Thread 42304939

Back from the dead edition

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Thread Question: If you were actually transported to an RGRE Equestria how long would it take for you to get accustomed to everything?

sunburst story NOW

>>42304939 (OP)
Assuming no language barrier, maybe a few months
My autistic ass will not be able to socialize so easily, RGRE or not

>>42304946
Anon, RGRE means your autism is just cute instead of creepy

>>42304939 (OP)
>Thread Question: If you were actually transported to an RGRE Equestria how long would it take for you to get accustomed to everything?

I'll probably struggle at first, but once I learn how to cook with equestrian ingredients, it should make finding a herd a lot easier.

>>42304960
>Anon is so hot, mares don't even care about his shit cooking

>>42304939 (OP)
I don't know if i could get accustomed just because aside from creature shock it would be hard changing my diet, mindset, etc to such a 180 turn.

I might do better with griffons in all honesty.

>"Wundabar, Anon, wundabar!"
>"You are ze natural, Anony-moose! Un star!"
"Y-you really think so?"
>"Of course! You have...ze magicks!"
"Geez, tha-"
>"But..."
"But?"
>"But."
"..."
>"...Zere is just one thing, Anony-moose."
"What-"
>"Eet eez very difficult zoo making your vay in zee modeling vorld."
>"Lots of ponies making zee competition."
>"For a colt zoo really stand out, he needs somezing."
"Wh-what kind of somethi-"
>"Show me your socks, Anony-moose."

>thread question
I have no idea. Are there any true-to-life immersive stories about a mumbling autist magically becoming functional suddenly in Equestria?

>>42305059
Yes it’s your autobiography though.

>>42273076
New bits into the lore: mares can get pregnant from men, but since humans are magicless, a mare's own magic supports the gestating foal, thus making pregnancies more tasking on a mare and they recover slower from them. It balances out with men being magicless and very physicially weak compared to mares, whom while being more magically capable than stallions are physically weaker than them. This could also warrant herding a bit more, where the pregnant mare is being taken care of by her herdmates alongside (You).
Herds themselves were nearly omnipresent once, but due to the Princesses discouraging them as herds were viewed as more debauched, lustful compared the mono marriages, and also encouraging (the somewhat natural, as they're naturally polygynous species) bisexual lust in mares, prompting mares from one herd to seduce and fuck those from another one, whenever on purpose or due to ignorance to the fact that they're already married. Yeah, there's no wrong way to fantasize and all, but let's see the bigger picture: that could potentionally lead to cheating on the herd's stallion while the other one is getting plowed into the sheets by mares from the cuck's herd, which leads to disharmony and nopony needs that, they need cooperation and peace between ponies.
The latter is why we don't actually see any herds in the show. While they're still around and due to the growing gap in the gender ratio they even became more common than they were a few hundered years ago, monogamous relationships are still the norm.
This is also why bat ponies are perceived as slutty, their cultural code doesn't encourage containing their lust for both their colt they have chosen to be their husband and for other mares.

As for OP's question, I don't think it will be long. I separate ponies and humans so it won't come off as shock to me. I'll miss meat though, but I stand with ponies vs (((griffons))).

>>42304960
Celestia I love them I love them I love them I need them!

Le Bump

I want Medley to swoop me.

>>42305059
Just do your best to commit some villainy. When they hit you with the Orbital Friendship Cannon, Harmony will adjust your brain so you can be a functional member of society.

>>42305685
>Why did you become a villain?
For the attention from mares

>>42304939 (OP)
>Thread Question
Depends on a lot of things I guess.
>how high on the RGRE scale is it?
>How big am I compared to the ponies and their infrastructure? Big enough to be a genuine problem?
>Would I be seen as an alien or a male? Would I be scary? Off-putting?
>Would my omnivore diet be a problem at all?
Though ultimately if I could get a way to support myself and a place to live, I'd be mostly fine. The lack of Internet and modern conveniences would definitely fuck with me for a while, but I could probably go back to borrowing and reading books from the library, like when I was a kid. Probably do some exploring if possible, since I'm essentially in a fantasy world.
I think as long as I wasn't run out of town on sight, I'd be ok.

>>42305039
I bet the slut is wearing executive socks.

>>42304939 (OP)
I’d just become a househusband I don’t enjoy working already why not just go the whole 9 yards and stay at home.

>>42306287
Erm, Anon, being a househusband is THE hardest job there is.

Mares only want one thing

>>42306700
It would be so cool

>>42307299
>Anon flirts with every hopeless romantic in the castle except for her
Sunbutt is going to go mad.

>>42307348
>the hues of Celestia's mane has been well documented over millenia
>many suspect that each color waxes and wanes depending on her predominant moods
>for example, Celestia's mane was almost entirely blue for decades after being forced to banish her sister for the good of Equestria
>her azure hue, castle cooking staff have noticed, waxes whenever she is hungry
>her magenta hue was only known to wax twice before: when fighting against Sombra's crystal empire and Tirek's first attempted conquest
>minor colors have appeared in her mane, but none lasted long enough or are consistent enough to determine a root cause
>recently though castle staff have noticed a new color nopony has ever seen before in her mane:
>pink
>it started small, but has waxed larger as the weeks have gone by
>celestia herself seems not to notice, and ponies worry that if the cause is not found quickly they may see a side to their beloved solar monarch they have never seen before

>>42307434
>azure hue
fuck i meant to say 'emerald' goddamnit
i swear i proofread these oneshits

>>42306388
>Finite space to clean
>Foals spend half the year spending half the day at school
>Cooking bulk meals like soups and casseroles (mares are the ones who do cookouts and the like with lots of individual things to cook)
>Have total control over the wives' sex supply
>Get doted on by wives and older daughters who value my honor more than their own lives
>Hardest job
Bon Bon, did Caramel tell you that? Tell him I said 'skill issue' and 'sheathie.'

>>42307434
>pic
>pink mane madness gives Celly a prehensile mane
I don't think I know how I would feel about this.

>>42307434
BIG

>>42307434
All pink ponies are deviants.

>>42304939 (OP)
>Thread Question: If you were actually transported to an RGRE Equestria how long would it take for you to get accustomed to everything?
tremendous diarrhea from rustic living and then ostracised for being a fucking whore..let's give it 5 years min

>>42308135
Candy isn't a deviant. It's her duty.

>>42308531
The duty to be a deviant.

>>42304943
sunburst went out to get milk im sure he'll be back in the next lifetime haha...

>>42308809
(((They))) got him

>>42308930
>Starlight Glimmer had enough of Sunburst's bullshit and kidnapped him to be >raped while Anoncolt is wondering where he'd gone to
cant have shit in RGRE without mares raping our father leaving us behind

That's it! Colts should start raping mares back but only the ugly ones.

>>42309006
Equestria will NEVER be like your filthy Neighponese Ugly Bitch stalliondom doujins, you STINKY mare

>>42309006
>Mare hooves typed this.

>>42309006
Just find a human and be nice to them. They can't tell if you're pretty or not, and appreciate any positive attention thrown their way.

>>42309104
Brutally true. I can’t tell ugly mares from beautiful ones. Which is probably frustrating to the ones that work hard on themselves.

>>42309146
Tell me about it. You'd think "clean" would be universal, but then you find out rolling in the dirt next to you is flirting for ponies and they expect you to roll with them.

>>42309104
>be nice to them
Holy betamare. This is why you get zero dick.

>>42309188
Nice mares don't finish last

>>42309104
>>42309188
Humans like big eyes, cute hair and fat rumps, which even the ugliest bitch has by default. No matter how ugly you are, there's a man out there for whom you're not just good enough, but perfect- and ponies still argue whether Faust is real, baka

>>42309377
What's up with that art? The man looks off and the mare has lost her muzzle.

>>42309606
Front facing mares look muzzle less in pictures this is a commonly known fact.

>>42309377
>Marecel cope: the post

All mares deserve love.

nuff said

>>42309377
Look at this cuck mare raising someone else's kids
TRUTHNUKE: Mares only birth fillies or colts

>>42307501
Househusbands should greet their mares with an smile on the face and an erection between their legs.
Franklin I ben getting fed up with stallion bullcrap

>>42309606
It's cover art for an incredibly poorly written fic, so it's not too surprising the art is bad too.

Do you guys think that Daring Do does sex tourism inbetween her adventures? She's all about collecting treasures from far away so I can see her wanting some exotic dick

Well finding out Sunn’s not dead was cool, it means maybe The Eris Plan will one day get finished.

>>42310188
>Female Anthony Bourdain pony

>>42310188
Every adventure involves a romp with a new stallion, naturally

>>42310188
Daring Do is just a marecel power fantasy written by the biggest virgin marecel on the planet.

I wish a mare would come and sweep me off my feet and let me stay at home.

Which mares like fat manlets with small bepis? Asking for a friend

>>42311234
Not Fluttershy. She only fucks skinny twinks with 9 inch cocks

>>42311234
It's me
I'm the friend

>>42311234
How did he get fat if he's drinking a small bepis? Filter thots gtfo

>>42310188
It’s called pulp for a reason. Cheap, fast written slock.

Sometimes I wonder and worry about you people.

You’d willing give up your rights for some pony pussy?

>>42312539
>You'd willing give up your rights for some pony pussy?
You're goddamn right I would, and I'd sell (You) for a mare that loves me

>>42312555
Anon you deserve your rights don’t fall for pony pussy psyop this is what celestia wants.

>>42312539
Nah, I'd game the system instead.

>>42312539
No, I'm willing to give up my rights for a better life under a government and society that is actually benevolent and alutruistic/philanthropistic

>>42312595
There's a certain saying about people giving up freedom for comfort... One that says they deserve neither.

>>42312539
This place was PURE wish fulfillment at one point, and yes, I would, it'd be an astonishing step-up from my current existence.

>>42309606
>The man looks off
Man looks fine by my eye's, he just has that Pat body build

>>42312833
It's security, not comfort, but close enough.
>>42312837
>was

>>42312539
I'd unironically have more rights in sexist horse land

Do RGRE mares think a simp male is adorable?

>>42313130
Pretty sure male simps wouldn't exist there. That sort of behavior would probably be perceived as the guy either being a slut/easy, or being a golddigger.

>>42313197
>That sort of behavior would probably be perceived as the guy either being a slut/easy
W-well... yeah.
>or being a golddigger
>"Psssh, that monkey just wants your wallet."
I just want to make mares happy.

>>42313333
>I just want to make mares happy.
checkt and respect

>>42313197
>>42313130
I remember a green where Anon's normal-for-human behavior made his marefriend (Rara) concerned about his potentially abusive past
does this count?

>>42313823
Name? I don’t think I’ve read it yet.

>>42314091
https://poneb.in/eahPKY2Y

>>42314103
also pastebin if you're russian i guess
https://pastebin.com/eahPKY2Y

>>42312539
>Stallionist hooves typed this.

>>42314103
Thanks it was a pretty fun read

Question for any writefags when do you feel comfortable releasing your work. Do you just post whatever you make after a day or two of writing or is it like you have a personal limit that you need to hit before you post?

>>42314590
Personally I'm not happy releasing any writing until the story's done and thoroughly edited and rewritten to perfection.
Take this with a grain of salt, however, I have not completed nor posted any stories at all.

>>42314590
I never felt "comfortable" releasing anything I've written- I send that shit out as soon as the "part" of the story I was doing was done to avoid the inevitable "but it's not PERFECT" feeling. The few times I've been blessed with a proofreader/editor, I've given them the instruction of "if I don't send it out within a week, you do it," which also forced me to give out greens to the board.
I haven't written in a few years, so take this with more than a few grains of salt.

>one of the herd mares starts trying to cut in on other mares' time with you
>she plays it off as innocent and seems to believe it, likely she's kidding herself about wanting more time with you
how do you handle this?
hard mode: no prankster nonsense or otherwise humiliating someone you're supposed to care about

>>42314910
A good herd wouldn’t have problems with the mares both spending time with their stallion. Theirs a reason you have two hands.

>>42314590
I usually just force myself to at least write someone once a day that way I can at least say I did something.

Get booped by a mare who wears The Pants

>>42316445
>Mares hear you use the phrase "wears the pants in the relationship"
>Only prudes wear pants in RGREquestria
>They think the phrase refers to a partner who is stingy with sex
>Mares try to use the phrase to guilt their stallions into giving them the D
>Hijinks or something, idk

I wonder do the other species also have similar RGRE rules or is it just the ponies?

>>42317084
I doubt dragons do- they're loners with barely any sexual dimorphism. You just find a partner and >rape or >be raped.

>>42317272
Do zebra’s just hit you over the head and say your their husband now or do they do some ritual

>>42316489
>>Only prudes wear pants in RGREquestria
Poor Fleur.

hon hon hon omlette du fromage
baguette

If given the choice of an all unicorn earth or Pegasus herd which is your pick?

I’d choose a Pegasus herd just because I’d want them to one day fly with them and see how beautiful the world is.

>>42319125
Total Eath Pony Supremacy

>>42319125
whoever rapes me faster.
unicorns got powers on their thinker.
Earth ponys got strenght on their walkers.
Pegasi got air under their flyers

>>42318597
>takes out rusty machete
Say that again to my face you franchute!
But really now i hate the french so god deam much, but i dont know how to feel about fleur desu

>>42319242
The French can sound cute, at least. So long as they aren't speaking French. Or any other romance language.

>>42319125
Unicorns because I’m a fucking pretty prince.

>>42319345
FUCK, are there any stories about mares pampering smartass Anon and slowly turning him into an exlemplar stallion through the power of love?

>>42317736
>Do zebra’s just hit you over the head and say your their husband now
No that'd be minotaurs.

>>42319486
>Minotauress wife
I can only hope, pray and dream...

