Thread 40923893

bpd tranners are worth loving

>>40923893 (OP)
this is TRUE we are entitled to love

BPD anything are worth casting into the fire

>>40923893 (OP)
are pddnos avpd trannies worth loving?

>>40924328
the only personality disorders to avoid are cluster-a, so yes

>>40923893 (OP)
>shows you cute animals and how theyre just like your fairytale romance
>5 minutes later texts her ex how much she misses them and that they should me up soon
how do you do this and why does it not register to you as twisting a knife in your partners back

>>40924352
im not cluster a (im b) but why avoid cluster a's ?

>>40924389
its because you didnt respond

>>40924389
that doesnt sound like bpd that sounds more like autism. if it was bpd, she'd be saying mean things to you instead

>>40924394
cluster-a personality disorders are much less trusting, harder to understand the thoughts of and some just dont care for relationships. very hard to be friends (or more) with someone who doesnt care for social interaction

>>40924468
i dont think barriers to having a relationship in the first place trump a magnetic relationship that leaves you hollowed and broken. Cluster b are obviously worse (by nature of being inherently predatory), very cluster b tactic to try and label another set of disorders as the problem tho lmao, especially given that cluster as self select themselves out of availability thus ensuring theyre never an issue to begin with

>>40923893 (OP)
I know I am
And i will tame the instability within so that I'm not as difficult to love and so that I save myself as much unnecessary pain as possible and save others unnecessary pain too
I want to get better so badly
And I will
Because I believe I will
And I am putting in the work

Give me my bpd gf! As a socially awkward chaser I deserve love too!

>>40924515
if you think all cluster b's are predatory theres no point in talking to you tbhon

>>40924580
without treatment and a willingness to change they are, yes. and this will be true in the vast majority of cases if the diagnosis is real and not tiktok self id shit.

>>40924328
How are you supposed to find a avpd gf

>>40923893 (OP)
bpdemons aren't valid

Bpdemons deserve to be tortured as much as they claim to actually be suffering

>>40925058
TRVE
we should validate their worldview and crucify them in the town square

>>40925058
you wouldn’t last a day

>>40925058
why anon? what do we do that's so horrible? we suffer greatly, it's exhausting and painful existing this way and it's why we kill ourselves so frequently

>>40924515
.....testing does this Hotaru poster perhaps play golf?

>>40924658
>BPD characterized by lack of emotional coping skills usually disrupted by trauma somehow equals inherently predatory
You are a retard.

>>40925556
yes using another person as your main source of emotional regulation is indeed predatory, especially when BPDs have a tendency to always hunt new supply to ensure their sense of safety.

>>40925592
Assuming that's what they inherently do and don't evolve to that as a survival mechanism because standard psychosocial osmosis isn't available to them. Unless you think hanging out with people to have fun and decompress is predatory instead of social, as humans evolved.

>>40925592
why is it "using", its not like bpds are nonreciprocal in relationships. is it bad to rely on friends for mental health or would you rather go broke paying a therapist?

>>40925623
>>40925640
the problem you find in relationships with BPDs is that the level of regulation/care they need is often
1. non-reciprocal (there is often not room for the other partners emotions)
2. ever escalating (the more they are given the more they expect, to the point of a partners exhaustion)
3. Mandatory, should a partner fail to care for them properly for any reason (real or imagined) they will often devise emotional punishments for the partner or seek what they need outside of the relationship.

tldr, bpds create one way streets of getting their needs met and are therefore predatory. if this is not the case then it can be said that their disease is under control, but this is usually not the case if the diagnosis is real

>>40925771
have you been in a relationship with someone with bpd anon? how did it affect you and your feelings after things ended? ive been thinking a lot about my past relationships and whats it like on the other side of things, i want to understand. i want to get better and i think this would help a lot

>>40925771
have you been in a relationship with someone with bpd anon? how did it affect you and your feelings after things ended? ive been thinking a lot about my past relationships and whats it like on the other side of things, i want to understand. i want to be better

>>40925771
>Who would go on the Internet and just make things up
So they made you do CBT or DBT for your BPD?

