Thread 41630516

post sui fuel for being unhelpable or just being over stupid tranny life. share hypothetical easy ways you wish you could kill yourself. share why you think about suicide n vent

>>41630516 (OP)
i don't have suifuel unfortunately
>easy ways you wish you could kill yourself
id ingest lots of sodium nitrite, hypothetically
>why
might be a weak reason but intense feeling of not belonging anywhere
can't really stand being in a body i despise anymore

>>41630703
doesn’t it hurt really bad? i’m huge pussy about actually doing it if not i definitely would have already

>>41630721
>doesn’t it hurt really bad?
i don't know i haven't tried it myself but from what i've read it isn't that painful compared to other methods

>>41630748
it's one of the most painful methods

>>41630799
oh lol i was like literally considering it just now thanks for letting me know anon

>>41630721
it causes methaemoglobinaemia, aka stops blood taking on oxygen, idk if that'll feel great

>>41630799
good to know
do you know what are the most effortless/painless methods besides gun

>>41630843
there are basically no easy or painless methods. anything you take is easy to fuck up and easy to regret and there are so many cases where it goes wrong or it gets messy. sorry to tell you

>>41630843
exit bag but idk how to get a full nitrogen tank online and idk how it works in person

i want to go together with a person who wants to go too and hold hands and both pass away peacefully

>>41630904
this sounds nice but i wouldn’t want the other person to die

>>41630883
>full nitrogen tank
didn't they start adding oxygen to these tanks to prevent suicide or am i thinking of another gas

>>41630935
that was helium but yeah you need to make sure it 100 percent they offer it for like welding purposes and i think like kegs and taps for beer n stuff need nitrogen

i know it’s hypocritical but pls no one kill them self sorry i made this thread pls have good luck everyone and hope things get better for you

>>41630516 (OP)
the sexual tension between me and the $250 nitrogen tank goes crazy. i am no longer talking to my parents, but ik my mother would not take my sui well. im living for her. serving my time and watching the clock run down. im a schizo tranny whose body didn't take well to estrogen. oh well, ymmv, as they say. i wake up a quarter of the way. general anhedonia

>>41631039
where is the 250 nitrogen tank? i always only ever see them being sold empty?

>>41631039
i don't care about much. i socialise with people bc i find it keeps me a bit more sane, same with eating well, exercise, sleep. i couldn't less about my "friends", it's pretty much a transaction to get my socialisation in. though i don't let that on, obviously. sentenced to 80 years of chores

>>41630516 (OP)
> post sui fuel for being unhelpable or just being over stupid tranny life.
I’m not unreliable but I’m so tired
> share hypothetical easy ways you wish you could kill yourself
I usually would t spread cognito hazards like that but since >>41630703 mentioned it already, definitely sodium nitrite. I care a lot about leaving a clean corpse. I want to traumatize as few people as possible so no blood, no mess. And anoxia is something I’m familiar with so I think it’d be less scary for me. I’d wanna do it outside too. I have a spot picked out in the woods by a stream.
> share why you think about suicide n vent
Guilt. I haven’t actually done anything too evil but I can’t stand myself. I’m 24 and still in undergrad, still too broke to move out, still a drain on my family. I know they love me and don’t mind feeding or housing me but I feel so disgusted in myself that I breath their air. I feel like they must have hoped for more for me. There’s no way they wanted to have a suicidal tranny faggot loser with 7 attempts under her belt. I only ever let them know about my first attempt because seeing their reaction to it made me feel so guilty. I hurt them so badly and I’m probably going to hurt them again one day, but until then I need to do everything in my power to look like I’m ok. I don’t want them to worry about me like that ever again. It’s weird though because I don’t even hate life, I think the world is pretty great but I’m so tired, I’m in too much mental pain. It’s not that I want to leave, I just want the pain to stop

>>41631058
im sorry, if you're so incompetent that you cannot find a nitrogen tank for sale, you likely haven't lived enough to know that you don't want to be alive. go and do your best to experience the world

>>41631113
sodium nitrite doesnt leave behind a clean corpse it's exactly the opposite

>>41631113
yeah, the "im tired" really resonates. i don't want anybody worrying about me either, they should go do more useful things

>>41631128
i have lived too much that i only want to hide ik the luck i have and the experiences i hold shut up and post the nitrogen

>>41631096
couldn't care less*

>>41631169
that's nice. so you really want to die, but not enough to do some searching and shopping? things aren't adding up.

