Thread 40666192

post confessions, love letters, things you told someone, beg for ppl to be with you, beg for old ppl back, say sorry idk write whatever nonas good luck

i wish i never transitioned

>>40666192 (OP)
i make everyone around me's life worse but i feel too lonely to not be around others.

>>40666192 (OP)
Is it a confession of its anonymous? I don't think so

I will never in my life see a man in a dress and be tricked into thinking he is female. I will always call you he. I will never play along, I will never submit, I will never obey.

>>40666192 (OP)
yes you are youre a beautiful person and you deserve to be happy and loved and youre my friend
i wish u still thought this
i do not hate you
our hurt is not for no good reason and i love you in friendship and or romantically idk
sorry i let so much of my hurt be known
sorry u saw me naked on here it’s vain but i hope u didn’t see it and think i was ugly
i miss u and saw you watched the movie without me gonna try and stop stalking yr little lists bc it kills me n is a crazy thing to do and i think u are done with me for real forever but it really could have been more than wrong person at wrong time i would have rly worked to be with u or be in yr life sorry im too much drama and craziness i pray for u i rly do i hope u think of me if u do pray like u said good luck im still crazy caught up on u and think about u all the time and unless prepared for that best to stay away but i hope u readd i miss u and yr music and yr voice and yr drawing im rly sorry i was mean when i saw yr drawing in art thread was evil i hope the best for you i wish didn’t still cry over you good luck pls

>>40666249
wha?

>>40666270
right person wrong time*

>>40666192 (OP)
I miss line deeply.

Miss you bud, hope you're surviving wherever you are out there. Whatever happens don't give up, you truly are the master of your future and I believe in you, you're a good person even if you don't think it.

>>40666258
So brave

I really, really like talking to you, I still feel like you are going to ghost me abruptly but I don't really mind, having met you makes me happy and I'll always cherish those brief moments when I have your attention. ^^

>>40666192 (OP)
i miss her and wish i could be in her arms again. im not sure if she'd even want that at this point though. i hope she does

i want to love being a tranny and i want to love our community but i can't help but feel constantly disgusted and disappointed by everything we are and are becoming. i want so badly to connect with others like me but we are so volatile and i am tired of being screamed at or raped or traumatized. it feels like the only thing to do is abandon the community and assimilate or to hide in my room forever and rot.

>>40666854
>im not sure if she'd even want that at this point though. i hope she does
I don't get people like you. If you think this why not ask and get your answer?

>>40666910
not everyone has autism like you

>>40666921
then explain, what's holding you back? what's the point in holding out hope like this when you could just rip the band aid off and make things clear?

>>40666910
>>40666933
my heart hurts can i ask what was posted and if it was a response to other posts in thread?

>>40666962
they said something about wanting someone back and hoping they feel the same way I asked why they don't and they said I'm autistic is the whole interaction basically. assuming got banned for something unrelated and their posts got cleared.

>>40666982
hmmm not the person im yearning for but hope that anon is okay ty for telling me

i miss her, its been over a year now

>>40666192 (OP)
im sorry for being so shallow
im sorry for forgetting who I am
im sorry for losing everything that gave me an identity thinking it was the ugly parts just because people were disagreeable about them
im sorry for drowning myself in socialisation but never actually trying to know people,
im sorry for giving up on myself
sorry for being so self centered,

im srry for posting how im feeling online where u cant see it instead of talking to u like u want. i dont think u rlly understand always, i cant talk honestly or openly abt how unstable i am without you getting worried and upset it makes me feel awful to talk abt myself to u or scared that ur going to call someone again. its easier to have u as the place i am nice and positive and random ppl that dont like me online as the place where i talk abt how constantly miserable i actually feel because i dont think im worth worrying abt rlly. i think thats my fault and rlly immature and im srry.

I wish things had gone differently between us. I think I was the happiest when we were together but things got so out of control so fast. I should have listened to you instead of being so prideful. I wish you all the best but know that I think of you more than I'd like to admit.