Save the angry armchair psychology informed by anecdotal evidence. You don't know what you're talking about.

>>40925771
yep seen all 3 with the ex, although I still prefer CPTSD as it's less "you're literally hitler, bpdemon, kys" and more "aight shit messed you up, neither kys nor are you excused but we or you can work on this and I don't need to let you step over my boundaries"

>>40923893 (OP)
i'll put ur soul in limbo and u'd still love me?

>>40925821
Two (both cisf). Im an mtf (transbian) with a very codependent streak and draw in bpd women frequently. The last relationship was live in and had me as the primary breadwinner. She was very sweet and Im still in love with her, but she was actively sabotaging my transition and started emotionally cheating on me with her ex gf (also cis). I kicked her out and left her after she threw a tantrum where she jumped out of my car one day while it was moving and screamed at me that i was being threatening (as an mtf this risks me getting a dv call that puts me in mens jail; i had confronted her about ghosting me, as she was mad i hung out with friends without her she was out of town, when i was supposed to pick her up at the airport. instead she sent me on a wild goose chase around the city to find what train station she was at when she could have just waited at the airport terminal she arrived at lol but she decided to turn the favor of me picking her up into a punishment).
I really did my best with her and gave her all my time and a ton of money as well. In the end she was only kind when I was compliant, as soon as I established a boundary she acted like a wild animal. Im honestly not sure I want to ever date again after this experience, its been months and Im still reeling. Theres a lot more that could be said (constant mystery illnesses that prevented her from doing chores or school, financial manipulation pretending that she needed my income when she secretly had a weekly allowance, bad talking me behind my back, often making things up about me to our shared friends so i couldnt get closer to them than she was, not letting me have space to go to trans healthcare related appointments, soft launching a poly situation i didnt agree to).

Maybe some of these problems are due to her cisf privilege, but honestly I feel like a husk after just 14 months of her being around full time. She had me trained to tend to her needs 24/7, and the result was self erasure.

Lol
doubt

>>40925827
so what is a relationship with a BPD in your view? just a sad broken bird that will become healthy with enough love; how much love is that, exactly?

>>40926073
>Describes codependency
Uh, no.

>>40926089
answer the q

>>40923893 (OP)
no we arent

>>40926006
I'm sorry anon, that sounds like a messy terrible experience.
>She had me trained to tend to her needs 24/7, and the result was self erasure.
Can you tell me more about this please? Why what she did resulted in your feelings being erased, and just generally how it affected your emotions

I wish I had BPD so badly instead of avpd. Nobody ever gives a shit about loving people with avoidant personality disorder. Nobody ever wants an avpd girlfriend

>>40926200
I meant in your self being erased rather than your feelings

>>40926206
girl you refuse any possible connection then wonder why people dont want you

>>40926226
I literally can’t help it. Besides people with bpd usually ruin any possible connection but men still want them and say shit like “I want a BPD girlfriend!” So it doesn’t have to do with the forming of connections

>>40926244
the connection still exists, love still happens, people with bpd just inevitably ruin it because we're afraid of abandonment

>>40926279
I’m aware but I’m referring to the men who want a girl specifically because of her bpd without any connection. Sucks to know that love will never happen to me though

>>40926172
My relationship with a bpd person is the same as any other. If it is unhealthy, I leave.

