>>520485841 (OP)
I went down a dark rabbit hole of sissy porn and cuck porn. I 100% believe sissy hypno and porn is a form of self harm. I was/am actually good looking and never had a problem dating. I went through a phase of being a degenerate, doing coke, drinking, dating whores. These whores would constantly cheat on me, and it really fucked me up. Then I found cuck porn and it activated something in me. I started going down the rabbit hole and watching more and more degrading stuff. I also was dating a relatively normal girl, who I convinced to cuck me. We found a black guy on Tinder. She told me she didn’t want to do it, but I talked her into it. She ended up backing out and we broke up. At this point I was getting worse, I started cross dressing, sniffing poppers, sticking dildos in my ass, and going on goonin benders. I eventually met a girl who had BPD, and she would find black guys get fucked, text me about it and sometimes send a video. Sometimes she would have guys come over and I would be in the closet watching her get fucked. I was getting extremely depressed. I eventually quit drugs, quit drinking but the porn was the hardest. I would constantly relapse and it was always BBC porn. Then my last relapse, I went full gay, I was cross dressing, and using Grindr to get fucked by guys. Again I stopped and it’s been 6 years since. I feel a deep amount of shame and disgust from that.