Hello everyone and welcome back for another exciting edition of Saturday Night Metal. We've made a few improvements since last time, most notably the fact that we have improved the quality of our videos by switching from webm to MP4. Our webm guy was a jabroni who couldn't deliver the goods, so I shot him. That's right, he's dead, but so far this new guy is a lot better. It better stay that way too, or he'll get the same. Anyway, we are coming to you live from the 4chan Municipal Auditorium, which will be our home venue for most of the weekly shows. Saturday Night Metal is the only wrestling show made specifically for the good people of /pw/, and I have worked hard to deliver something that I think is worthy. But who the fuck am I? I'm your host, K-WAB owner and booker Pepe Von Erich, and tonight we have an excellent card for you fine bastards. Tonight's show will feature:
>Terry Funk Vs Sabu (no-holds-barred)
>Brody King Vs Loco Bandito
>Imperium Vs The Natural Disasters
>Kemonito Vs La Parka
>Main Event: Hulk Hogan Vs A Bear
Show theme:
https://vocaroo.com/12n2GkOM8uhG
Previous Show Threads:
Independence Day Rumble: https://archive.palanq.win/pw/thread/18159930/#18159930
Sat. Night Metal Ep. 1: https://archive.palanq.win/pw/thread/18232795/#18232795
On our last episode, Gigadimes Champion Kane managed to successfully defend his title against his brother the Undertaker, despite some supernatural chicanery from Paul Bearer. Friar Payne, the head of the inquisition, came down and banished the evil spirits, allowing Kane the chance to win. On tonight's show, we have something much different for our main event. Hulk Hogan has always said that he fears no man or beast, so tonight we will put that statement to the test. I sent my people out into the mountains to capture the biggest, meanest grizzly bear they could find, and that's who the Hulkster will face tonight! One of our employees has spent months training this bear to be a professional wrestler, and he is finally ready to make his debut. Will the power of Hulkamania be enough to defeat one of nature's most powerful killing machines? Find out tonight, only on Saturday Night Metal!
Well Hogan, it looks like you're the lucky son of a bitch who gets to be the first in line to fight my big buddy over here! I hate your stinkin' guts! I always hated your stinkin' guts! You're an arrogant, lying, untalented, unprofessional prima donna shitstain, and that's why I'm glad that I volunteered to train this bear. I knew he had potential, Jim Cornette knows star power when he sees it, and that's why I trained him to be a champion...with a little help from some drunk Russians, of course. Hulk Hogan! you don't have the slightest idea of what you're about to face. You see this tennis racket? I normally hit people with this thing, but now that I'm managing a damn grizzly bear, there's no point! He rips 'em to pieces before I can even hit 'em! And in case you're wondering why this tennis racket is splattered with blood, that's why! Because this bear is no joke, Hogan! He's gonna tear your head off and take a big steaming bear shit right down your neck stump. And I'll be right there to laugh in your face as you die and go to hell along with your precious so-called Hulkamania.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...from Amarillo, Texas, weighing 247 pounds, he is the king of hardcore, Terry Funk!
https://vocaroo.com/1iemNQwmVgG5
And his opponent, from Bombay, Michigan, weighing 236 Pounds, he is the homicidal, suicidal, genocidal death defying madman known as Sabu!
https://vocaroo.com/14ke3WVX3ub5
Funk goes right after his old rival with a bodyslam, but Sabu comes back with a nice drop toehold. These two have met many times in the past and they always deliver a good ol' slobberknocker. They're testing one another's strength here, but neither seems to have any definite advantage.
And Sabu lands a flying headscissors, sending Terry Funk to the mat! But Funk is right back on the job before Sabu can follow up. And then, Sabu put Terry Funk through a conveniently placed table with a choke slam! The crowd loves it! However, Terry Funk is so goddamn mean that this attack appears to have made him stronger.
Terry Funk attempts a rolling cradle and the two combatants end up tumbling around the mat as each tries to reverse the pin. Funk wins the exchange but does not get the pin. Sabu also seems to feed on pain, as he delivers a jawbreaker followed by a spectacular shooting star legdrop. This, however, only gets a two-count as well.
Sabu wins the exchange of strikes, but Terry Funk is far from done. He tosses Sabu from the ring and takes the fight outside! Funk pulls a chair from under the ring but is prevented from using it. Sabu bodyslams Funk onto the chair, and then does a beautiful standing moonsault on the same chair! OH MY GOD!!!! LET'S SEE THAT ONE AGAIN on our brand new instant replay feature! The chair on the floor has now become three chairs, and Sabu just got suplexed right onto them!
These two are still building a pile of chairs, but neither of them can take full advantage until an unknown person slides a table into the ring area! Terry Funk gets Sabu up on top of the table and comes crashing through it with a piledriver! But Sabu comes back with a chair piledriver of his own! But it does no real good, as Terry goes right into some fisticuffs and continues the violence. Craziest part is, these guys are friends. Otherwise, this would probably be even more brutal.