>>40926301
people with bpd are exciting, people with avpd are cold and distant. people especially with romance enjoy excitement, thats the core of what makes romance enjoyable

>>40925771
yeah this sums it up exactly and you can tell because of the angry BPD replies kek

>>40926383
one reply was asking someone to talk about what its like dating someone with bpd, one was an angry bpd reply, two were saying it's accurate

>>40926200
>Why what she did resulted in your feelings being erased
for example, if she was having nightmares because of her past (abusive dad, abusive ex bf) I would always be willing to sit with her and talk it through. If i was having a string of bad days because of work, or if i had dysphoria, she would tell me i was being selfish/dramatic and that it was my responsibility to see a therapist. My first bpd relationship was similar in this regard.

in terms of training to tend to her needs, she would become ill if i ever had to leave her for an extended period of time. for example, if i had to be in office for work, it was guaranteed she would be bed ridden for the day and would need hours of coaxing when i got home (after this effort she would usually become her cuddly good side again). or if i went on a trip without her she would inevitably pick a fight over text message, like "youre being so selfish send me pics from your trip, how come you arent asking me about my day?!?". The message was clear: if you arent tending to my needs, i will fall apart. over time this makes it so that you cant tend to yourself because youre so afraid of what she'll do if shes not given enough of your time and effort. She paid lip service to giving me space, but in practice she couldnt handle it

>>40926314
That’s exactly why I want bpd so badly. No man will ever love me. I’ll never experience the joys of romance or even friendship

>>40926426
I'm sorry anon, I would like to think I did my best to reciprocate helping the other person, but I haven't always been the best at it. Not to the point of actively dismissing their feelings, but certainly not being very helpful or being able to help them feel better.
In terms of trips, is it a factor if not just being able to not think about her for a while and do your own thing separate from her? I guess for me the other person is the central part of my life and I project that onto them.

>>40926426
>over time this makes it so that you cant tend to yourself because youre so afraid of what she'll do if shes not given enough of your time and effort.

god nona your posts are like reading my autobiography. I had the same thing happen, I tried to talk to her about why I seemed scared and she turned it around on me and said she didn't feel safe expressing her emotions anymore, that I was weaponizing my fear to silence her. Naturally if I raised my voice even the tiniest bit due to fear or anger or literally anything she would tell me she felt threatened, and 15 minutes later she would be yelling at me and calling me terrible things and I'd be expected to just take it. It really does make you want to hide forever and never risk meeting another person like this. I'm glad to find someone to commiserate with but I'm sorry that you're able to at the same time.

wrong but does someone wanna try anyway

>>40926502
>I had the same thing happen, I tried to talk to her about why I seemed scared and she turned it around on me and said she didn't feel safe expressing her emotions anymore, that I was weaponizing my fear to silence her.
Can you talk more about this and what happened? It probably would have been better for her to acknowledge your feelings and give you space

>>40926496
oh when i was on a trip i would text her all day! pics of everywhere i was going, what i was doing, who i was with, the idea being that she could feel she was with me to some degree. but it wasnt enough because i was still somewhere else and she wasnt there with me (and i think she feared and felt insecure that i could find joy without her, which was true, because i dont need a fp present to feel stable).
youre already doing great just by acknowledging your behavior, in my exs case she refused to be anything except the victim of others and couldn't acknowledge how her actions affected others (her social history, i later found, was a vast graveyard of burned bridges). honestly anon if you always fight to remain self aware you might be ok.
>>40926502
Yup, i had that exact scenario play out countless times, she would yell at me until i started crying, bringing me to tears was usually the only way shed be willing to deescalate. as a result, i learned to walk on eggshells and choose every word i spoke to her with surgical precision. id also usually internalize her criticism and accusations as truly my fault, it took an intervention from my friends for me to acknowledge the situation had become abusive and that I didnt deserve that kind of treatment