>>40669766
another situation which would be solved if 4channers acted like adults and talked to people

i lied. i lied about everything. you mean nothing to me. i used you and i dont feel bad about it

im extremely bitter and hate everyone except my boyfriend and mom and genuinely wish horrible things happen to anyone prettier than me or anyone with a better life than me. I dont want friends or really anyone in my life because im so hateful and jealous and hate myself and i wish i had the guts to kms

I'm trapped in a loveless relationship with someone that rapes me on a regular basis because I'm a naive and cowardly moron. The people in my life that I was able to truly love and trust have all slowly left me as my partner isolated me. I don't have the money or means to leave. I think about killing myself on a regular basis.

im tired of questioning and thinking of choices and who to tell what
i don't wanna come out to anyone ever i just want magic to happen
ive done these exercises of "if no one knew what would you do" tens of times but it all feels so pointless. because people will know.
but yeah, if no one knew? yeah, i'd get HRT to see how it feels like, to see if i like the changes. if it was just me i wouldn't think of names, of genders in my ID, of work. any of that bullshit

i also keep realizing how masculine i am. any time i hang out with women i just notice that i am just simply so different to them. meanwhile i am just like the guys. not just physically obviously, i mean mentally, sentimentally, expressively. i lack that certain softness they have. i try to learn and to be empathetic but i wonder if it will just always feel like an external type of empathy. never a true sense of relating and mutual understanding, just a sense of peering in from the outside

>>40666192 (OP)
I’ve had mixed feelings for two guys for so long and only in the past few months I’ve come to realize them

R
First one is a bi guy, he’s hot as fuck I want his 7 inches inside me and I wanna show him off in public while we hold hands but he’s always fucking other girls and I never have the chance to ask him out

H
Second one is a gay guy I love his personality he’s funny asl and he’s one of the few people who get me and he comes to me for advice all the time. But he has a bf who hates me and I kinda dislike his bf too but it’s probably out of jealousy and his opinions on certain things. He looks kinda unhappy with his bf cause they’re always talking about body dysmorphia and “unrealistic” expectations and I wish he would just be with me cause I would support him and help him grow instead of his bf who’s always like “you look good don’t do thinga with your hair” and other shit

Fuck fuck fuck I wanna fuck them both I wanna claim their ass and I want them to claim mine why can’t it be me why is it always these broken girls and holier than thou guys who take them why can’t it be me fuck my repper life

>>40666192 (OP)
if you were my wife you'd never be unhappy again too bad you don't like me

I wish I took more risks when I was younger, people want to support you as a kid, but if you like put up with being abused and dysphoric, do the smart, conservative thing and fuck up after you're like 22, people lose any sympathy for you and see you as any other bum. Then you either let yourself eat shit til you die and early and preventable death, or you do the brave thing and kill yourself

i don’t know why i still care so much, it’s not simply loneliness, i never had the slighest hope that it could work and never will but i love you in a very unique way

and i painfully miss you

im so deep in this now and i dont know how to behave anymore
you say youre not ready for commitment and not sure what love even is but you still say you love me
youre affectionate when you want it but dont reciprocate when its what i need
ill always be here for you because i love you but i dont want this to never end up being real
i love you
please
be mine
please

>>40666192 (OP)
About 5 years ago I started hooking up with a married, late 50's guy who came to my city on business every week. What started as just NSA sex became love. We both admitted it. Sex was passionate and the time together outside of sex was great. Yeah, I know... 50's, early 20's doesn't make for a great relationship.

Two years ago his wife became very sick and hospitalized. He couldn't travel (in fact quit his job). I visited him every few months. We missed each other. He begged me to move to his area. I could have... fast food job and community college... why not? I was a coward and said no. Shortly after that, we stopped communicating. I know his wife died and when I tried to contact him, his email bounced.

Jake... you will probably never see this, but I'm sorry about your wife, I still love you, measure every man against you and sorry I abandoned you.

>>40666192 (OP)
I miss being a turbo-slut. I got way to much validation from both men and women from sex and now im married and the validation is not coming from sex...

>>40666192 (OP)
I used to meet this guy with a giant dick to give him blowjobs. Eventually he asked me to be his bf and I declined.
But I still think about him. I should've told him I wanted to be his gf instead.

