are fun. They work on tingles. Abusers give them tingles. Negative or positive, doesn't even matter.

>>40399110
You dont need to some butcher to play origami with your genitals to have gd but if having a cock doesn't bother you just lay off the porn

>>40397269
If you're a woman repper hit me up.

>>40400449
>the wild dreams people have aren't actually achievable 90% of the time.
my wild dream is to be a girl and then sit on my pc all day just mindlessly playing video games and watching slop

>>40400449
There are cute trans girls having orgies all the time. Let that sink in

>>40401274
Orgies are gross.

If you knew a man who had been dealing with an assortment of trans OCD and AGP for 11 years, saw a gender therapist twice in that time, acts and behaves like a normal (if somewhat shy and avoidant) regular dude down to playing videogames and masturbating, is autistic, tries to take an extremely level headed approach to everything and is confident he is not trans but just has vague issues that unfortunately resemble the transgender experience, what would your honest assessment be of that person's gender identity, from a third party perspective?

I think i would troon out if i could afford ffs. I look like a caveman

>>40401181
same nigga i fucking wish
granted i could just mindlessly consume slop and play vidya as a moid rn but eventually ill have to wageslave half my time to be able to keep consoomimg

>>40400739
Not him but what if I was discusted by it as a youth but have become more than ok with having a sizable one

>>40401384
>granted i could just mindlessly consume slop and play vidya as a moid rn but eventually ill have to wageslave half my time to be able to keep consoomimg
wageslaving is the only way i could afford to troon out

>>40378793
yeah i am tired of schizo posters

>>40383844
afabs are projecting as always they are the ones who have and decided throw it away

Sometimes I wish I was a woman but most of the time I wish I was a big fluffy house cat

>>40392429
i ordered cute clothes one time then just got them from the delivery guy then realized i would look like a ugly weird crossdressing faggot and i threw them away without even opening the package

in my personal experience feminine clothing actually massively worsens dysphoria if you have incorrect bone structure and an iota of self awareness.

Thinking of going starvation mode to lose weight

>>40401498
i don't wanna be a wageslave if i am a foid. trooniing AND wageslaving? noty, horrible deal desu id rather not
atp any waging money i could get should b for mindnumbing pleasures

>>40403229
also too bee clear i wouldn't say trooning out is going to make me a foid bc im a neverpasser so itd make me a hon at best

I thought I was fine for years but Im back here

>>40377629 (OP)
my ex-bf loved this album but i forgot what it was called

Back from my ban. Still want to be a girl

>sissy shit
meh
>Women just having normal vaginal sex with her boyfriend and enjoying it
[screams of the damned]

I want a guy to cum in my mouth but only if I'm a girl

>>40377629 (OP)
How the fuck do i do deal with seeing a moid everytime i catch my reflection.
My face is not my face and I can't do anything about it.
I go to work and wonder wtf the point is if I can't even exist as a person.

>>40403974
I taped garbage bags over all my mirrors at home my landlord probably thinks I'm a total schizo

>>40403979
could you not just take them down?

its time for the daily for sen stream

>>40403229
i don't want to wageslave either but if a company could turn me into a foid i would pull 100 hours a week for them

>>40404554
Nah this house has fucking mirrors embedded into the wall. Plus the mirror on the bathroom cabinet I can't remove.

>>40404586
another forsentard

>>40403605
Based

>>40404708
dont hate on bajs anon..

i'm 33 and i still get overly emotional whenever i fap because it's impossible for me to be a woman with a man. i hate being a disgusting pervert. i wish my sexuality was normal and i could be normal. i'm going to be a shut in virgin my entire one life because i can't transition and pass and be a convincing enough cock hungry fag pretending to be a woman and the fact that being a cis woman is impossible makes me depressed so much so often. i hate myself. i wish i could rewire my broken and disgusting sexuality i didn't ask for. i hate that i'm like this forever because i was a perverted kid who turned into a porn addicted perverted adult. i wish i was dead i wish i didn't exist.

>>40404839
i look like an ugly masc man too so it's literally impossible for me to ever look feminine at all. i wish i was actually trans so i could actually transition and put in effort instead of doing nothing but obsessing over impossible porn fueled delusions my whole life. i actually think they're just lifelong delusions fueled by lifelong anxiety about hating myself. i don't think i am trans else i would have transitioned ages ago. i'm just a demented ugly idiot nobody will ever love, i wish i had the balls to kill myself.