Fuck, how many chairs do we have under this ring, anyway? We're up to five now, and Sabu just got slammed onto one of them with a swinging neckbreaker. But Sabu isn't going down that easy, he stuns the Funker and hits him with a shining wizard! The action goes back into the ring, but Sabu takes a minute to pop the crowd. And that may have been a bad idea, because Funk isn't gonna let such an opportunity go to waste. That's why they call him the king of hardcore.
And Funk seems to be feeling very confident here, he continues with a chair bodyslam and another neckbreaker, but out of nowhere Sabu manifests a comeback! After a reverse mule kick, he signals to the crowd before performing a triple jump moonsault, nearly getting the win. Sabu doesn't stop, but tries again with a Michinoku driver, and this time he gets the 3-count! And this crazy bastard still doesn't want to stop, he's hitting himself in the head with a chair! This kind of bloodthirsty insanity is exactly why the people love Sabu.
>>18303396 (OP)No one cares faggot
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner...SABU!
Alright everyone, since K-WAB wrestling is still a very new venture, a lot of you may have questions as to how I intend to run things. I will do my best to answer your questions during the show, but understand that I have to focus on getting these posts out within the allotted time. As such, I may not always be able to answer you until after the show. Anyway, today we are going to focus on one specific matter, and that matter is championships. Right now we have only one, which is the K-WAB Gigadimes Championship. However, more will be introduced over time and I wanted to explain a little more about them.
Just look at all this. I'm not trying to hate on any of these companies, but this is just a mess. Too goddamn many titles, I say! These are just the current belts for WWE, AEW, and NJPW (arguably the top 3). All three feds have had a problem with having too many belts, and the problem used to be far worse. I've heard a lot of other people say similar things, and that is why we are going to take a different approach with this fed. We will absolutely not have any more than eight championships at any one time. At present, I plan to use six titles:
>The K-WAB Gigadimes Championship
>The K-WAB World Heavyweight Championship (226 lb or more)
>The K-WAB World Cruiserweight Championship (225 lb or less)
>The K-WAB World Women's Championship
>The K-WAB World Tag Team Championships
>This one is a surprise
So, you might have noticed that every title (except one) is a "world" title. There is a reason for this. In this fed, the divisions will actually be enforced. This means only heavyweights can compete for the heavyweight title, only cruiserweights can compete for the cruiserweight title, women in the women's division, etc. The tag team division will have no weight requirements, nor will the women's division. All of this will be tracked using a contenders list which will be shared publicly on future shows. Right now, we are still filling out the slots, so there isn't much to show. Now, this brings me to the Gigadimes title. This one will be a cross-division title, meaning that anyone can be a contender for this one. Heavyweights, cruiserweights, women, animals, hell your grandma can come and compete for the Gigadimes title if she wants to. Also, there will be no belt collecting, as no one will be allowed to hold two championships simultaneously. So, what we will have is a world title for each division, and a midcard title for which anyone can contend.
And now, we come to the next step in the process of crowning our first champions. The first eight heavyweights to win a match will win a spot in an 8-man tournament to crown the inaugural K-WAB World Heavyweight Champion. Right now, only Sting and Jake Roberts have qualified, which leaves six spots to be filled. When all the spots are filled, the tournament will be our first special event. I'm not calling them pay-per-views because they're free, and I never liked the term PLE either. So, I'm just going to call them special events. Approximately once every two months, a special event will replace Saturday Night Metal and will run for 3-4 hours. Now, that's enough talk, so let's get back down to the ring.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall, and it will be a no-disqualification match. Introducing first...from Van Nuys, California, weighing 285 pounds, he is the fat fuck shitter boy, Brody King!
https://vocaroo.com/18SCsrTJUcMn
And his opponent...from the donkey show in Tijuana, weighing 165 pounds, he is the most racist man in Mexico, Loco Bandito!
https://vocaroo.com/12Z0yj2NAFTx
>Hey Loco, before we get started there's just something I want you to know, man. I'm trying to look out for you bro. I just found out that ICE is on their way right now to deport you back to the donkey show in Tijuana! But don't worry bro, I got you. You know I don't like those assholes from ICE, so I'm gonna help you escape. Follow me, I know a good way out.
giving this a well deserved bump, this is excellent work.
>Loco
Ok, we are out of the building, senor. Where do we go now?
>Brody
Well, it's like this...you're going in there...
>>18303738nooo don't trust him loco
>Brody
And I'm going back in there to get my win. Real simple.
>Brody
Come on ref, count!
>1...
>2...
>3...
>4...
>5...
>6...
>7...
>8...
>9...
>10...
>GRINGO!!! YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME! NOW YOU MUST PAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
>11...
>12...
>13...
>14...
>15...
And it looks like Brody has botched his double cross, because Loco got back to the ring in time to avoid a countout. Referee Chuck Norris starts the match and we're off! It seems that Brody King doesn't love illegal immigrants so much after all, because he just tried to pull a straight up dirty sanchez move on Loco! And Loco starts out by spitting a big loogy of nasty green enchilada sauce...all over Brody's face! As they go back and forth, you can tell these guys are pissed.