>>42317736
Zebras drug you with their weird voodoo jungle potions

Given that Caramel is this general's punching bag for reasons, I wonder if there has been a green about Anon becoming Sassaflash's boyfriend after she broke up with Caramel and then meeting Caramel. The reasons why did they broke up are melting Anon's brain and he starts to hate him without Sass even saying how terrible he was for leaving her, as the culturally alien stallion's reasonings reek of petty bullshit.
Because if there isn't, I'm willing to write one. I just want content about cutie-patootie background mares, man.

>>42319808
Do it.

>>42319808
I'm imagining Scootaloo's face in the first image is actually because everypony knows how much of a shitter Caramel has become, even horny teenage fillies won't fantasize

(yes I know this is from the Schmoopy dating episode)

>>42319808
I haven't thought about pineapple pone in years.

>>42319257
The french stallions suck... but the french mares in other hand...

any RGRE stories about prey psychology of ponies clashing with Anon's apex predator thinking? I know some general AiE greens but wonder if RGR has anything interesting

So does Bombshell have a fairly generic bimbo accent or does she have whatever an eastern european bimbo accent sounds like?

>>42321497
>apex predators

>>42321880
Hell yeah I’m an apex predator.

I see pony pussy I eat pony pussy explain that.

If wild animals in Equestria react to humans the same way Earth's does then Fluttershy would probably be the first to realize humans are apex predators.

>>42321953
>Fluttershy watching Anon get torn apart by a bear
He should've just used his endurance predation skills

>"So Anon, what makes you a predator?"
>"Why, that would be the meat-eating side of our omnivorous nature, Fluttershy."
"And what puts you at the apex of predators, Anon?"
>"Why Flutters, that would be the socio-political coordination we're capable of which allows us to communally produce and maintain increasingly advanced technology over the ages, subsequently tasked on the furthering of our goals as a species and positioning us above the lesser contenders. We are the stewards of an ever-progressing body of labor which stretches back as certainly as a flesh and blood lineage, my dear pony."
>"I see. And are the fruits of this grand collective project in the rustic, pre-industrial room with us right now, Anon?"
>"*sweating* I-I promise as a child of this legacy I am very stern and hard-core!"
Alas, he was mercilessly cuddled.

>>42322077
inuits kill whales with spears
give me a pokey stick and a buddy and i'm unstoppable

>>42322082
>"So Anon, what makes you a predator?"
>"Why, that would be the meat-eating side of our omnivorous nature, Fluttershy."
>"And what puts you at the apex of predators, Anon?"
>"Why Flutters, that would be the socio-political coordination we're capable of which allows us to communally produce and maintain increasingly advanced social technology over the ages, allowing us to draw on a body of experiences tempered and molded into a living, breathing corpus of strategies and counter-strategies perfect for thriving in our environments. There are tribes, for example, who would hunt buffalo by running them off of cliffs, using techniques honed by experienced and passed down entirely by word of mouth over generations."
>I see. And which tribe of hunters trained you, Anon?"
>"*sweating* I-I promise the New York grocery stores get quite frothy this time of year!"
Alas, there was much smooching too.
I hope we're clear that the tongue is lodged firmly in the cheek here, of course.

>>42321953
>

>>42322091
With the size of the rats in new york honestly anon might be a pretty capable warrior.

Some of these fuckers are getting as big as lap dogs.

>>42322104
>Some of these fuckers are getting as big as lap dogs.
you fucks aren't creating skavenblight over there, are you?

>>42322104
You're not wrong. I was gonna crack a joke about the subway but given the recent state of it I actually respect mfs who survive the gauntlet.

>>42322091
>Tongue in cheek
>Before marriage
We don't take too kindly to degenerates round these parts

>>42322108
I don't even know anymore man I think it's gotten to a point where the rats might end up becoming citizens soon.

>>42322100
>whatever could wild mean
>anon will never know

>>42322121
at least harry is an honest poker player, or as honest as a poker playing bear can get
that angel bunny fuck cheats, and it's only because he's yellowquiet's right hand that he doesn't get punted

>>42322077
>"Anon the only thing you're a predator of is unattended foals."

>>42322091
>Word about Manhattanon gets out
>Ponies can't take him seriously anymore
>Marelets assumed the second human (or pair of humans, as it was) would be easy conquest
>Enter /k/anon, who until 5 minutes ago was innawoods teaching lil bro how to skin a deer
>He's still teaching lil bro how to skin a deer, but now there's a weird candyass horse who can't decide if she wants to puke or >rape or both

>>42322234
She looks like she fucks human men

bump

>>42322416
>"Wanna I show you what a real predator is like?"
>and then Anon screamed loudly
>due to his dick being inside of a mare's pussy

>>42323196
>Mares physically cannot be raped due to being able to tighten their pussy on command
>Anon quickly becomes known as a useless predator who only hunts what wants to be hunted
>Much raping and degrading would follow

>>42322234
This is the look of a mare who managed to join the cheer team by pretending to be a dyke, when in reality she joined just to stare at stallion balls all day.

>>42323401
>"If colts were meant to be something more than mares' fucktoys, then your penises would be shut down every time a mare you supposedly don't desire is about to have you."
>"And you're already rock hard, so it's the same for your species too."
>"And it means that you have to get fucked by us."
>"Over and over and over again!~"

>>42319808
y no green about anon becoming caramels bf?

>>42323774
because that would be gay

>>42323774
I think there was one where Anon and Caramel were in a relationship but because of language barrier and RGRE, they both thought the other was a chick. When they realized the truth, they went out and banged a mare together

>>42323945
Pretty sure it was an OC, not Caramel.

>>42323525
Bedroom talk like this would have me like a diamond.

>>42321621
I always imagined her more like a valley girl that sounded a fair bit midwestern.

>>42323525
Is it me or is the idea of pony cheerleaders weird? If their a pegasus wouldn't any 'acrobatics' they do be really easy?

Also would the mares be hoofball players instead of being cheerleaders?

>>42322364
>/k/ anon gets instant-loss'd by a mare too, except he's also good at camping which slightly delays mares from being able to find and plap him

>>42322077
>>42321497
I have seen the videos of lions and bears tearing prey apart while its still alive. Those fuckers are actual predators, humans survived because we moved out of predator territory.
In like the 1700's some british dipshits were trying to build a railroad through africa and hundreds of armed men and workers were picked off over many nights by lions until there was only a few left who ran. Humans are not predators by any virtue other than staying out of actual predator territory. Only retards and HFYggers believe otherwise.

>>42326197
Cheerleading is the main event. Besides the usual sporty displays of skill and physical fitness, it's a promotion of friendship. Ponies have entire holidays dedicated to friendship. The game is a sideshow for the cheerleading teams to compete on who is the more inspiring.
Why is the game the sideshow? A bunch of sweaty colts are running around showing off their foal chasing legs and endurance to match. It's practically softcore porn for mares.

>>42326197
Due to cutie marks, erfs and unicorns are also accepted to be cheerleaders if they're talented at it, though the majority of mare cheerleaders are pegasi.
Mare cheerleaders are not weird because those skirts enhance mares' natural extreme sexiness, making colts weak and pliable, thus boosting the chance of success of procreation with the "fairer" gender. It also boosts morale for their mare friends, and as we know, mares are always willing to make their friends happy, because friendship is magic.

>>42323890
daww

>>42326208
Humans are apex predators because
>muh human stamina
>can throw rocks really far
>big brain
Other animals can't do shit when we actively apply our biological tools against them: thousands of species were exterminated because we gave zero fucks about their well being and just wanted some fancy fur or something
there's a reason why safari hunting is a thing

>>42326694
Because there are a skibidillion humans, actually. You're one nigga, you're on the same level as a squirrel.

RGRE (ponyland)
>OI M8 YA HAVE NO RIGHTS AND YOURE THE ONLY ONE OF YOUR SPECIES BRO YOU CAN'T EVEN LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT YOUR HURQA (human burqa)
RGRE (Eqg)
>So how many high school wives or milf wives you want, homie?

>>42326813
Mares win again.

>>42326813
Here's a better idea
RGRE(ponyland)
>WOWIE ZOWIE! This tall, sexy alien wants to have sex?? WITH ME??? HUBBA-HUBBA!
RGRE (Eqg)
>Anon, please stop being a slut, you're better than this.

>>42326694
You're arguing with legitimately brain dead people. Anyone who refuses to admit that humans are predators or absolutely at the top of the food chain is not worth taking seriously in any capacity.
All anyone needs to do is google why mother bears move closer to humans with their cubs to see how a 'proper predator' feels about our race.

>>42326208
>Humans are not predators by any virtue other than staying out of actual predator territory.
You would still be in predator territory if your ancestors didn't hunt local predators to extinction

>>42326806
>You're one nigga, you're on the same level as a squirrel.
A squirrel can't make a primitive firearm to kill some ziggers

>>42326885
>local autistic man loses fingers in firework accident

>>42326208
Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say humans outright aren't apex predators. Neither of those terms is an aesthetic stipulation - adaptation is measured in outcomes, and adaptations are for environments. Humans eat meat, secure it for themselves without scavenging, and dominate their environments, so that makes them an apex species who are predators. Our mechanisms involve civilization, which requires a deal of specialization, so an individual human would not express this capacity in and of himself. Even modern hunters are operational specialists tied to a manufacturing supply chain. In the strictly primal sense, human/s/ are an apex predator, and maybe like 2000 individual humans are too.
My posts merely meant to poke fun at the fact that Anon is unlikely to live up to the dark, alluring, dangerous apex predator aesthetic so many hopefuls would craft for him. What makes us apex predators is the same thing that makes ponies apex prey: civilization. Beyond that, the fantasy has to rest on him eating meat, which comes from the store. A randomly selected human is simply a small cog in that machine, just a little guy who does a little thing. A background human, contributing to his species' true power by participating in his little square of it. A power which one might think of as arising through companionship.
Of course, if a little girl can imagine being one of four powerful princess alicorns, then presumably imagining oneself singularly excellent is fair game. Anon *could* be a modern renaissance man: survivalist, polymath, ex special forces, strategist, seducer, philosopher, political and business tycoon. Such men exist! And there's no wrong way to fantasize, though, I think, if you're going to imagine a person more rarified than billionaires and shadowy elites, it warrants more remark than to simply say "Woah, he really was the Earth Presents Apex Predator TM"

>>42326813
Haha yeah I mean it'd be super weird to have a highschool fic about teenagers going through all the usual pains and uncertainties of maturation but also a dynamic where the girls have a lot of power over the guys and have to learn how to manage that power at a very emotionally charged mid-development time in their lives haha what a bizarre little idea that would be definitely no one should write that.

>>42304939 (OP)
>If you were actually transported to an RGRE Equestria how long would it take for you to get accustomed to everything?
Instantly.
Can't say I really get the anons that say it'd take them years to acclimatize. Normies, sure. I'm pretty sure there'd be no small number of normalfags that could spend weeks chatting with a mare with said mare slowly trying to come on to him, and when she finally gives up and spells it out that she wants his dick, he'd say something like "Ew, but that's bestiality.", despite, you know, TALKING to her and living in the civilization that mares built.
Then again, I'm a writefag, and I have spent no small amount if time running dozens of all kinds of scenarios of mares and humans interacting in my head. Maybe non-writefags can't do that, and don't fantasize about mares at all, only reading what others wrote. Who knows.
>>42314590
I did
>post whatever you make after a day or two of writing
A couple of times when I didn't manage to write out much, but it was quite unsatisfying. I usually try to go for something like 4-5 full posts . Not always, though. Here's something.
...While looking up willow species to find a name for this pone, I found out that there's one that's named "Pussy Willow". Hell yeah, I'm using that one.

>Be Pussy Willow.
>Not the greatest name for a mare, but that's names for you.
>Parents have that magical future foresight or some crap that somehow tells them how to name foals.
>Not that you're a coward!
>The "pussy" actually refers to the fluffy catkins-
>You mentally slap yourself to get your thoughts back on track.
>You've been explaining your name so often, you ended up repeating the same crap even in your head. Bleh.
>Right, Willow, focus on the right here and now.
>You, the bar you're in, and the two sisters from other misters sitting next to you.
"So, how do we talk up humans?" You ask Grapevine, the other earth mare.
>Ball Lightning shuffles her wings as she glances at the human you've all been eyeing, whether in excitement or nervousness, you don't know.
>Grapevine, meanwhile, has that same easy, relaxed smile she had for the past THREE MONTHS.
>At first, you and Lightning both thought she started abusing some substances.
>Her explanations about having found the best coltfriend in Equestria rang a bit hollow, to say the least.
>She's not ugly or poor, but she's not a rich superstar, either. Just a completely average mare.
>So even when she told you that humans weren't like stallions, neither one of you believed her.
>It sounded like some golddigger pretending to be nice before swiping all her bits and running off with some zebra.
>...Except that, again, Grapevine didn't have piles of bits lying around.
>And she assured us she wasn't emptying her savings for him, either.
>You still didn't believe her, of course.
>But days turned into weeks. Then months.
>The smile never went away.
>She became immovable. A proper Mountain, as earth ponies called them.

>>42327271
>don't fantasize about mares at all
Can anyone who does this even be considered human?

