"Separatists" edition

Previous: >>24480552

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.
(And maybe double-space your WIPs to allow edits if you want 'em.)

Simple guides on writing:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LatorN4P9aA

Listen to Joe Abercrombie on how to write.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sT2WMKgN-0

>>24494147
>Joe Abercrombie on how to write
Shouldn't he listen to someone who can do it, instead?

Listen to Shia LaBeouf on how to write.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0

Is it better to speed things up and have her think out the signal or do people care about her pondering about complete nonsense because of "feelings"?

>>24494190
If your goal is to make these characters seem intelligent, discussing basic signal subterfuge does the opposite. I came away with the impression both of these characters are stupid.
Not meant in a hostile manner. I'm not trolling, I read the whole excerpt. I understand the desire to overexplain and while your writing is decent for genre fic they just look dumb in this exchange

>>24494203
of course they're stupid about war. one is a princess the other is a priest. They don't know shit about war and are just plotting things. I'm thinking of having a general enter the conversation.

>>24494207
Oh, if that's your intent then well done. That's the problem with short excerpts. Not enough context. Yes, they seemed stupid in this convo. Decent enough dialogue. Pacing seemed fine, to answer your original question. 'Pondering nonsense' is appropriate

Opening to the story I'm writing. Does it hook well? What would you change?

>>24494383
very interesting. I do like the setup but I would personally make the opening sentence to be:
>Nobody would come to save him, Quinn thought.

My LitRPG concept/title

>I'm the Biggest Loser, That is Why it is my Mission to Destroy the Most Perfect Girl in School!

I'll write a book about an incel who kills all females on earth
It'll be like maldoror
How easily can I get it published?

aaaaugh I must channel my sexual frustration into my work

>>24494411
>kill all females

>>24494406
Ooh, I like that! Stronger and gets the protag's name out faster. Thank you!

>type work in a care. Only person that has spoken to me is a middle aged man.

Experimenting with my prose. Can't get anyone to read anything anyway so might as well be completely autistic about it.

>>24494500
I wasn't trolling, there's no character beyond "I" to latch onto, it's all just noise, this is the sesquipedalian equivalent to a toddler's babble while it crashes toy planes together

>>24494500
You honestly should write a simple completed work before you even try experimental prose.

>>24494529
>>24494500
My first post is a revision of this version. Readers said it was too purple and slow so I tried experimenting with something more visceral.

>>24494544
>>24494500
It's just boring
He's hunting a fish thing but why and who cares and who is he

>>24494544
They're telling you to move on with the plot.

>>24494581
>>24494585
The chapter before this one is more character driven and explains why he joined the Jaegers. They hunt Gargans for a gland that can be used in fusion reactors (space whalers). This chapter is to showcase what their job entails and moves directly into the plot. The story and characters are pretty fleshed out, but I'm struggling to pin down the right voice to help readers have the patience to invest in it.

>>24494604
The right voice is poetic but not obtuse. Acicular has a nice sound to it but most people will need to stop reading and pick up a dictionary

>>24494618
Is there an easy way to tell which words people would need a dictionary for? I try to leave contextual clues for difficult words but I'm not always sure which ones need it. Sometimes they're just the most precise for the meaning I'm trying to convey.

>>24494411
The Screwfly Solution already exists.

>>24494649
Fuck
It's over
My one good idea

>>24494190
>speed things up or "feelings"
I'd say that depends on what you are writing. If she's pondering about "nonsense" that not even you care about I would say to cut it.

I'd also say your period or generic historic language seems a little inconsistent. "Marcellus wishes I to marry" is a little incorrect. It should be "Marcellus wishes me to marry". It seems like an imitation of old speech rather than genuine. That's contrasted with modern speech like "How about ..." Needs tightening up.

>>24494383
I find the three "Ifs" a little jarring. Maybe even it out with some polysyndeton (ands).

"When God saw him born thirteen-fourteen, maybe fifteen-years ago, he never checked up on Quinn again."
I like the idea, though the phrasing is awkward. Also, why is Quinn or the narrator unsure as to when Quinn was born by a margin of 3 years? Consider instead.
"God saw Quinn born fifteen years go and never checked up on him again."

>>24494500
First paragraph I don't mind. Sentences like "A shining spiral shaving floated weightlessly above me" are purple. I'll say what others have: keep it simple.That seems to fit in better with the short, sharp, punchy sentences you have going on around it.


My own piece attached. It is parody, humour.

For a story I'm writing, I imagined up a a political entity known as the "Spartan Confederation of Intentional States" which emerged from a anarcho-capitalist intergovernment project called "Clearchus" (based on a spartan general in one of Xenophon's books). The story is utopian and I am trying to make it as twistless or genuinely utopian as possible. That is to say, no "dark undercurrents".

Here's an excerpt:
>GOVERNOR OF CLEARCHUS: “Ladies and Gentlemen, it is an honor that I, Governor of The Autonomous Colony of Clearchus, dutifully welcome all attendees to the Administration Center grounds. You have all gathered here today to witness the enactment of a bill to disenfranchise the public legislative monopoly, and create a new private legislative sector. Allow me to commemorate this historical event by reciting an abridged quote by Classical Greek philosopher Plato, ‘…the business of us who are the founders of the State will be to compel the best minds to attain that knowledge which we have already shown to be the greatest of all — they must continue to ascend until they arrive at the good; but when they have ascended and seen enough we must not allow them to do as they do now… they remain in the upper world... they must be made to descend... and partake of... labours and honours…’”

Thoughts?

>>24494812
>Thoughts?
On what, the worldbuilding? Do you have a plot?

>>24494658
Originality is a myth invented by media illiterates

We're not even 5 hours into today and I already finished my 1000 words. I'm thinking today's a surplus kinda day

>>24494812
On anything.

The story was originally a flash fiction that progressed as follows:
>MC is introduced doing simple philosophy
>He has a moment of reflection where he describes the essence of the project
>Gets into details over the project with his boss, is asked to aid a tour
>On the tour, he describes the real life workings of the project
>He goes back home performs a soliloquy, interrupted by news broadcast of more details of project including how UN clone soldiers are there
>Performs a soliloquy about personal opinion on militarism
>Ends with the excerpt I gave.
That's the first part, I'm adding further less political story lines in more parts in what I hope will become a novel.

>>24494852
meant for
>>24494824

>>24494812
>The story is utopian and I am trying to make it as twistless or genuinely utopian as possible.

>>24494812
>reciting an abridged quote by Classical Greek philosopher Plato
How many published novel authors actually have the gall to pad out their word count with this

>>24494888
Even for my original plan of the story being a flash fiction, I felt it was a nice to end with a strong philosophical quote.
Now, I intend to write a novel so it won't be so much padding

>>24494812
I'm already bored out of my mind. But good luck writing a story with no conflict. I'm sure it will be real interesting.

>utopia is actually a dystopia with some weird institutionalized sex stuff going on

>>24494901
Aldous Huxley called, he wants his plot back

>>24494904
1984's institutionalized sex stuff was weird too, only difference is it was a lack of it instead of an excess

You're in a post apocalypse 100 or 200 years after it has happened. What is the worst thing from today's culture that people could form a cult around?