Loco with a bodyslam, but Brody kicks him in the face before he can follow up. After another exchange, Loco gets tossed out of the ring just like he thought ICE was gonna toss him out of the country. But like a true Mexican, he comes right back in. Loco is fighting hard, but he just got a nasty headbutt to the huevos. Aye carumba.
Brody King hits the first big move of the match with a death valley bomb! But Loco puts his feet on the rope and breaks the pin. And that was just the opening that Loco Bandito needed, as he is now whooping Brody's ass and having a good time celebrating with the crowd. And just when things are looking better for Brody, Loco hits him with THE CRAPPY ENDING! OH MY GOOOOD!!!
Brody manages to kick out of the crappy ending, perhaps motivated of sheer disgust. But let's see that again on the instant replay! These guys are fighting tooth and nail, going back and forth, neither giving an inch. Right now, Brody seems to be on the upside, but it's too soon for that to mean much. I would say he's extremely upset right now, what with all those little specks of burrito diarrhea on his face. That's why you don't drink the water in Tijuana, son! You'll get Montezuma's revenge!
>>18303396 (OP)Hi, I'm Ari Emanual. How does 2 billion sound?
Loco goes for a submission, but to no avail. Brody starts to pick up steam until he gets stabbed in the nuts! He just got stabbed by a spic just like his hero Bruiser Brody! And Loco seems to have really hurt Brody with that one, because Loco Bandito is on a RAMPAGE now!
Loco uses the scorpion spear like
>GET OVER HERE PENDEJObut Brody reverses it and slams Loco to the canvas! However, it was just a momentary victory, because Loco has resumed whooping Brody's ass like he was a Tijuana prostitute! And now he's going up to the top rope, will he finish him off with this?
>>18303832Well, faggot, here's what I want you to do...I want you to take that 2 billion dollars, convert it into small bills and then shove every single one of them up your ass. K-WAB wrestling will never sell out.
>>18303855Wait, what is this? It looks like Adam Cole has jumped into the ring to help his fellow faggot! But even with a two on one advantage, they are having a rough time with the most racist man in Mexico. He's fighting with the heart of a champion, but eventually he gets overwhelmed and seems to be down for the count! There is no disqualification in this match, so referee Chuck Norris has no choice but to let it continue. Is this the end for Loco Bandito?
>>18303855ok you sold me with that post lol i am now a fan
OH WAIT, look at this! It looks like Hulk Hogan and the MAGA Butcher (formerly known as the Necro Butcher) have come down to help Loco! Now it's three on two, and Brody and Cole are getting absolutely destroyed in there! It's an absolute massacre and the crowd is going wild! Hulkamania is runnin wild!
>>18303879why can't any real feds book cool shit like this?
Adam Cole has fled the ring, and the Hulkster and the Butcher are chasing him all through the arena, whooping his ass throughout the building! Meanwhile, Loco and Brody are resuming their match in the ring. It seems that Loco took a lot of damage and expended a lot of energy earlier, because he is just about out of gas. Between getting beaten with a trash can and stuffed in a dumpster before the match to the double team beatdown, and all the fighting in general, Loco has taken about all he can take. He's resorting to the dirtiest tactics in the book, even going so far as to piss on Brody King's face like a dog! DEAR GOD THAT SICK FUCK!
Loco pulls out his last reserves of strength, stabbing Brody King in the nuts with a corn knife. It's a good thing we're operating under cartoon rules here, or Brody would be a eunuch. Unfortunately for Loco, it's too little too late. Brody gets him with a devastating tiger driver and picks up the pin! That dirty bastard! Hogan and Butcher just realized what happened, and they're running back to the ring (Adam Cole has nearly been beaten to death, by the way.
>>18303921you really should give loco a rematch later. great storytelling though.
Here is your winner, Brody King! Unfortunately for him, his prize is a world class beatdown from Hulk Hogan and the MAGA Butcher. Adam Cole is nowhere to be seen, God only knows what they did to him. They really shouldn't be brutalizing a cancer patient like that, but I guess that's just how it goes. Oh wait, Adam Cole just came limping out to help his near-lifeless partner escape from the ring.
>Hey, give me that mic brother...NOW LISTEN HERE, you two faggots! After you're done suckin' each other off in the locker room, brother, the Hulkster's got a little offer for you. Since you wanna go around disrespectin' America and real Americans like us, how about we have ourselves a little tag team match right here next week on Saturday Night Metal, brother? You two sissies against The Hulkster and the MAGA Butcher, what do ya say?
And what a development this is! Will these two pussies accept the challenge? Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back after these messages.
>Are you tired of paying dues at your local gym, only to fail in your bodybuilding goals? Well, let me tell you what you need. What you need is a hardcore gym that will help you to become just as PUMPED and JACKED as me, Adam Cole bay bay! But around here, some people call me ADAM SWOLE because of my huge 7-inch pythons! Yes, you too can achieve the look of a Greek God and make all the ladies fall at your feet! You too can have the strength to lift an elephant and throw it over the top of Mount Everest! And it all starts when you come down to Adam Cole's gym and sign up for one of our premium membership plans. I will show you the secrets that made me one of the most amazing physical specimens in the history of mankind, so come on down now and remember this: If you train with Cole, you will get SWOLE, bay bay!