>>40404876
at the end of the day transitioning just isn't for people who look or act like me anyways. maybe if i looked or acted feminine in any way whatsoever but i'm just a perverted porn addict who made himself fakebi with porn and was confused and obsessed with perverted fantasies as a kid that unfortunately shaped his sexuality. i wish i had a normal sexual awakening that didn't ruin my entire life and youth. my entire one life is wasted now because my sexual awakening was impossible fantasies. it's entirely not fair at all.

>>40404946
Acting feminine by itself isn't much better if you have an ugly man-face.

>>40405172
at least it would be a sign i was innately feminine instead of a mentally ill man.

Is there a point in being a hon. seriously what is the point. Le mental e-fecks?

Im kind of jealous of the twinkhons that go to my local bar. I could achieve that with the slightest effort, but it wouldnt fit my lifestyle

Having AGP is the worst mental illness. I have incredible potential of looking like picrel if I tried, which is an appearance everyone can respect.
But instead my brain is freaking out and wants to throw that gift away to be a 3/10 woman instead (if I'm lucky enough to pass)
I hate it so much.

everything is depressing

how long can i rep before i turn into a schizo or something?

i'm 30 now and i'm unironically doing the john 50 thing where i cry on the floor in fetal position regularly

>>40405791
Not the worst mental illness but it's up there.
Probably top 5

shit man this unbearable. i'm so tired of being depressed by this shit day after day

>Looking at hons who are more masculine than me
>Feel dysphoric because I'm scared I look like them
>Looking at passoids who are more feminine than me
>Feel dysphoric because I will never look like them
This sucks.

You're not repping, you're just psychotic.
Seriously, you all should get some pills.

>>40401285
Normal man with some funny brain stuff at a subclinical level, nothing more.
If he is a regular dude in the end, then it's normal. Mental illness is defined by it making you unable to live a normal life. If you can life your life then it's not a big deal.

I wonder if this has anything to do with being touched by another boy in school

i hate being male sooooooooooo much

pain

>>40406868
Never happened to me.

Everyone should get a free life do-over at 30 (retroactively applies to everyone over 30 at this moment without kids though) where they get to fix the cosmically stupid choices they made when young and didn't know any better, like repping.

>>40407612
Will i still get lymphoma when I do-over

there is no way i can spend the rest of my life like this

>>40407661
Considering all the factors that lead up to the genetic mutation that can lead to cancer that's outright impossible for me to answer. Maybe eating a different lunch one day or taking a longer nap could've avoided the specific genetic mutation or immune system failure that grew into your lymphoma. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe the hereditary factory that made you sensitive to it (assuming you have such a thing) would ensure that if not that day, then certainly another day, you would get it. This is beyond anyone's ability to really tell you, but if you knew before hand that there was a chance you'd get it, maybe you'd have gotten yourself screened frequently and caught it earlier?

>>40407699
it might be a canon event.

>>40407735
You'll know if Spiderman shows up to give you cancer I guess.

i need to get some alcohol tomorrow. i can't cope with these thoughts

this is torture why do i have to go through this. at everyy step of my existence i am reminded that my body was crafted specifically to be raped manhandled and made to carry children with the addded societal humiliation of having to wear retarded uncomfortable bras that make your swollen tumorous udders even more pronounced and eevry month yiu have to stuff pink cutesy flower scented pads under your pussy because your cunt is punishing you for not getting pregnant by puking out didcarded eggs and rotten uterus lining. i hate eeverything that peolple enjoy about being female. i dont want to be beautiful or prized or expected to be nurturing and caring i want to be feared i want to be dangerous but you cant be any of that when your average 15 year old moid can overpower you . this is unironically being a subhuman

>>40407672
Yeah I've been getting that feel a lot lately, like I need to just rush into injections or something.
>>40407891
Alcohol stopped making me feel happy a decade ago.
>>40407974
Opposite side of the tracks here, but I can empathize with the general gist of completely clashing with the expected social role and glorification of body features I despise.

>>40407974
You know I've never really had much sympathy for ftms before, but after reading all that I feel for you

>>40407974
maybe, maybe

but at least you don't have intrusive thoughts about sex every few seconds until you're well in your 40s

>>40407612
>Everyone should get a free life do-over at 30
starting from when?