>>42327295
No. Which is why, in Equestria, each horsefucker will have 2300 normie slaves

>>42327271
>Or unflappable, as Lightning supplied the pegasus version of the moniker.
>Either way, she became the biggest alpha in your entire list of acquaintances.
>Not that her material situation changed, she just...
>Became the stoic ideal of a mare. All because of her stall- her man.
>She said it was one of the few things he insisted. That he was not a stallion, something she entirely, completely agreed with.
>As for her transformation, she also insisted that not a single thing had changed about her, which was complete cowpat, obviously.
>According to her, though, it was all just because "she had someone to lean on, who I know I can trust absolutely. That no matter what happens outside, when I get home, I will have a pillar that will support me instead of nagging me. With that knowledge, all your previous fears and insecurities, things that ate you up inside just seem... Laughable."
>And finally, after months of disbelieving her stories of just how good and amazing her man was, here you are. Asking her to be a wingmare for you.
>"Well, you can forget about just about every bit of body language. Humans don't really pick up on arcing your neck or swishing your tail or flaring your nostrils, or any of that stuff," She starts.
>"So, it's all words?" Ball Lightning asks.
>"Not entirely," She shakes her head. "Here's one very important bit of advice - sit close to him, and always make sure you hold your head in such a way that your ears are within easy reaching distance for him."
"...Ears," You say with some confusion, Ball Lightning mirroring your expression.
>"Yup. Ears. Make sure you move them a little more than usual, too, to get his attention on them. Nothing spastic. Just a bit more motion than normal," She nods.
>"/Why?/" Lightning asks with disbelief. "That's just... What? Are you pulling our tails?"
>Grapevine rolls her eyes.
>"At first you were all like "Hey help us we can't talk to these aliens because they're too strange and weird" and now you're disbelieving me when I'm giving you specific bits of useful advice?"
>"Yeah, okay, but... Ears? Why?"
>"The think they're cute," Grapevine says simply, taking a pull of her drink.
>"...Cute?" Lightning asks, raising her eyes upwards and waggling her ears, your ears moving as well.
>"Precisely."
"Weird."
>You get another eye roll.
>"Well, if you're not comfortable with having your ears played with, then humans clearly aren't for you. Because let me tell you, they're going to get played with. A LOT."
"...Alright then."

>>42327318
>Ears
I feel like she's underselling it. Anon probably plays with her teats when he isn't picking her up to sniff her chest but they'll assume she abuses him if she says anything.

>>42327318
The pretty mares WILL be pet.

>Anon tells Twi that his species closest relatives are chimps
>Twilight begins reading about pygmy chimps
>finds out that they are also RGR
>she stops trusting Anon because his claim that humans have males as dominant sex is false

>>42327464
>plays with her teats
Anon, that's not something you do in public...

>>42327318
>"Does it... Feel good?" Ball Lightning asks.
>"It does, actually," Grapevine confirms with that dreamy smile of hers. "Human fingers are something else. Not like hooves or mouths at all."
>You grimace slightly at the next question, but it has to be asked.
"And what about my... Unusual looks?"
>She gives you a sympathetic look as you glance at your long legs and your body.
>Your name wasn't the only issue about you. Like many ponies, you were like your name - not in the pussy sense, but in the willowy one.
>You were lean, thin, elegant, and graceful.
>Which wasn't exactly bad - if you were a unicorn.
>You were basically a unicorn-shaped earth pony. You weren't weak by any means, but your looks often confused stallions.
>Earth stallions thought you looked "brittle", not like a proper earth mare, while the unicorn ones got confused when they noticed that you don't have a horn.
>You sometimes wondered what a pegasus stallion would make of you, but you never managed to get one to go on a date with you.
>Grapevine, meanwhile, shakes her head after a moment.
>"I don't think it will matter. At all."
>You can't help but give her a flat look.
"Really. Not even in the slightest? Not one tiny, tiny bit?"
>"Nope, not one," She confirms, taking another swig.
>"I guess they don't know how a mare is supposed to look like since they don't have mares over there?" Lightning asks.
>Grape shakes her head again.
>"Kind of, but really, humans think almost all mares are pretty. There's very few ways for a mare to be ugly to a human."
"What are those, just so we know?"
>"Filth, obviously. That's an easy one. Obvious disfigurements. Crooked faces, missing teeth, the like. Also, being fat. That's apparently a put-off for most men, though mine told me that there's a sub-section of them that like their mares... Round."
>She says the last part with disgust.
>"Like what, a jiggle in their flank?" Lightning asks, glancing at her rear.
>Like many pegasi, she is quite lean, so that's not an option for her, nor you.
>Grapevine presses her lips together.
>"No, as in... A waddling blob of fat. So fat you can barely even get up. Or can't."
"Ewwwww," You and Lightning chorus. "Why? How is a mare supposed to work and provide when she's like that?"
>"Don't ask me," She shakes her head. "Apparently, it's called a "feeder" fetish. Just stay away from guys like that if you encounter them."
"Yeah... Alright. Any other last-minute advice?"
>"Yeah. Go slow," She nods. "They're not used to getting hit on by females at all. Two at once? That's twice the confusion."
>"Oh, come on. He's in a bar. There's only one reason for a stallion to be in a bar," Lightning scoffs, only for Grapevine to shake her head.

>>42328196
>"No. Man. Not stallion. Remember that already. Men don't spend their time gossiping in teahouses snacking on cakes and cookies for hours on end, while coming to bars and pubs for free drinks and to get hit on. They go to bars for the same reason mares do, to relax with a drink."
"So will he get mad for getting hit on? If it's like a stallion going to a teahouse..."
>That was a risky gamble, to put it mildly.
>A mare wouldn't go to a teahouse for almost any reason. That was stallion territory through and through. Hours upon hours of mind-numbing gossip and chatter... No sane mare would willingly subject herself to that.
>Of course, with all those stallions concentrated there, it might look like a prime opportunity...
>To make a complete and total fool of yourself in front of a large part of the local stallion population, that is.
>To try and hit on a stallion in a teahouse would need... Teats of steel and being indecently famous and rich, to say the least.
>You heard it happens sometimes, but... Rarely, to say the least.
>"Mmm, no, it's not quite like that," She shakes her head. "It should be fine. Men like to strike up a conversation... Or liked... Apparently, socializing in pubs and bars has been going out of fashion in the human world for the past few decades. Sounds kind of sad, honestly."
"Alright," You breathe. "Ears, go slow, don't bother with other body language. That more or less it?"
>"I could hang back if two mares are such a bother," Lightning mutters without enthusiasm.
"No," You immediately object. "You're my sis. We're a herd. If he can't deal with that, that's on him. Besides, if he's like that, springing you on him later would just probably end with him crashing out."
>"Alright," She nods with a tiny smile. She knows you have her back, just like she has yours.
>Grapevine gives the two of you a final once-over before nodding and getting up.
>"Let's go, then."
>You slowly get up as well, sharing a final look with Ball Lightning.
>"Are you sure I can't just flex my wings at him?" She asks Grapevine a final time.
>She just chuckles, shaking her head.
>"You can, but he won't interpret it as you hitting on him. He might find your wings pretty, though."
>"Well... Better than nothing."
>You all quiet down as you approach the tall, thin form of the alien.

>>42328244
Poor Anon is taken to the teahouse by his stallion friend, he is catatonic by the end. Brit-Anon thinks Anon just being a poonz.

Anons, I don't think I want be a human in Equestria. Have you seen how mares just leer at you? I'm not some piece of meat, dammit!

>>42328414
How bad could it be? I mean dont even like tea, the only tea i ever tasted was a lemon one with honey for my sore throat, and the other one that taste like shit but it relax you somehow, also good for tummy aches.

>>42328244
I love this type of green, more please

>>42313130
>>42313197
They would be referred to as "pick-me" stallions and hated by their peers.

>>42328638
That's just a staring contest challenge. Stare back harder.

>∆42329880
Vitamin A every week.
Weakling mutants can't tell friend from fiend.
I respond when anything you say isn't a voice in the night. Not often you say anything since the Blair incident. Conversely, I can't suck cocks that don't exist now can we. So play along Yamame. You're welcome to sleep now that we're galaxies away.

>>42329889
is this really what u meant to post image wise anon....

>>42329889
>3dpd
Absolutely disgusting, kill yourself.

>>42329889
Mods, permaban this premafaggot.

>>42328638
But I am factually made of meat.

>tfw Anon walks into sugarcube corner wearing shorts
>tfw you can see his socks

>>42330496
>Maaaaan...fuckin'...I can't just, like, have a regular sunday?
>I can't leave the house in some comfortable leg wear? It's gotta attract all these judgmental eyes?
>You lucky my mom n grandma not here..

>>42330496
>he has a bunch of stuff in his pockets so his shorts sag a bit
>you can see the waistband of his tiny pants
>what have you done in your life for Celestia to bless you with such a bucking slut?

>>42330496
I wear socks and sandals would that be like wearing lingerie and crocs?

>>42331276
Sandals are like human horseshoes so it'd be like wearing lingerie and work boots

>>42331336
I wonder which pony would like that? I don't think applejack would since she'd see it as colts bein ignorant about true hard work.

>>42328789
Nope, this is the end.

>>42331276
Imagine mares casually wearing lingerie but (You) wearing socks gets them hot and horny.

>>42304943
its literally so over

They got him again

I liked em too.

>>42332229
Sunburst is dining with Cut'N'Paste now. Only the finest ramen in green heaven.

>>42331517
Rarity would probably have a phase for a few days where she's into it.

What happen to SQA? I miss Spike and Cut

>>42334541
He saw the state of the thread and bowed out.
Rip Guardmares/Engineer story too, even if it started straying into manwha shit.

>>42334751
Curse you. Destroying so many greens.

>>42334541
I miss them so much, I can usually cope well with hiatus but I got so attached to them.. bros...

Page 10 bump you buckos

>>42336498
Sorry, I was talking to AI mares.

>>42335346
That was a guardsmare green, though. Rip in pepperonis that entire general. I liked it.

>>42335948
Just do what I do and make up how the story continues/ends while it’s on hiatus.

Anytime I see a fic that isn’t finished and it’s been some time I just make up my own ending in my head so I have a satisfying conclusion.

>>42336575
If she asks you if you want to immigrate, say "no".

>>42335346
Aw fuck, Everyday Life with Guardmares is kill?

>>42337173
There's no official confirmation, if that's what you mean. But the story didn't exactly update in a while now.

>>42337006
I dunno. She had some good points I think

>>42337173
>>42337217
TMFAT posted a journal on fimfic saying he wants to get back into it in the last few weeks.

>>42337173
Where were you when guardsmare was kill?

I was at home eating ponut when I get call.

Guardsmare ded no.

>>42337173
>>42337217
>>42337850
Dude has a wife and kids. It's only natural his pace would slow down to one or two updates a year. Unfortunately that isn't enough to sustain what was already a slow general. TMFAT pretty much carried /rgm/ at that point much like AspiringWritefag carries /spg/.

So how common is Elektra Complex in RGRE?

>>42339007
I mean statistically it would be fairly common, probably accepted but not something you talk about publicly.
but if you try to explore what that would mean for society then a bunch of spergs here will start screaming.

>>42337969
Forgive my faggotry but what is /spg/?

>>42339451
Slave pony thread. Though most often it's more like a pet pony thread. Kinda like how RGRE was more or less a pregnancy thread for a while.

>>42304943
>posts one short paste update
>vanishes again
what did sunburst anon mean by this

>>42339940
Too busy teaching his daughter how to keep the spaghetti from spilling.

Would you be lenient enough, to allow your mare a dozen beers or two, after her long shift at the factory?
She works hard for (You), you know?

>>42340583
Considering horses have a crazy alcohol tolerance, yeah.

>>42340583
Berry's never worked a day in her life.

>>42340613
How rude! She works hard as a professional sommelier!

>>42340624
She doesn't know her Marelots from her Chardonneighs.

>>42340663
Berry resents that statement. She says she would be able to undertake any wine-tasting challenge you could possibly pose.
...
She may also have let out a massive belch at the end of that statement. Perhaps she got into the cheap beer. Who knows?

Would berry be the rgre equivalent of Moe or Barney? Or just your average friendly bartender with a crossbow behind the bar for rowdy customers?

>>42340869
She's more of a "Moe" than a "Barney". But no matter what, she'll have that crossbow prepped and ready.

>>42340883
All mares should carry.

>>42341244
I'm not sure if I'm comfortable around a mare carrying a weapon

>>42341302
They need them after giraffelight started mass importing yaks and non-zecoran zebras

Yaks are more attractive than your average mare.

>>42341952
Cloven-hooves typed this

>>42341958
A deer, obviously.
If it was a yak, it would be more like
>YAK BETTER THAN PONY
>YAK COW BETTER LOOKING THAN PONY MARE
>YAKS BEST

>>42341992
Woah, Anon. Cool it with the anti-yakistani remarks.

>>42341992
Would yaks even use computers? I cannot imagine one surviving long in their care.

>>42342032
I guess that's why they usually don't show up in these threads.

>>42312539
>You’d willing give up your rights for some pony pussy?
he asked, on /mlp/

>>42342017
It's not anti-anything, it's just the truth. There's plenty of stuff online that's just plain wrong. When a yak sees something wrong, they want to smash it. They're going to pulverize their computers, or at least their keyboards.

I think we should have more Zebras around for... Cultural enrichment and nothing more I swear.

>>42343044
>TZC posting already
Shut it down

>>42343167
>TZC
Tight Zebra Coochie?

>>42343354
Damn straight

>>42343354
Trolling Zesty Carps.

>>42343366
*Das rite.

Are changelings just the bug women?

>>42344315
No.

>>42344612
Changelings would have an even easier time with me if they just stayed bugs

>>42344684
That's the second realization that breaks them

>>42344720
And it's not because bugs are hotter, it's because not hiding their true self is the #1 fetish among human men

>>42344612
>Honey if you're looking to get on my good side, STAY like that.
>..Because our women are ALREADY shape shifting bloodsuckers!

>>42344961
>The dating market on Earth is nothing but human women and changelings.
>Either you get trapped by something that will pretend to be whatever you want so it can get close and suck the life out of you — or you end up with a changeling!

>>42344961
>>42345185
Ahaha! Mr. Dangerfield, you sure are a riot!

>>42344961
>>42345185
In an interconnected Earth-RGRE timeline, Candy is going to have a lot of questions about the "husband hates his wife" trope in media. It might even bug her more than the bugs.
Revive that old prompt where Cadance is a succupone and changelings and succupones are essentially cousins competing over the same resource, and maybe she's the one sending the bugs over. Both out of pragmatism and pity.

Anon is a villain with mind control. that can enslave mares minds with sex. How many mares “lose” to him to get laid?

Also which ones give up

Assume Anon gets more hot after each mare he conqueres. Would any mare be able to stand up to his whimsy or would they just want cock.