>Don't listen to those morons who tell you to exercise and eat right. You don't have to work out at the gym with those suckers, because I'm going to tell you how you can get truly jacked with just this one weird trick. It's called STEROIDS. Do you really want to look like your favorite professional athletes? Well then, come on down to Zahorian's Emporium, where we can supply you with enough performance-enhancing drugs to kill a full-grown brahma bull. When we're done pumping you full of massive doses of testosterone, you'll have muscles on top of muscles and testicles that look like airsoft pellets, but that last part won't matter because the ladies will be going crazy for your chiseled physique! Here at my lab, I am hard at work every day, cooking up every batch of steroids personally, in the cleanest and most sanitary conditions, so you can be sure that every dose is of the finest quality. My good friend Vince can attest to the fact that my test is the best. So what are you waiting for, you scrawny little nerds? Get down here to Zahorian's Emporium and become the MONSTER you always wanted to be!
>Hello, my name is Vince McMahon and I support this message
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...with a total combined weight of 852 pounds, this is Earthquake and Typhoon, The Natural Disasters!
https://vocaroo.com/18K5DK7zIlWY
And their opponents...from Berlin, Germany, with a total combined weight of 470 pounds. Accompanied by their manager Adolf Hitler, this is Gunther and Ludwig Kaiser, and they are Imperium!
https://vocaroo.com/1jRMoIrevTXi
And we start off with Gunther and Earthquake, and the big man tries to throw his weight around for an early edge. Gunther is having none of it, though. While the Natural Disasters might mog Imperium in terms of size, the nazi team has enough strength and skill to even the odds! That's what happens when you get trained by Hitler himself!
Gunther is taking a little damage, and so he tags out to Ludwig. Earthquake likewise finds himself dealing with a fresh man and he tags in Typhoon. As everyone knows, frequent/well-timed tags are the mark of a good team. These are two of the best, but only one team can emerge victorious.
Typhoon is having a rough time with Kaiser here! He could probably crush the little kraut if he could just get his hands on him, but Kaiser is doing a good job of fighting with sound tactics. Typhoon begins to make a comeback though, leading to another tag on the part of Ludwig.
For some reason Typhoon just isn't doing very well tonight. Maybe he ate too much before the match and now he's got cramps, I don't know. I would imagine a man like him has to eat an awful lot. Anyway, after getting his ass whipped by Gunther Typhoon tags in Earthquake, who immediately fares a little better. Not surprising, since Earthquake was an undefeated sumo champion in his youth.
Earthquake gets the better of a strike exchange, not backing up one bit. But Kaiser tags back in and surprises Earthquake with a well-placed headbutt to the bridge of the nose! No matter how big you are, that always hurts. But Earthquake shakes off the stun and starts suplexing Kaiser repeatedly!
Kaiser manages to put Earthquake out of the ring, but Typhoon intervenes and prevents the follow-up. It's about time Typhoon did something useful! If he doesn't pick it up, I'll make him go back to his old tugboat gimmick and job him out to everyone. After a good exchange, Kaiser takes a moment to heil his Fuhrer at ringside. He looks at Adolf, who starts frantically pointing behind him. Too late! Kaiser has been ambushed by the big man!
Kaiser has had enough, and tags out, but Typhoon isn't done with him! Kaiser is brought back into the ring with a thundering suplex! But then he gets double-teamed, bad move to do that in the enemy's corner. And Adolf Hitler watches silently as his pupils do battle with these two behemoths.
Gunther hits a beautiful short-arm clothesline, rocking Typhoon to the mat. But Typhoon rallies his strength to deliver a running sitdown splash! Yes, he's using his big fat ass as a weapon, which makes a lot of sense for a man weighing almost 400 pounds. But somehow, Gunther taps into his VRIL energy and kicks out. Both men tag out and Earthquake comes in hot.
>>18304290you can't keep a true aryan superman down
Kaiser is also tapping into his vril, mounting a spectacular comeback, complete with a running boot to the face! He's doing a good job of using his superior speed and agility to counter his opponents' massive weight advantage. Gunther asks for the tag because he wants to join in the fun but he gets more than he bargained for! Was Earthquake playing possum? Oh, but Gunther hits a nice german suplex and the Fuhrer looks pleased at ringside.
>>18304305Yes indeed that seems to be true, at least for the present.
Earthquake counters with a huge backbreaker, and with a man of his strength it probably would break the back of a normal man. But not Gunther! He fights back, and rocks the big man with a series of knees that stuns him momentarily. This allows Gunther to hit a big dropkick and sprawl the giant on the canvas. Not surprisingly, Earthquake makes a tag shortly after.
Typhoon and Kaiser rock each other with a big slam apiece, but Typhoon comes with a ground stomp that shakes the ring so hard, it knocks Kaiser off his feet. Typhoon presses the advantage hard, trapping Kaiser in the corner and once again using his massive backside as a weapon. Kaiser delivers a death valley driver but Typhoon gets right back up and hits him with a spinning clothesline. Surprising agility for a man that size I must say.