>>41631195
probably that pakistani nona the other day that is extremely lazy

>>41631195
i don’t believe you found one it probably says in small print somewhere it isn’t full

>>41631148
What will it do? I was under the impression that it was anoxia that killed you with if so no blood and if you take anti nausea with it then no vomit

>>41631387
wearing a helmet doesn't stop your arm getting hit by a hammer. it's not a painless death. i don't know why people are so opposed to the nitrogen tank

>>41631195
also like yeah i’m pretty retarded and incapable also am scared but i really hope to be able to kms soon ik ive lived enough life to want to put an end to things im living out

>>41631381
actually, maybe you should kill yourself. one less belligerent retard

>>41631442
that’s what i’m saying post it anon

>>41631416
I’m fine with it hurting I just don’t want it to leave an ugly scene. I want my body to look as normal as possible so that it doesn’t traumatize people or leave a mess

>>41631416
people peacefully and accidentally die all the time from leaving gas stove on or starting car in an attached garage before opening the garage door. but these threads make it sound like this shit is robotic surgery. they probably just wanted to ruminate on methods.

how long is death from sodium nitrate

>>41631435
if you're scared, you shouldn't kill yourself. you're caught up in thought eddys. go be present and meditate. once you have freed yourself from the shackles of externalities, only then can you truly feel

>>41631460
trvke ig. these threads so often just end up in realms of cowards' fantasies. killing yourself is very easy

>>41631470
ok you mentally mog me i hope i can end the thoughts of seeing my mom have cancer as child the feel of my uncles dick and my dad spit in my mouth i hate you and the awful actions i inflict on everyone by being a monster Rjwxh

>>41631494
Some people have aesthetic considerations. The very clothes off your back and almost any tree can be as effective as a gun. But people want to imagine their body left in a certain way.

>>41631503
yeah getting over my dad's dick up my child ass wasn't an easy one for me. disconnect. think about nothing but this very moment. prune yourself. if after all that you experience anhedonia, you can consider killing yourself. there is a chance you can be happy, or content at the very least. don't rob yourself of that chance

>>41631547
ig im terminally malebrained :) enjoy your meaning, i mean that

>>41631583
i feel the balance between aesthetic and pragmatism is individualized and not particularly gendered. but thanks nona

>>41631566
i used to meditate n such and workout like transmax and things were going good for a bit then i was supposed to have ffs and on the bed i tested positive for covid and i had to wait two weeks in that time my work changed how they cover ffs so i got cucked outta ffs and from my leave of absence it messed up my insurance too somehow for the coming year also i went into debt for free surgery also when my dad found out i was trans a little before this and during that period he wrote a letter saying he would kill me and would call my work various store in the chain i worked at to try and find out where i lived i already have ptsd from he being very physically abusive growing up and i don’t know how to maintain any relationships in my life and im a monster and im old now too ik i want to kms i thinks most people take more than can give me but im actually a black hole idk theres more to ik i need to kms ik it has to happen but im too scared and its selfish i can t

>>41631566
also my dad didn’t dick me my uncle did though when my mom was in the hospital when i was little i tasted my dad spit bc he would get so mad he would spit on me and i would often get drops or it run into my mouth and i hate thinking ab this even more then him giving me a concussion or him screaming in my face not word just as loud as he can

i’m litterally retarded i don’t care

>>41631722
okay yeah you get the kys pass

I can't kill myself until after srs because I'm lucky enough to have a path to that. it's so far away though. ffs even further. I'll be in my 30s by the time I can finally be just okay with myself. I've missed out on a lot and will probably continue to miss out on things because going outside and just seeing how ugly the world is is awful. having to tuck and shave and do all this sensory nightmare shit just to look somewhat presentable only to get constantly misgendered anyway. can't do anything that makes me happy because my hobbies that I used to love are too expensive, everything will just get worse and more expensive forever. the loneliness weighs on me. people describe depression and loneliness as heavy. it really feels like my soul is being crushed every single day I'm alive. alcohol helps but it can only do so much.

if I ever do it I'm going to find a train, make sure it's one that goes fast enough that it'll just wipe me out in a fraction of a second. I've always loved trains.

>>41632216
sorry for turning up attempting advice. but does laser work on your face hair? on discount it can be like $30 a session in some places.

>>41630516 (OP)
i think maybe losing a ton of weight will make me feel foggier and more fragile so whatever method i choose goes down easier. im already like 14-15 bmi and thinking abt strangulation bc it seems more accessible and simple than nitrogen or sn and im waiting to lose more and til its the 'right time' before i practice and do it :)

as for why, i think being touched badly by my older brother and father and also neglected and isolated since 9 made me unfit for life on top of being a tranny :/ i dont rlly know im basically only okay daydreaming in my room and theres only so much i can do here b4 ive seen it all

>>41632324
you're good dw about it. it has to be electrolysis unfortunately. I've been waiting for years but between waitlists and insurance changes and random bureaucracy it just hasn't happened. preop electro for srs also takes priority. it all just takes so fucking long.

>>41631460
The car in the garage method got patched i thought

>>41632429
might be a new house thing. both car in garage and toaster in bath methods still work in my house. i am aware of these things since i dont plan to die but both are a real risk accidentally.
>>41632423
unfortunate. electrolysis is so steep price. please for once i hope bureaucracy works out and you make it.