>>24494991
Rule 34

>>24494812
>>24494852
Honestly? I don't mean to be too harsh, but it sounds distinctly like you're looking for an excuse to nakedly use a novel as a mouthpiece for theory you learned in AP Philosophy which you believe the world MUST be told of.

>>24495149
That's just the beginning of my writing project.The idea came about years ago after I gained a Redditor's-equivalent understanding of anarcho-capitalism. Out of 4000 words of the novel, 1000 of them are about introducing anarcho-capitalism, and it is more so about setting the setting.

Here is the introduction I have to accompany the story:
>“Hermippus, in his Sale of Diogenes, says that he was taken prisoner and put up to be sold, and asked what he could do; and he answered, “Govern men.” And so he bade the crier “give notice that if any one wants to purchase a master, there is one here for him.”” - The Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers
>The quote above by Diogenes is in the vein of philosophical instruction, not political leadership. Nonetheless, it provides a fun introduction to this text. The inclusion of it here was an afterthought.
Capital at Clearchus and Beyond is a utopian short story set in the near future combining the genre of Utopianism with the elements of Political Freedom, Romance, and Romanticism. Clearchus in the story is an eponym of Clearchus the Spartan, the ancient Greek general in Anabasis, a book by ancient Greek philosopher Xenophon.
>As the multipart story progresses (the Beyond part of the story), it becomes more basic and perhaps less philosophical, this is a conscious but not necessarily coherent artistic decision. It also becomes less futuristic-centered and “sci-fiey” and more about the dynamics between characters and characterization. Despite these points, Capital at Clearchus and Beyond is a singular story.

tl;dr there are other themes like romance and romanticism

Any recommendations for reading for writing romantic poetry? I'm in the midst of writing my vows and I feel like most of it comes off as reductive, unconnected, cliche, and frankly boring.

>>24495252
>romantic poetry?
Shakespeare's sonnets
particularly 116 and 18, never failed to have a girl gush over that
nothing more cliché than a 400-year-old poem? yes
still beautiful? also yes
skip the ones that go
>you are so beautiful it's a criminal waste of your genes not to pass your looks on to your babies (with me)
might be a bit dated

I also have a fondness for Kipling, Longfellow and Dickinson, but that's just me; I think you have a lot on your plate already

>spoiler
congratulations
just because of that, and just for you, let me give you a tip: don't try poetry
write prose
BUT try to make each sentence fit within each sentence of the Pokémon theme song
say your heartfelt thoughts plainly and simply, with 1 or 2 similes, 1 or 2 uses of repetition (you are the light of my life, you are the sun of my stars) don't overegg the pudding
done

>>24495252
cute
I recommend reading the pre-raphaelites. especially swinburne and christina rossetti. I find their work romantic and sentimental while being accessible and widely appreciable
go to the poetry thread. you'll get both deeper discussion on how to compose a verse as well as more recommendations on what to read and take inspiration from

>>24495263
>telling a grown man who wants to sincerely express his love to his wife that he should take cues from the pokemon theme song

>>24495278
Where there are poets they shall pass, but common meter endureth forever

>>24494996
>a post-apoc order that religiously hunts down new fictional characters for them to create primative porn of
it writes itself

I can ONLY write well under the combined influence of amphetamine and cannabis. Any way to cut out the middleman? Some sort of cathinone perhaps?

>>24495680
I want to see this well written drug bender baby

>>24495493
I was thinking
>post-apoc Madmax / Waterworld society thinks that Rule 34 is an actual commandment: "thou SHALT make porn of all that exists"

>>24494139 (OP)
I sent a query to an agent for my novel on a lark and she actually requested the full manuscript. I know it's only the first real step to getting published but it feels good bros.

Beginning of a short story. Looking for general impressions and/or feedback.

>>24496292
congrats brah

>>24496292
what's your pitch?

>>24494190
Petronas Axios is a distracting name. Isn't Petronas that building in Malaysia? Isn't Axios that website?

If reading on a kindle is real reading then writing with AI assistance is real writing.

>>24496408
>the things we consumed consumed us
Stop reading right there

Anyone use Manuskript for their writing? I've been looking into alternatives to LibreOffice, and the options available on Loonix are pretty limited. It's either this or an abandoned beta version of Scrivener.

>>24494139 (OP)
Is it cucked to raise the son of your nemesis/longtime rival?

>>24496600
>can look up definitions of unfamiliar words with a tap
physical cannot compete

Does anyone have the anon who posted a chapter that was just the N word on repeat?

>>24496800
I simply use my imagination to invent my own definition

>Writing huge novel, 130k+ words
>first ever that's going to be finished, just a few (planned) chapters to go
>fren asks me to check the grade level
>6th - 8th level
Am I just a retard?

>>24496829
No, that's really good. It means it's easy to read. The vast majority of my fiction is at 5th grade level.

>>24496829
if you're retarded then you're a strong retard
most people will never write a novel that long
be proud of your middle school block buster

>>24496829
The average modern reader is comfortable at a pathetically simplistic level of prose. 6th-8th grade might even be a bit heady for them.

Worldbuilding slop I did. I only posted it to /tg/ because there wasnt a worldbuilding thread here and didnt want to dump in /wg/
>>95952332
>>95953118
>>95953127

>>24496990
Whoops
>>>/tg/95849839

>>24496652
A friend of mine uses Obsidian to write his novels, he likes it a lot.

>>24496292
congrats bro, what'd you pitch?

I mean I have recently kinda gotten into listening a lot of daoist spirit cultivation stories and the whole progress fantasy genre. Was kinda wondering if anyone knew of a good place to find an explanation of the types, the philophy of it, why the genre came to be from what appears to be just a werid religious thing. As I was interested in mostly the taking appart the idea and examine it more in comparison to the rest of fantay. Maybe even try a short story or two. Like I get cultivate the body and kinda the spirit but not really the daos

>>24496794
my opinion is that you are cucking someone out of the responsibility and honor of become a father to the next generation but thats my opinion

alright seniors specializing in the mtl xianxia genre or just about anyone
how is my writing?

>>24496869
>>24496870
>>24496871
Thanks, frens

>>24496572
>>24497113
a formally playful/unusual novel that loosely adapts the Inferno, set in a rundown beach town. Some chapter numbers don't seem to "add up," there's a chapter entirely in terza rima, a chapter is a legal brief. Things like that.

>>24497271
You'd be better off asking the webnovel general about that sort of stuff, I think

>>24497600
ah right sorry for the trouble

>>24496292
>>24497497
Sounds intriguing. Congratulations, and I hope you get further with it.

>>24496584
It's Father Axios in Christian orthodox.

>>24496829
6th to 8th grade on flesche kincade is based on 6th to 8th grade back in the 1940's, where kids are much better read.

Huck Finn was written for 5th graders, but the prose has adults today struggle

>>24496652
I used manuskript for a while, but it started really chugging at 50k words so I switched to a pirated copy of scrivener. Functionally, at least as far as the functions that I use, it isn't significantly different, and is generally much more polished + has built in tools for exporting to publish-ready formats.
I would still recommend checking out obsidian tho.

