Thread 41329241

I miss her so fucking bad
Why am I such fucking poison? Why do I hurt every single person who ever tries to get close to me?
My brain is so violently opposed to doing the most basic things that every human being knows would be right
I'm a selfish roach

>>41329241 (OP)
Hate you fucks for making this so vague it could be about anybody.

>>41329272
Gotta make it vague so I don't get recognized and have to deal with more consequences for my actions

>>41329241 (OP)
Happens to me w everyone every time. It's okay. Next time just try to do better.

>>41329241 (OP)
Happens to me w everyone every time. It's okay. Next time just try to do better.

>>41329272
true!! why don't they give like, their address or smth baka my head

>>41329313
i did NOT type baka what the flip

>>41329320
These newfags bro..

>>41329309
But ive done this my entire adult life.......
I never change..............
>>41329313
Ya know i might be talking about you. Which if thats the case, PLS PLS PLS IM SO SORRY GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE PLS ILL DO LITERALLY ANYTHING JUST TEXT ME AGAIN AT LEAST

>>41329328
Same. But what can you do about it. The best you can do is try to do better next time and get therapy.

>>41329328
just text her retard

>>41329332
I've chosen to start day drinking again instead

>>41329328
idk im delusional so mb gang if i made you think that

>>41329347
Nooo don't ruin your life by becoming an alcoholic you're so sexy haha..
I used to do that too also. But I stopped because it's bad for your health and productivity.

>>41329344
Trust me, BAD IDEA
>>41329351
:(
>>41329357
I used to drink constantly then got better before it became a slow slide to drinking constantly again

>>41329369
Force it to just get better by doing something healthy and productive instead of drinking : D

>>41329369
Get drunk and send her a wall of text about how sorry you are or some shit

>>41329385
Ive been trying to practice and read more since i have the alone time now, after work ill usually work on my hobbys for at least a couple hours before i get too drunk to focus. Sometimes i just get rly bad anxiety attacks and cant do anything after tho besides cut myself then pass out

>>41329369
whys it a bad idea

>>41329396
Well that's pretty good. But the drinking is going to affect you either way by messing with your body and it'll make you depressed long term. For anxiety I just use benzos personally, but idk if you'll be able to get that. Are you getting therapy also?

>>41329390
This honestly works like 85% of the time

>>41329390
Believe me, i could right a fucking novel with the shit ive typee up then promptly deleted
>>41329419
Does it actually?
>>41329403
Im a bpd tranny, ill let you imagine how bad it got
>>41329413
I have a little bit of xanax left. Ive been in and out of therapy my whole life but not rn cause i dont have health insurance anymore and almost no money

>>41329436
Well that is pretty unfortunate. But it could motivate you to not drink alcohol maybe since that costs money

>>41329442
Usually my choices on what to use my spending money on is either food or liquor, and i get to lose weight when i pick the liquor

>>41329448
Alcohol has a lot of calories actually so idk about that. You could maybe try fasting and tell yourself it's some sort of self harm thing so you can manage it. Idk does self hate help with fasting?

>>41329453
I usually only eat once every few days. Well, for awhile when i was trying to stop drinking i ate more regularly and gained some weight, but like tonight is the first night in awhile that ive eaten. Also first night in awhile that ive been sober
Its not rly a self hate thing, im just the kinda person where a couple pounds instantly makes me look fat so i need to slim up as much as possible to not look like a hog

>>41329472
Well erm eating at night is unoptimal if you're going to eat little / infrequently since all that energy is just going to make it harder for you to sleep. It's good that you're sober also try to do that more
>im just the kinda person where a couple pounds instantly makes me look fat so i need to slim up as much as possible to not look like a hog
I'm pretty sure this has to be a perception thing and a sign of an eating disorder also..

>>41329486
Im short, when youre short a little bit of weight makes you look a lot heavier
I was at 100lbs earlier this year and still looked fat

>>41329518
Well I kinda get it. Though I just ended up accepting it and rn I'm at 180ish pounds while being 5'3. But I don't look that fat because I am built very wide. Have you tried accepting that a little fat is ok. Most women are a little fat due to estrogen making weight gain really easy.

>>41329526
Hey same height
And no, i know how i look and i know that i dont look good fat. Ive had people even straight up tell me im fat

>>41329536
Well if you don't like how you look with more weight I guess it's okay to try to lose it. You should still try to get enough calories and have good macros. Also get vitamins and stuff like that from your food. Eating little is simple but what's not is eating little and eating sustainably.

>>41329544
Vitamins always give me crazy gut pain
Idk when i eat i usually make like a rice or noodle stir fry with some veggies or just fish. Take out sushi or i make some tuna salad at home and use it on sandwiches and stuff

>>41329241 (OP)
What's stopping you from making amends anon?

You clearly regret your actions and know you were in the wrong, go talk to them and atleast apologize maybe they'll give you another chance and you can work it out together

>>41329564
Had the talk with them after everything. Couldve gone worse ig but was told she never wanted to see me again

>>41329560
You might need more fiber. You seem to be eating well enough still, though try to avoid eating just carbs if possible. I don't think they really have enough to keep someone going. You need protein, carbs, fiber and minerals to sustain yourself and carbs only have like. Carbs. Crazy isn't it
Me personally my diet is like. 1 meal a day and it's a big burrito with meat and cheese. And then probably a sandwich with meat and eggs. And then probably some cookies or other random stuff I found. And then greek yogurt with mango. And then a protein drink usually with coffee. I eat very little usually yes.
>>41329564
This is kinda true also.
>>41329579
What'd you do? Was it just a bpd "sperg" and she didn't want to talk to you after it?

