Thread 40853082

Ever since I was tiny, I dreamed of being a girl. I was poor and lived in deeply Conservative areas in a time where trans acceptance wasnt really a thing. I repressed for a while but finally transitioned a few years ago.
It was nice at first. A spark of hope. Maybe I could finally have that silly little wish I always wanted.
But reality is cruel. My transition was hard. I lost everything and gained so very little. Never made it and slowly came to acceptance that I never will. All along the way people told me I should be proud... that Im somehow beautiful... for no real reason other than just because. Being trans isnt special or beautiful... not for me at least. For me it is a curse, one that rots me from the inside.
Transitioning made every aspect of my life worse and then have me the emotions to comprehend just how deep my despair is. It took everything from me and have me nothing. I tried hard to find hope today and failed, so today Im throwing in the towel. I flushed my HRT a few hours ago. I'm detransitioning.
Im still trans. But transitioning was not the right choice for me. I dont know what is, because either way hurts. But at least this path doesnt give me false hope.

Go ahead and point and laugh and tell me how I was always a dude. I know how you lot are. I dont care anymore. I never had a shot at being a woman to anyone but the me in my dreams.

>>40853082 (OP)
Good for you, I think repping is easier having experienced a failed transition anyway

>>40853082 (OP)
i feel u nona
thats just how the cards fall for some people
good luck in finding peace

I fell for the cult. trans i just a cult and is all agp weird fetishists. I feel for it and now im a weird disgusting freak with cone tits. but its ok because at least i figured it out before i ruined my life. people might think i look weird, but nobody knows was a tranny. now i can quietly detrans and not ruin life anymore. i just want to make thread in case there are questioning people here. you shouldn't transitiom because it's a mistake.

>>40853194
Thats not my message at all. Transition is a valid method of treatment that helps a lot of people. Its just not for me. I wanted to be a woman, not some weird in-between that cant pass as a man or a woman regularly.
>>40853108
Ill try. I honestly mostly see a noose in my future. Being a man sucks.
>>40853099
They both suck in their own awful ways. I prefer constant crushing despair over having my hope shattered again and again and again...

Oooooh my poor sweet little angel, don't do this to yourself. I know it looks like a solution, but it's not. You're just going to hurt yourself so much worse.

>>40853194
bait

>>40853082 (OP)
I feel the same. I'm on year on estrogen, 20 years old, and I'm basically just a dude with weird boobs. My skull structure is too fucked to pass and maybe my shoulders, too, but it's hard to tell. At least I'm a short twink. At any rate, due to where I live, I can't express my femininity at all, even in my own home, and of course I would never go out like that because I don't pass. However, I'm still very hopeful. I'm going to go to school to get a good job and I'm going to get FFS and maybe a boob job, and maybe fillers some day because I like how they look. I'm having to put in all this hard work in my prime, so when I finally do have the money and means to be feminine, I'm just gonna bimbomax. I don't even want to be a whore and have a lot of sex, really I just want a loving husband, although I'm way too eccentric to have anyone who matches my energy and retarded beliefs. My bad bitch villain origin story is that I'm gonna bimbomax and become so feminine, no one will ever think I'm a guy ever again.

>>40853082 (OP)
>>40853194
>>40855256
NO
REFUNDS
LOL

No one wants to be trans,

Trans people don't take medical treatment because it makes them pass, it's to treat the symptoms of dysphoria which will get worse if you don't take it.

Trying to repress because you don't pass and live in a conservative area and hate yourself and want to kill yourself is not going to work. You will not kill yourself. You will just keep being tormented by the thoughts until you retransition.

I detransitioned and repressed for a long time and then became a John 30. Self acceptance is really all you can do. No one chooses to be trans. You literally can't live forever on pure shame and hatred about not passing.

>>40857540
I choose to detrans because seeing the nightmare in my mirror is a million times worse than anything else. Transitioning didnt alleviate any of my pain, it just amplified everything a hundredfold while also breaking all other aspects of my life.