Slowly but surely, Kaiser is weathering the big man's offense and giving it right back to him. He hits not one, but two death valley drivers but Typhoon absolutely STOMPS his head into the canvas before tagging out.
Kaiser tags out too, and Gunther comes in like a house of fire. He hits another short arm clothesline but Earthquake stops him cold with a big powerslam! Then Gunther gets suplexed out of the ring. After a few words of encouragement from sensei Adolf, Gunther returns to the ring. Earthquake and Gunther exchange chops and punches, and Gunther chops the giant down like a tree!
Earthquake is on the offense at first, but we can see that he is starting to tire out. OH! it looks like he was a little more tired than I thought! Gunther hits a huge whipping powerbomb out of nowhere and then wisely pulls Earthquake away from the ropes. Despite losing some time by doing that, Gunther gets the pinfall! The reich will certainly be celebrating with a lot of schnapps and frauleins tonight! And look at that, what a coincidence, this match lasted exactly 14 posts! Perhaps that means Lord Kek enjoyed this one as much as I did.
Here are your winners, the team of Gunther and Ludwig Kaiser, IMPERIUM!
Alright, we've just received word that Brody and Cole have indeed accepted the Hulkster's challenge, and they will meet next week on the next episode of Saturday Night Metal. So, I just want to get your thoughts about this upcoming match, gentlemen. Do you consider these men to be a threat?
>MAGA butcher
A threat? Fuck no, they ain't no threat, boy. You know I just want to say I've always been a patriotic American, I served this country in the armed forces, and I am appalled at the level of disrespect that this fat, sloppy, treasonous Bruiser Brody wannabe showed to the fine men and women of ICE, who are helping our rightful President to make America great again. And that's why I'm gonna give him a country-fried ass whoopin' straight from the hills of goddamn West Virginia.
>Hulk Hogan
Well you know somethin' brother Apu, I was watchin' that stupid commercial for Adam Cole's gym earlier, and the Hulkster couldn't believe what he heard, dude! This little jabroni with his tiny little spaghetti string arms is braggin' about the size of his pythons! Well if you want to see pythons brother, take a look at these 24-inch pythons, and these babies are fueled by the power of Hulkamania brother! You know, the last time I teamed up with someone named the Butcher, it didn't work out so well, but I think this time is gonna be different because the MAGA Butcher, he's a real American like me, brother! And next week, when we get in the ring with those two insignificant faggots, we're gonna run wild and we're gonna hit those slimy little sissies so hard, they're gonna fly into the stratosphere, and all the way up into outer space brother! And then they'll be the first faggots in space, brother! And WHATCHA GONNA DO when the power of Hulkamania and the power of MAGA come together and DESTROY you!
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...from the Mayan underworld of Xibalba, weighing 99 pounds, Kemonito!
https://vocaroo.com/13s2QKJkeNO5
Was reading over this stuff and there's definitely potential here. Keep up the hard work and improving.
>>18304702thanks, I'm sorry for this long delay, I keep getting errors when i try to post
This is getting ridiculous, the problem is definitely not on my end here. But I am determined to fix it if i can. Thank you for your patience.
>>18304965Probably because it might be considered spamming and necro bumping your own thread on the jannies and site's end.
A few questions, what made you decide to do it in this way as opposed to how you originally tested it out on on bitchute via that PresidentJimmyKekett account where there was commentary over it? And are you doing all of this live in the moment? Meaning you're actually recording, pausing, converting, uploading, repeat? or is everything completely edited and you're just uploading in batch?
>>18303396 (OP)You fuck horses
>>18305044Everything is already pre-edited, there's no way i could do all this live. It's a lot of work, and I would have had this done hours ago if not for these issues. I figured this format would be much more 4chan-friendly than just posting a single video.
Neigh! Nothing you can say!
Nothing's gonna change
What you've done to me!
Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize but it seems that we will be unable to continue with the show. The site simply will not allow me to post any videos at all. We will be taking some time off to come up with a different plan, and we hope to see you all again soon.
>>18305099There's a reason why e-feds of the past work and succeeded on message boards/forums vs image boards, anon. Even those waifu fed idiots knew how to make it work here, which was upload the video on YouTube and do a watch along/game thread here. Plus they "build interest" before getting the boot, which was why they were able to do it that way; regardless of the fighting between users if that waifu crap counted as on topic, they still got anons to show interest. They treated it like an image board first with images and text, with multiple anons creating and adding to it like old message board e-fed statistics-based role-playing, then got the idea to use fire pro.
Truthfully, the way you're doing it now is not going to work because of the issues you're already having. I don't know what to tell you. It's a waste of your time to do this if you plan on doing it like this. The reason the Cup works is because it involved multiple board participating that got the interest of the anons and streaming them.
And his opponent...from Monclova, Mexico, weighing 220 pounds, the chairman of wrestling, La Parka!
Hey it actually worked! They unfucked the site so maybe now I can actually finish the show!
