Enbycoping edition

QOTT: When did the tranny thoughts start haunting you?

Previous thread: >>40554340

>>40580533 (OP)
13-14 years old

>>40580533 (OP)
historically: idk probably like 14/15
modern: 10 months ago

>>40580533 (OP)
7 was the earliest I had it fully conceptualized and put into words.

>>40580533 (OP)
>QOTT
looking back i think i only consciously realised it was tranny shit specifically when i was like 13/14ish but the way i was raised meant i never really had a word for it or a particular frame of reference
funnily enough i have a ton of anecdotal stories of doing tranny shit from when i was way younger though, probably some of my earliest memories even (though tbdesu my memory of pretty much my entire childhood is completely shot given trauma or whatever)
in another world i probably would have been a gigayoungshit but i guess it's for the best that i got treated the way i did as early as i did so that i didn't get immolated on my way to school or some shit lmao

how many pretty girls are wasting away repping

>>40580621
zero
we're all uggos who would be bad optics

>>40580621
I fiest crossdressed at 15, that got the ball rolling. Didn't attempt transition until 18/19, desisted before I was 20, and at 22 here we are, still wasting away baby.

>>40580533 (OP)
37 years old after gooning too hard to gender bender porn

>>40580634
>uggos
lol no some of the prettiest girls I know repped
>>40580641
I really hope you find your way out of this babe

>>40580674
not this one though >>40580672

>>40580690
okay yes I agree that may be a good case for repping

>>40580674
At this point I think the only way out is a gym membership and polishing my body into whatever the fuck fit men into "aesthetics" want to look like. Like I already have the reverse triangle shape, it would probably be good for my body overall health, plus the endorphins and all that shit would probably make repping more bearable.

>>40580674

>>40580621
>>40580674
shame i'm not one of them luhmeow
kinda sucks but it's ultimately better for both the sake of optics and for the safety and wellbeing of women around me that i don't go through with it
besides i'm dysgenic and retarded anyway, the idea of money or attention being spent on my mental or emotional wellbeing when it could be spent on far more deserving people is anathema to me

>>40580702
that will def not help at all babe

>>40580707
this kind of martyr complex (repping for the sake of “better” women out there) is part of the mental health issue
truth is, you deserve your transition just like you deserve being safe and being happy — two things I bet you would say you don’t deserve but the truth is you do

>>40580721
Can't know it won't if I don't at least try. I already did boxing/calisthenics in the past and while it wasn't a huge dfference it did improve my mood a bit

>>40580749
you can be fit and still go ahead with your transition in fact you should definitely do both precisely because transition is not easy for anyone and staying healthy and being disciplines is so important

>>40580764
pinkpillers gtfo

>>40580699
if he was a 17 year-old gooner would you still want him to rep?

>>40580737
>you deserve being safe and being happy
i know this is like the most expected answer but, respectfully, i don't "deserve" shit
the nature of all human interaction is inevitably, in some way, give-and-take. the idea that a person can just inherently get access to "happiness" and "safety" without something of equal value being given in return is naive at best and downright destructive to other members of both one's community and one's greater society at worst
if i want to be "happy" or "safe", there will be a natural cost, and that cost should rightfully include me working to provide happiness and safety for those around me - regardless of shit like how often i work in voluntary roles or whatever, walking around in public as a grotesque caricature of a woman and forcing the people around me to engage (under force of law, no less) with my delusionally distorted perception of self is naturally going to infringe on the safety and happiness of people around me
(not helped by the fact that my perception of self almost certainly only comes about because of a mix of being a sperg with a minimal sense of self to begin with and experiencing trauma - if i came out of it stating that i was jesus, i'd be rightfully committed)

>>40580785
I think whether 17 or 37, the issue is what is meant by gooning — like obsessive masturbation is comorbid with a lot of issues
gender dysphoria may be one of them but it’s hard to say

>>40580793
I mean, yes that is a textbook repper answer — even you can understand that what’s really driving this whole worldview is self-loathing caused by transphobia (within and without)
this is a prison with no lock on the door

>>40580813
oh no yeah i get that lol it'd really be the easiest thing ever for me to actually be more accepting
(this is mostly just a cope because the act of transitioning would be highly irresponsible and the idea of just saying "i want to be able to live in a house and afford food" feels incredibly selfish)
then again i am literally brain-damaged lmao

>>40580533 (OP)
about 10 years agpo at the age of 18 was when iwas consiously tryiong to "be more feiine" with no results and utter failure
probably sooner but im not diagnosding myelf over it
im an agp mef tocd rogd non dysphpric MALE on hrt repping
i am not a woman, nor a tranny nor anything but a man with issues and I will die depersonalized cause estrogen isnt for me and it makes me depersonalized

I want to be a tomboyish anime loli that grows up into a hot big titty anime girl

it hurts
it hurts
i go to sleep

>>40580834
it’s not selfish in any meaningful moral sense to want and work to obtain things like food and safety — and yes transition
but you already rationally know all that obviously, we’re not talking about facts about the world rn we are talking about your feelings
I think what will help there is to just know that the darkness you’re drowning in is not all there is; and it is possible to get your life back

>>40580850
sleep well my poor sweetheart I love you and pray for you always

>>40580857
better to keep doing this to myself than not tbdesu
ultimately if i were to stop then the thin veneer of "politeness" and "kindness" that some people associate me with would obviously fall away because my intense self-loathing and non-existent self-esteem is what keeps me in check
like i say, it's cool, maybe things could have turned out better in another world but ultimately the fact that i, a literally delusional piece of shit who pines obsessively over stealing money, time, and resources from the medical community, can continue to even be remotely useful to the people around me (even if it's literally just so they can abuse me rather than someone else) is arguably a win
it is what it is, could always be worse

>>40580897
babe you are not a pos you’re a whiny repper that’s for sure but that’s a phase you can get through, the sooner the better

im 6 foot muscly balding malebriNED man. and I repped for like 9 years. i don't think i can do it anymore . Hon life here i come.

do we think this is the time i drink a lot and stop feeling the feelings afterwords
the one part about reading nate silver's book I liked is it'd force me to come clean. idk if a yes/no market on me being a fag would have anyone betting yes

>>40580533 (OP)
13. I would stay up until 2am googling am I trans online and trying to find gender dysphoria tests online.

>>40580950
get after it

>>40580940
>you are not a pos
factually untrue in more ways than i could ever really verbalise, i don't fucking understand why literally NOBODY else can fucking see it - like in your own case we're anons that probably haven't interacted before which is fair enough i understand that byt like for FUCK;'S SAKE i don't fucking understand why EVERYONE has this pathological need to exonerate ME SPECIFICALLY of EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME
it's MADDENING
>whiny repper
yeah lmao we're agreed on that tbdesu

>>40581014
your biggest crime is being way melodramatic about your self-loathing
it’s a kind of megalomania
some people experience it as delusions of grandeur, others (like you) experience it as delusions of worthlessness
the truth is, you’re just a regular trans girl

it is p funny to me when someone comes into the mental illness thread with real advice
like god forbid a bitch be dumb and also be incredibly stupid. if I was cis nobody would care

>>40581035
wait, delusions of worthlessness are a form of megalomania?