>>42345594
Anon's magic backfires on him because marepussy is a mind control device itself.

>>42345594
Anon is a villain with mind control. Except not really, all the mares are just humoring him and letting him do whatever to them

Are you ready?

>>42345978
Do not soak the plushies

>>42345984
They've brought home the milk, they're not drinkin it

>>42344961
dohohoho!

>>42345978
See, you may think this came from the store, but in reality it is the nerd's hourly production.

>>42346443
>Anon, all my milk in the fridge is gonna go bad soon. Better get drinking.
>>Don't you mean THE milk?
>No.

>>42346600
This is going to take so many fucking howls of cereal

>>42346822
>Not chugging it for the marely gains
NGMI

>>42345409
>Those poor bugs, they just don't know what they're gettin' into.
>One of them snuck into my house and imitated my wife, hoping to get some emotion out of me.
>I had to drive the poor gal to the hospital, to get her stomach pumped.

>>42347327
>See, colts can be funny too.
>Yeah, they don't just talk about their dicks all the time.

>>42347363
>My wife never minded when I talked about my dick.
>Yeah, she told me she always preferred short conversations.
>I tell ya, I don't get no respect.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CApfL0c8OwM&list=RDCApfL0c8OwM&start_radio=1

>You, Nocturnal Pike, found yourself in a situation that your old sergeant would have called “less than ideal.”
>Which was a polite way of saying it was a real SNABU.
>You honestly felt like a complete echohead; how had you forgotten about /bargain/ day?
>The day that lived in infamy among your fellow guards.
>There was always, /always/ an entire shift’s worth of mares assigned to the market today, and for good reason.
>Any mare with two braincells to rub together could see such a dense concentration of whimsy in such a small area was a recipe for disaster.
>And your current situation was keen evidence of that!
>When the tide of bargain-seekers had washed over you, you had attempted to stand your ground.
>Alas, you were but one vertically challenged mare, and found yourself adrift in short order.
>Utterly and completely lost.
>”I TOLD you I wanted this in BLUE!”
>Another shrill voice cutting through the crowd pins your ears to your head.
>Hooo filly, that was why most Thestrals would trade anything to get out of this shift.
>Sometimes having the best hearing of the four tribes wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
>The entire market is a cacophony of horrible noise.
>Shouting, gripeing, haggling... whatever Anon had hoped this grand day out to be,: you’d bet this isn’t it.
>Some mares might have at least enjoyed being packed like a sardine with stallions on all sides.
>The ultimate excuse to perv out as much as you wanted with plausible deniability.
>Heck, with your size it’s harder /not/ to ogle them!
>Between your height and how densely packed everypony is, all you have to do is pick a direction and turn your head to be greeted by a new pair of nuts.
>If you made for the edge of the market now, you’d probably lay your eyes on half the packages in Canterlot. Maybe more!
>A lot of mares would have died to do that. Heck, you recall having to throw one or two pervs out of here /for/ trying that, back in the day!
>But frankly, these stallions might as well be smooth mannequins for all they were doing for you.
>It's... an odd realization. Even during your past relationships you certainly still would have enjoyed this opportunity.
>But now? All you feel when you see a stallion in this crowd that’s not Anon is disappointment.
>It's enough to tempt you toward taking to the skies and leaving this whole place behind.
>The skies are mostly clear, the majority of the Pegasi and Thestrals electing to stay on the ground where the stalls are.
>And NOPONY is putting their stalls in the clouds after the porcelain rain of eight hundred and forty five.
>Five minutes is all it would take to find your herd, and be free of this place.
>And yet...
>”Princesses above, if I have to break up one more catfight over some knick-knack I might dive off the side of the city.”

>>42347657
>”Cloud, you have wings. There’s plenty easier ways to go for a flight.”
>Between all the useless noise you picked up the distinct voices of mares, GUARDSmares. Close too.
>The “riot squad”, as it was sarcastically called, usually pulled its unfortunate mares from just about any shift available.
>That meant the evening shift. That meant YOUR shift.
>If one of your mares was here, and you took to the sky, they’d spot you in an instant and almost certainly want to talk.
>Is that a conversation that you’d really like to have right now?
>No, no it was not.
>As the two force their way through the crowds, you elect to not take chances and disappear.
>It was surprisingly easy to simply slip between two adjacent bodies and easily pass out of sight.
>In fact taking advantage of your small COMPACT size and nimble hoofwork, you find crossing this chaos wasn’t as hard as you were expecting.
>A dip here, a duck there, a dodge...
>Planning out new routes on the fly to avoid the occasional patrol.
>It's surprisingly fun!
>You can already feel your mind formulating a new drill: fugitive hunting in dense urban environments!
>One mare could be designated the fugitive, you could pull from other shifts to act as the crowd and—
>You stop in the crowd, a stallion nearly bowling you over.
>What’s the point of coming up with a new drill if you’re not really going back? What’s the point of this game?
>There’s no reason to think about things like that now.
>For a moment, you balk at your own thoughts.
>That was an awfully morbid way of considering it.
>You suppose it's no less true, but that /shouldn’t/ be how you think about it!
>You’re free, after all!
>Free from the expectations of others, free from what your mother wanted!
>Free to be whatever and do whatever you want!
>All these burdens you’ve been carrying can finally be left behind.
>So why does it feel so much like you’re giving up?
>Your mind, clawing for some new train of thought, finds its foothold in your surroundings.
>If you really wanted to figure out what your new life was going to be, that was practically Horse-Mecca!
>All around you were the ponies who were about to become your peers! House spouses and the like.
>If you wanted to see how this half truly lives, there was no better place for some on sight research than here.
>Just, try not to think about how everything you’ve witnessed thus far was HIDEOUSLY banal.
>Resuming your trek, but with noticeably less energy, you continue.
>The market was arranged in a grid formation, specifically so after Celestia became concerned the previous market’s chaos would re-awaken Discord.
>Because of that, the crowds normally thinned in between the aisles, which is where the guards would be unless there was a fight.
>Better stick close to the stalls then, lest you chance an awkward encounter.
>The majority of what you pass, you’d more or less consider “home goods.”

>>42347659
>Fancy bathroom stuff, furniture and decorations, kitchen gizmos...
>All the kinds of things your mom wouldn’t so much as let you look at!
>At a certain point, you start mixing in with the stallions, truly perusing the wares just as much as they are.
>It's really fun! For a while, at least.
>Until the grim reality sets in: a lot of this stuff you wouldn’t buy regardless of circumstance.
>Sure, that’s a very cute pair of throw pillows for your couch.
>You always liked how doilies looked, they remind you of fancy spider webs!
>Which reminds you of the Festival of the Moon (or Nightmare Night, as the heathen other tribes call it).
>But you already /have/ a set of throw pillows that match your couch! And sure you love how they look, but you HATE having to pull them off every time you want to get comfortable.
>Why hasn’t some Unicorn invented a pair of pillows that fade in and out of reality on command!?
>It is quite the conundrum.
>Before you can even come close to solving it, a passing pair of guards forces you to refocus your musings.
>It's easy enough to slip back into the crowd, they're all currently gathering en masse around a particular stall claiming to sell “self-cleaning pans”.
>Slipping around a particularly thick Earth Pony, you catch a snippet of the two’s conversation.
>”I don’t care if it's gay to or whatever. I’m just really worried about her, okay? It's not like her to just up and vanish like this.”
>That was Astral’s voice!
>A sound like a classic Thestralian ping begins to grow in your throat, something to let her know you’re there.
>But it dies just as soon, Astral’s one of the last ponies you think can face right now.
>What would she /say/?
>Oh who are you kidding? You know what she’d say: she wouldn’t get it.
>If the failure of finding anything you really wanted had you feeling morose, this is just the nail in the coffin.
>Unable to resist, you decide to continue following them a ways, listen to what Astral is saying to the mare you admittedly don’t recognize.
>”Look, it's probably nothing,” replied the other mare. “Maybe she’s just taking off some time because of guy trouble? Nothing good ever comes from getting wrapped up in their H.A.”
>”Luna I hope not. If Anon’s gone off the field, she'd be devastated. He’s pretty much the perfect guy for her. BETTER even. I don’t know if she’s realized it, but she’s been so much happier. Not a single pony in the squad would want to see her go back to the old Pike now.”
>The “old her”? What could that mean?
>You’d suppose your more... /relaxed/ view of maresculinity may have leaked into your leadership style. But you’d never have expected it to be for the better!
>Your squad always got top marks after all! What could be better than that!?

>>42347663
>You thread along behind them for a bit longer, easily slipping between bodies like your ancestors did stalactites.
>It brings back a bit of that trill from earlier, the thrill of tailing and evading a perp.
>A thrill that, if you go through with leaving the guard, will be forever absent from your life.
>Two things to chew on, for sure.
>Eventually their conversation drifts back to their task at hand, and you similarly find your time would be better spent elsewhere.
>Diving back into the crowd proper, you resume threading that needle and passing by the masses of ponies.
>This time something seems... different.
>The crowd’s energy has changed, it feels feistier.
>Petty squabbles are more and more frequently erupting into shouting matches.
>”I saw it first!” and “It's mine you hussy!” seem to be thrown out more and more.
>It's an ill omen, for sure, but there’s nothing to really be done about it.
>The noise is certainly terrible.
>Almost enough to make you reconsider flying until—
>You suddenly find yourself wholly outside the crowd.
>A panicked look around thankfully no guards in sight, and you immediately understand why.
>You’re around the outer edge of the market, where a small foal’s park resides.
>A couple stallions are all milling about, watching their foals (and probably their friend’s foals) running and playing all along Canterlot’s finest jungle gym.
>Ha! No need for a guard presence here. If anypony tried anything these fathers would beat them six ways from Sunday.
>It really does warm your heart, in a way you previously wouldn’t have admitted, to watch these foals play.
>They look so happy and carefree, with their father dutifully standing by to watch over them.
>You suppose, if you tread that path of the housewife, that’ll be YOU standing guard.
>That thought gets a chuckle out, suppose you can never truly leave the guard after all.
>Gradually, without trying to be a creep, you orbit closer to one of those larger groups of stallions.
>They’re all chatting amongst themselves as they watch, and it’ll undoubtedly be an informative conversation for you.
>See what sort of things occupy the lives of these house spouses.
>You don’t just want to walk up and introduce yourself obviously, that’d be weird.
>Instead, like a ship in the night, you pass just close enough to pick up what they’re saying.
>”I can’t believe I pulled the short straw this year.”
>...
>Well, that wasn't what you were expecting.
>”I know right,” says a different stallion.
>”Come on guys, it's really not SO bad, is it?”
>”I’m stuck here doing the same thing I do /every day/ while my stal-pals are out at the MARKET!” replies the first one again. “Of course it's bad, this was gonna be the highlight of my year! Arg, just imagine all the deals we’re missing out on! Zip BETTER get me those soaps he promised.”

>>42347665
>”Oh don’t be so dramatic,” the second speaks up, “This wouldn’t have been the highlight. Remember the spring collection that dropped this year? THAT was a highlight.”
>On and on they prattle on, and you listen for a bit longer, but soon the horrible truth unavoidably dawns on you.
>All these stallions lead HORRIFICALLY banal lives.
>All they had to talk about was petty drama and things you probably wouldn’t have even given a second thought to.
>It's enough to put a cold sweat on your brow.
>Oh Luna, is this what the life of a housewife would be like?! You can’t live like that!
>But if you can’t live like a guard and can’t live a domestic life, what CAN you live like!?
>Your breathing starts to grow shallow, as your mind once again spins.
>What should have been your liberation was just a catch twenty-two?
>What do you do? What do you do!? WHAT DO YOU DO!?
>A shout, louder than all the others, tears your focus back to reality.
>Your head, along with everypony else’s, shoots towards the direction it came in.
>The sight makes your blood run cold.
>That energy you felt earlier? It’s reached a breaking point.
>”WHAT DO YOU /MEAN/ THAT WAS THE LAST ONE!?”
>It's coming from the self cleaning cookware shop, directed at an increasingly worried mare handing over what is evidently the last of her wares.
>”I-I’m sorry! We double our production this year but—”
>”I DON’T CARE! I CALLED A PAN! IT'S MINE!”
>The stallion LUNGED for the fellow she was hoofing the pan to, and all Tartarus broke loose.
>At once the raised voices became cries of battle as fights broke out at nearly every stall.
>Thanks to your hearing, you could practically track the wave of chaos in real time as it rippled out from that first fateful stall.
>”FIVE BITS FOR THIS!?”
>”I PROMISED MY SON A NEW BUBBLE BATH AND CELESTIA DAMN IT I’M GETTING ONE!”
>”GET YOUR FILTHY HOOVES OFF MY SHIRT!”
>It was all around you now, a cacophony of shouting and stamping. Then, you heard the word no guardsmare ever wants to hear.
>”STAMPEDE!”
>The thunder of hooves EPRUPTS from the isle across the playground from you, and instinct takes over.
>You leap, soaring above the confused fathers to perch on the very top of the jungle gym.
>From this new vantage point you can clearly see: the mares are overwhelmed.
>They had attempted to follow the riot response protocol, and valiantly you might add.
>But it had struck too hard and too fast, it’d left them too disorganized.
>Any attempts to separate ponies, or simply to contain the mania, were met with failure.
>Stop the riot in one direction, it just grew in another.
>It was like watching a drunken mare try to hold back her equally drunk, but aggressive, friend.
>At this rate it might even spill out into the city, and then they’d have a full blown disaster on their hooves!
>Who was in charge here!?
>Your eyes whipped back and forth across the horizon, but no matter where you looked the answer seemed to be: nopony.