La Parka starts by dropkicking a chair into the poor little monkey's face! And then he does it again for good measure! That's why they call La Parka "the chairman" Last time we saw Kemonito, he was field-goal-kicked into the crowd by the Macho Man, hopefully he can make a better showing this time but it isn't looking good for him so far. Oh wait, Kemonito just pulled a sonic spin dash, where the fuck did he learn that? I guess that's one of those moves that only a midget can do. And wait, what is Kemonito doing now? It looks like the beginnings of a SHOOT WORM!!!
IT IS THE SHOOT WORM! But luckily for La Parka, he manages to roll away at the last second. Lucky thing for him, people have been known to drop dead from that move, it's fucking deadly. La Parka has realized the danger and started going all out, pulling off a really nice spinning drop toe hold before tossing the midget around some more. It's not enough for a pin though, and...what's this? KEMONITO JUST PULLED OUT A GUITAR AND SMACKED LA PARKA ACROSS THE FACE! That's one way to counter all those chair shots, just smack him with a guitar Honky Tonk Man style! Back and forth they go, with Kemonito getting La Parka in a hanging choke at the end.
La Parka escapes the choke and fights a retreating action, but the little monkey traps him in the corner and gives him a monkey flip onto a chair! He's giving La Parka a dose of his own medicine! For his part, La Parka lands a series of drop toeholds but they don't seem to do much except slow Kemonito down.
Kemonito is still in control, despite short bursts of offense from La Parka. We see a strike exchange and once again the monkey comes out on top. Holy shit, Kemonito is hammering La Parka on the ground so fast, you can barely even see his little monkey paws! That's gotta hurt! La Parka is really looking overwhelmed right now, he better think of something fast if he wants to win.
The monkey rage continues to overwhelm La Parka, he didn't bring enough chairs to deal with this! He gets hammered on the mat again, dear god! But somehow Parka has enough left to smash the midget in the face a few times and hit him with a senton bomb. Then he gets the monkey in the corner and uses a chair as a springboard, smacking Kemonito with a big flying wheel kick! Wait a minute, it looks like Kemonito has another trick up his sleeve! What the fuck?
That was another damn Haggar piledriver! By God, somebody stop the match! He just killed him! Wait, I spoke too soon, because La Parka is hitting the monkey with a series of smart moves. OH but there's that crazy Haggar piledriver again! La Parka busts out with a big counter of his own, wrapping a chair upside the monkey's head and then knocking him to the ground with another chair! That almost gets him the win, actually.
La Parka blasts Kemonito with his knees and then does a little dance for the crowd. This is followed up with another springboard wheel kick in the corner, and Kemonito is looking worn out all of a sudden. Wait, he just flip kicked the shit out of Parka twice! This little monkey is full of tricks tonight. But now Kemonito is just whipping La Parka around and knocking him down at will.
Kemonito wraps up La Parka and goes for the pin, but it's not enough. He tries to choke him out but La Parka just won't go down. Hey wait a minute, what is this shit? Who is this jabroni running into the ring? I don't even know who this guy is, dammit. If someone is going to run in here and disrupt my show, they could at least have the decency to be someone famous enough to be worthy! Whoever this jabroni is, he's going straight after Kemonito for some reason.
Hey would you look at this? Kemonito and La Parka have put their differences aside to team up on the invader! Oh, and I've just received word from the back that this jabroni is one of the Villano brothers, some midcard lucha tag team that never really mattered much to anyone. That might explain why he's getting whooped by both combatants right now. And after getting stomped badly, Villano runs away and our two combatants resume their match. They both seem to have plenty left in the tank, this is still anybody's game.
Kemonito starts out with another spin dash, followed by a double axhandle from the top rope. But La Parka nails him with a backstabber and puts the little guy down. Parka seems to be too tired to follow up, though. Now both men are on their feet and...DAMN, La Parks just did yet another drop toehold but this time with a chair involved! Maybe he did bring enough chairs after all!
Kemonito is looking like a tired little monkey, and La Parka takes full advantage with yet another smashing chair shot. Then he busts out some martial arts, and goes on an absolute rampage all over Kemonito's furry little ass. He ends the run with an Arabian facebuster from the top rope! Jesus Christ! Can anything stop this guy?
Kemonito is not going out like that, he sets La Parka up for another one of those sky-high piledrivers, driving him hard into the mat. Despite his fatigue, he gorilla presses Parka over his head for another slam. Well, maybe it should be called a monkey press in his case but who gives a fuck. La Parka narrowly avoids another piledriver and celebrates with his trademark dance!
Parka delivers a chair dr!opkick, but Kemonito counters with some kind of weird rolling flippy throw and tosses La Parka out of the ring. Instinctively, he grabs a chair, but referee Chuck Norris makes him put it down. And then Kemonito hits Parka with a stunner and the crowd is on their feet!
Before La Parka can recover, Kemonito goes into a running cartwheel moonsault and goes for the cover. 1-2-3 he got him! Kemonito has won! The music plays and although the ring is covered in blood, everyone is having a good time! Looks like Kemonito has redeemed himself!
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner...KEMONITO!