>>40408744
Whenever you feel you started fucking up. For me, that's 10. For you, that might be 12, or 20.

>>40408754
my entire life has been one giant fuckup. redoing it all from 14 sounds like i'd be a ghost just carrying out steps hoping in 6 years it pays off

>>40408786
I mean, at least you can avoid ending up here.

>>40408623
i do and that makes everything worse. i want someone squirming and crying on my cock, i want to tear apart someones backside, i want to be blowed i want to be sucked, but i dont have a cock, ill never have a cock, all i have is a pungent slime oozing poonhole that was made to be dominated and thrust into and filled with children over and over again. and im just supposed to get over this because yassss you go queen men suck anyway

>>40408800
have you had your T levels checked? that sounds like an abnormal level of sexual focus for a chick

anyway, the meta for women is to get a dangerous man and live vicariously through him

>>40408797
>cut out all of my toxic "friends"
>focus on graduating early, and enrolling in college at 16
>move out and take hrt asap
>live as a gigapassoid youngshit or midshit
that's not the timeline i get to live in though

>>40408825
>have you had your T levels checked? that sounds like an abnormal level of sexual focus for a chick
maybe it is. i was 6 the last time i went to a doctor and i plan to keep it this way.
>anyway, the meta for women is to get a dangerous man and live vicariously through him
i think if i do that i will end up going insane and killing him and making a skinsuit out of him pooner bufallo bill style

I super liked a they on tinder. And they are actually talking to me.

>>40408800
okay but i'm going to tell you what's significantly worse than being a sexually dominant woman - being a sexually submissive man. there is no configuration of sexuality that's more mocked or unattractive to the average person than being a passive, submissive guy. sometimes i think 95% of reason i envy straight women is because i want to express my submissive sexuality in the same way they can without being viewed as a creepy, pathetic, submissive man.

>>40408900
good luck anon

Do you believe that the fate of every repressor is the rope?

The most I can do is lie to myself that I like things. Maybe I'm just depressed as hell and hyperfocused on being a girl because it's impossible.

>>40409052
im trooning out, but likely will rope unless im a luckshit

>>40409052
No? Why would I think that.

>>40409052
It doesn't matter what it takes, but you have to live through this.

>>40408966
>there is no configuration of sexuality that's more mocked or unattractive to the average person
who cares about what the average person thinks? the average person is a fucking retard, most of my sexual fanatsies are rape anyway. at least you have an asshole that you can be fucked into. meanwhile ill never plunge my nonexsitent cock into someones hole ill never paint anybodys insides with my cum. at best ill have a cold strap that doesnt feel anything, thats fucking nothing. and moids who desire sexually dominant woman are into hot conventionally femminine dominatrix baddies, not mentally insane unwashed ftm reppers

>>40409176
Maybe I can rep better by pretending im you in my body

>>40409275
sexuality is the hardest thing to repress. whenever i've tried to play the role of dominant guy it makes me feel so shitty

>>40409334
Call me faketrans if you want but im bisexual and have no problem doing that other than a little bit of jealousy. I would never top a dude though

should i start going to church again
ill do anything to fix this fucking disease

I refuse to have sex. I will just remain a virgin for life.

>>40409490
>Call me faketrans if you want
nah, we're both reppers
>bisexual
i'm gay so maybe that's the difference. i have been with girls a few times but obviously didn't enjoy it much

>>40409498
Do you not remember that Christian pastor in the deep south who got outed for being a sissyboomer and killed himself? Immersing yourself in Christianity isn't gonna help you rep if it didn't stop him.

should i move out and transition or should i stay and rep
i've been crying about how iwnbaw for so long i can't ever imagine escaping this

>>40409699
rep. more people deserve to suffer. if i cant have the body i want then no one should

>>40377629 (OP)

Hallucinogens and taoism

I'm so close to ending it.
Hobbies are boring, talking to people stresses me out and everything is a struggle, even basic things like daily chores.
I'm such an embarassment to my family and myself. I saw an old friend of mine yesterday. He has a girlfriend, is extremely fit and is already enrolled in college.
Me? I almost never leave the house. I avoided talking to him directly for a little over 2 years now because I'm just so ashamed of what I've become.
>inb4 just transition then
There is no point. At best I'll become a simulacrum of womanhood, because the word "transition" is already wrong. There is no transition. People are stuck with their birth sex for life, even if they try to cope and take hormones later on.
Not to mention the femreppers that actually know what being a woman is like and want out. If they lived like that and hate it with a passion, why would I enjoy it? Is becoming a pariah for a disgusting fetish worth it?
I'm so tired of everything. I just want to feel happy and fulfilled for once, but even that seems too much to ask.