Keep going

>>24497497
>a formally playful/unusual novel that loosely adapts the Inferno, set in a rundown beach town
sounds like the DiCaprio Romeo + Juliet
if I were an Inferno fan I'd love it I'm sure
best of luck, hope you sell the movie

I wrote a ya romantasy novel because I love reading them, despite being a man in my 30s. Some readers have told me it's good. I think I might try sending it out there. It's very scary, but I'm just going to do it and see what happens.

>>24497925
Advice: Take a female pen name

>>24497935
This is a stupid question, but won't they eventually find out I'm actually a guy if they want more of my work?

The start of my Western story, and were following the villian, Inés De Armas, a Spanish aristocrat looking to expand her family Empire in the America's.

The air in the darkened room was thick with tension. A low hum of murmured voices filled the space, the flicker of oil lamps casting shadows that danced against the weathered walls. This wasn’t the sort of place Inés de Armas was expected to be found. This spot was rough, rugged, and raw. The poker table at the center of the room was crowded with men, their grim faces focused on their cards. The stakes were high, and nerves were running thin.

Inés, dressed in a sharp, pristine riding coat and perfectly fitted boots, sat among them like a queen at court. Her posture was relaxed, her fingers casually holding a thin cigarillo, which she twirled between her fingers as if she had all the time in the world. Her eyes, dark and calculating, swept over the table, observing the men with a faint hint of amusement. They all thought they had her cornered. A foreign woman with too much money and not enough sense, looking to gamble in a place she didn’t belong.

The man sitting opposite her, a grizzled rancher by the name of Tucker Baines, leaned forward, glaring at her from beneath his wide-brimmed hat. His voice dripped with condescension as he spoke.

“You sure you wanna stay in, señorita?” he drawled, the Spanish word thick with mockery. “Don’t want to see a delicate little thing like you lose it all ‘cause you’re in over your head.”

Inés smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She took a slow, deliberate drag from the cigarillo and exhaled, letting the smoke curl lazily in the air between them.

“Delicada?” she said softly, her accent rolling off her tongue like silk. “You misunderstand, señor. I am not here to gamble with luck. Luck is for men who have nothing else.”

Tucker chuckled, shaking his head as the other men joined in, their laughter low and filled with the kind of smugness that only came when they thought they had the upper hand.

Inés didn’t flinch. She placed her cards face down on the table, her hands folding gracefully in her lap as she continued to watch them with a measured calm.

“I know how this works,” Tucker said, leaning back in his chair and waving a hand toward her. “A rich girl like you comes into town, flashes a little cash, and expects to win because of her family name. Well, sweetheart, the name de Armas don’t mean much ‘round here.”

Inés raised an eyebrow, tilting her head ever so slightly. “Perhaps,” she said, her voice cool and measured. “But I am not here because of my name.”

“Oh yeah?” another man piped up, grinning as he tapped the barrel of his revolver against the table. “Then what’s a lady like you doing in a place like this? Seems like you’re a long way from home.”

>>24497935
NTA but i was thinking of either going for a gender neutral pen name or pull a Tolkien/Rowling.

ChatGPT gave my debut novel a 8.5/10.

>>24497987
did you at least tell it "you are a harsh literary critic" or something like that to stop it from automatically sucking your dick?

>>24498000
Yeah. I configured my ChatGPT to be honest and direct as possible as opposite to flatter with lies.
It initially it gave me a 7/10 but it raised to a 8.5/10 after some polishing.
It still complains about the pacing and character development of some characters, which makes sense to me.
I will probably try a last round of polishing for hopefully a 9/10 before trying to publish it.

>>24497925
>>24497935
The author of the notebook is a man

You have to remember, women LOVE men and the love men show. Women aren't men and can't ever express what is it about a man love they absolutely fall for. That's why most romantasy stories with monster rape is their idea of a sexual fantasy, but shit like the notebook is what they truly crave. It takes a man to write a man's love towards a woman.

>>24497944
Not unless you become a public figure, at least.

>>24498022
In reality, this means that you are only slightly above average.

>>24498022
Wow you're a real writer. I got a 7.5 from Gemini

>>24498104
>>24498022
>>24497987
You do realize these grades are completely random and mean absolutely nothing?

Are people here actually using AI to read their work

>>24498142
I think (or hope) that anyone doing that understands on some level that it's a cope and do it just to improve their self esteem enough to have a real person beta read or edit it.

>>24498116
They are not random. LLMs have distinct personalities and preferences, indicating things they like and do not like inherent from their training data.
If you submit garbage to it and ask it to be honest it will constantly say it's garbage with consistency.
If you submit something good to it and ask it to be honest it will constantly say it's good with consistency.

>>24498142
I have no friends and every time I post my work publicly, people ignore it or won't ask to read more than the first page.

>>24498156
Don't you think that might be a sign that it probably doesn't warrant an 8.5 or 9/10 to begin with?

>>24498188
I don't know how to improve it. And without feedback, I am trapped

>>24498156
This. It's easy to feed it to the machine and get feedback, actual feedback you can use to make your writing better.

>>24498188
The quality of a work and the inclination of people to read it are not correlated

>>24494190
head hopping = amateur

>>24498263
It's fine. Frank Hubert does it

>>24498297
and frank *herbert, toni morrison, philip k. dick, and every other author who head hops could write circles around you kek. you really think >>24494190 reads like dune? head hopping is amateurish if you're an amateur. which you are.

>>24498312
Holy shit talk about insecurities and nerd rage, what is wrong with you?

>>24498312
>Go on amateur website
>Reads amateur work
>Rages uncontrollably because said first draft of said amateur work isn't an immediate masterpiece
Lol you're a retard aren't you?

>>24494139 (OP)
I dislike this image very much.

>>24498322
>>24498328
>critiques head hopping just how literally any editor or literary agent would (particularly as it serves no purpose in the excerpt)
>"erm acktually head hopping is always fine because -insert legendary author- did it"
please get real

A lot of the time writer's block is as a result of a godawful chapter killing your story like a tumor. Excise it, and try again.

>>24498356
saying [X] = amateur is vapid and retarded
save the basic ass identification of no-no techniques for the listicles booktuber vlogs

>>24498356
Oh please just one line with a silly wink wink nudge nudge isn't complete devastation.

Leave it out and idiots will clamor and rave how Byzantine armies were called Themes and not Legions then rage and foam at the mouth, despite the fact a 10th century medieval princess from East Russia would have no idea the differences between a theme and legion.

>>24498374
yeah i had a really specific setup for this story in mind but it's just not working, tempted to skip ahead a bit and start writing and go back to try to figure out the intro later.

>>24498418
That's the best strategy. Leave it and come back, when your mind is more in tune with what you actually want.

>>24498394
you can point out that victoria is wrong without switching into petronas's POV, though. as a rough example:

"Petronas Axios stuttered at this, mouth agape and brows knitted, then shook his head and pressed on."

apologies for being a dick; i just don't see head hopping as the best method for what you're trying to achieve. it's one of the quickest ways to take a reader out of a story, and imo should only be used if it serves a greater narrative purpose, not as a one-off clarifier.