>>40580992
what's your score on the COGIATI

>>40581035
honestly that was very rude of me i'm sorry for responding like that
regardless even if i am a regular guy experiencing delusions of worthlessness that's still grounds for me to be mentally unwell enough that i can't reasonably provide informed consent to undergo transition anyway (even beyond everything else, lmao), so it's really just swings and roundabouts

>>40581055
yeah the thing is placing delusional levels of undue weight on your importance whether positively or negatively
like transitioning is just a regular thing to do it’s not some great evil that steals bread from the mouths of starving orphans or whatever shit

>>40581095
I don’t think it is a sign of mental u wellness so much as simple, bog standard immaturity
I mean, we both know you’re a trans woman, this isn’t really an issue of informed consent

>>40581118
>i'm immature enough to be faking mental illness and pretending to be a pariah as a vector to avoid transition
>and simultaneously somehow mature enough to be able to undergo transition (and obviously present myself in a way during/after the fact that will reduce the likelihood of me endangering those around or akin to me)
i'm not a trans woman, i'm an (at best) immature and (at worst) downright delusional man who *thinks* he's a trans woman, likely in response to a mix of neurodivergency, trauma, and a poor upbringing
like yeah okay that sucks i get it but it doesn't make me trutrans by any stretch of the imagination, in just the same way that if i came out of it all insisting i was the son of god it also wouldn't be true

>>40581066
I have actually never came across that test before. I will look into it and post the score here.

>>40580992
Share some cool gd tests

>>40581104
i mean, it can hurt the people around me who rely on my income by making me less employable, so it is kind of evil over here i spose

>>40581169
>faking mental illness
I don’t think you’re faking depression
>trutrans
lol more self gatekeeping nonsense

>>40581169
>i'm an (at best) immature and (at worst) downright delusional man who *thinks* he's a trans woman, likely in response to a mix of neurodivergency, trauma, and a poor upbringing
so you're trutrans but lack the narcissism to lie about your circumstances. got it. uh huh.

>>40581194
are you really incomemaxxing out there sis or is this much more likely just another convenient justification

>>40581194
kind of glad you mentioned this this is an important and massively underdiscussed point
speaking from the uk in particular you're basically unemployable at an entry level in every field regardless, being trans on top of that you're just shooting yourself in the foot
it is not right of me to live in my mother's house without paying a keep, likewise it is not right of me to take advantage of the taxpayer's money by draining the resources of the state (in the form of benefits), so it's both logical and moral to act in ways that will be beneficial for my employment and not shoot myself in the foot on a fucking vanity project
(the elephant in the room being that transitioning after starting a job also makes it more likely to be dismissed for some reason or another, so. y'know. best time to start is never, really.)
>>40581213
>I don’t think you’re faking depression
to be fair i probably am, like, without a formal diagnosis (nearly impossible to practically acquire) there's nothing in the positive for that at least
>lol more self gatekeeping nonsense
it isn't nonsense though? there's a distinct difference between being an actual transgender person by means of having a differently structured brain (etc) and turning to transition as a means of SoLvInG eVeRyThInG when that obviously isn't going to work because the source of my problems is more likely things like a lack of work ethic, a lack of respect for my fellow man, and so forth

>>40581243
well paying job but in eastern europe

>>40581240
how on earth can being an immature and delusional man make me even close to remotely trutrans

>>40581256
because all of them start as immature and delusional "men" twat

>>40581277
"men" (pretending) =/= men (factual)
>inb4 you're in /repgen/ retard
i am repressing the *delusion*, not the *fact*

>>40581246
it’s not massively under discussed — look, transitioning is terrifying esp when the wealthiest celebrity on your island has made it her personal hobby to publicly validate transphobia
It’s terrifying, for sure and there’s nothing delusional about that at all
What I’m saying is, don’t import that transphobia into your personality with all these delusions and rationalizations
It’s truly something you deserve, to be happy and for you transition as scary as hell as it is would hugely improve your life over time

>>40581320
>all these delusions and rationalizations
the literal only delusion here is me even slightly thinking that i may be a woman, as opposed to the far more obvious answer that it's a maladaptive coping mechanism
>It’s truly something you deserve
again, i don't "deserve" anything, that literally isn't how human interactions work
>would hugely improve your life over time
also this is hilarious to me because like. no it wouldn't? putting aside medical shit like a higher risk of blood clots or breast cancer or degrading bones or whatever, ending up perpetually incapable of finding employment, constantly unsettling those around me with my offputting appearance moreso than i already do, and only continuing to take more from the british taxpayer in the form of treatment when i was already raised as a ward of the state (thus, there has objectively been an investment into me already, therefore the moral and ethical move is to get into a tax bracket as soon as possible to pay that back) would literally universally put me in a worse state than the starting point. and for what. to grow tits? doesn't cure the executive dysfunction (see: bone-idle laziness and complete disregard for the value of work) or the trauma (see: me making my own mother suicidal for literal years on end because i was an absolute bastard of a child to raise because mUh AuTiSm) or whatever
there is no scenario where transitioning is good for me, good for the people around me, or my community, or the state, or *anyone*. maybe for other people there might be, but in my case there is none. zilch. nada.

>>40581424
I would like to date this repper and just gradually affirm her by actions, no arguments, just being sweet to her and bringing her flowers and pulling her in for cuddles and telling her how pretty she js

>>40581440
please don't there's really no need for anything like that
i don't have the emotional maturity to engage in a healthy long-term relationship anyway it'd really only do you more harm than good
at best maybe direct this toward someone else who it'd mesh better with?

>>40581477
I think you’d be a really nice gf in all honesty everyone has stuff to work on but you seem to have a pure heart plus it would be fun to dote on you and make you feel special

>>40581513
seriously anon i'd be a terrible partner
far too much of like. well, read above i guess lol, plus general spergery n shit
>pure heart
categorically false, i'm sorry to have given you that impression
>it'd be fun
again though it really wouldn't because it'd constantly end up manifesting as me being deliberately avoidant so as not to cause discomfort and then being stupidly awkward whenever any such "doting" occurred
the problem is that i'm already "special", just the wrong kind, lmao
like i say this energy is kind of you but it'd be better-directed elsewhere

>>40581525
I think it may be too late you’re flustered protests are giving me cartoon heart eyes reading your posts

how many androphiles vs gynephiles reppers here

>>40581530
anon i don't know how to tell you this nicely but like. developing a parasocial infatuation with a severely depressed retard is not going to end well for you. please don't do that to yourself???