>>40666192 (OP)
You asked me a couple times if I thought you should get breast implants. I said no because you look beautiful already and I know you're insecure. I'll never tell you this, but you'd look even better with nice fake tits, and I'd buy you any type you wanted. I can't be the one to bring it up but if you make it clear you want them, you'll have them.

>>40666192 (OP)
i like when my bf misgenders me and beats me and calls me his boy
t.ranny

I miss you so much, but... you're staying on that block list forever.

>>40672393
what did she do?

>>40672408
How did you know it was a she?

>>40672563
what did he do?

i like to think it was your post

>>40672849
Elaborate?

>>40672971
i miss someone anon

>>40673077
Yes but, which post did you hope was theirs?

>>40673151
if you know you know ig

I'm sorry for blocking you. I wasn't willing to come to terms with my sexuality, and was addicted to alcohol and kratom at the time. You were actually really sweet, and I know it must've been hard being a feminine gay man in that awful, small texas town. We should have went to big bend, could have bought you lingerie. Instead of I was a coward. Still think about you a lot honestly.

i only became close to you after you betrayed me because i was afraid you would kill yourself if i didnt.

you ruined both of our lives with your lies and greed. how you can speak to me so enthusiastically and still so willingly violate my boundaries with a single “sorry i cant help myself” after everything you did. i just hope you enjoy talking to the husk of whats left over. i cant break away because i know youll try killing yourself. you ruined me completely and utterly and i almost think it was intentional.

>>40673688
dont be so self important
i dont need you anymore

>>40673719
then your actions should reflect that sentiment

>>40673688
let them kts anon

>>40673688
Holy shit. Whoever your person is sounds like a total scumbag. They are leeching you spiritually. Cut them off, you're not responsible for their actions afterward.

transition has only gotten more exhausting the longer I go on and I know that's because I manmode and never even really transitioned but I just feel so so tired all the time. I'm sick of my body, my voice, my hair, my face, my brain, the way I talk, just all of it. the only relief I ever can ever get is to just be high 247 to the point where I'm only able to focus on what's immediately happening to me. because beyond that if I allow myself to think about my life at all everything comes crashing down and that hollow hopeless feeling fills my chest. I just want to be done I'm tired but I'm such a faggot fucking loser that I couldn't even manage to put any effort in at all to actually feel good about myself. I just want it to all be over. the kicker is id say my life is relatively good compared to the rest of the world. im in university, I have a boyfriend, a few family members that at least somewhat accept me, I have friends, I have a job. so why do I feel so bad all the time :( whatever it dsnt matter I'm just gonna smoke until this shit gives me lung cancer and I'm just not gonna fight it. vent post over sorry for waisting bandwidth.

>>40666192 (OP)
if either of you ever knocked on my door begging for money or cock I'd give it to you but I would never let you into my heart again

I always knew I was a girl, but being around you made me more certain than ever.

I hate myself. I never thought I was capable of feeling love until you walked in my life. You don't know it but you taught me valuable things in your own weird way.

When you offered me to try on your special jacket with your smell, I wanted to cry and die. It was so large on me, I felt embraced.

Now we're away again, and I never really had your attention. I know you're talking to other girls. I miss you. Why can't I get over you?

I'm sorry for being trans. I'm sorry I'm not where I want to be. I'm sorry for being weird.

I feel horrible and guilty for loving you.

i only transitioned so i could win in sports

I'm still so in love with you. God, if I ever saw you again I think I'd crumble to dust.

>>40676229
why wouldnt you see your love again?

>>40676255
She hates me.

>>40666192 (OP)
Chicks being involved in my gay shit gives me the best erections. Recently talked about the best head I ever had from a guy to a girl I'm friends with. It ended up with me watching gay porn while she gave me head. Felt fucking amazing. I'm also as gay as they come.

>>40666192 (OP)
i miss talking to you, but we're so far away now, and i haven't said anything in so long. i'm scared that i've ruined things, that there's no fixing it, and that you hate me for not reaching out more. it's probably all in my head but i'm paralyzed by fear and the longer i wait the worse it gets