>>24498394
I think you should leave it out completely. If a reader can't pick up the POV from Victoria and rages a girl.doesnt know specific military words, then that's on the reader. Or do what this guy says so at least we know it's intentional
>>24498463

>>24494139 (OP)
I've managed to wring out of my mind the first few hundred words of a book that I haven't been able to get out of my head for weeks. Feels great! Long may it continue.

>>24498580
aim for a thousand a day.

>>24498389
nta but head hopping is amateurish and he's completely right agents will toss your manuscript away for it. it wasn't popular back then and it's all but completely dead in genre fic now

>when he need a character somewhere for the sake of dialogue, but can't find a logical reason for them to be

>>24498682
How can they not have a logical reason for being there if they're there to specifically drop some dialogue?

>>24498682
tell us more anon, maybe we can help you brainstorm

>>24498682
It might be easier to invent one in a previous chapter

>>24498716
I figured it out.
>>24498715
Within context one character is really good at providing historical insights, and he's supposed to give a little speech regarding this ancient sword the characters find. However he is a a hermit-like character with skinny limbs and body, and the mission the other characters are on involves kidnapping a man off the street and transporting him to a separate location. Just overall, in-story it wouldn't really make sense for him to be apart of a team charged with intimidating and kidnapping a man OR being out and about in that capacity. There's are easy fixes for this, I just wanted to doompost.

>>24498142
It actually has been really useful to reach something I'm satisfied with.
The most interesting thing it's telling me other authors it thinks my novel is influenced by that I never heard about.
It resulted in me adding a few books to my reading backlog because of it.

>>24498751
one time while I was in my learning phase an anon told me I write like I have an MFA. I'm just a retard who likes stories. I'll probably remember their comment for a long time
those kinds of observations hit harder and mean more when it's from a human being

>>24498748
Annoying problems birth creative solutions. Good on you, Anon. Doompost away, get it out so you can fill the space with better stuff

>edit your first draft before you even post on here
>first draft takes months
>editing takes another few months
>in order to post an excerpt on /wg/, you need to be working on your project for over 2+ years
I see.

>>24499001
yeah nobody is doing that. it's just a deterrent for fly-by retards dropping their day 1 drivel
go ahead and post an excerpt

My slop

>>24498156
You know there are writing workshops with actual humans? And anyone can join?

>>24499099
there's a slop gen

>>24499141
workshops are a wild card on whether or not it's a huge waste of time
I might even advise beginners away from workshops because they're often filled with opinionated retards that will fuck up your learning process

>>24499099
My biggest pet peeve is when someone wants a reader, and wants critique, but defensively and preemptively calls their own work trash. If you know it's bad, why give it to me? If you dont like it, why would I? If you know it has problems, why not fix them before asking for advice? Because any advice I give will be met with "yeah, I know..." or "it's a first draft" or "I wasnt really trying." It feels like I put more effort into reading and critiquing than the writer did in writing.

The next time you, or anyone else here, posts something, instead of saying "Here's my literary dumpster fire. I shat it out in five minutes. Put a funnel in your mouth, relax your anus, and take it all, you bookslut," try prefacing it with "hey, I tried real hard and edited this as best I can." Then maybe more people will look at it.

>>24499175
Yeah. I guess that's true. A workshop I'm attending only has one guy who seems to know how to critique prose, everyone else focuses on surface level things, and one guy rants about the most minute, pointless things, like how heavy a sword should be and whether or not it can be held one handed, and then you've got Karens calling you problematic because you used the word bitch. But still, if you find one guy who knows what he's doing, it's 100x better than AI critique.

>>24499016
Here. Someone has to start posting their full works. Hope someone here likes it.

https://litter.catbox.moe/af2pzu59yaz1nqpt.pdf

>>24499227
>randomly dropping your whole novel
based
>AI cover
>fantasy
>character portrait
is this slop

>>24499348
read it and find out. I agree I really should change the cover, but I'm also very poor and mad fivver "book cover artists" are also using AI and charging me 100+ dollars to generate a cover.

>>24499352
I'll download it
gonna request you convert and format for a filetype that's ereader friendly though

>>24499362
PDF isn't ereader friendly? no idea what format you need. does docx work?

>>24499389
pdf works but it's jank
epub me brotha

>>24499389
epub is da best

>>24499394
>>24499396
https://litter.catbox.moe/x12bnmi78z1t888l.epub

Hope the formatting doesn't fuck up during conversion.

>>24499412
sick
I'll read it eventually. got a few books in progress
I'll post about it whenever I finish

>>24499412
>>24499418
>>24499396
>>24499394
use this link. I think the formatting is fixed based on amazon's preview

https://litter.catbox.moe/9zctzbk6zaynx7qy.epub

on this note, what's a good software to format your epub with?
preferably something that's accepted on Kindle, can handle docx to epub, and as WYSIWYG as possible

>>24499434
Amazon lets you upload a .docx for your e-book.

Just crossed the 200 page line. And best of all I feel like 350 page maximum is all I’ll need to finish this. Then a few retreads, and wah-lah! I'll have made something

>>24499227
Read chapter 1. Interesting setting if a bit boring. We have a bunch of magic cops bored out of their minds and waiting for something to happen.

>tfw have multiple poems, multiple short stories, and a novel out for submission right now

I would like to get a hit on even just one of them.

>>24499227
>has to start
I've lost count how many times you've reposted this

>>24498147
So how do you know they're good or garbage? Because the toaster says so? Are you sure its reasons make any actual sense, or if you're not just giving them deeper meaning based on your own experience? It's like fucking tarot cards dude, it shows you what you want to see

I've just written the first actual outline of a story from start to finish that I've ever done. It's a science fiction story about a hyper-competent bureaucrat being assigned to serve as vizier for a treacherous noble family that his own family has been feuding with for generations, because the Emperor wants them to stop fighting. The task he's set with is bringing a rebellious world where the natives are unconquerable and constantly interfering with vital fuel production. He is the only honest and good-hearted person there, except for the scion of the family who is just kind of a chud jackass whom he befriends.

I'm pretty open about it being "Dune if the protagonist worked for the Harkonnen and Vlad is a hot German woman" but I've never actually sat down and written something that I knew the ending to already before. How do you write from an outline, should I go and try to outline each chapter beforehand? I have a lot of momentum I don't want to lose it.

Man, for the past 5 years I haven't even enjoyed writing or storycrafting, and I've completely lost the ability to do it. The only reason I still pretend that I'll still finish my second novel one day is that I just feel too ashamed to admit defeat again, and don't really have any other reason to keep living other than emotionally supporting my parents.

>>24499907
Write to express pain.

>>24499834
>So how do you know they're good or garbage?
My own opinion. What a fucking idiotic question

>>24499434
Scrivener is what I use, but I've never tried to import a .docx or anything else into it (though I know the functionality exists)

>>24499919
SO WHY ARE YOU ASKING THE MACHINE IF YOU TRUST YOUR OPINION TO BE TRUE FUCKING RETARD

My sister asked me to share my work with her, but half of it is detailed accounts of a 17 year old girl getting her pussy serviced by her mentally ill older brother (from the girl's perspective). What do?
And before you start thinking I'm weird: my sister is older than me.