>>40581548
eh don’t worry about me, let’s talk more about how cute you are when you’re told how cute you are

>>40581561
why wouldn't i worry about you surely you have to realise this would not be healthy for you at all
>how cute you are
again, i'm trying to let you down nicely here, i'm really not cute in the slightest
truthfully i have an unfortunate (unintentional) tendency to creep people out just by being around them, you seriously wouldn't want anything to do with me
the enthusiasm would be far better directed at someone more deserving

>>40581297
>i am repressing the *delusion*, not the *fact*
don't you get it? it's all delusions! all humans are delusional! we just find some delusions socially acceptable and some shameful! all you have to figure out is if your delusion is something you want and if it doesn't harm you or those around you.
>>40581440
where do i contact you

>>40581581
the more flustered and self deprecatory you get the more I want to princess carry you

>>40581610
>if it doesn't harm you or those around you.
unfortunately, yes, this delusion does harm both me and the people around me, and would do so much more if i were to wilfully engage with it
like i get what you're getting at with the "all humans are delusional" angle but there's a difference between dreaming of being a rockstar and obsessively hyperfixating on stealing valuable resources from the british taxpayer for a negligable-at-best improvement to one's life with significant downsides that would far-outweigh the positives
>>40581614
anon i don't know if this is being meant as some kind of attempt at a joke but seriously you don't want me, you just don't, it wouldn't be healthy or good for you and i couldn't in good faith put anyone through a relationship with a thing like myself (not to mention, again, i lack the emotional maturity to engage in an appropriate relationship to begin with)

>>40581628
What color are your eyes?

>>40581645
blue, often overdilated pupils from brain damage as a kid (kept slamming my head against walls), but i'm light sensitive and i don't like eye contact so i tend to wear sunglasses anyway

>>40581650
mine are blue too I really love blue eyes we should both be sure to wear sunglasses
I know girlmoding is too much for you rn but would you wear like a bracelet or necklace is I got you one

>>40581656
anon, again, please, there are better people to develop a parasocial fixation on
like i can't convince you not to do it at all but like you're wasting your time with me
i'm sorry

>>40581668
but would you wear a discreet bracelet? nothing super feminine to make you self-conscious, just a little token of affection

>>40581673
no, because again, forming a parasocial relationship is not a good idea for either of us and i know for a fact that my tendencies would cause problems regardless, which is to say please, *please*, stop doing this to yourself

>>40581683
Well I don’t mean paradoxically I mean like if I invited you out for a coffee or whatever and we had a nice time and we decided to meet again (call it a second date) and I brought you a bracelet as a gift would you put it on?

>>40581689
*parasocially, please excuse the autocorrect

>>40581534
Gynephile here but I'm a poonrepper. I'm guessing repgen is similar to /femrepgen/ where most posters are straight or bi with a minority of actual homosexuals.

sigh the girl I like is ignoring me now

i want to have tiny foid waist and big foid hips and foid vagina bones and other assorted hot anime girl features ALL OF THEM
IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK OF GOD

>>40582162
I want to strip you down in a pitch black room and press my palms against your body and as I move them around and gently caress different your body parts you describe out loud how they ideally look and feel

>>40582162
Same. Fuck HRT if it doesn't give me a perfect 2D body.

>>40582171
>>40582174
sensually rubbing my body in a dark room while talking wont magically give me the exact ideal 2d anime foid body THOUGH
>inb4 "but hrt does!!1"
NO IT WONT

>>40582268
No it won’t but it could be fun

The idea of being a hon makes me physically retch. To me a hon is just being a man + 1.

>talking to my mom
>she mentions that i've "been growing in the shoulders" out of nowhere

>>40581683
hello dear, different anon here, i would also like to date you, what size is your feet dear, please send it to me uoohhgg aauughhh aaggghhh! pleaasseee!!!!!!! pleeaseeee!!!!!!!!!! i'll do anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aghhhh!!!!

I find it odd you don't see many FTM hating on women the way you see MTF hating on men.

>>40580533 (OP)
10ish coincidentally around the time i got touched by another boy in school, and also around the time I started being really unhappy. Got worse and turned into self hatred around 14, became almost unbearable at 20, and flared up again at 24 so here I am now.
>>40581066
Just checked that out and got a -30

>>40582440
mtf trannies adopt a really catty persona after transitioning, because they think womanhood is being bitchy 24/7. they don't want to be seen as men, so they think if they act in this bootleg feminist way they'll be accepted by cis women. just join any trans discord that isn't flooded by transvestic fetishists and you'll see this in action.
seriously, some of them are fucking unbearable to be around. they're the type that say you need an opinion on (insert extremely complex geopolitics issue here) NOW or you're satan incarnate (your opinion needs to match theirs, otherwise you're also satan incarnate). they don't care about the conflict, they just want the brownie points for siding with the "good guys" or the "underdog".

i have no idea why it's so hard for trans women to be normal, it's like they can only think in extremes.

>>40580533 (OP)
I had some idea when I was 4-6 but didn't consciously decide to rep till I was 12-13. tried to come out at 11-12 but I grew up catholic and lost almost everyone for being trans. I had a hyperfem phase directly after as a defense and now im only out to close friends+partner and tomboymoding anywhere else.

>>40581066
nta but i got 15. it told me to enbycope lmao. i knew i was onto something with the thread edition
does that make me faketrans or something? most of the questions that seemed even somewhat related to transgender issues were about crossdressing, and i almost never do that.

>>40582903
I know. I wish I could be friends with MTFs so I had someone to relate to but they're all really bitchy.

>>40581689
in a purely hypothetical situation like that then maybe okay? but like that wouldn't ever end up happening anyway because like i say i wouldn't engage in a relationship or in the dating scene because it would be highly unfair to have other people deal with my bullshit through the pretext of a "relationship"
>>40581771
i passed out but also like. please stop doing this to yourself. it's not healthy.