>>42347668
>It was like watching a drunken mare try to hold back her equally drunk, but aggressive, friend.
>At this rate it might even spill out into the city, and then they’d have a full blown disaster on their hooves!
>Who was in charge here!?
>Your eyes whipped back and forth across the horizon, but no matter where you looked the answer seemed to be: nopony.
>The response was as disorganized as you’d first surmised, and only getting worse!
>If somepony didn’t do something—
>No, not somepony, YOU.
>Your body reacts on years of keenly honed instinct, leaping from the top of the jungle gym and soaring into the fray.
>The determination in your heart burning so bright, the cold wind may have been a warm summer’s day.
>Soaring over the chaos you angle right for the side closest to spilling out into the city, that’s where they needed you the most right now.
>The mares along that edge were quaking in their shoes, probably a bunch of rookies who got the short straw and were woefully unprepared for something like this.
>They needed somepony to whip them into shape. They needed a sergeant.
“PRIVATE!? What are you DOING!”
>The head of the mare you called out, whips to the sky.
>”Sergeant Pike!? W-We’re being overwhelmed! Princesses protest us, it's like these stallions are possessed by Discord himself!”
“Is THAT so?” you say, letting your old drill sergeant voice out. “All it’s taking to best the Princess’ finest are a bunch of stallions high on bargain shopping? Well damn, better call up the Changelings, cuz we’ve got some prime real estate just waiting for them!”
>The mare wilts a little, as do all the mares around her in the pathetic excuse for a riot line.
>”But Sarge—”
“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!” you shout back. “You think this is a game!? If this riot spills into the streets it’ll be chaos! You really want the crown jewel of Equestria to fall to some stallions with pillows and pans!?”
>”N-No Sergeant,” the mares replied weakly.
“WHAT WAS THAT!? I COULDN’T HEAR YOU OVER THAT COLT ASKING FROM MORE FANCY SOAPS!” you shout, pointing off at some random stallion.
>”NO SERGEANT!” they shout back.
>You come down hard in the snow, billowing up a cloud around you.
“Now that’s more like it! You, shore up that edge! You, I want that soap bar those two are fighting over IN THEIR MOUTHS! And I want it there YESTERDAY!”
>On and on it went, the tide slowly starting to turn.
>Bouncing from group to group, you rallied the mares one line at a time.
>Taking them from shaking and quaking in the face of whimsy to now standing firm.
“I want more support on the playground! Keep those foals up above the crowd and ON the jungle gym. Keep the stallions AWAY!”
>”Yes Sergeant,” a mare salutes, and then departs.
>Before you is a rough map of the market, made by laying out whatever stupid junk you appropriated from the surrounding stalls on "official business.”

>>42347671
>The location itself was the same “self-cleaning cookware” stand from earlier, seized and converted into a command center by yours truly.
>It had just felt right, turning the original heart of the riot into your beacon of order.
>Nothing like a good morale victory.
>”Uh, when can I have my stand back?” The salesmare weakly asks from behind you. “I’d really like to pack up and leave, preferably now.”
“Can it,” you snap. “You can leave when everypony else can: once we’ve saved the city from the jaws of discord.”
>A Pegasus came in for a rough landing just inches from your stall, evidently she must have triple-timed it to you.
>”Ma’am!” she said breathlessly. “Another clearance sale just hit the second platoon! We need more mares or we’re not gonna make it!”
>You swore an old Thestralian swear under your breath.
>Rapidly scanning your makeshift map, you search for any unit that could spare troops.
>There! You represented that line with a fork instead of a spoon!
>That meant there were at least five extra mares there than the average spoon line!
“Head over to Colognes and Cornhole, over on the West side,” you pointed to the spot on your map. “One of the line leaders should have mares they can spare. And if they don’t, tell them I said to FIND some.”
>The courier saluted, “Yes Sergeant. Thank you,” and once again took to the skies.
>There was nary a moment to breathe though, as the moment she’d left, a Thestral touched down.
>”Sarge! Sarge! You need to come quick! One of the stallions has gone /berzerk/! I-I’ve never seen anything like it!”
>What? One stallion? Couldn’t she see you’ve got more important things to do?
“Corporal, I’m sure my attention would be better suited—”
>”M-Major Blade said it required your urgent and personal attention ma’am! In... much ruder terms.”
>That caught your attention, and wordlessly you motioned from the mare to take flight.
>In no time at all, the two of you were soaring over the crowd toward the very center of the market.
>It gave you a brief moment to admire your hoofiwork, now from the sky you could see how things were coming back to order.
>In fact, it was so orderly, you could see a familiar (and very welcome) face in the crowd.
>Cut N. Paste! ...sprinting full tilt in the same direction you were.
>A shiver shot up your spine as you lowered your flight path to be just above her.
“Cut!”
>Her eyes snapped to you, wide with panic. “Pike!? Oh thank goodness! Y-You got to get over to the East side! I heard from your friend that—”
>She didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence, for a few feet out you saw exactly what had everypony so afraid.
>Just a few feet in front of you, the riot stopped dead.
>Every pony, from guardsmare to stallion, was roughly pinned in a magical hold.
>A familiar /green/ magical hold.
>You sped ahead, rocketing towards whatever scene awaited you.
>It didn’t take long to find it.
>There, standing on a pile of pinned ponies, was Anon.

>>42347674
>He’d assembled them almost like a guard tower, seemingly using them to create his own vantage point.
>A point that, at the top of which, he held ponies two aloft by the scruff of their necks.
>”If ANY of you CUNTS trampled my fillyfriends, I swear to FUCKING GOD—”
>Then his teary eyes fell on you, and Cut close behind.
>Wordlessly he dropped the other two ponies, and suddenly you felt the sensation of your weight being taken off your wings.
>You flew, somehow even faster, across the subdued plaza. Cut undoubtedly just behind you.
>In moments, the two of you were pulled into his waiting hooves.
>”Oh God,” he said, “Oh thank God.”
>He held the two of you close, practically crushing you into him.
“A-Anon” you tried to say.
>”I know it was stupid, but I’d always heard all these horror stories from riots on Earth,” his voice quivered. “When I went to Mardi Gras one year, I remembered them arresting an entire BLOCK because they were so scared of what might happen when a fight started. When one broke out here, and I couldn’t find you— I-I was so worried I’d never see you two again!”
>He finally relaxed his grip, looking down at the two of you. “It feels like it's been so long.”
>You know this is a very tender moment.
>You know what most ponies would want you to say here, something schmaltzy about how you missed him too.
>But you know Anon better than that.
“It's only been like an hour. What’s gotten into you?” you force out as the air is squeezed from your lungs.
>Cut, and the mare you came here with, find their jaws on the floor.
>But Anon, slowly but surely, stops sobbing and starts laughing.
>”Shit,” he said. Finally you and Cut were released.
>Oh, and so was the rest of the plaza.
>”I really /don’t/ know what came over me,” he said, his voice returning to its usual timbre.
>The gathered ponies, now unexpectedly freed, all start wearily getting to their hooves.
>You yourself have to lead your herd back down the rapidly dissolving pile onto ground.
>Only to run back into that Thestral from before.
>”That’s YOUR stallion, Sarge? Holy buck. No wonder Major Blade said you needed to get your sorry flanks over here.”
>She stopped short, eyes wide, as she realized what she’d just let slip to a superior officer.
>”I’m sorry I—”
“Don’t sweat it, Astral was right.”
>Anon let out a heaving sigh, “Jesus, well I all sorts of fucked this up. So much for a fun day out, I’m so sorry, Pike.”
“It wasn’t all bad,” you said, thinking back to your little mobile command center.
>”Guess we’d still better get out of here.”
>You consider his words. You should have followed your plan.
>Let the other guardsmares sort it out, follow your heart back home, back to domesticity like you planned.
>But even thinking about if for a second has you scoffing, before firing off a grin and saying:
“If you think I’m leaving this job half done, you’ve got another thing coming.”

>>42347677
Kept you waiting, huh? If you want to run all the way back the the very start, it can be found here https://ponepaste.org/158

>>42347681
>158
mein Gott...

>>42347681
Oooo! Update!

>>42347693
I got on that shit early, a proud distrustor of pastebin.

>>42347681
holy fuck you're alive
welcome back, m8

>>42347810
Happy to be back honestly.

>>42347363
Kek
Now I'm curious what the RGRE equivalent of the Bechdel test would look like.

>>42347873
>"Morning, Anon!"
"Hm? Oh hey, Caramel."
>"Watchya reading?"
"Newspaper."
>"I can see that, I meant what in the newspaper? Anything interesting?"
"Um, not really. Apparently Pin-"
>"Shshshshush!"
"What, you fucking asked!"
>"Anon, we can't talk about...'them'."
"What? Them? Who, Pi-"
>"Nope! Nuh-uh."
"Oh for...What, what is it, another bullshit holiday? Colt's Day or something? Wouldn't that only be a Jap thing?"
>"No, Anon, Colt's Day isn't for another two months. But we can't talk about...the ponies we can't talk about because of the test."
"What test?"
>"This test."
"This test? You're just waving your arms around, that doesn't tell me anything."
>"We're in a test, Anon. We're being tested."
"...Caramel, have you been hanging around Tree-"
>"NO! No, no we, we can't talk about...that individual either."
"Fine, then who can we talk about?"
>"Mm, Big Mac. And Time Turner. And Mr. Cake. And Bulk Biceps."
"...Caramel, are you gay now?"
>"W-wuh-No! No, I'm not gay, Anon!"
"Coulda fooled me."
>"Ha ha, you're a comedian."
"I try."
>"Look, just, would you please bear with me, Anon? I think we've nearly passed the test, so let's just talk about something else."
"Fine. What did you do last night, Caramel?"
>"Oh! Cherry Berry took me on this wonderful-Oh, gosh darnit! We failed!"
"Sounds more like you failed."
>"Ugh, I'll talk to you later, Anon. I have to go find Time Turner. I, uh, owe him some bits now."
"..."
"What a weirdo."

>>42347948
>betting against time turner
>ever
i knew caramel was a few pennies short of a pound, but you would think he'd be wise enough to not bet against a guy with a fucking time lord side gig. no wonder caramel bums off of mare's goodwill so often

>>42345594
I mind control the mares to let me brush their manes

>even shitty slop movie recap videos are able to make me tear up
I'd immediately lose all 'I'm independent actually' points if I cried at a sad movie in front of a mare

>>42348403
I have tried desperately to suppress crying ever since getting made fun of in 4th grade for tearing up at a sad scene in whatever movie we were watching.

>>42348472
>Colts heh

In all seriousness I've felt you pain I remember in the middle of class after a book reading our teacher did i didn't get off the carpet we sat down on because of how sad the book was.

I could not for the life of me remember anything about the book but it was sad enough for 3rd grader me to give up.

>>42348558
I remember crying at the family reunion scene from Madagascar 2 and it's haunted me ever since.

>>42348005
Lily is so perfect I love her I love her I love her!

>>42348651
More like SILLY! Heh, gottem

>>42349124
Lily? Can fuck me silly.

>>42347681
Glad to see you again. Lots of stallion wranglin' going on.

>>42347681
SQA-non's notes that I forgot to include because it had been a long day
>The name of the capital of Saddle Arrabia is, in fact, Horse-Mecca in LaSoI
>That story about new orleans on mardi gras is true btw. If you're in the quarter and a bar fight breaks out, run as fast as you can because the cops can and will throw the entire city block in the drunk tank to keep a riot from breaking out

>>42347681
holy shit yes thank you, I've missed them so much

Saw this and made me wonder, what would happen if Anon was Twilight's "AI coltfriend," and suddenly he ends up in Equestria.
>>42349274
I like the idea of all the background history of Anon matching up, but not his interactions with Twilight.
Maybe Twilight made the world she created around Anon Reversed Gender Roles because she wanted a coltfriend without the flaws of being a stallion.
You know, hysterical, illogical, petty.
Like, Twilight's ideal coltfriend is a janefilly because she doesn't understand stallions, but does understand her friends- mares.
Twilight ends up seeing this whole thing as a blessing in disguise.
>She practically has the blueprints to wooing Anon in her chatlogs, right?
But it ends up being harder than she thought when the real Anon is pre-programmed to fall for her.

You can actually smell virginity on mares

>>42347677
>Anon wading into a riot
>"WE STACKED FUCKS LIKE YOU AS SANDBAGS IN 'NAM"

>>42348472
>>42348403
Rookies. Make the mares cry - of outright fucking bawl their eyes out, if they happen to be sailors - and you can cry as well, without embarrassing yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVkD4lgXTEU

>>42349594
And it smells yummy!

>>42349602
You can make mares tear up if you carry a needle or thumbtack

>>42347681
You have brought immeasurable happiness to me this, previously crummy, evening. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

>>42349594
I thought it was virgin men a mare could smell.

>>42347665
>task at hand
>hand
Pike's been hanging around Anon too much.

>>42350530
Shiiiiiiieeeet thanks for letting me know. Imma pass that to bobbles so it doesn't make it into the fimfic version.
>>42349861
I am genuinely glad I could brighten a day

I'm too drunk to in articulately respond to everyone else but I'm happy I made you happy and that I've still got it!!

>>42347681
We are ALL back on this blessed day

>>42349148
Lily is a massive sunhat tipper and it hides how much of an absolute ball-draining cock wrangler she is in bed.

>>42347681
Guardsmares was not kill, in fact it was never more live than now

I want to be a prince colt and have a brave mare knight slay a fearsome beast that's threatening my mother's kingdom to impress me

>>42351561
Really? That's all? Fearsome beasts threatening the land are a dime a dozen in Equestria.

>>42351563
Alright then, TWO fearsome beasts

>>42347681
Damn, I guess I have to read it again.

>>42351561
If I were to be a prince colt I would love to be an absolute slut in secret.
>I would randomly smooch castle servants whenever my mother isn't looking
>I would wear socks whenever my mother is away and walk around the castle
>I would flirt and sleep with any guardsmare assigned on the night guard
>I would have a stash of stamina potions so that physical exhaustion doesn't deter me from sleeping with guardsmares
>I would demand to travel to the countryside just to be kidnapped by bandit mares and then be an absolute slut towards them
>I would use magic to disguise myself and sleep with commoners
>I would have so many illegitimate foals that a good chunk of the next generation would have my genes
>I would go down in history as prince anon, the harlot

I want to seduce mares.