>Soon it will be time. Time for my reign of terror and savagery to begin. I have waited so long, but no one would give me a chance. They were right, you know. They said I was trouble, they said I was too unstable, and they couldn't even bear to look at my face. And they were right. I do have the face of a killer. I have inherited the madness and I will use it to carve a path of chaos and destruction throughout this new promotion. Each and every little rabbit that is foolish enough to step in the ring with me will be...crippled.
Alright everyone, it's time for the MAIN EVENT! Hulk Hogan Vs A wild grizzly bear!
They're mostly just testing one another's strength here, nothing much of significance has happened yet but that is common for the first part of the match. The Hulkster hasn't been eaten by this bear yet so I guess that's a good thing.
Hogan goes for two early pins, which doesn't get him anything except having his face mauled by an angry grizzly. The bear seems kind of pissed now and...OH DAMN! He just picked up Hogan like a sack of potatoes and threw him like eight feet in the air! Hogan lands on the apron hard and rolls to the outside. Let's see that again on the instant replay! I'm surprised Hogan is even standing after that one but he's still fighting back.
Both combatants roll back into the ring to avoid a countout, and then they proceed to have a strike exchange which Hogan (barely) wins. Despite knocking the bear down, Hogan collapses from exhaustion himself. But it seems that the bear was even more worn out because now Hogan is laying the smack down!
The bear breaks Hogan's streak with another giant flipping toss! I'm not even sure what to call that move, he just picked Hogan up and threw him. In any case, it's not enough to get the pin. Hogan comes back at him with a torture rack and keeps up the offense, though the bear is not without some tricks of his own. I hope for Hogan's sake that they gave this bear a bath before bringing him into the studio, otherwise he might get fleas in his moustache.
This bear is hitting back hard, slamming Hogan's head against the mat with the utmost savagery! He may be a well-trained animal, but he's still an animal and we can see that plainly. Hogan obviously wants to end this thing early so he can go enjoy a Real American Beer (tm) brother, and so he goes for the big legdrop but it's too early for that. He does get a near-fall though, so Hogan definitely still has a chance. In fact he's actually doing really well! HULKAMANIA IS RUNNIN WILD BROTHER!
Hulkamania is absolutely running wild, as Hogan continues to punish this poor forest creature. Holy shit, Hogan just picked the bear up by his feet and is now slamming him around like a ragdoll! That's even more impressive than that time he slammed Andre the Giant! Just look at the power of the Hulkster! But oh no, the bear is trying to eat Hogan's face off now! This is where we can thank our lucky stars that we have a badass referee like Chuck Norris here, because he quickly breaks up this highly illegal move. I mean, we're a little lax on the rules around here but even we can't have our competitors getting eaten alive. The bear is back on the offense, delivering a spear and two gorilla press slams. It could be that the Hulkster hulked up too early, although he does manage to land a gorilla slam of his own.
The bear misses a spear, and this buys Hogan a little time to gather his strength for the true hulk-up! The bear's paw strikes are having no effect! Hogan is feeding on the power of all the millions of Hulkamaniacs all around the world, brother! He's destroying that bear from pillar to post before tossing him out of the ring like an old bear rug.
After climbing back in the ring, the bear has retaken the offense and gives Hogan another thundering toss-slam! Just one of those would be enough to kill a normal man but the Hulkster has taken three of them now. The bear takes this round, just as sure as a bear shits in the woods.
I did it! I found the saddest thread on 4chan!
>>18306592but enough about the Iyo general
The bear starts squeezing Hogan's head with one of his massive paws, and Hogan is in trouble! Having already taken so much damage, he might not be able to handle this one. But just when things are at their darkest, Hogan pulls out another hulk-up! The bear tries to stop the power of Hulkamania with another toss-slam but it has no effect! Hogan gets right back up and keeps coming!
what the fuck did i just click into?
>>18306593lol thanks for having my back brother
>>18306592And you can go eat a dick. I'm working hard to contribute something good to this board and I will not be stopped.
>>18306592You're right, OP should instead be making console war threads or rape threads and then bump it for weeks.
>>18306615>admits he's going to spam the board
I know I said it before, but I was wrong! Hulkamania wasn't really running wild before, but it sure is now! This bear is getting beaten like a red-headed stepchild and he can't even get away from the wrath of the Hulkster! The bear tries another brain claw but that seems to take the last of his strength. AND HOGAN DROPS THE ATOMIC LEGDROP! Will this one be enough?
>>18306612It's my attempt to create a wrestling show for /pw/. It's a work in progress but if you read over the thread I think you will agree there is potential here.
>>18306623Spam the board? I've done nothing of the kind. All my K-WAB related posts are in this thread where they belong.
What is this autistic retardation
Hogan goes for the cover, but what is this? Jim Cornette is distracting the referee! I don't know what he's saying but it must have been either very interesting or very very rude. In any case, our man Chuck is too smart for that shit, he realizes what is going on, and turns around to count ONE...TWO...and THREE! And this crowd is on its feet! The Hulkster points at Jim Cornette and says
>FUCK YOU BROTHER!
And Cornette is livid, he hasn't been this mad since the last time he saw Vince Russo!
>>18306651some autist trying to get himself and his fed over
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner...the immortal HULK HOGAN!