>>40580533 (OP)
>QOTT: When did the tranny thoughts start haunting you?
i'm not trans so literally in my 20s like a faketrans retard

>>40583335
heya! wow you had me feeling sad when you cold shouldered me please be careful it’s not nothing when you have a guy wrapped around your little finger like that
But now you’re back and you responded — and you said yes! I would be really thoughtful about picking out a bracelet for you so you could wear it but still keep up the whole rep charade while you still need to
Just thinking of you wearing it when we’re apart makes me feel so happy

>>40583143
the test is so old it predates modern hrt and forced rle and socialization over biology
enbycoping nowadays involves using hrt

>>40583372
anon please i don't want to be manipulating you or something like that it's not right to do this to yourself and you deserve better
genuinely like please just. if you HAVE to fixate on someone just fixate on someone else there is literally no scenario where fixating on me specifically is rewarding, interesting or safe
just. please don't. please

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the 'late onset' tanssexual.

self-undiagnosing
i am not trans, i am just a delusional cissoid

>>40580533 (OP)
When i was 5

I will never be an anime girl.

i wish i had a flat chest. even having smaller tits would be nice. i have a binder but it doesn't really help because most of the dysphoria happens when i'm changing or showering. i don't have the money for surgery and even if i did i worry i would regret it or that i'm not actually dysphoric enough to warrant it.
i don't really want to go on T, i don't particularly want more body hair or a deeper voice or anything like that, it's literally just my chest. i don't know what to do. maybe i'll just keep coping forever

>>40583391
cute as a button I want to shower you with praise and affection

my first thought any time i see a really pretty girl is wanting to kill myself, this is normal right?

>>40583789
i'm not fucking cute please why don't you understand that
there's literally no scenario where it's worth sending this much attention in my direction at all, let alone more
i do not need praise, nor do i need affection, because it would be wrong of me to expect that from anyone
being the way i am, it's unfair of me to expect anything from anyone, so like. please, please stop wasting your time

>>40583822
it’s precisely the way that you are that makes you so precious to me

>>40583829
anon seriously stop it this isn't fair
we both know i'm obviously not

>>40583778
being a woman with no tits is a far cry from being a hairy man with a masculine voice and male-pattern baldness, and the latter is what you'll eventually become if you go on T, so maybe don't do that
>>40583819
among normal people? no
in this specific thread? absolutely
me, personally? always.

>>40583862
you’re such a sweetheart I just wish you could see it too baby what a wonderful girlm0v4

>>40583880
>hairy man with a masculine voice and male-pattern baldness
you know what? i think i deserve this
like it's awful but fuck it the discomfort it'd cause me would keep me in check
>>40583881
i'm not a sweetheart or anything of the sort i don't understand how this can be so difficult to grasp i'm literally a black hole of a person
like for better or worse i'm not a girl either but that goes without saying lmao

>>40583723
why do you persist in this world?

>>40583923
to post memes

>>40583912
>not a girl
babe please don’t be silly rest your head against my chest and take a nap

>>40583969
i'm not being silly, you're being silly
besides i had a nap earlier anyways i'm fine
and like i keep saying, there is no circumstance where it would be healthy for me to be in a relationship anyway, considering i wouldn't realistically be able to reciprocate in an effective manner, so like, you're wasting your time

>>40583778
apparently you can try DHT gel on breasts, it might shrink them

>>40584048
you’re an awfully cranky girl for someone who insists she had a nap already
well if it’s not sleepy I am guessing it’s that my baby needs so love
I haven’t told you yet today how much I love your modesty — yes you go overboard with it but I know you’re just asking for some validation and as your bf I love providing that for you

>>40582440
My ex was ftm and he hated the sound of female singers and thought my friend was a slut for wearing underwear in her own house.

>>40584105
why are you doing this
>sleepy
to be honest i guess i could always go back to sleep again, it's nice to be asleep
well i guess it's more "not awake" but meh
>modesty
it isn't modesty, it's me correctly recognising that i'm dysgenic scum who'd be better off to the world at large as fertiliser
>validation
don't need it
give it to someone who needs it if you're so insistent

>>40584174
I’m doing it because I like you and want you to be my gf and if you were ground into fertilizer only the most beautiful and rare roses would grow from your precious remains watered by my tears

>>40584196
you don't like me, you literally don't know me
also i'm fairly certain i wouldn't be used for roses? like realistically it'd be ideal to be used for crops so like i could at least be somewhat useful to someone for once as opposed to just a constant draining force on every single person around me

>>40584241
nothing so course an masculine could grow from your feminine remains, it would vibrant roses with velvety petals as sweet and soft as your lips
and with thorns as cruel as your dysphoria
no one who ever gazed upon those roses would ever be able to believe anyone would mistake you for a man, my darling

Damn I might become a millionaire soon and I'm still repping

>>40584294
No reason to rep if you've got an FFS fund like that.

>>40583673
Doing this as well, and it's actually starting to work

>>40584339
I also have a job which covers most of the costs of transition through insurance
I am so stupid I can't transition despite all this

>>40584291
how on earth would my remains be feminine that literally doesn't make any sense
also like obviously they wouldn't mistake me for a man (or a woman) because i'd just be fertiliser that's a non-argument
again, i'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're wasting your time

>>40580533 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40584441
NEVER

>>40584411
I’d rather just hold your sweet hands and kiss your perfect fingers than mourn you over flowers that however so beautiful are as nothing compared to you
just to see the sparkle of your sapphire eyes and feel the soft press of your lips I don’t think you would turn me down with my arms around you

>>40584441
I stopped

>>40584453
>perfect fingers
>sapphire eyes
>soft lips
none of this is even remotely accurate i'm sorry
like there's no way you can actually want to kiss a depressed, borderline suicidal repper considering i'd have really chapped lips or whatever
i'm sorry but i don't match the idea you seem to have developed in your head, if you were to meet me you'd probably loathe me, that's just the natural state of things
i'm not pretty, i'm not a woman, and frankly i'm not capable of reciprocating anything like this, so please just stop wasting your time on me

>>40584551
you know some people can look at the seed and imagine the bloom, those lips won’t always be chapped, you won’t always be repping, you’ll get past this horrible stage and transition will reveal who you already are now, my sweet and beautiful girlfriend

>>40584591
i'm not sweet, i'm not beautiful, and i'm afraid i'm not going to "get past this", that's just how it is
please, just, focus on literally anyone else, not me

>>40584705
you’ll make it sweetheart

>>40584441
i'd rather die soon and miserable than end up a hon

I actually need to kms, I'm convinced this is the path forward now

>>40584802
i won't, though - and that's okay! that's fine! you don't need to be so obsessive over some dysgenic freak you don't even know??