>>42349594
Mares can actually smell your virginity. A better sense of smell and all.

>>42351703
No they can't. They just smell the lack on a mare's scent.

>>42351779
*lack of

>>42351206
>A certain pink pony is being nice to you
>Very, very nice
>Other mares scowl at her, saying that she's a loser that needs to mare up
>That she wouldn't get herself a colt of she keeps acting like that
>But you like her and her behavior
>She's very cute and pretty
>A pretty, delicate flower just liker lilies
>You let her to advance your relationship a bit more
*One date later*
>You're breathing heavily, moaning in the afterglow of the powerful orgasm you just had
>Your balls are absolutely spent
>Your lover's potent equine hole made sure of it
>She's laying beside of you, her long blonde mane spread by the sides of her neck as she runs her forehoof on your chest
>"Wanna go for an another round?"
>The sultry tone of her voice makes you moan, your eyes rolling up just like they were during the recent orgasm
>Your cock is twitching, your emptied balls are aching, as if they're trying hard to produce more sperm on a short notice
>"Anything for you, beautiful." Lily says, getting on top of you again

>>42351779
I see you also perused the old cse threads.

>>42351779
Mares can smell your sexual frustration from the scent you make by gooning too much, concluding that you need a mare and subsequently try to make you feel satisfied and not mareless.

>Mare is it a hot one out.
>Like melt your teats off hot.
>It's times like this you are greatful you aren't covered in fur in this world.
>So you and the girls are off to to public pool to try and cool off.
>Plus you get to see all the guys in swimsuits.
>Not sure why they freak out if you see their underwear but they are out in underwear you can swim in and practically asking you to look at them.
>Colts...
>Swimsuits were a thing back in Equestria, but most ponies just swam without them.
>Kinda like how clothes were for special occasions.
>You also think this world has given you a thing for swimsuit.
>Celestia damnit...
>But you can probably sneak a quick peak at some legs, flank, maybe even a little more if you're lucky.
>Not to mention the colt lifeguards.
>Maybe you can fake drowning to get some mouth to mouth.
>"So I heard they have a lifeguard who just wears a t-shirt."
>Rainbow says as you all walk into the pool area.
>"No actual top? If it gets wet everyone will see everything! How did they allow it? That has to be against some kind of code."
>Twilight responds.
"I figure beggars can't be choosers when it comes to who is willing to work a lifeguard in a place like this. I don't imagine there are people lining up outside to work all summer in this heat."
>You say while clearing some sweat from your forehead as if your body needed to prove how hot it was.
>"Speaking of hot. Fluttershy, ain't you gonna be too warm in that get up?"
>Applejack asks your shy friend who decoded to swear a wetsuit to the pool.
>"I, phew is it hot, didn't have anything else that would fit."
>Fluttershy responds.
>"I could have designed you something darling."
>Rarity offers.
>"If I could tell which Rarity said that, I'd make you put a coin into your 'Darling Jar.'"
>Flutteryshy says while pointing in the general area Rarity is at.
>Well... that isn't concerning at all.
>You all pay at the gate and enter the pool area, passing the lockers and showers as you go.
>You smile as the sun hits your face and get ready to see all the guys in swimsuits.
>Hello colts!
>Only to see older or overweight stallions and a metric ton of mares.
>There are a few actual Colts with their fathers, but you aren't into that so no thank you.
>Bucking taco fest...
>"What the heck? It's a freaking taco fiesta here!"
>Pinkie exclaims.
>"Ah'm not sure I can take you seriously when you talk like that."
>Applejack replies.
>"Yeah, take this seriously Pinkie. But for real, it's like Cuntober here."
>Rainbow responds.
>Crude, but accurate.
>"Well, I already paid so I might as well enjoy some swim time."
>Rainbow adds and starts running towards the pool.
>A whistle blowing gets everypony's attention.
>"NO RUNNING!"
>A stallion's voice calls out.
>You look at where the whistle and voice came from and see-
"Anon!?"
>The Janegirl who transferred to the school last semester.
>You didnt have classes with him but knew of him.
>"Wait, you're the new lifeguard!?"
>Rainbow croaks.

>>42351970
>"Yeah. Turns out they are desperate for guards here. They trained me and gave me a bonus every week I work full time this summer. Plus I get to see all these hot ladies everyday."
>He says and mumbles something you can't quite hear at the end.
"What was that?"
>"Oh yeah, great bonus each week."
>He says again.
>"Well, anyway, great catching up. But we have a pool with outer name on it."
>Rainbow says and tries to walk past him.
>"Not so fast Dash. You need to prove you're a good swimmer before you can go into the deep end."
>He holds his hand out and blocks her path.
>"What? I'm a star athlete! You're in my gym class and know how good I am! Wait, is this because I kept whistling at you when you jogged past me in class?"
>"I dont know what you're talking about. But it has to do with you being like 4 and a half feet tall and the middle section is 5 feet at the deepest, to say nothing of the deep end with the diving board."
>"Whoa there hot shot. First, I'm 4 foot 10 and a quarter inches tall AND still growing. Second, I can swim circles around any chump in this pool! Star athlete means STAR. AT. EVERYTHING!"
>Celestia damnit Dash!
>Stop trying to have a little measuring contest with a colt!
>"What's Angel Bunny doing up in the sky?"
>Fluttershy says while pointing at a cloud.
>Huh... it really does look like a bunny.
>"Hey, is she okay?"
>Anon says while looking up from Dash to see Fluttershy.
>He moves past Dash with no regard for her while looking at Fluttershy.
>"Hey there, you doing okay? You not too hot or anything?"
>He says while looking her over.
>She looks up at him and gets an almost drunk smile on her face.
>"Oh my, I think the only one hot is you big fella."
>She says as the words stumble from her mouth.
>He responds by putting his hand on her forehead.
>"You're burning up."
>He says and his eyes widen.
>"He thinks I'm hot."
>She whispers to you.
>"We gotta get you to some shade to cool off."
>He moves to her side and scoops her up in his arms with ease and blows his whistle again.
>"Whoa nelly..."
>Applejack breathes out without realizing it.
>"Don't worry, we're gonna get you taken care of."
>He reassures her.
>"Just like one of my Ani-mares."
>She says as she is carried off.
>"I'll take her back to the first aide center to cook off for a bit. But she should be okay. All of you except her can go to the deep end."
>He says while gesturing to Dash with his head.
>"The fuck!?"
>"Stick to the kiddie pool section Dash."
>He yells back as he carries Fluttershy away.
>You think you see her smile as she places her head on his shoulder.
>Nice Shy... nice.
>"Father Fucker!"
>Dash yells in anger.

>>42351970
>>42351979
>EQG
>ESL
They get so upset about being called brown yet keep acting so terribly brown

>>42352306
Not to pile on with anything more incendiary, but they've also got no shortage of threads around the board for their own insular things.
But whatever, I guess there's still an audience for that in this general.

I'm all for EQG so long as it's also RGRE.

>>42351979
I like how Dash is forced from the deep end

any stories about Anon being a dad in RGRE? I feel like his human gender roles might cause too much comedy
like, imagine having a mom that behaves exactly like your dad that also tries to raise (You) as a girl

>>42352522
single dadnon
venus best daughteru
egg donor a shit

>>42351979
bully the womanlet and then smooch her

>>42352533
>single dadnon
you mean https://poneb.in/1hAjUL8q ?
>venus best daughteru
>egg donor a shit
can't find them
spoonfeed please

>>42352522
I remember an unfinished one that was also a Moondancer romance...

>>42352551
ye that's the one

>>42352551
that's the one
'venus best daughteru' and 'egg donor a shit' are memes that came out of that story

>>42352601
okay gonna read it now
thanks
>'venus best daughteru' and 'egg donor a shit' are memes that came out of that story
lol

Would Rainbow Dash make a good rgre horsewife

>>42353307
>Retarded
>Unemployed
>Can't fix anything around the house
>Lives like a pig
>Can't be bothered to so much as run a brush through her mane most days
>Dat pussy stank
What kind of person would Anon have to be to marry a mare like that?

>>42353322
>"I can fix her."
Functionally, this combined with her loyalty makes it like marrying a golden retriever. RDfags fuck the dog that talks.

>>42353327
>Shafts would rather be used by marechildren than so much as look at a betamare
Typical

>>42353322
>working class member of the weather tam
>star athlete too
RD is loaded

>>42353327
>fuck the dog
you just know!

>>42353540
>weather tam
Hi Rainbow.

>>42353540
>RD is loaded
She paid for our last date with three coupons. It was at Hayburger, beeteedubs

>>42353571
what's wrong with hayburger? it's better than the overpriced slop served at horse!mcdonalds. i still can't believe they took away the dollar menu. it's like they hate money

>>42353571
>>42353579
>"You know what babe? I know it's been hard with me going on that multi-day-adventure with my friends without telling you. How about I take you on a date, my treat?"
>You dress up nice for the occasion
>She takes you to a fucking hayburger
>She flies and gently corrects your gaze when your eyes stray from the Bit-Menu
>She argued with the cashier for seven minutes about whether or not she could use more than one coupon
>That bastard Caramel was there, you're never gonna live this down

>>42351803
god i want to bury my face in Lily's nicely groomed, aromatic chest tuft

>>42353701
This is exactly what would happen. Does she truly have no redeeming qualities? Does she at least fuck good? Maybe she's the smoothest smooth talker in Equestria?

>>42353896
She starts trying to show off, claiming she has a brand new trick that'll drive you wild, and every single time she does it nearly snaps the shaft in two.
In the off chance she doesn't do that, she tries to do it SUPER fast to try and make you cum buckets and brag to her friends about it, but it just ends up being a massive turn off cause of how harsh she does it. She'd obviously be very insecure about how long you last and is convinced its cause you "haven't had anyone like her" before

>>42352533
finished it
Luna___ is one of my favorite mares in the show so her incorporation in the story is rather sweet

>>42353850
2229988

>>42304939 (OP)
NEVER IM A STRONG INDEPENDENT MAN WHO NEED NO MARE

>>42355162
>5 seconds before being plapped by the nearest mare and becoming the most devoted househusband in Equestria

Mares owe stallions respect! Stallions also don't owe mares sex.

>>42351660
Prince dick won't be as special when it's in high supply. Gotta tighten up those dickonomics, blow one special mare's mind completely instead of getting soaked through by a procession of mares who'll remember the experience as merely their "turn".

>>42355221
shut up, Caramel, this is why we don't invite you to stallion's night anymore

>>42304939 (OP)
>If you were actually transported to an RGRE Equestria how long would it take for you to get accustomed to everything?
Never.

I will never give up my culture because I am a man, I am the greatest creation of evolutionary war. My mother planet tried to kill me dozens of times, but after each attempt, I only became stronger until I completely subdued her to my will.

By hand I made plains where great mountains pierced the sky, by hand I built glaciers where the sun blazed, by hand I pierced the firmament to find God, but I did not find Him there.

Because God was afraid.

I have created bombs that can wipe their cities off the face of the earth in an instant, I have created viruses that can exterminate all life on their world, I have created armies whose march can drown out all their songs, I created rockets that can travel any distance they run away to. I am the greatest creature that has ever lived in the universe, and you ask me if I will bow down to damn animals?!

>>42355983
Very nice bud, but can you make dinner for your wife and foals?

>>42304939 (OP)
>Thread Question: If you were actually transported to an RGRE Equestria how long would it take for you to get accustomed to everything?
why would I try to get accustomed to backwards horse culture? I might abuse it (especially against sexually interested mares) but I don't see a reason for me to abandon muh human nature

>>42355998
Evolution's greatest creation will be able to cook the best scrambled eggs that pony has ever tasted.

>>42356053
>dinner
>scrambled eggs
This generation, buncha coltfailures

>>42355983
>>42356050
These two guys are built to get MARED everyday.

>>42356061
Please understand, traditionalist bat pony families are nocturnal.

>>42356061
Anon, have you ever tried a really good scrambled eggs? Like, scrambled eggs for dinner are quite good, add some greens, cheese and meat, and coat the frying pan with lard, and it will be the most delicious and satisfying thing you have ever eaten in your life.

>>42356074
I've had good scrambled eggs, that still doesn't make it any less wrong to eat for dinner. Life needs STRUCTURE, Anon. It's a breakfast food.

>>42354177

She'll be the perfect mix between "Stacy" and "Pathetic Gf" like, pretty much fitting the description of someone who is an absolute success with colts, but still fucks up, pretty often embarrassing you or herself when trying to impress you.

The kind that would go.
>"This one is for you Babe!"
>Ends up in third place.

>Comes to serenade you and throws a pebble to your window to wake you up.
>It breaks your window.

>Tries to top on the first date.
>You have to console her afterwards when you both decide it didn't work because she is too tight / has no idea what she is doing.

Instead of pure Human Stamina Supremacy where stallions are complete losers in the bedroom, I like the idea of the two males being somewhat equal, just in different ways.
That's why I propose a twist on the usual formula. So human men still outlast stallions to ejaculation... the first time.
See, because stallions evolved in a situation where herds are a thing, they've developed sexually to be able to inseminate multiple mares quickly. This is actually why stallions have balls so big that ball-bras became a thing- they have very high semen production.
Because of this, while stallions might cum after a minute or two of sex with a mare, they have zero refractory period after the first, second, third, and even forth orgasm.
This means a stallions needs to cum upwards of five times in a row before they go soft, which means their one to two minute stamina is actually more like five to ten. This is so he can easily hop off the haunches of one mare to the next during herd sex.
If a mare is left to satisfy her stallion alone, she's going to end up a sticky, cum-filled, very satisfied mess.
In comparison, Anon too can satisfy a whole herd of mares- mares having hair triggers themselves to orgasm having evolved alongside stallions- but only one mare is going to get the cream filling by the end.
In Anon's herd, this becomes a point of contention between his mares on who gets the load at the end of the night, the mares often listing how much they've done for the herd's benefit over the day.
>"I pulled a double at work today! I deserve his cum!"
>"Well I took all of our foals to the park today! Wrangling four fillies is a lot of work, let alone keeping other fillies off of our colt! I deserve it!"
>"Um, I patched the roof and fixed the leaky sink. I think home maintenance is pretty important. I should get the cum."
>Anon merely sighs and reaches into the nightstand drawer for the special recovery potion he got from Zecora.
>He hates drinking it- it tastes awful, makes his balls egg from a night of accelerated production, and makes him feel hungover the next morning.
>But his mares seem extra tense tonight, so he'll do it if it means making them all happy.