>>40409992
??? Move out and graduate college that’s like the minimum before killing yourself

>>40409992
>Hobbies are boring, talking to people stresses me out and everything is a struggle, even basic things like daily chores.

sounds like adhd or executive dysfunction.

>>40409992
>Not to mention the femreppers that actually know what being a woman is like and want out. If they lived like that and hate it with a passion, why would I enjoy it?
Think about all the terrible things you perceive in being male, and recognize that they desire those things. Their perception is completely flipped from yours, you cannot take their judgement for granted because they have the mental illness that makes them want to be the thing your mental illness makes you hate. It's like asking the guy allergic to peanuts his opinion on Reese's Cups.

>>40409822
i'm not getting the body you want even if i transition
i'd just stop mooching off my parents

>>40410111
>Move out and graduate college
nta but i did and then i moved back in and i hate myself for it

>when you're repping for so long you forget transition is a thing some people actually do
In my head there's only repping and HRTrepping (burning every bridge you have for a slight less risk of suicidality) I literally forget some people make it out the other side.

>>40410764
Why don’t you?

>>40409992
>He has a girlfriend, is extremely fit and is already enrolled in college.
>already
Are you a high schooler or a graduate? If so, you're still masculinizing. At least HRT rep.

>>40410348
you deserve to suffer for having the option to transition

>>40396691
>>40396857
Have you tried kigging? I unironically think this might be the play for me and some others here.
>agp is not repressed, but compartmentalized
>no chance of being ugly if you do it right
>no health risks
>can keep hidden from people
Why haven't you taken the kigpill, anon? The only bad thing is that it's expensive, but still WAY cheaper than any plastic surgery

>>40403299
Did some sort of stressor occur recently

last night i dreamed i sold my soul to be turned into a girl

>>40406087
Just transition. it cannot be worse than how it is now

Voice training js hard. Maybe if i can hear myself as a girl i can see myself as one. Like i dont think i think like a girl. Or look like one

>>40410811
i might throw it away due to my own woardice

>>40410811
>>40411278
>woardice
how the fuck did i mispell cowardice this bad kek

>>40411278
I've been on hrt for over a year and nobody around me is saying anything. If you want to start just start it, hrt doesn't do as much as you think it does from looking at timelines. So much of that change is from different presentation

>>40411575
>hrt doesn't do as much as you think it does from looking at timelines
simultaneously great news and the worst news ever

>>40410884
nta but i have a huge kig fetish yet somehow still want to physically be a girl
i remain envious of topi forever

honest thoughts on effeminate gay men with long hair

How many of you have shaved your head and regretted it after?

>>40411887
they're either naturally feminine which makes me feel jealous of their potential or trashy looking which gives me the ick

>>40412134
i did bc it exposed my tiny misshapen pooner skull. buzzcuts only look good on robust faces

>>40409992
a simulacrum of womanhood sounds like a pretty nice consolation prize to me desu, I wish I had the potential to ever achieve that

>>40412247
wrong general foid

Is there anything to like about being agp? I hate it. Is it possible to find at least one positive of having agp?

>>40411887
Practically non-existent
They always end up transitioning even if they are hesitant at first

>>40412283
what if they don't end up transitioning?

>>40412260
it would be pretty awesome to have as a foid or even as a passoid
definitely not awesome to have as a repper though

>>40412253
im also a repper stop being retarded

>>40412287
If they don’t transition then they usually get a haircut and start working out to look more masculine
It is very rare for a feminine gay man to have hair longer than shoulder length after 30

>>40412313
you have femrepgen
do women really have to invade every male space?

>>40412320
>do women really have to invade every male space?
yes faggot i goon to that shit

i hate foids so much bros

>>40412293
What is a foid?