>>40926634
That was very sweet of you to send her pictures and text her the entire time, I would really appreciate that myself.
>and i think she feared and felt insecure that i could find joy without her, which was true, because i dont need a fp present to feel stable
Being on the other side of things, I wouldn't say this is true, or at least in the way it's phrased. It really is fear of abandonment at the center of everything, not because you don't need her, but rather because you're gone and you might not come back or you might find someone else. I desperately want the other person to be independent and admire that about them, but at the same time I'm horribly afraid that will mean they'll leave me.
>youre already doing great just by acknowledging your behavior, in my exs case she refused to be anything except the victim of others and couldn't acknowledge how her actions affected others (her social history, i later found, was a vast graveyard of burned bridges). honestly anon if you always fight to remain self aware you might be ok.
you give me too much credit, my ex would say the same exact things you do (even in the above quote) about me. I'm trying to be self aware and think about how my actions affect others now, honestly I feel exhausted and overwhelmed with guilt at this point having hurt those I care about so much. Conversations like this help though and gives me better insight so I appreciate it
>id also usually internalize her criticism and accusations as truly my fault
This makes me feel bad about having split on others, because almost every time it was just me and because of my issues and the other person just being a vassal for that.

>>40926634
That was very sweet of you to send her pictures and text her the entire time, I would really appreciate that myself.
>and i think she feared and felt insecure that i could find joy without her, which was true, because i dont need a fp present to feel stable
Being on the other side of things, I wouldn't say this is true, or at least in the way it's phrased. It really is fear of abandonment at the center of everything, not because you don't need her, but rather because you're gone and you might not come back or you might find someone else. I desperately want the other person to be independent and admire that about them, but at the same time I'm horribly afraid that will mean they'll leave me.
>youre already doing great just by acknowledging your behavior, in my exs case she refused to be anything except the victim of others and couldn't acknowledge how her actions affected others (her social history, i later found, was a vast graveyard of burned bridges). honestly anon if you always fight to remain self aware you might be ok.
I'm not, my ex would say the same exact things you do (even in the above quote) about me. I'm trying to be self aware and understand how my bpd behaviors affect others, honestly I feel exhausted and overwhelmed with guilt at this point having hurt those I care about so much. Conversations like this help and gives me better insight though so I appreciate it
>id also usually internalize her criticism and accusations as truly my fault
This makes me feel bad about having split on others, because almost every time it was just me and because of my issues and the other person just being a vassal for that.

>>40925459
If we were dating, would you rather I cut your wrists and splash everclear on it to get drunk off your blood, or would you rather be bored for a few minutes? Would you rather suffer from sensations, or from the living death of boredom?

>>40927046
are you asking this cause youre a sadist and get off on my answer, or cause you want to make me sound crazy
or i guess both

>>40926206
i’m in love with an avpd as a cptsd bpd but she won’t unblock and i won’t stop spiraling ab it

>>40927439
what happened between you two? how does this dynamic play out?

>>40923893 (OP)
nope. y'all are a disgrace and this post is malicious. bpd tranners already get all the love

>>40927516
cringely i’ve posted all over here ab her idk me posting my nudes w face on here was the worst of it and i saw her art in an art thread and told her i hate her i really wish i did neither of these things she did re add me bc she was scared i was going to kms but she was being avoidant when added so i freaked out and asked her to block me again bc i couldn’t take it. idk if she is avpd actually but i really do love her. i dont think she likes me like that also told me im too much drama and craziness i want her so bad but also the circumstances are complicated and im evil

>>40927439
>>40927516
this is hell bro i alternate between both every day

I don't know if I'm bpd or bipolar or just get moody and hormonal sometimes and it kills me because I grew up with some people who were very bpd and it affected my life very negatively so now I'm terrified I've somehow caught it from them even just by internalizing some of their behaviors

>>40923893 (OP)
No, I don't believe that they are

>>40926206
avpd is hell

>>40926605
She was really picky about just about everything, food, chores, time together, etc. If anything went wrong (i made dinner later than she wanted, i wanted to hang out with friends without telling her first, if i wasnt in the mood for sex, etc) she would spiral. Start crying, shouting at me, saying cruel things about me and my friends. I started walking on eggshells to avoid this outcome and she noticed because a few times when she asked me about dinner I jumped in my seat a little. I told her I was scared and I asked her to stop shouting at me and she said that I was silencing her, she was just trying to share her feelings with me, and that she didn't feel safe around me because she couldn't express herself without me "getting triggered."