>>42356081
If you do active sports, you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

>>42356050
Yes, they must submit to the will of man, and not man must grovel before animals, you understand me.

>Anons before horsemarriage and foals
"MAN WILL NOT BOW BEFORE ANIMAL!"
>Anons after
"I've already made your lunch for work today, honey. I think I'll take the foals to the park too, they've been asking since last night."

>>42356100
Jumping on trampolines or calisthenics or whatever colty hullabaloo they do down on the gym isn't working out, anon.

Since ponies are a polygynic species, mares are all gay, having evolved as a means to lure a stallion+please each other when one mare is busy with him. They evolved to get aroused when seeing an another one's bits and found each other pheromones attractive, as that signals "fellow herdsister". This is also why they're okay with human men despite them having nipples unlike stallions.
During fun times, a mare that just fucked you can indulge in cumsharing, tribbing with her herdsister as your cum leaks out into her.

>>42356124
>>Since ponies are a polygynic species, mares are all gay
Which mare says this as an excuse

>>42356129
All of your wifes.

>>42356129
Flutters and RD, obviously

>>42356129
>>42356134
>>42356140
Is this in the "I won't admit I'm Bi miss me with that dyke shit" style or "Anon is a tuft" style

>>42355983

You didn't do any of that Anon, you are trying to make sound humanity as this badass hero of a singular entity instead of the hivemind/machine-like conglomerate of individual biochemical vessels, that from time to time decide to throw bodies or minds at a problem till one of them somehow, kinda, sorta figures it out.

The common man is not a builder of legacies, but a digit in a numbers game.

Is like when people in my country try to argue that our economy is flourishing as ot say "we are better than those savages of other countries" even when they most likely have to live in a house made up from scratch and owe a debt to the bank with more than three zeroes on it.

There is no rest nor fame for that which will be replaced.

No profit sharing for the humble miner, no legend for the common soldier, no celebration for the industrial engineer.

We are used and discarded like we do to our beloved machines, simply as means to an end, pawns in a bigger game that escapes our control.

We as a species were and are able to achieve all the things you described, all while the spirit of each of us remains empty. We can produce thousands of any object or item know to man, and yet we can't produce happiness.

>>42356114
>Ancestors who went through world wars and epidemics, famines, revolutions, unbearable labor and hardships in order to carry their seed into the future and give anon life.

>>42356144
Why not both?

>>42356123
Iron, anon. Your testosterone demands that you move and lift iron, and gymnastics will simply strengthen your muscles and make them more mobile. Well, and remove excess fat.

>>42356158
>Iron
Yeah, why don't you go iron out your wife's dress, bud.

>>42356155
>Be Uganon
>Anon go to horse land
>He no have to hunt
>He get food
>He food tasty
>He no have to make cloth
>He get good chub with no work
>He fuck horses just like Uganon
>Proud

>>42356154
It is better to die as part of something great than to live as nothing.

>>42356163
>One of the problems of communication between ponies and humans: the different perception of words.

>>42356154
Collectives do not act: individuals do
Human beings are not a component of some great system: each individual is his own creation shaped to do whatever he wishes to do. We act rationally to the extend our bodies allow us. When we can't continue acting on our own, we cooperate with others, but this does not mean that men constantly end their lives and offer their bodies to some vague collective. This means that multiple individuals decide to help one another for benefit of each other

Thinking that being unnamed is a proof of our worthlessness is silly. This very autistic basket waving forum is a proof that no credit is needed to do
something great. Just look at countless wonderful projects from this or other boards made by bored anons who decided to create something for their own amusement

>Be Anon
>Somehow already having a girlfriend (or marefriend as they say) despite having zero luck back on Earth
>Also these magic horses apparently have their gender roles flipped
>You're supposed to cook dinner and iron dresses while your marefriend is at work
>But she's very nice in addition to being a total cutie patootie
>She doesn't ask for much except for tastier pineapples and good intimate times
>With you however, she would try anything at her disposition to make you happy
>At the weekend when Sassy, the, well, sassy and fun blonde pegasus mare and your marefriend, is free from her work, she takes you for a walk together with her friends
>She likes to take her "precious alien colt" for walks together with her company of close friends
>"Oh, hello... Sassaflash."
>You face an orange stallion
>Your mare's friends' faces immediately turn to contempt and anger at the stallion
>Whenever they would mention Caramel, your marefriend's ex, they cringe and say how you're much better than him, how lucky Sassaflash is to keep you for herself, but you don't understand why, and why did such a sweet mare had a break up
>While her friends' attention is locked on the stallion, she seems to try and ignore him, giggling, hugging and nuzzling you
>You feel uneasy at the situation, and the affectionate gestures Sassy is doing to you are increasing the tension
>"Sorry, don't care about you. I've got somepony better."
>She places a kiss on your cheek
>"Not surprised that only ones who would settle for you are monkey harlots."
>Caramel's remark doesn't go unscathed on your mare and her explosive demeanor
>"At least he never did rob me of the entirety of my salary for spa, tea and the most expensive and useless knick-knacks!"
>Sassy lowers her voice after yelling at Caramel
>"How's that purse for which I've been saving bits for so long been doing?"
>"I threw it out!"
>You gasped
>Sassaflash's friends didn't seem to be very surprised and were preoccupied with keeping her from attacking Caramel

>"Couldn't you get a better one? Oh yes, poor little Sassaflash wouldn't afford her bucking pineapples if she paid a couple hundred more bits for a much better purse!"
>"I barely even ate these back then! And you never even bothered to make me a single salad!"
>It seems like Sassaflash and Caramel are trying to outyell each other
>You just stand there, appalled at the stallion's needs, unable to wrap your head around it
>Imagine being so ungrateful when one has somepony like Sassy
>"Well, I guess you need to settle for apples instead of imported fruit, broke-flank."
>The blue pegasus grits her teeth, ready to attack as White Lightning holds her
>"He's not worth it." Sea Swirl says
>"Yeah, Sass, just ignore him."
>You hug your mare, running your hand down her back, trying to calm her down
"It's okay, Sassy. He's just jealous."
>Feeling more calm, she kisses you on the lips in front of the stallion, and walks alongside you and her friends past him as he turns his snout up

>>42356203

I know
It's just that I get incredibly pissed off by all the hfy fags and their insufferable smugness and hubris

Like "Think of all the stuff WE have created" like somehow we had something to do with the invention of the wheel or the creation of the nuke.

>>42356505
Well, technically, yes, we are all involved. Since the great geographical discoveries, every human achievement can be attributed to the collective achievement of each individual.

>>42356431
He needed to be punched in the snout, then again, and again, and again. These effeminate, faggot-like nonentities, who only vaguely resemble our horses, who rushed together with human riders into the thick of battle, have no right to say anything about a man.

Good green, by the way.

>>42356510

Remind me again how fapping to ponies makes me somehow part of reaching the milestone of having invented the steam engie?

>>42356535
You are involved not in creation, but in preservation. Thanks to your work at job or elsewhere, and the work of billions of people, we not only preserve, but also increase our knowledge, wealth, opportunities. This may seem insignificant to you, but this does not change the fact that you are part of humanity, and you, together with me, and together with all the anons here, help move humanity forward.

>>42356576
woah...I help move humanity forward by writing rapefics....woagh.......

>>42355983
Extremely good bait, the reddit atheism was really the sprig leaf on the parfait.

>>42356431
If I were this Anon, I would beat the shit out of Caramel then take Sassaflash home to mingle the stink of battle with marepussoir.

>>42356637
This is how "benefits" work in the economy, anon, you satisfy people's demand for rapefics and they start working more efficiently, it's that simple.

>>42356094
Not a bad idea at all. It's nice to move away from the weird NTR coded HFY slop.

>>42356641
Damn, I mean "goods."

I still headcanon that Rgre Rarity and Pinkie would be there version of BBW enjoyers

>>42356689
>Rarity keeps making your clothes slightly too big to convince you you're losing weight and should eat more
>Pinkie always has cupcake or donut to offer you whenever you see her
>And it's really every time you see her
>If you step out of the room and come back, she'll immediately offer you a treat

>>42356124
But stallions do have nipples?

>>42356689
>"Hey, Rarity? Sorry if this is a personal question, but what do you look for in a-"
>https://youtu.be/2_R2tiicdGQ?feature=shared

>>42356715
Serious question how would ponies react to a human with The Beetus?

>>42356169
What about ancestors from antiquity?

>>42356274
>But that still means anon will be eating pony pussies
>Just not in a way that ponies will like

>>42356850
Why don't you have a look for yourself to confirm that?

>>42357099
>It's a common rumor that stallions do intimate stuff at the fabled sleepover
>RD is 100% sure they do nipple stuff

>>42357134
"And you just know they do all kinds of weird colt stuff. Like...like nipple stuff! I bet colts do all sorts of nipple stuff! Like touching nipples, and licking nipples, and rubbing nipples..."
>"...Dash, that's mighty interestin, but Ah asked if you wanted some more lemonade."
"Oh, yeah, that'd be great."

>>42340624
Fine. I'll agree to marry Berry if she agrees to move the still out of the house and at least one minute's trot away. The house gets destroyed enough in this town without having a time bomb in the basement.

Most likely, ponies will perceive anon's statements about "the greatest creation of evolution" as a price-knocking, and not a statement of fact. Stupid animals.

>>42356643
That's what I was going for.
Humans and stallions each have their strengths and weaknesses in bed.
Like maybe stallions have better feeling dicks to mares, but men have fingers which are like the #1 bedroom aid.

>>42357676
Humans can hilt, and be united with their mares far closer (literally) than stallions can. Double that with more flexibility and wrapping their arms/fingers around them.

Skipping dinner and crying cause the popular stallions said I was tubby

>>42357808
Lay off the hayburgers tubby

>>42357808
>This kills the marechitect

>>42357808
>>42357944
>"ANONYMOUS, DARLING? WE'RE VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU! PLEASE, COME OUTSIDE AND EAT THE... Pinkie, when did you get the time to make a seven course dessert men- nevermind that."

>>42357676
Yeah, you'd have to imagine that the flare has a lot to offer as a dick shape. Also there's just no way to fib about little pony proportions that'd change how intuitively obvious it is that pony stallions would have bigger dicks.

>>42358071
Just make the ponies littler

>>42358115
Missing the point.
Anon doesn't need a monster cock- he's got other advantages.
Think of it as a preference thing, like your favorite dessert. Some people like cake, some like candy, one isn't objectively better than the other though.
Heh, makes me imagine the ol' AnonXCadenceXShining setup where Anon and Shining are trying to outdo each other in pleasuring their waifu, and Cadence is just enjoying the best contest ever.
When asked who's doing better, she just feigns ignorance.
>"Hmm, that was pretty good, Nonny, but I don't know, what Shiny does with that big, wide tongue of his..."
"Wide tongue? Might as well be a hammer! Let me show you what delicate precise tongue work can do!

>>42358163
>Think of it as a preference thing, like your favorite dessert. Some people like cake, some like candy, one isn't objectively better than the other though.
In this case, human man love making is like an exotic dessert.
Not exactly better, but exciting and new, like having nothing but cookies and cupcakes your entire life than getting served mochi.
It's new, it's strange, you're not really sure if you like it, but the novel experience is worth enough on its own.
From there, you might become a mochi fanatic, or your might go back to cookies and cupcakes.
Some mares might find love making with Anon the best thing ever while some mares might prefer stallions.
From some of the things listed already, I imagine Fluttershy would prefer a human man as it's more intimate, gentle, and cleaner (less cum with more one on one action.) She's nervous in crowds, so traditional herd sex might not appeal to her as she'd feel self conscious having sex with other mares present.
Pinkie would be the opposite. She likes her sex like she likes her parties, lots of ponies together. She likes cum cause she thinks it's fun and tasty so she likes that stallions produce a lot of it. She thinks of a stallion orgasm like party favors, the more the better.
She likes it fast and lots of high notes.
Twilight would prefer human sex as a lot of different techniques and positions appeal to her, giving her an opportunity to "study" a lot of different ways to have sex. She's also very anti-mess, growing up in Canterlot as she did. Probably worries about cum getting on books, too.
AJ is a traditionalist who would prefer stallions.
Rarity hates getting dirty, so human for her.
Dash just wants any dick she can get. Beggars can't be choosers.

>>42358196
>Dash just wants any dick she can get.
Canon

>>42358203
I've always kind of liked the idea of Rainbow Dash being unattractive by pony standards,making Anons attraction to her an anomaly to ponies, but I'm not sure how well it holds up in RGRE unless you go with the marelet angle.
Seems like she'd be a stereotypical jock type, which tend to get a lot of attention from the opposite sex.

>>42358329
You know how picky women are IRL? Stallions would be 10x that. And they can afford to be thanks to the skewed gender ratios. Rainbow Dash is the platonic ideal of a fuckmare, and thus, gets no dick.

>>42358329
The stereotypical jock type is a turn on for many stallions, hell, even Fleetfoot gets some dick and normally stallions wouldn't look twice at a mare with a lisp. However, Dash's mannerisms are enough of a turn off to not only cancel out her jock status, but to overwhelm it completely.