I like when women give their opinion on things because it reminds me how different we are and how I’ll never be fembrained

>>40412357

Another glorious day of being a moid that wants to be japanese cartoon sex object (and being completely blind to the realities of irl 3dpd foids)
>>40410884
hmmm... idk maybe
isnt it basically crossplaying + a head mask though?

>>40412363
>butthurt foid made that definition

>>40410884
tranny here - please do not fill my niche hobby with more repressors there are too many as it stands and i am tired of dealing with them
>>40411882
troon and you can talk to her
>>40412458
that + lots of padding + skinsuit but >>>/jp/ is thataways

i tried my mother's wedding dress today just to see what i'd look like and now i just want to fucking die, why on earth did i do that. now the tranny thoughts are back in full-swing and it's all my fault.

>>40412363
Ok

Anyone considering finding other reppers to have sex with? Obvs its not something one would put on hinge or grindr so I'm wondering how I find reppers out in the wild to kiss and make out with ><

ok nvm i have to transition, i'm like a textbook case of bpd

Would you get rib removel surgery ?

>>40412320
just rope you insufferable retard

>>40412791
foids mad

All repressors are welcome

>>40412877
this. it's a shared struggle

>>40410943
My friend's sibling is trans . So seeing her is like a reminder .
>>40409498
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G5dc5nkcKk

>>40412681
I would like a repressor friend that I can hang out with in a dark room while we rot all day.

>>40412134
I caved to social expectations and cut my hair short in high school. Everyone told me it looked good and I should keep it that way like I finally grew out of being a weirdo, but I didn't recognize myself in the mirror

>>40403299
>>40410943
Same thing happened to me. Im back after 4 years, because i was goaded into admitting it to all my friends and they weren't surprised at all. I cant believe how obvious it's been the whole time. Might not be able to rep much longer

I think I'm going to try to use crossdressing to help repress. Like I hate the way I look so it will put my thoughts to rest . About to spend $300 on Amazon . I need to try different styles to know for sure

>>40377629 (OP)
I fucking hate miserable people. It unironically reminds me of myself, I hate seeing myself in other people. My self hatred is worse than any reppers here. You fucking people act like miserable fucking losers all the time, ITS ANNOYING. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I'll probably drink myself to death. 2 decades is a long life.

>>40413389
how does that make sense
>you act like miserable people
so you hate authenticity or do you just hate misery

>>40413444
I HATE you FOR being miserable pieces of shits. reppers remind me of myself, and I hope I never encounter one

im am commer agp
>picrel
GIWTWM THOUGH
>trooning
nah

>>40412358
I like talking to women because it reminds me I'm not malebrained.
>>40412685
Removal? I'm not sure that'll help. If there was a surgery to reduce circumference though I'd jump on it.

>>40414145
NOOOO YOU HAVE TO TAKE ESTROGEN AND BE A WEIRD LOOKING MALE WITH GYNO YOU CAN'T JUST BE AGP AHHHHHHHH THIS IS EVIL!!!!

>>40414487
some kinda sunken cost derangement thing with agp tranime troons where everyone has to be maximalist troon fro some reason mayb like so everyone is social groomed to be together and forced to sharer opinoin

>>40414487
>>40414617
Well okay if you two apparently aren't repping then why are you in the repping general?

>>40414617
its cuz if reppers exists troons think conservatives will point to them and say "see?? he repressed why can't you?" and then all hrt will be banned and trannies will be marched off in trains to the gas chambers.

none of that shit will happen of course but troons are extremely paranoid and schizo.

>>40414639
trvthnvke
repressing is the option that 99% of humanity took b4 troon ideology is a thing in the recents years

>>40414678
doesnt it make sense that theyd want them to go back to repping?

>>40414678
I guess we should all go back to dying of smallpox because that's what humanity did for most of its history too.

>>40414698
>>40414715
yes

HRT is a cognitohazard. If I never found out about it, I could've repped in peace without problems because I could've just said "well, there's nothing I can do about it". But now I'm burdened with the knowledge I could do something, even if that something is basically a complete life gamble if you start after 16.

>>40414760
>life gamble
kek for passoids maybe but its just torpedoing life for everyone else, semipassoids, boymoders and twinkhon included (even if it doesnt seem that way at firsts), hons and manmoders definitley

new thread
>>40414809
>>40414809
>>40414809

>>40412510
it's ok i'll just rot away since i shouldn'tbe invading trans spaces