>>24500079
What prompted you to share with your sister that you were writing incest smut to begin with, exactly?

>>24500083
I called her today for her birthday and she asked me what I've been writing (I just told her "it's about a brother and sister")
she's the only one I'm comfortable sharing most of my stuff with...

>>24500104
Well, if a brother tells a sister he's writing about a brother and a sister, anyone would naturally then assume it's a story about the two of them specifically, and the contents will thus unavoidably come across as a personal wishlist, so you should know what kind of reaction to expect.

>>24500150
copious hours of Internet research led me to believe that anon's sister will, upon reading his book, proceed to dress up in the skimpiest of lingerie because of the heat wave, sit on his lap (as one's family does) and ask anon to show her exactly how one unscrews a jam jar

>>24499868
Divide it into acts, then divide those acts into chapters. Then write the chapters, 1-3 scenes per chapter. That's it, you're a writer now enjoy.

How's your novel going, anon? First draft? Second? Sending it out to agents?

>>24494139 (OP)
Stop wasting your SFF stories by posting them on 4chan. Write a short story once a week or once a month and try your hand at making it as a writer. The chances are slim, but you will get paid if you send to these places. Don't look back once you make your first sale.

>Clarkesworld
https://clarkesworldmagazine.com/submissions/
1000-22000 words, no exceptions
12c (USD) per word. No horror but dark SF/F permitted.
No use of Chat GPT nor AI allowed
No simultaneous submissions (do not send the story somewhere else).
Stories must be well-written, suitable for audio (since there are narrated audiobooks), and convenient for screen reading (so no weird formatting).
Rigor in science fiction is appreciated, but it does not need to be "hard."
There can't be any of the tropes listed on the site.

>Asimov's
https://www.asimovs.com/contact-us/writers-guidelines
up to 7500 words, at 10c per word (USD)
Character oriented stories, but there is also some poetry $1 per line
Absolutely no use of Chat GPT nor AI allowed
No simultaneous submissions (do not send the story somewhere else).

>Fantasy & Science Fiction
https://www.sfsite.com/fsf/glines.htm
No simultaneous submissions (do not send somewhere else).
Up to 25,000 words in length. 8-12 c (USD) per word. You must read a sample of the magazine before sending.

>Interzone Digital
https://interzone.digital/submissions/
Simultaneous submissions accepted (you can send somewhere else).
Maximum of 5000 words. 1.5c (EURO) per word. Double-spaced and emailed.

>Amazing Stories
https://submission.amazingstoriesmag.com/guidelines/
$20 per story, $10 per flash (USD), and poetry also
No simultaneous submissions, no multiple submissions
1000 to 24,000 words

>Apex Magazine
https://apex-magazine.com/submissions/
8c per word (USD), up to 7500 words
Usually dark sci fi or horror is accepted.

>Beneath Ceaseless Skies
https://www.beneath-ceaseless-skies.com/submissions/
Up to 15,000 words, 8c per word (USD)
Provides feedback on rejections
No use of Chat GPT nor AI allowed
Character-focused, adventure fantasy (no sci fi nor horror) that has a deep sense of world.

>>24500552
No one here knows which agents are buying what

>>24500620
Nobody knows until they try

>>24497951
Why post a story that goes nowhere?
Where is the rest?

>>24499683
Every single one of them is going to be rejected
T. Crab

>>24500552
why not just self publish? if it's any good, you're gonna get some buzz, right?

>>24501541
>if it's any good, you're gonna get some buzz, right?
Depends on your tolerance and ability for marketing, I guess

We will never have a work completed

>>24501741
https://youtu.be/KHLDxzN5_Yk

>>24500617
I don't know about the rest, but clarkesworld is managed by a bunch of autist who auto-reject anything that doesn't appeal to their niche taste

>>24500617
22,000 words just to make like $224 you're better off doing ubereats nigga LMAOOOO

>>24499868
Please write this, I want to read it, it sounds really interesting

>>24501824
people who want to make a living from writing are retarded
get a JOB

Would anyone mind giving me some feedback on this? I'm about 27 pages into this story taking place in the battletech universe if anybody knows it, but it is a character driven story that i plan to incorporate elements of dune into, namely Paul Atreidies' rise, albeit on a smaller scale.
again any feedback is appreciated, especially on the style, whether it is boring.

>>24501824
>22,000 words just to make like $224
that's IF they deign to pick your work, so in many cases it's more along the lines of $0

>>24501879
/lit/ isn't really the place for fanfic (in fact it's specifically excluded) - you'd probably have more luck with the battletech guys on /tg/ or /m/

>>24501910
ok thanks i didn't know. honestly didn't even realize i was writing fanfic, i just thought of a story that sounded cool and placed it in that universe (too lazy to make my own i guess lol)

1000-words-a-day anon reporting in. I didn't think I'd make it today after yesterday's deficit. But I made up for it and made today's 1000.

>>24501741
It's never really complete, I think you just stop poking at it at some point

>>24502081
an inspiration to us all

I wasted real-world money on this useless garbage.

>>24501970
>too lazy to make my own
based honest fanficker

>>24502089
those who can't write, edit

>>24500617
The saddest thing about these open submission publications is that they have far more submitters than readers.
And I mean, reading the stuff they publish, I can't blame people

>>24502081
based anon. follower along anon here. had 1500 yesterday. 500 so far. gonna get 1000 before the clock hits 12 on the east coast.

>>24502089
You've made an Indian family very happy, so the total happiness in the world has increased.

>>24502089
They're basically saying whatever you wrote is could potentially sell like hotcakes. Just work on the other areas and get it up to your personal standards and you're golden.

>>24502104
>They're basically saying [absolutely nothing of constructive value.] Just [keep doing exactly what you were already doing] and you're golden.
indeed

>>24502111
What does your gut say?

>>24502116
I don't know, let me commit seppuku so I can ask it.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ql3Qb1peYs8

Keep writing the same book over and over again.

>>24501741
i finished a short story last month

>>24500079
Show her the other half of your writing.

>>24500079
maybe DON'T show your sister your incest fanfics? Surely you write other stuff

>>24494139 (OP)
Recommendations of a place to find a cheap editor for my novel ?

A left nut trembling and puffy
An erect penis a gilded tower above
The the nut in her mouth
Sucking greedily

i suspect there's a connection between people who prefer to write short stories and having some personality disorder

>>24502322
What's wrong with short stories? I like them because I have small ideas that aren't worth stretching into an entire novel.

>>24502326
Or they serve as a crucible for ideas that may get expanded into larger works.
>>24502322
Gee, I wonder why the webnovel writers made their own thread, and why this thread is a desolate wasteland.

>>24502326
nothing's wrong with short stories, per se; but people who are happy to create characters, and put them to work in such a deliberate short format. there's a weird detachment to it

of course if you have other ideas in mind; like you are trying to nail a specific feeling, and not write an entire book about it? i get it
in other words im just talking shit

Trying to write about two characters playing heads-up poker, did some research but I still have no idea what the term for a fixed amount of prize money is. Is

>"What if we keep the stakes nice and low? Only $1000."

acceptable? Or how can I change the dialogue so it sounds like something an actual poker player would say?