>>40584840
>dysgenic
Babe you are totally eugenic
Also I don’t mind loaning you some of my genetic material now and again if you know what I mean

>>40584866
i'm literally factually not, i really ought to have died at birth but by some miracle of poor circumstance i'm still here
also like. anon i'm kind of fucking gross you wouldn't want to do that

>>40580621
quantum repper
you can't know if a repper can become a pretty girl or not until she tries

i am full of hope and love of life but also i am deeply despairing and i want to kill myself

>>40585039
>quantum repper
repper in a box with a radioactive atom, a geiger counter, and a vial of estrogen

>>40584156
>>40584156
based. I wish I had a misogynistic FTM friend.

they should let you kill yourself but not die so you just float around like a ghost

>>40580533 (OP)
they haunted me for a long time but i never really thought i was trans or about the possibility of becoming a girl and i just kinda got used to it as another everyday thing, though usually it wasnt expressly a thought and instead just part of the big glob of everything i was feeling day to day

eventually though i figured it out at probably 14-15 and it was impossible for me to ignore it and i trooned at 17 but stopped recently because id never pass and id rather be a man than be seen as a freak

>>40584914
You’re not gross you’re a work in progress

>>40585248
i am literally and categorically gross in more ways than i can count, with a gross physiology, a gross mindset and mentality, a grossly poor level of interpersonal skills, and so forth
again, even if i'm a "work in progress", exposing the "process" to other people would be wrong at best and downright predatory at worst, considering the specifics of it - that includes you
there's no scenario where i come out of this any better, so you're wasting your time and you're also probably only going to end up getting fucked over somehow or other like everyone else does
i know i keep saying it but please, don't fixate on me, i can near-guarantee that i'll somehow dive far below even the lowest expectations you'd have of me

What happens if a man boy removes a repper?
I’m sure none of you actually know but you may have heard rumors down here in your dungeon.

>>40585292
what’s some of the gross stuff you’re into babe?

>>40585342
A man boy? is that like a man child.

>>40585342
i would cry

>>40585435
that seems like progress

>>40585391
again though why are you even pretending to be interested in something like that
like i keep saying please stop trying to form some kind of relationship with me or whatever it isn't going to meet literally any of your expectations (in a bad way)
>>40585342
i wouldn't know lmao
realistically though i guess probably some level of mindfuck coming from the whole thing, i can't imagine it'd end well if other reppers are anything like myself (though i know my experiences aren't universal by any means obviously)

i quit my job due to a mental breakdown partly caused by my fake repping
i couldn't focus at work anymore because i was john50ing instead of doing anything

>>40585476
>mindfuck
So I should boyremove you

>>40582321
Same, at least men are not freaks of nature

this is going to be every day of my life isn't it?
i'm going to keep just having this stupid thought in my head wondering when i can be girl or take hrt
while i just do nothing but act like a complete zombie who has nothing else besides going to work and contemplating my stupid agp?

>>40585491
please don't
you wouldn't enjoy it
i'd probably end up more brainfogged than usual

>>40585342
the only men who would be willing to fuck me are men i would not want to be fucked by

>>40585585
>you wouldn’t enjoy it
I’m not hearing that YOU wouldn’t enjoy it
And you enjoying it would make me enjoy it

>think about taking hrt
>walk outside
>see woman with natural wide hips and big breasts
>know I will never look like that even after hrt
>no longer feel like taking hrt

>>40585709
i mean i don't know whether i'd enjoy it i've never done anything like that and to be honest i don't really have any intention of doing that because it just feels like a vector to cause drama and problems or whatever
then again i know that i'm pretty gross and by no means "pretty" or whatever so like no you probably wouldn't enjoy it

>>40585777
I would if it made you feel pleasure and happiness and less lonely and despairing and made you cum

>>40585798
i really don't think it'd bring "pleasure and happiness" to be entirely honest the idea of doing anything like that is just. not a great idea
besides being lonely and despairing keeps me in check and if everything "went right" for me then i'd end up a complete cunt of a person so it's for the best

>>40585856
>if anything went right you’d end up a cunt
Interesting choice of words, babydoll

>>40585870
hey come on you know i didn't mean it like that!! and i'm not a babydoll >:(

>>40585910
you’re my babydoll

>>40585924
anon no that's ridiculous don't say that
i'm literally just a gross, dysgenic, delusional guy, literally diametrically opposed to. that.

>>40585946
Shh no you are sweetheart

Anyone else find that they are happy with the height (assuming you are taller than 5’9) when you are around men but get dysphoria when you are around women as you tower over them?

>>40585998
i'm literally not, i don't get how you could possibly think i'd be anything like that when i've made it abundantly clear that i'm not

>>40586092
i think being an 8 foot tall amazon would be hot but then i also wish i were shorter and normal female height

>>40585342
is ther any discernible difference between boyremoval and regular anal
if not then it sounds nice
if there is then id probably have a mental breakdown

Im actually ok with my captain k'nuckles voice

it must feel so nice to crawl up into a ball and die

*curl up
minor mistake im gonna cry

>>40586092
I’m happy when I’m around men because it makes me feel smoll and petite
-t. 5'5 manlet

what are some good detrans people to follow on social media? noah is a new one and he's gigabased, but i don't know any others that aren't super neurotic about politics.
i didn't troon, but hearing the stories of those that did and regret it keep me in check from ordering vials while hypomanic.

>>40586096
you have made it abundantly clear that you require gentle but firm boyremoval to improve your quality of life
I will perform the required exercise upon you, remain calm and breathe evenly my darling

>>40586182
i've thought this before now
i guess i'd just want to do it somewhere out of the way so the cleanup isn't too rough
>>40586402
anon seriously there's no scenario where that's necessary or where you'd even enjoy it and it's really not healthy to fixate on a stranger like this, let alone a stranger who's objectively gross and kind of a complete and utter failure in every concievable sense

>>40586121
Yep, I’d rather be average female height as well, however but only want that if I am actually going to transition, otherwise I kinda feel it would just be pointless.

>>40586217
Interesting perspective. I find being average male height makes me feel more noticed which is kind of why I don’t mind as such when I’m around guys. Although I have one friend that is a foot taller than the other lol

I feel like a gross skinwalker. A normal man would just date a girl that he's into instead of feeling intense despair and jealousy

>>40586473
>objectively gross
more like objectively precious

They started when I was 6 or 7, I figured it out at 15 but repped until 19...

>>40586763
>objectively precious
i'm literally the opposite of precious
i know damn well i'm not worth the air i breathe
please don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise

I'm not repressing for religious reasons but I do believe in God and pray often. May the Lord grant me peace...

>>40586402
This is the most r/mtf thing i read today sryyy

>>40585720
just take your E Alice, forget about the big tits and hips, it'd get you much closer than not doing anything...

>saw another one of those "you wake up 10-20 years ago" hypotheticals
>wondering if i would have taken hrt if i could redo life or not

>>40586967
i would have taken hrt if i woke up 5 years ago

>>40586981
i did take hrt 5 years ago. i wish i never stopped

>>40587009
take it again

I want to be a woman, not a trans woman.
I don't want to be a strange in-between, I don't want to be an approximation, I don't want to be a broken copy. I want to be the real thing.
I want to be a real woman, and live like one without worrying about passing, without needing to get hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of surgeries just to be happy with myself.
Nothing in modern medicine can provide that. There are no body-swapping devices that can give me a cis woman's body.
One cannot be a man or a woman just because they want to, as sex is not a social construct.
This is why I rep. There is nothing to be done.