>>42358873
>Dash's mannerisms are enough of a turn off
Pony mannerisms are so exaggerated across the board that I'm not sure if Dash's would really stand out too much. Like, the Flower sisters are exaggerated little wimps who are constantly fainting at the first sign of danger. I imagine if Dash is unpopular, they'd be super unattractive to stallions as mares who can't protect their herds or foals.
Basically every mare in the show except for the nurse ponies and Cheerilee seem like complete autists.
I think I prefer marelet Dash as the main reason why she gets no dick. If anything, mounting a mare so low to the ground and rutting them is probably hard on a stallion's back, so stallions find sleeping with Dash more trouble than it's worth- a problem Anon wouldn't have as he lets her ride him or he likes to pick her up and use her like an onahole.
Heck, maybe because Dash is such a little pony, Anon's dick, which is a little smaller than the average stallion's, feels huge in Dash's smaller than average pussy.
Plus her being overly short can contextualize her boisterous, aggressive nature as having a Marepolean complex.
Anon being a complete Janefilly with a strong will willing to talk back and playfully butt heads with Dash is the perfect countermeasure to Dash's ego and ponies look at the two, think they're a strange couple, but ultimately nod to themselves like, "No, yeah, they're perfect for each other."

>Top cunt
Nah, bluebean that bitch.

>>42357808
Rarity's gonna freak

>>42358196
>Dash just wants any dick she can get. Beggars can't be choosers.

>Rainbow Dash enters Anon's herd last.
>Other mares are worried that the loudmouth blowhard is going to be a nightmare to herd with and expect to butt heads with her often over herd matters and dynamics.
>Alpha mare is already getting ready for the fight where Rainbow challenges her for dominance.
>Dash is surprisingly chill, rarely arguing and generally being helpful, always willing to do what's asked of her for the good of the herd.
>One of the mares finally ask why she's so complacent when she's hyper competitive in every other aspect of her life.
>She just shrugs.
>"I'm honestly just happy to be included. I've, well, you know, never had the best luck with stallions. Like, um, no luck, actually. So... yeah, I really just don't want to mess this up."
>The surprisingly meek answer and dejection in Dash's voice instantly makes the other mare feel bad, having felt like the herd, and even herself have been taking advantage of Rainbow over the last few weeks.
>She thus resolves to make Dash feel more welcome from then on out.

Im gonna have to make my own sunburst story at this point

>>42359566
wtf happened to sunburst anon anyway, did he give up on his story?

>>42359568
idk, soon after sunburst became one of my favorite characters, he stopped updating as much and now its been around a month

>"So, you've just been isekai'd to Equestria, have you?"
>"And now you're wondering what to do?"
>"Who will help you survive this alien world?"
>"Certainly not one of those prissy ponies, no sir."
>"You wand a strong mare."
>"A mare who knows how to take care of a colt like you."
>"A mare who will protect you in the streets and excite you in the sheets."
>"Why don't you look me up?"
LEGAL DISCALIMER: This is an introduction service provided by Tempest Shadow, Tempest Shadow will not date you or form any relationship with you. Tempest Shadow will assist you in finding a more who will be your partner in Equestria. Some restrictions and exceptions apply. Offer void where prohibited by law.

>>42359487
>>She thus resolves to make Dash feel more welcome from then on out.
Rainbow Dash gets FIRST WEINERING privilege

>>42359580
8/10 except for the ESL typos which made this an absolute zero for me. Drown yourself.

>>42359973
Nta, but chill out Aryanne. There is just one typo and one kind of grammar issue.

>>42360063
The sloppa pic is also ESL

>>42359580
>Tempest Shadow will not date you or form any relationship with you.
That's fine, I don't want to date Tempest Shadow anyways.
I want to date Fizzlepop Berrytwist

>>42360063
>just one typo
>>"You wand
want
>finding a more
mare
Twice as many as you claimed there were.

>>42359973
Typos are a sign that the advertisement was made by changelings.

>>42359973
I pear son Elly like he tippos they fk with the AI train nening on us

I thank e shoot make more

>>42360974
1% of crap data isn't gonna do much to Al. Especially since Alfaggots will handwave away just about any mistakes Al makes.

Truly this thread lives up to it's name.

You fags are all acting like colts in that time of the month.

>>42361286
>that time of the month.
wh-what time is that, for a colt?

>>42361377
>he doesn't know
Full moon, anonymous. Stallions are Lunatics

>>42361377
The time of month when they need to eject old seed so their balls can refill, duh

>>42361447
How does that even work?

Would you be upset if you got date raped by a cute mare? Like you just sipped your drink and woke up in her bed.

>>42361797
>implying I trust anyone else with my food/drink
i barely even trust myself to not poison myself, though i admit food poisoning is a bit different than the other kind of poisoning

>>42361797
Of course I'd get upset. She made me sleep through losing my virginity

>>42361797
I wouldn't be too peeved but I'd be obligated to tell the two most likely ponies to go deal with that (Applejack and RD)

>Anon prepares cookies
>They're fucking awful
>'Hockey Puck' is an apt metaphor
>Nopony says anything, though.
>Never be mean to a stallion who's given you free food- it's practically law.

>>42361898
>Hockey Puck feels a twitch in his ears
>Someone, somewhere, has just used his name as an insult

>>42361898
>Rainbow Dash still eats it
>"I ate those old mushrooms in the fridge, I can eat Anon's rock-cookies."
>She didn't buy mushrooms, she just found them growing there.

>>42361992
Someone edit that dog into RD

>>42361797
Oh noooo not being desired by a cute mare anything but that

>>42361968
>eating anon's cookies becomes a sorority hazing ritual along with eating Dash's fridge growths
>The Equestrian health agency never recovers

>>42363027
At some point you have to realize your cookies suck ass, right?

>>42363514
anon likes the crunch.

>>42359595
Or if the cumshot is coveted, last weinering might be more desired.
Having the marecum of all her fellow herd sisters lubing Anon's cock as he pounds into her makes her really feel like part of the family.
>"No homo," says Dash as she slurps the juices of six other mares and herself off Anon's dick during the post-sex cleaning blowjob."
>The other mares share a look.
>All the homo, they think, as Dash is obviously savoring the flavor.

Rainbow would be a terrible herdmate.

>>42364281
What a retard. She owns a cloud house. Her property falls under Cloudsdale's tax district, not Ponyville's.

Ah... But! Is she smart enough to know that? I doubt it!

>>42326806
There were under 100,000 humans on the planet when we first started causing apex predators to go extinct. A bear or lion is primarily a threat to humans with no wilderness experience and no weapons, and anyone with woodslore will be armed in minutes if deposited in the wilderness unarmed.
>>42326208
The British lost hundreds of railway workers because they imported thousands of urbanite laborers from India to do the work and didn’t allow them to carry so much as a sharp stick for protection because they were afraid the workers would revolt against their overlords.

>>42365125
this nigga went camping once and now he thinks he's a woodsman

>>42365628
Just the idea of a mare liking Anon, but not liking humans has some interesting implications.
Like maybe one of those stories where a portal opened up between Equestria and America, but shit went south with America tried to take Equestria's natural resources.
The war wasn't going for long until the mysterious portal started to close just as suddenly as it opened with troops having to hurry back not to get abandoned.
Not all of them made it back though, and Anon is one of them.
Humans aren't very popular for obvious reasons, so the few humans left in Equestria, mostly military, but not all soldiers, like medics, engineers, and logistics people, are living in a settlement isolated from the rest of the kingdom with Princess Celestia being willing to leave them be as long as they don't cause any more trouble.
With no way home, they don't have a reason to, she figures, plus it's mostly colts, and even after being forced to go to war with so many, it's still hard for the ultimate sunhat tipper to bring herself to do.
Anyway, Anon meets a pony mare who hates humans but ends up falling for him, yadayada.
You see how it can become a story.

>>42365733
That's just about the only Soldier in Equestria setup that I'm okay with.

>>42365733
I'd read it

>>42365628
I want to secure a future for pony foals with Chancellor Whinnysnort

>>42365772
I'm sure you would you slut

>>42365051
She's smarter than that, but not smart enough to realize the exam isn't graded by how fast she competes it.

>>42337969
>wife and kids.

>>42339940
I genuinely think sunburst gave up on the green now

>Already have the opening of the next long and short of it update planned out in my head
I am so back.

>>42366295
Wow... I may be a slut but at least I'm not RUDE!

I want to embrace a mare and chant "I love you", saying it over and over again.

>>42367183
bucking whorse

>>42367221
I want a mare to call me a pussylicker.

>>42367298
So if being called a pussy means your a coward, do ponies calling others dicks mean they're cowards instead of jerks?
>"You seriously won't try sunspot hot sauce.?"
>"Nah, I just don't like spicy food."
>"Jeez, mare, you're such a dick."
>"Sorry, I am what I eat, I guess."
>"Heh, I think that'd make you a plothole."

don't be dyin now

>>42367329
I think cock would be more apt, since pussy comes from pussy cat and cocks are chickens.

>An Out-Of-Towner in Ponyville might be confused at some aspects of the Apple Family.
>Like how Applejack's against males helping with the harder farmwork, unless it's her brother.
>Or how her opinion on the fair gender stays firmly 'polite' instead of 'demeaning'.
>Ponyville natives know that it's due to Grampa Anon, of course.
>It was real hard to be sexist after Applejack saw her grandpa blow a faggot of Timberwolves to smithereens, or as he retold the story, 'to shit' with his double-barrel.
>After that? Hay, let Big Mac do whatever he needs to.
>Ain't nothing topping THAT.

>10
have a bump

>>42367183
>she thinks you've been love poisoned
>A day of wacky hijinks ensues as she tries to cure you

"Ah, Princesses, Ms Inkwell, I see that you've dropped your itinery for the day. Allow me to bend over and pick it up for you."

>>42369259
holy hell, that’s an absolute unit of a man

>>42365733
I had an idea like that, a bunch of humans came over under a banner of peace but the portal closed with them trapped, and relations with ponies gradually deteriorated to the point of war, with the humans eventually invading and occupying Ponyville to use as leverage against the Princesses.

>>42369024
I wonder what would happen if your love for mares is completely organic, but is so strong it resembles love potion poisoning. Do you (figuratively) become a vegetable? Uncontrollable horniness?

>>42369888
You start radiating it to the point simply being in the vicinity of you is enough to refill a mare's love reserves, rather than only through social interaction. Alternatively, an old prompt I will link later when desu isn't getting cloudflare'd

>>42368091
>double-barrel
would ponies even know what firearms are?
I expect mares to completely disregard Anon's coltish nonsense (fire? from arms? Of a non-magical creature?) until they actually see action

>>42370022
They have cannons, so they probably know about some early form of firearm like a gonne. I don't think ponies would find them practical because they need at least 3 hooves on the ground to move comfortably, but griffons or dragons may use them more commonly. Perhaps Pegasi as well if they don't "go along with the herd" of ponies not finding them incredibly usable.

>>42370056
The only cannon we see in the show is Pinkie's cannon, and that thing looks and sounds like it's pneumatic or spring-loaded.
Besides that, irl gunpowder existed for centuries in the form of fireworks and very primitive wooden arrow launchers before anyone had the metallurgy to make a cannon that wouldn't explode instantly.

>>42369888
Might get superpowers via love magic. Although you might not be able to use it. That's an interesting idea actually. Mac got super strong when love poisoned, Chrissy and Cadence got stronger magic from Shining's love, so presumably it just enhances your innate abilities. That could be a neat idea, whatever hobby or skill you have irl will get amplified by the presence of mares.

>>42370369
If they can make steel or even just wrought iron for trains and sky scrapers, and cast large bronze bells, they should be able to make guns and actual cannons. I'd say they either haven't bothered to make them because ponies don't really need them and don't seem to like projectile weapons, or because Celestia or the unicorns surpressed their development/distribution for various reasons. Other countries are either too backwards or war torn to be able to make them.

About to get instant loss'd by this most potent mare

>>42370703
>no helmet
>head a bigger target than her body
This zigga boutta get the ol' kennedy trepanning

>>42370875
>he doesnt know what happens if you shoot her

>>42371026
I'll use bullets made from the blood iron of a thousand corporate lawyers, totally magic-inert

>>42370703
Who and why?

>>42304939 (OP)
Honestly I don't think it would take too long. The first month or so would be the most jarring but after that I feel like I'd get acclimated pretty quickly. I would miss being able to google anything but if i got lucky and ended up in Ponyville I'd at least have my own personal google just I can't ask it for jerk off material.

>>42372037
>I can't ask it for jerk off material
That's the best part, you don't have to ask anyone. Mares will just send you clam pics unsolicited

>>42372080
With what cameras? Or are they going to paint a picture of their clams and slide it under my door?

>>42372089
dyewts?

>>42372111
wtf i don't remember them having cameras am i going crazy?

>>42372120
Yes, yes you are.

>>42372120
>Colt is getting hysterical
Must be a day ending in -y

>>42372120
>wtf i don't remember them having cameras
They show up several times. MLP:FiM is "1920s, but horses", not some pseudo-medieval/pre-technological world, like G1. They have cameras, motion pictures, refrigerators, and (since it's an alternate history) airships.
>am i going crazy?
You're on 4chan in 2025, so you're either going or already gone.

There it is! 500 posts sans sunburst!

>>42372235
^:(

>>42371390
That's Blackjack
She's like the dark evil side of RGRE mares

>>42370532
Well, it came from a bad, late-season episode that should probably be disregarded... but they were depicted using magic arrows in a sporting event, once.

>>42370464
I've always liked the 'battery' concept. Like, when Shining and Cadance teamed up to blast the Changelings out of Canterlot, it seemed to be a combination of his spell fueled by her raw power. What if loving your mare makes her feel better in a very literal way? Like, she's suddenly got twice as much energy on a daily basis, because you're constantly topping off her magic reserves?

I don't think Anon could handle becoming a sex icon overnight. He'd spiral. Hard.

So who's baking next thread?

Hopefully someone

I'll do it give me a sec.

tranny thread

>>42374462
No, that's /ptfg/.

>>42374517
says the tranny mentioning one of his tranny threads