>>24502338
i think they'd use the term pool or pot

>>24502330
you mean the thread that's archived now while you bump the one true wg?

>>24502244
and censor myself?
literally 1984

>>24502338
>>24502341
and you don't really fix it like that, you just play low stakes and stop when you stop. you can play for quarters or something

see. poker blinds

>>24502342
The web novel people apparently have something better to do with their Friday night. And bumping this thread is optional.

it's true. web novel authors are known for having sex and touching grass

>>24502350
I'm thinking of online games where you start with a certain amount of money and win after taking all your opponent's, or lose when they take all of yours. People don't play like that in real life?

>>24502359
>>24502365
it's true, i was playing mahjong, but thread doko?

God, I hate coming up with names.

>>24502338
Limit.
>Low stakes. $1000 limit, $20 minimum.

>>24502576
Isn't limit the amount you can bet during a round?

can someone explain this with the emotional weight of a 200 post thread with a reddit screencap?
>you only want to be a writer to get money and pussy
>well maybe you should have written a successful book if you want that

>>24501858
Thank you I will endeavor to do so.

>>24502330
>Gee, I wonder why the webnovel writers made their own thread, and why this thread is a desolate wasteland.
Go and stay there then, by all means.

>>24502365
>it's true. web novel authors are known for having sex and touching grass
audible kek

>>24501879
>30 years of NO GUTS NO GALAXY
anything would be better than today's BT pulp

>mind giving me some feedback on this?
a few grammar errors but the style is alright
I would however prefer a little bit more show rather than tell; instead of telling me Sergei was kinda stunned round the house, show me by describing at least one such actual event, blow by blow. go watch the back end of HBO's The Pacific.

likewise, the 2nd paragraph is mostly telling, and it is an important change in the character which should be shown not told. contrive events in which conversations show Sergei changing his mind.

>i plan to incorporate elements of dune
look at Dune and how Kynes is changed from a vehement opponent of the Atreides to an ally.

Go read Victor Milan's BT novels. in terms of technique they are probably the best, although the Aidan Pryde trilogy isn't bad either.

there are quite a few BT players around on the chans but /btg/ is kinda dead because the franchise has jumped a lot of sharks and the general was taken over by a couple of nogames faggots. maybe if they get bored and leave I'll go back.

this goes for all the rest of you too

>>24501879
p.s. unless you post a full chapter your writing isn't going to show itself at its best

>>24478911
>dark and stormy night
I'm fairly certain Bulwer-Lytton in his time was the victim of professional jealousy or something to that effect, there's nothing wrong with that sentence and it isn't even purple prose

>>24502941
It's the full sentence that's meandering and run-on:
>It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind that swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

you just can't nest 3 sentences like that.

>>24499868 here
Is this too florid? I'm trying to introduce the Emperor without actually having the reader meet him personally, there are a few of these but this one is the first and the longest.

>tfw 4000+ words

My female MC smokes cigarettes. Is she a Mary Sue?

>>24503220
Writing must become a drug to you. It must motivate your every waking moment. And it will. By the time you are through you will be thinking of writing while eating, you will lament that you must play vidya with your friends because you COULD be writing, every taste of water, every sip of tea, every sweet thing in the world will falter compared to the clickity clack of your keyboard and the music of prose in your ears.

Only when you are addicted--addicted! To writing, only when the world of your heart spilling onto page licks hollow the world around you, only then will your mission be complete. You will not even notice it, not even notice that you have sublimated your whole being into the word. You will be happy, because that which is within you shall surround you, and that which surrounds you shall be made small, and trivial. All pain vanishes into the echo of the word, all stress withers beneath the light of the word, all anxiety is ephemeral, and blown away as dust in the wind by the word.

The word is God, and the word is within you. Write! Write! Be free of the shackles of mundanity, know peace from the sickness of body and hunger and fear, seek freedom in the word!

>>24503222
The female body is smaller, weaker, and less physically robust than the male. Her lack of bone density, her smaller lung capacity, and her lesser financial position make it IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to ever smoke cigarettes. Not only can they not afford to smoke, but the act of a female performing an action like smoking is so inconceivably stupid and implausible that I have to assume the rest of the book is likely to be filled with similar plot holes, plot contrivances, and backwards logic as this. Amend this ASAP before it gets out of hand.

>>24503272
It's true. Women who "smoke" cigarettes historically use an extended cigarette holder with additional apertures to allow more air in, because otherwise their fragile femoid lungs would instantly seize and they would aspyxiate in anguish from contact with nicotine laced tar. Even those who keep up this laughable charade of smoking in truth do not inhale, they simply think that it makes them look like whores and so enjoy the behavioral emulation of men to signal their desire to fuck.

Indeed, during the 19th century it was a well known phenomenon for women who smoked to spontaneously die in the middle of the street, corsets were originally developed to apply pressure to the thorax to prevent this effect--in vain. To this day no woman has ever, in the history of the world, finished a full pack of Camels without perishing.

is saying "I love you" gay?

>>24503296
Only to another man in a setting that is outside the battlefield

>>24503296
No. In fact, while gays can form the words with their vocal apparati, they are not actually capable of meaning this, as homosexuality is a corrupt and false form of love. "I love you" is, conceptually, the least homosexual thing that exists, as actual love is the least homosexual thing that exists, for there is no form of love which is abuse, and no form abuse which can be love, and as such from love all sodomites are permanently shut off, unless they confess their sins to reprent, and remake themselves in a shape pleasing to God and kind to themselves.

The very fact that you must ask this question is proof of the sheer evil of homosexuality in all of its forms, that one must stop and question whether the most beautiful thing that exists is sufficiently distant from the vile crime of sodomy, whether one might not be mistaken for a pederastic chameleon for having said it, would in a proper and sane society land every faggot in a vat of boiling oil and every apologist whofor on the end of a rope. And I say this with conviction.

>tell myself "Ok, I'm going to focus on writing the draft first and foremost, the editing can come later"
>wrote two sentences then spent 30 minutes doing research about minutiae to edit previous passages

>>24499227
>Chapter 3
This has been quite good. I expected pages upon pages of world building nonsense, but the beats are quick, the plot moves, and you generally get a sense of the world. Very Final Fantasy esque with medieval buildings having their buildings fucked with electrical conduits, metal tubes, and some modern ideas. Very unique. Also did you need to have adah masturbate?

Why does everybody write exactly the same now? It's either some sterilized derivative of Hemingway or some le whacky a million miles an hour internetseque Pynchon rip off

>>24503337
humans optimize. all things converge to a set of ideal methods over time

>>24503272
>>24503283
remind me to introduce you to my aunt

what are some intersting things that could happen to a traveling merchant in a high fantasy setting?

>>24503404
Dire personal and regional economic circumstances mean that the merchant is pushed into involving themselves with the grey market slave trade.

>>24503419
damn, thats fucking perfect

>>24503423
Happy to help, I hope you have fun writing it.