>>40586981
6 years ago I 100 percent would have, but then a lot of good things in my life would not have happened

>>40586967
For me, part of the issue is that I don't know if I could even get my hands on DIY HRT 20 years ago. Like how available was bathtub estrogen online in 2005? If I had to know a girl who knew a guy who knew a girl then it's right out, because I'm cripplingly shy.

>>40587032
i'm trying to get myself to
>>40587170
20 years ago i think you had to do it through an online pharmacy or something

>>40587170
(very much not trying to pinkpill) i reckon there'd still have been like estrogen from online pharma companies and whatever, it's been used for stuff like menopause treatment forever
yeah though bathtub stuff was probably hella rare. and also like the idea of transitioning in 2005 when the concept of "man who showers" was enough to brand someone "metrosexual" is like kinda just straight up not something i'd wish on anyone

>>40587189
Well I probably wouldn't be able to get it through an online pharmacy, since I was just a teenager then.
>>40587200
You can pinkpill as much as you want, I plan to manmode at first opportunity because I have nothing left to lose anymore anyway, so I'm not going to react negatively.
>Transitioning in 2005
I didn't even know transsexuals were a thing for another year or two after this, I thought I was some kind of uniquely mentally screwed freak or secretly intersex or something back then.

>>40587258
>you can pinkpill
oh no i have no intention of doing so or anything i just don't want to come across as though i am doing that
>uniquely mentally screwed freak
...yeah, that tracks... i'm sorry anon :(

>>40587258
>Well I probably wouldn't be able to get it through an online pharmacy, since I was just a teenager then.
yeah. maybe at 16 you can have a bank account or something, but it could depend on the local lawas

>>40587320
I had already hit my growth spurt by then, so while it wouldn't be as over as it is now for sure, it's still a sort of worry that settling for 'just' that age wouldn't be enough to pass well. Obviously the ideal fantasy scenario is going back all the way to the start of puberty with an infinite supply of e in a box enchanted so my parents couldn't find it. Would settle for any amount of magical time travel though.
>>40587302
>...yeah, that tracks... i'm sorry anon :(
I think it's pretty common for people in this situation who are older than about mid=20's and also grew up in a conservative area. It's sad to think about, but at least awareness is better now. Shame about he conservative backlash though, but I doubt it'll ever get as bad as it was at least in regards to perception.

it hurteth so acutely gentlemen
i fear i shant reach ye end

>>40587365
i wish i had old photos of myself so i could compare my brow growth over the years. i hate how big it is
the ideal fantasy scenario is turning into a female at that point

>>40587594
Well I assume we wanted to keep it in range of time travel rather than direct biology change.

>>40587612
the "enchanted box of infinite estrogen" was where i felt it would just be better to be a woman

god i'm going to cry

i feel so completely fake, every aspect of me is just a mask or some poorly constructed false identity that I cant live up to. normal men and women just act like they naturally are and everything makes sense. im just a man that cant act like a man and isnt trans enough to be a woman. even if i could pass it would never feel right, just feels like various levels of playing pretend and deluding myself. just acting for so long i dont even know whats under the mask anymore

would u guys rather be a delulu happy soulpasser physicalhon or a brainwormed miserable but perfectly cis-passing and stealth capable soulhon

>>40588463
if i were the first i wouldn't be aware of it

>>40588463
the latter honestly
being miserable is a big part of what keeps me grounded and willing to acquiesce, which is what's really important when it comes to like, going about life

>>40588463
the latter because i'd mentally be about the same as I am now

I dont want to do faggotry i want to be a straight woman aaaaaaaa
>>40588463
the latter. im pretty shallow so looks are important

>>40586822
where is my blue-eyed gf (repping)

Most of y'all really need a hug, and it makes me sad I can't help.

>>40589825
my plan (already in motion) is to date one of them, specifically this lil blue-eyed cutie pie

Would've 1000 percent passed 5 years ago and now i can see I'm aging into a potential hon

>felt feminine playing Duchess in Nightreign
On a scale of cringe to gigaover this has to be an 11/10

>>40589869
how tall are you? what build? age?

>>40589903
Play Recluse instead and have your teammates trip over themselves trying to help you

>>40589833
My plan was already in motion the moment I bought blue colored contacts hehe

i am fat, ugly, autistic, agp, i want to be a goth lesbian, i majored in computer science, i listen to drum n bass, so on and so on i have by accident become every stereotype and it genuinely pisses me off

>>40589909
Ok i mean aside from height i would have. 6ft skinny naturally feminine 24. Hairline started receding the moment I decided to pretty boy cope, fighting it with finasteride.

>>40589962
sounds like we want to date each other : )

>>40590013
sounds pretty!

>>40590029
I hate to break your heart already, but I dont think I'll be a repper for much longer :(

i am the only one that creates my own exclusive hell

>>40590120
oh awesome that was the point of my plan anyhow to encourage a girl to progress in her transition by being a supportive bf

I barely think about tranny thoughts anymore. I don’t even feel anything when I do.
But I’m super bored in life. All I do is work, eat, browse the internet, and sleep. Nothing else seems fun or appealing. When I think about doing something, it just seems like a pain. And when I force myself to do it anyways, it’s not fun. I don’t have any friends or anything either. It’s all just very boring.

How do I overcome the boredom?

>>40590185
transition?

need sum quick recs for agp/reppercore movies for 3am pizza binge

does it ever get better?

>>40588463
there are cis women i know who count as soulhons, plus people wouldn't make fun of me on the internet if i was stealth, which is important

Been repressing for 10 years and yet the feelins come back. About to kill myself so they stop entirely.

>If I were a boymoder, and you were a faggot

>>40590378
i just got done watched Killers of the Flower Moon

Woke up yet again in this hellish prison I made for myself.

I AM BORED AND I WANT TO BE A HOT ANIME GIRL
r there reppers playing rts games here

>>40592315
the best part of being an anime girl would be having an ACTUAL vagina, not a stitched up frankenstein horror.

i feel like i'm becoming more chuddy over time, is this normal?
i don't wanna be mean, but the only way i can see myself handling repping is either through finding jesus or focusing on a cause greater than myself.

>>40592315
Wanna be my gf?

>>40592648
meant to reply to >>40592571

>>40589602
anon i'm really not good enough to be of much use to you i'm sorry
>>40590013
oh man this sucks i'm sorry
i guess i'm still at the point where my hairline isn't receding but i have a fucking massive forehead and considering i keep tearing my hair out when i get stressed it's probably only a matter of time
>>40590409
some people say it does
it doesn't feel like it, though :(

>>40592659
I want to go back in time to when it'd be possible for me to make myself look like a gf and not a hon.