>>40927439
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m avpd and recently had to block a friend with bpd because I felt like we just both caused eachother pain. I still feel so much guilt about it even months later, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for blocking him and I can’t even fathom the pain I likely caused him. I can’t imagine the pain your going through

>>40927661
thx anon my body started shaking bc i thought u were gonna be her but then you said him but yeah i pretty much think of her 24/7 it sucks but also idgi we could have been so happy together well idk but do you mind explaining your side maybe it could help to have avpd insight?

need bpd bussy in my life

>>40926206
Bullshit. I tried but they don't accept or ghost

>>40923893 (OP)
its true!!

>>40927707
I can try. I’m always scared that someone I like is going to start hating me or thinking less of me if I say something wrong, so talking to people constantly feels stressful, like if I say one thing wrong it feels like people will ridicule me. And since my friend messaged me almost constantly everyday it felt like I was constantly under stress from the fear that I might upset him or that he might start hating me. Talking in general is just extremely exhausting to me but I kept pushing myself to always keep talking to him even if my social battery was drained, and that just built up into more stress. Also it didn’t help that I never set any boundaries with him, and never told him if soemthing made me uncomfortable, because I didn’t want to make him feel bad. So he would say certain things and flirt with me not knowing that it made me uncomfortable because I pretended I was fine with it.

I felt like I had no time to myself, since he would almost always be messaging me when he was awake. I often had to pretend like I was going to sleep just to get some time to myself but he stalked my socials and saw me post during a time where I claimed to be asleep, and he got really upset. So i also felt like I wasn’t able to spend time posting online like I used to enjoy doing. I was constantly worried about how he felt and what he thought of me. And Tbf a lot of the problems that happened were my fault.
He also had this mindset of wanting to fix me, and believedthat his purpose in life was to sacrifice his mental well-being to uplift others, however it didn’t uplift me at all but just made me feel like my presence was hurting him. But I’m not sure if that had anything to do with his BPD, or if that was just a personal thing.

Sorry if my experiwnce might not be applicable to yours, since I don’t know your friend or your exact situation. But I hope I could provide some kind of help

>>40927095
Every time i date a BPDemon they get really really mean and awful until I get violent and then they're happy again for some reason. Extreme levels of masochism.

>>40928095
thank you for sharing friend it does feel applicable in a lot of ways and was a helpful read<3 sorry all that happened and the way it did. was yr person s ptsd haver as well?

>>40928689
well to answer your question, id rather they hurt me than to ignore me or be cold towards me. i'm not worth much and lack of affect is intolerable for me

>>40924980
Hiii...and honestly a good question. I obviously don't go outside but I also don't really type in any discords or text/message anyone either. So ig you would have to find one in random thread replies x3

>>40928729
I have no idea unfortunately. His BPD was self diagnosed and I never heard them mention anything about having ptsd

>>40928095
nta but your internal dialogue as you described it, it's like you ripped it out of my brain. especially feeling like every sentence and every word could be the potential for someone to hate you, if they don't get a joke or a reference or if a supportive comment doesn't land right, that shit consumes so much of my capacity. is that avpd thinking?

>>40928809
cptsd is the main thing im actually diagnosed with i could be bpd but mostly if with it from overlapping symptoms and getting called one constantly they sorta sound like ptsd but prolly me projecting idrk ty again anon

>>40928832
if you are my ex friend i’m very sorry i didn’t want to tell you i hate you it was very wrong i did that and im not suicidal or self harming since stopping therapy the dysreg was way too much i think im mostly back to the emotional numbness i was before bc the rashes have finally stopped and ive chilled some

>>40929089
Sorrryyy not your friend. I have recently had a falling out with my only long time friend but the details don't align