>>24503109
The first paragraph is alright. in fact I really like it. a callback to Silver Age scifi.
Cut out the Ragnarok defensive platform and put it in a place that matters
Turn the Deutschland segment into one single long sentence (this means you have to cut out some of those clauses)

second paragraph, pick either leaf or porcelain, don't use two metaphors where one will do
the sentences here are too full of themselves. too long, too abstract: what I liked about the prose in the 1st paragraph is that it is a beautiful way to describe something.
the main problem is that I don't really care about Emperor Maximilian. so you have to build him up quite a bit before this segment in order to pull it off.
and I feel that you should try to introduce a character not as the narrator, but through the eyes of someone, because you've already done a lot of narration and need to change it up now. you can easily do this by having characters describe all the stuff in the back half of the 2nd paragraph.

just my 2 cents.

Poems, somewhat motivational
I also made them an album.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-TcJw7XRJo

>>24503337
Who the fuck here or anywhere writes like Hemingway?

>>24503446
Thank you Mr. internet ghost, I really appreciate it. Have a seal.

Crazy how a single compliment can make your whole day. Think I'm going to write some more now. Let's go!

I’m writing fantasy slop, looking for some feedback on possible covers if anyone has thoughts they’d like to share

>4 years
>Multiple projects
>not a message
>Not even a response
Maybe it's time to give up

>>24503908
What are the projects?

>>24503404
He sails into a war

>>24502234
Which one of you was this

The daily 1000 is in. The whole draft should be halfway done within the next three days.
I'm thinking I'll stick to book 2 for the next 10 days. For some reason I don't like the idea of wrapping up book 1 with a huge chunk of book 2 incomplete. I'll close up the gap on their completion levels a little.

>>24503961
hell yeah

Looked it up during one of my latest sessions and apparently instead of the AmE punctuation inside of a parenthesis I've been doing it the BrE way (like so).

Many never realize you're supposed to be writing what appeals to you and not what you mistakenly think other people would want to read.

>>24503961
Your 1000 a day grind is so impressive. I'm lucky if I get a thousand every few days. I wonder if I should try to do more detailed outlines and storyboards so I can build up more momentum like that.

>>24503946
>0 seconds ago
Gee, I wonder

>>24502879
thank you, your feedback is very helpful. show character traits instead of telling the reader how the character feels. sometimes i forget i am doing that.
my main goal in this is to have Sergei descend into the depths of ptsd and depression, then to find joy in the simple family/village life of his home. Then, I will have the local warlord's goons destroy most of what he loves and threaten the rest. Obsessed with revenge and fear, he manages to get ahold of his old BT and lay waste to his enemies in that single machine (this planet is in the periphery and has been left to its own devices for generations). Also, with the help of other villages, ala Hernan Cortez's 100 conquistadors vs the 1 million aztecs.
In the end I want him metaphorically sitting on top a pile of skulls with everything he cared for destroyed by his actions, whether directly or indirectly.
I think it's a fun story to write, but do you think this sort of story would fit into this universe tone-wise? It is considerably darker than the free audiobooks I've found around the internet, and the higher quality books are surprisingly hard to find.
>the franchise has jumped a lot of sharks
such as? i've heard bad things about the Word of Blake.

>>24504138
>my main goal in this is to have Sergei descend into the depths of ptsd and depression, then to find joy in the simple family/village life of his home. Then, I will have the local warlord's goons destroy most of what he loves and threaten the rest. Obsessed with revenge and fear, he manages to get ahold of his old BT and lay waste to his enemies in that single machine
>do you think this sort of story would fit into this universe tone-wise?
lol
this is the essential plot of several of the novels really
>It is considerably darker than the free audiobooks
I think some of those must be the YA ones
no don't worry about that, BT has seen every single -ocide known to mankind

>such as? i've heard bad things about the Word of Blake
WOB was twenty years ago, and in fact that was peak BT, when we still had a shot at being a household name
we have jumped so many sharks since that the WOB are now looked back with the fondest remembrances
most of the fanbase would give an arm and a leg to go back to the WOB days

last I heard, after decades of Dune-esque interstellar warfare, the current storyline is that somebody has finally conquered the entire universe and forced the descendants of previous factions to fight in gladiator-style arenas
which is like... imagine the next Star Wars movie jumps forward 100 years into the future, General Grievous has somehow returned and conquered the galaxy, and the Skywalker and Palpatine grandchildren fight each other in arenas. my brain just totally checked out

>the higher quality books are surprisingly hard to find
the classic novels are all downloadable. links in the /btg/ sticky

>>24503985
A lack of prewriting isn't necessarily your problem. Take Shia's advice on writing.

>>24504283
>this is the essential plot of several of the novels really
Oh ok lol, it's not meant for publication, so it's fine. I am mostly just exercising a muscle at this point.
>WOB was twenty years ago, and in fact that was peak BT
i'm glad you said that because the premise sounds fun especially given the time period WOB appeared in. The war on terror was at its height, yes?
>last I heard, after decades of Dune-esque interstellar warfare, the current storyline is that somebody has finally conquered the entire universe and forced the descendants of previous factions to fight in gladiator-style arenas
Oh goddamn that sounds horrendous. is that what ilclan is about?
>the classic novels are all downloadable. links in the /btg/ sticky
thanks

>>24503807
All 4 look like soulless AI slop I wouldn't touch the contents of with a ten foot pole

>>24503608
I swear I've seen seals with ears before, and then seals without them. What could possibly occur to pressure this change?

>>24503807
I like the one on the right with the chick with the falcata, but I must wonder if it's supposed to be more like that one or the kukri she's got in the center-left one.

>>24504371
All book covers look like AI slop now. I personally prefer ai slop over A X of Y and Z.

>>24504362
>The war on terror was at its height, yes?
CGL actually got a visit from the FBI because the timeline included a "Jihad" in mid 2002 and from about 2006 onwards virtually every product would be headlined with the new theme
great timing, eh?
in all fairness to them was probably inspired by the "Butlerian Jihad"

>is that what ilclan is about?
it's what supposedly comes after ilClan
but I don't know whether they might rewrite that stupidity. if I were them I would. they're still focusing on fleshing out the pre-ilClan war.
(but then if I were them there are a lot of things I wouldn't do, like embezzle corporate funds and go turbo woke)

>have trouble thinking of interesting weapons for puppet guy that aren't just the usual sci-fi fare of plasma and lasers
>ask grok, knowing full well I won't get fuck all anything usable, but hoping I might at least get some ideas going over the bot's soulless suggestions
>"GRAVITIC TEMPORAL QUANTUM NEUROGURGLEBURGLE" wordsalad
hahaha i'm killing myself

All of you are really just writing SFF slop. smdh

>>24504695
If I wrote a nonfiction book expressing my feelings on the modern day I'd go to prison.

>>24504702
Yes but you could write an allegory set in the real world. You don't because you're a manbaby and the fantastic acts as keys jingling in your face

Screw you guys, I'm going to write!