>>40592648
>>40592708
yes
anyway if i was a hot anime girl id pretend to be a dyke while secretly attracting male gazes until one of them is incensed enough to correctively rape me straight

>>40592837
I'll make you feel like a beautiful girl that you are, Anon. Contact?

>>40592847
Why the fuck is this idea so hot? I like how i'm male brained in everything except my sexuality which is 100% female brained.

I've literally tried to transition and took hrt so I know that it's not right for me, but it still hurts when I think about wishing I could become a woman. Transition just doesn't make me enough of a woman. It's some in between thing. Passing is just not good enough. I could "pass" but not wholly and completely. No trans person really can. It's just not worth it for someone that can live as a man. It's a little depressing, but I can live as a man. It's familiar and comfortable and simply who I am.

>>40592891
ikr
i want to turned to anime tomboy and pretend to go all girl power and shit even though i know at night im getting crushed and folded and pounded and dicked repeatedly at the bed by my nerdy (but ultimately still the male and the stronger one) bf

If you're a faketrans AGP shouldn't the feelings decrease with age as you get older and uglier? It doesn't make sense that it would get worse.

>>40592941
I want to have a husband who owns me and takes care of me and I sit at home all day while he makes lots of money.

Why am I like this?

>>40593227
because AGP
sadly we exist in a timeline where boys just cant turn to girls

now that im actually getting old (28) im starting to accept that its never going to happen, whatever life isnt something you should idealise too much.

i'm too tired to transition

malebrained enough to keep playing the same vidya over and over
not malebrain enough to actually be good at it THOUGH

>>40580533 (OP)
Started praying to wake up as a girl from 5 years old

I was arguing with myself today about how maybe I’m just lazy and what I really want is an easier life
But it’s not true. I’d rather be a real woman working at an Amazon warehouse or something than be a man who wins the lottery

>>40585720
God put her there for you to see
Any time I think about hrt seriously, there’s one of those big events where a troon is shown to be a complete sexiest lunatic and it’s all anyone talks about and it kills my desire to

>>40593907
>there’s one of those big events
honestly as someone who tried going through with transition a few years back this kind of thing is what honestly killed my will to go forward with it
like i kinda already deal with moral ocd and i'm paranoid enough as it is that i'm already barely able to be around others because i keep thinking that they'll think i'm some sort of murderer-rapist or whatever because i look in one direction too long or my posture's slightly off or whatever
the idea of automatically being seen as some kind of depraved freak (considering the amount of media out there which is just "trans people WILL rape YOUR children" or whatever) by virtue of existing alone on top of the whole moral ocd thing just. no thanks i don't want to put people through that
it's kind of funny tbdesu i don't mind going through prolonged mental discomfort if it helps people around me feel more comfortable but like the fact that i still get all the thoughts is kind of annoying because like. even beyond the brainworms it's also just straight up immoral of me to want to impose on people like that
but hey considering the media sphere on almost every level is constantly signalboosting the idea that trans people are inherently violent, dangerous sexual criminals by virtue of existing it's a solid enough reminder not to go through with it so there's that i guess
holy blogpost batman

I cant even take the social pressure of wearing a different outfit that usual let alone wearing a different gender

i must continue to suffer this body so those around me can feel safe and comfortable and happy

>>40593895
Mogs me
as a retarded broke thirdie i would accept being reborn as a rich whitey dude

>>40593895
i'm faketrans because i would also want to be attractive as a woman
>>40594512
i would try to negotiate for rich whitey girl instead

i'm getting too old to continue wearing t shirts everywhere

>>40592654
It happened to me. Took acid and saw trannies as soldiers of saten trying to convert you. It worked for a few years until I discovered Christianity was invented by some jews to rule over the goyium

>>40593866
I had to quit counterstrike after 2000 hours because i was so bad at it. But at single player games I'm decent.

need a twinkhon to beat me to death with a lead pipe

>>40592776
Where’s my sweetheart with the baby blues

I don't particularly identify with "maleness" but I also don't particularly identify with "femaleness". I don't correct people when they call me the "wrong" pronoun, in fact I enjoy getting called by different ones.

I'm guessing that means I'm on the enbie pipeline but I don't know. All I know is I don't feel huge disgust about the way I look or anything. I don't think a "genderbent" version of myself would change much for me.

>>40594821
anon i'm really not a sweetheart and like. also my eyes aren't pretty i'm really sorry they're just not
(a lot of people find them really offputting honestly i have this bad tendency to sort of just stare at random things without blinking sometimes)

>>40594865
there you are! I missed you!

>>40594870
surely you didn't miss me i can't be that interesting

>>40594885
I was thinking about you a lot so I’m really glad you’re here rn, did you think about me too?

>>40594000
I could have written this

>>40594894
i don't understand the appeal tbdesu there's way better people for you to think about
>>40594898
i'm really sorry about that anon, it's really not something i'd ever wish on anyone :(
though, come to think of it, i just noticed i got trips, so there's a little spot of light amongst the abyss lol

>>40595017
baby did you think about me at all? I was imagining holding you tight how the feeling of you breathing against me would be so relaxing
How long is your hair btw?

>>40582440
I do feel like I see a lot of ftms like that though, to be fair the only ftms I interact with are the ones that use 4chan

>>40590378
watch Ranma
also ditch the nasty pizza and just buy a pack of Asahi and some frozen fries

>>40595099
>think
i mean. i guess so. i'm not really used to the attention. still kinda weird though
>holding
that really wouldn't be that relaxing for you anon i'm sorry
that aside i don't tend to sleep in beds anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>hair
uhh about chest-length? it's an absolute mess though, i don't really do anything with it and i don't like the feeling of wet hair so i try not to wash it too often (and to be honest i keep pulling chunks of it out when i'm like stressed or overstimulated or whatever so i'll lose it soon)

>>40595244
>chest length
so pretty, I want to feel it falling down onto my face when you’re straddling me and you lean down to kiss me
>I guess so
That makes me so happy I want to hold you so much

>>40595274
>so pretty, I want to feel it falling down onto my face when you’re straddling me and you lean down to kiss me
you really wouldn't want that it's all greasy and tangled and gross
>i want to hold you so much
again you really don't
like i get that i'm touch-starved or whatever but i wouldn't want to put anyone through something like that, and besides, it'd be a bad idea to get that close to me anyway

>>40595448
do you wanna hug back or just tuck your arms in and feel me hold you?