>>41329585
I love burritos.....
Mexican food is my favorite, makes me miss my family and hometown
But yea i cheated for months
Ive cheated in ever long term relationship ive ever had and everytime i do i lose everything

>>41329604
>Mexican food is my favorite, makes me miss my family and hometown
For some reason I thought it was Spanish. Very odd. It may be the nationalism in my veins making me want to steal others culture.
>But yea i cheated for months
That is. A bit different from what I had assumed. That is pretty bad. I advice not doing that. It is very reasonable that she doesn't want to talk to you at all right now then.

She hasn't changed her status as not with you so there is that

>>41329620
Youre spanish? Your ancestors raped mine :/
>That is pretty bad
Mhm, thats why im having to do everything i fucking can not to beg them to be with me again. I also know realistically i shldnt be with anyone........

>>41329385
For me it is thinking about going outside all day and then it's night again and opening another bottle in the dark and drinking until I'm about to pass out and then jerk off while crying myself to sleep

>>41329639
She never publically had her status as with me to begin with

>>41329641
>Your ancestors raped mine :/
Yeah that's why you speak Spanish. #getbent
>I also know realistically i shldnt be with anyone
You could though. Just like. Don't cheat on them. Maybe put a gps tracker under your skin and give your partners access to it, and then like a shock collar in case they feel like you're cheating
>>41329644
Have you tried opening your front door and walking out.

we should be friends anon im going through the exact same thing :(

>>41329670
>Maybe put a gps tracker under your skin and give your partners access to it, and then like a shock collar in case they feel like you're cheating
Fuck.......
>>41329680
Sure, i dont have any other friends anymore. Drop disc

>>41329241 (OP)
did you text her yet

>>41329325
This is the only board where I see people confused by the filters on a daily basis

>>41330305
Oh yea i wrote abour an essay on how i love and miss her so so so so so sooooo much amd how im such a fuck up of a tranny and she told me its ok it was just a whoopsie and now were like basically married

>>41329670
>Maybe put a gps tracker under your skin and give your partners access to it, and then like a shock collar in case they feel like you're cheating
Where do I find a girl pathetic enough for this?

>>41331101
In this moment I am euphoric for I don't have bpd

>>41333010
>Where do I find a girl pathetic enough for this?
Hi!!!! Me!! Right here, op again!

>>41331101
did she really

>>41329241 (OP)
>Why am I such fucking poison? Why do I hurt every single person who ever tries to get close to me?
>My brain is so violently opposed to doing the most basic things that every human being knows would be right
>I'm a selfish roach
Tranny...

>>41333503
NO
I didnt text her i just played old flirty voice messages she left me til i cried then fell asleep

>>41333566
you should text her. what if she's waiting for you to

>>41333585
Im gonna fucking hang myself

>>41333595
text her first before you do that just in case

>>41329241 (OP)
>I miss her so fucking bad
This except for I didn't do anything wrong
She just became unstable and stopped caring about me all at once
That shit hurt BAD
Still can't move on

>>41330320
I think it may be due to it's attractiveness to newgens.
>>41333010
Bad places probably. I wouldn't advice going for that very much.
>>41333595
Don't text her and don't do anything to yourself.
>>41333663
That happens sometimes. She probably didn't mean anything bad by it and she's just mentally ill. Don't think less of yourself for that happening.

>>41333691
I do rly rly wanna text her tho
I mean, if i give it a little bit of time then message how i feel and swear itll never happen again it would either work out or stuff would just continue like this right? Its not that bad of a risk maybe

>>41329241 (OP)
You are a selfish roach, but there are a lot of selfish roaches like you that are in relationships. The fact is that it is your selfishness and your egotism that causes you to snipe others and demand attention in the first place. A good person might have more going for them but they won't have pity thread making behavior and all other behaviors associated with it. You were inadequate and yet you demanded her attention. You kept her from finding that one person that was an actual good person, a qualified person, someone with a good career and good outlook on life. Now she will never meet that person again, because they're gone, they have given up and moved on. You took that from her. All because you're a selfish piece of shit, wanting to make it all about you, just like you are now.

>>41334932
Just do it

>>41329241 (OP)
same

>>41334979
that's a lot of projection

>>41329680
i’m different anon but relate to a lot of things going on in the thread my discord is milkflower4 if u wanna add me

>>41334932
if you are talking about me i hurt so much over you but is okay to not text me please live your life and do the things you need to do. i would really like to know you again at some point hopefully ily good luck

ill b ur transbian gf but you have to respect my boundaries and keep me entertained until I get bored every single day

>>41336399
Deal!

erm i think this is about me god damnit

The real unforeseen sadness of this thread is how many people either think this is about them or have done what i did. I thought this would prune after like an hour

>>41336382
ily2 :[

>>41336469
umm does your name rhyme with blowey

>>41336469
you have to text her so all the other anons that think it might be about them will know it isn't

>>41336491
Nope
Rhymes with ick

>>41336500
um please dont lie cuz this thread is kinda eerie and making me paranoid

>>41336417
d...d...ddiscord?

>>41335897
No it's not. Everything is projection when it's not positive to you. You forget that for it to be projection I have to do what I am accusing someone else of doing. But I'm not accusing anon of doing anything, they have already done it, and I'm just extrapolating on the ramifications of their selfishness.
I know you hate reading stuff that you feel calls you out but just stop being a selfish roach of a person and then you won't need to misapply projection to everything you don't like reading.