Anons, I had an idea for an anime plot. It would be set in Hong Kong, where a paramilitary organization took over the country and began establishing and spreading terror through the city. They created a special unity called G.U.D.A - Government Unity for the Destruction of Animals, seeking the elimination of domestic animals as a way to spread even more terror through the population and to target Guda, a threat to that said organization.
Coincidentally, Guda is being kept as our protagonists hands, serving as his pet. Our protagonist, then, would be chased by said unity while protecting Guda and fighting against them while dealing with themes such as pain, grief, and existential willingness in a world that wants to repress people's freedom and kill their friends. The anime would follow the late 80's and early 90's visual aesthetics.

Lemme know whaccha think!

>>24504730
Shut up Cartman, your mom's on Crack Whore Magazine's cover!

>>24504371
It’s gonna be a fucked decade knowing that third worlders are incapable of identifying what is and isn’t AI

>>24504714
What an idiotic criticism. To invent a story within the real world is to make the real world into fantasy you spiritually malformed clodpole. Just say you hate everything except nonfiction and resent that others feel differently. You will avail yourself of nothing with womanish hectoring.

>>24504743
>third worlders
literally the people you walk next to in the street can't. isn't a third world thing

>>24494139 (OP)
Which do you think would be a more fearful looking deformity, eyes that look like the Eye of Sauron or one eye being a gaping void?

6,000 words is like 10 4chan effortposts. I do that for fun every day, it shouldn't be too hard to write one big one.

>>24494706
I like your writing anon, I don't have any suggestions. I feel that it flowed smoothly, and I chuckled at a couple points. I'd wonder where it goes

>>24499535
Based

>>24504946
Based

>>24504732
You lost me at anime

>>24504744
If SFFags had even an ounce of creativity they'd channel their love of the fantastic into surrealist fiction

>>24505069
If you were smart you would have led with that instead of outing yourself as a perturbed artless retard first you dogeyed idiot. Do you have object permanence? How about conversational permanence? Do you think I will forget like a goldfish what you just said?

If you are not intelligent enough to make your point in an effective order why would you think you are intelligent enough to critique the writing of others? From whence springs this confidence? You've earned none of it, you're an idiot, a mooncalf, a dogeyed troglodyte, begone from here. Go write "surrealist fiction" if you are so inclined, show us all up.

>>24505115
>maybe if use archaic terms and expressions I'll come off as smart
What fun, spotting midwit writers.

I'm gonna write a story about all of us meeting up in real life and I'm going to paint you as a real creep and there's nothing you can do to stop me

>>24505187
could I request my perversion of choice?

>>24505187
i want to be a robot

>>24505187
make me the big titty fujoshi with swirly glasses and is very stinky

>>24505127
None of that was archaic.

>>24504695
>retard outs himself as not having read the OP

>>24504732
Sir this is the literature board

on the piss, so might post excerpt later
I'm too craven to share anything sober -- even anonymously

>>24504732
I want a Telemachus anime set after the events of the Odyssey where he travels around the Aegean catching up with all his father's friends and going on adventures with their sons
and Athena at his side the whole time

>>24504754
They're both horrible cliches.

>>24505609
I am also like this, but you need not be, nobody here will remember anything you wrote in a week's time unless it was actually very good or Eye of Argon bad, in which case you would be better off knowing it now.

>>24505784
I'm wondering what anons think about the seamless transition between prose and dialogue in this manner. Is it too jarring? or does it work?
Granted, this is an extreme example, since most of it isn't as poetic like this. I'm reserving most of the "metred" dialogue to the two main characters to give it a certain loftiness (although it's mostly because I enjoy, which is to say prefer, writing in verse).

>>24505824
and here's a more "grounded" passage, for comparison
(this is from the girl's perspective, obviously)

>>24505824
It's different certainly, almost screenplay-style. I've never encountered this before but it makes it read almost like a first-person play. Potenetially this is actually very interesting, I would continue experimenting with it. Obviously it's unconventional but so was Blood Meridian.

>>24505824
>>24505828
I'm not personally too keen on the abrupt transition to and from screenplay format between dialogue and the rest of the writing. It feels like one of those weird things that you might be able to get away with if you were an established author and had the benefit of the doubt that you're not using the comparatively simpler presentation of screenplay dialogue to circumvent having to put more effort into the prose.

So many people in these threads write like they've got a thesaurus open next to them, and they're constantly cramming as many big words in to make themselves seem smart. The average excerpt in these generals is like:
> Lord Oingus-Boingus III of House Nqonwinsina from the great lands of Pqkpwjonwobs did indubitably protest against King Xeoogul-Bondoogal-Xanifer, fourth of his name, from the exquisite formosity of the kingdom of Danglebollocks. "Hark! Thus approaches princess Queefus III, daughter of Xeoogul-Bondoogal-Xanifer, betrothed to Grogoriolius Taintlicker whom did engage in bi-pedal locomotion from the village of Pampnsondibiebwmoqniwniqbuvq!"

JUST BECAUSE YOU USE LOTS OF BIG WORDS AND DUMP TEN MILLION MADE UP NAMES ONTO THE PAGE DOESNT MAKE YOUR WORK INTERESTING

However I'm glad you're all practicing and actual hobby thougheverbeit :)

>>24506160
Because it's kino, high brow and I can prove my vocabulary is better than others. Also big words mean litfic and seriousness as a writer.

>>24506160
thank fuck I thought I was the only one

>>24506160
constantly shitting out made up words in a tide of expositionslop isn't the same as being needlessly verbose
I'd rather the latter to the former to be quite entirely unironically honest with you. atleast then I'd learn new words and engage with irregular sentence structures. the former is just bad writing

>>24502686
Because you're not a writer. You're a poser that's in love with what you perceive to be the writer's lifestyle. Writers write.

>>24506160
The big made up words wouldn't appear in a thesaurus you imbecile. Nothing else in there is even kinda-sorta a "big word," I guess formosity is a bit obscure.

>>24502686
being raised on AI has ruined your mind

>>24503946
>>24504102
fuckin' KEK!

why is every book about writing written by people who have never written a noteworthy book besides their book about writing
how can i trust people writing about writing when they've never written a good book

>>24506361
those who can't do, teach
by definition, teaching material attracts people who are ignorant and therefore uncritical. this is a huge draw for profiteering personalities who seek to minimize investment and maximize return

>>24506361
feel free to call them all idiots when you've written a noteworthy book

>>24506384
you are a faggot for whining about fair criticism, post your latest rough draft so i can make fun of you

>>24506419
>>24506419
>>24506419

>>24506401
I'm just pointing out that you should live by your own rule: if you feel they shouldn't critique and teach how to write if they haven't written a "noteworthy book", then neither should you critique unless you have written one

or do you not apply the same rules to yourself as you do to them? rules for thee but not for me?

>>24506361
>by people who have never written a noteworthy book
Thre are plenty of writing books written by famous authors

>>24506528
my 'rule' is that a good critic is also a good artist. i don't consider myself a good critic, therefore i don't have to be a good artist. most people who make books about writing aren't good artists, therefore they aren't good critics.
>>24506762
name 5

wow, look at this pile of crap: https://files.catbox.moe/d9sukc.zip
and these bundles of joy: https://files.catbox.moe/aw9gz2.pdf https://files.catbox.moe/rpuvnd.pdf