>>40595224
>Ranma
he doesn't get it

>>40580533 (OP)
probably when i was like 15 but i was too retarded to actually figure it out until i was 25 and too ugly to do anything about it

>>40595495
anon i don't know how to tell you this more clearly you don't need to do any of this or anything it isn't fair on you to have to put up with me and i don't want to cause problems for you like i always do for literally everyone else around me
there's a million and one people who would make better use of the attention, give it to them instead

i am so backgrounded even my posts in this general get no replies

>>40595610
my sweetheart I don’t put up with you I want to be with you it makes me really happy

>>40595626
suck my balls
u a bitch
u a bitch
*moans*

>>40595669
you're proving my point

>>40595626
same. maybe i should write a blogpost about how i've been like this for over a decade and feel like i'm on the tipping point of harming myself or curling in my bed and crying but everyone around me thinks i'm successful and much less depressed than i used to be, and i refuse to see anyone about it because how do i even talk about this without spilling spaghetti about "oh yeah i have cried myself to sleep over being a man and repeatedly punched myself in the face and tried to squeeze my bone structure when i was a teenager" and them just connecting this to the social contagion even though i've felt this way years before anyone was talking about a social contagion or even before i knew trans people existed. i used to create cool things that people liked but i wrecked my mental health into that of a burned out has-been. i need help but i've exhausted those of my friends who, out of the kindness of their own hearts, wanted to listen. i'm shouting out my frustrations here because this is the one place where they don't lurk. and it hurts to know that all of this comes from a childhood warped perception of being a man and a woman, that it's all a lie rooted so deep it became part of my personality, that trying to cope with this by turning it into a paraphilia or whatever just makes me want to puke. and even here all i'll get is responses like "i feel you nona :( hope you get better soon". when a friend told me a decade ago that i shouldn't transition because i'll just end up killing myself he forgot to tell me that the same fate awaits me if i don't transition. i was fucked the moment my brain decided my birth sex is an enemy to be resisted. i legitimately believe that i will never be happy as happiness was just increasingly fleeting moments of not thinking about any of this for most of my life. dysphoria is literally robbing me of everything i loved about my brain and leaving only dark, slimy mud, and i can only ever blame myself for harming myself this way.

>>40595667
i can't make you happy, though
like seriously i have an almost comically flat affect, i barely go outdoors, i literally only do anything because the self-loathing helps me berate myself into it, i'm barely capable of understanding social skills or cues, i creep out almost anyone i'm around nearly all the time, and at that i'm a gross repper with nearly no sense of self-care because the foreshortened perception constantly makes me think there's no point
there are so, so many people who would be better off with the attention you're giving. please stop wasting it on me

cowardice/inaction test:
this week i will take steps towards transition
i will check back next sunday to report if i've actually done this or not

>>40595727
I can help you I can put you in the shower with me and scrub you down and I can dry you off with a nice warm fluffy towel and kiss the tip of your nose and help pick out some clothes and encourage you (gently) to try some more feminine things and take you out to a nice dinner and hold your hand

>>40595723
i will pay you rent to continue living in my brain anon
the most "useful" and productive things i did were when i was 14, no more after that

>>40595739
I love this good luck you can do it

>>40595739
I keep doing the same thing, even basic shit like skincare. I tell myself "Okay next time I'm at the store I'm buying some moisturizer and something for exfoliating" but then I get there and I'm too shy to do it even though nobody gives a shit.

>>40595800
>dubs
don't think that means i'm okay with any of that, i'm just witnessing it...
>actual post
again i'm a gross mannish repper there's literally no way you'd enjoy any of that
also i don't like getting my hair wet it feels really bad i can't describe how exactly
there's other people that need this attention more i'm sorry

>>40595499
how come? is magical anime genderbending not good enough agp escapism for you?

>>40595891
You say sometimes you stare without blinking do you think you would ever do that to me?

>>40595938
i mean the character. Saotome Ranma. he doesn't get it

>>40595972
i guess maybe but that's kind of the problem? like when i stare like that it's usually because i'm daydreaming or dissociating or whatever but if it looks like i'm staring *at* someone they get rightfully creeped out (hence the sunglasses)
it's really not something you'd enjoy it's kinda just unsettling

>>40595807
you can pay me rent by providing advice

>>40596023
Would you daydream about me? : )
I would slowly lean in closer and closer to see if I could kiss you before you snapped out of it
I love being with you baby

>>40596037
transition

>>40596060
how does becoming repulsive to my surroundings and doctors help

>>40596055
>Would you daydream about me? : )
probably not? i don't really daydream about people. or, well, much of anything, really.
>see if I could kiss you before you snapped out of it
you really wouldn't want to do that i'm really gross
and i'd probably freeze up if you got too close anyway i'm kind of weird about people being near me
>I love being with you baby
again, you can't, that doesn't make sense, and i'm not a "babydoll" or whatever

>>40594562
>until I discovered Christianity was invented by some jews to rule over the goyium
any sources on that? modern jews don't seem too fond of the j-man... rabbis see jesus as a dark magician in the talmud, so idk why they would hate one of their own like that in the book that only they can read properly.

>>40596087
you like babydoll the best of all petnames I think

>>40595739
me except i have been on hrt and don't know if i should restart

>>40596128
you should

>>40596127
no?? it literally doesn't apply to me
like i say i'm gross and kind of pathetic you should spend your effort elsewhere
to be fair you'll get bored eventually but like seriously i'm not the one to direct all of this to

>>40595811
thank you....

>>40596186
my blue-eyed babydoll you would come to me if I called you may not think you deserve my attention but you like it and I like you

>>40596037
i don't have any because i'm basically you

>>40596195
>blue-eyed babydoll
please stop you're making me sound like some kind of john50 ogrereddithon and i'm literally repping because me willingly exposing people to that type of shit (in myself) would be abhorrent
>you may not think you deserve my attention
i don't though there's no scenario where i deserve anything like that
>but you like it and I like you
why do you like me it doesn't make any sense i'm literally THE gross piece of shit on the other side of a computer screen and i don't get what kind of image you have of me but it's probably wrong i'm sorry

i wish i had a normal life other than the tranny shit because i dont know if im mentally ill because im a tranny or if im a tranny because im mentally ill

>>40596333
trips checked
not everything is image some things go deeeper

>>40596333
Checked

>>40596390
>>40596481
thanks for the checks! trips 3 as well... huh.
>not everything is image some things go deeeper
huh. so like what you're in love with the conceptual perception you have of me after undergoing a years-long medical procedure and extensive therapy as opposed to the version of me that's depressed and greasy and gross? i mean i guess that makes some level of sense to explain why you seem so obsessed but it's still not healthy of you anon

>>40595973
ah okay, well then yeah lol (except for episode 49...)

>>40596515
Trips on 3 = angelic
Just like you babydoll

>>40596634
i'm not angelic or a babydoll, it's just an unlikely number is all, and again i don't know why you have this impression of me

>>40596705
are you pale by any chance?

New thread:
>>40596831
>>40596831
>>40596831

>>40596789
...yeah, i don't go outdoors much. as you would probably expect. y'know, given what i am. a gross repper. as opposed to the idealised image you've gone and made for yourself.