>Well you know somethin' brothers, I wanna talk to all the /pw/maniacs out there! First of all, I wanna say that I believe in what brother Pepe Von Erich is trying to do here, dude! He's trying to make /pw/ a better place, and draw the dimes to turn this place into a monster, brother! Now I see some of the /pw/maniacs out there showing their support but I also see some no-good stinkin' two bit jabronis trying to bring this thing down brother! And we're gonna no-sell that shit and come back stronger than ever brother! And whatcha gonna do, all you little pukes, when the power of Hulkamania, and the power of K-WAB wrestling run wild on you?
>>18306690>And we're gonna no-sell that shit>has been responding to negative posts
>>18306615You dont contribute anyrhing. You have a severe mental illness ans you beed help. Please log off.
Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes our broadcast for the time being. I thank all of you who have come into my thread and enjoyed the fruits of my autism. We had a significant problem in this thread because this show format requires a ridiculous amount of posts, which have to be spam-posted in order to keep the show from being ridiculously long. But when I do this, the system starts thinking it's spam, and that's why there was such a long delay. However, this is not the end for K-WAB wrestling. I already have a new show format in mind which should solve this problem, although I may have to skip next week's show in order to get everything ready. Until next time, this is Pepe Von Erich signing off, and we will see you next time.
>>18303396 (OP)after the rumble show I thought this is going to be interactive and I was even somewhat excited to join but it's just you posting walls of text?
I mean this shit is god awful and done by an obvious retard but at least he stopped posting Nash threads.
>OP has been posting about his imaginary fed for over 13 hours straight
>>18306723It is going to be interactive, this is just the start. Also, no one has even asked me about joining yet so I figured that could be worked out later. What I am trying to do right now is lay the foundation for what comes next. Rome wasn't built in a day.
>>18306754That's good to know. I like what I see here, it's some really good work and the storytelling is kino but if other people can't take part then it will never go anywhere. I would recommend that you incorporate the interactivity thing as soon as possible.
>>18306794I agree, I have no intention of doing all this by myself in the long-term. Right now, there are no other people involved so I have to do everything. The idea was to show that I can produce good content so that people would be more inclined to join.
>>18306820I mean, I'll give you this much, this show is well written and all the promos are good. Your video quality is decent, but you're never going to be able to do a whole show in bites of 4MB or less.
>>18306833Yeah that is the biggest problem. Like I was saying before, the filesize limit forces me to make a huge number of posts. All that repeated posting seems to start triggering anti-spam measures. That's why the next show will be done differently. I had no way of knowing that the site would start taking a shit when I posted so many videos, but now I know. As such, I will adjust the show's format accordingly. Also, I am very glad to hear you enjoyed the show. A lot of time and work went into this, and I am learning a lot of things as I go, but I am committed to this thing. I hope I will be able to get the new format ready in time for next week's show but we will just have to wait and see.
I say this as kindly as possible. Post this on reddit. You have put too much effort into this to not see the kind of results you would like
>>18306866There will be no show next week. Your show has been cancelled.
>>18306869If you read over the thread, you will see that this fed will never get over on reddit. And that's a good thing. But thank you for the advice regardless.
>>18306876we shall see, faggot.
>>18306876youre fake and gay
>>18303696>click on brody's theme>it's just the sounds of someone taking a huge dumpfits lol
>>18306615>I'm working hard to contribute something good to this boardStill waiting, horse fucker
>>18306719>the system starts thinking it's spamBecause it is
OP may be a bigger loser than BT.
>claims to be a show made specifically for the good people of /pw/
>outside of three anons, the good people of /pw/ don't care
>claims he doesn't care and is going to continue
op, only five people tops care about this. seriously, edit you show, put it on YouTube, link it here one last time, and the people that care will subscribe and you can run your show over there after. you clearly crave attention and validation and can't handle rejection. you're going to just keep embarrassing yourself unless you call it quits.
>>18308615Obviously you care, because you keep spamming the thread with hateful bullshit. And all this "horse fucker" talk is just recycled sashaschizo jokes anyway. Someone tries to do something nice for us and that's how you react? Sounds like you're the loser around here, why else would something like this make you mad?
>>18308470spam would be the usual consolewar and waifufaggotry that we see around here, not one guy posting a bunch of OC in a single thread.
Is OP really a horse fucker?
>>18308974>has to re-use lines about sashaschizo because he hasn't come up with anything new since /asp/ was a thing.lol
>>18309038You literally got caught talking about fucking horses on discord
> Pepe Von Horse Fucker having a melt down in his own thread because /pw/ rejected his trash
>>18308894>one guy posting a bunch of OC in a single thread>one guyKek thanks for admitting he's a loser.
>>18308884you seem emotionally immature the way you react to replies.
>hateful bullshitdude, seriously? what are you a child? you new here and seethe that easily for someone else? or are you op without your pepe trip code on? either way that's really sad.
>>18309194Shut up fag, your little psychology routine is cringey and gay. If I wanted to hear that trash, I'd go talk to someone who actually knows about it, not some no-life troll who seethes endlessly over a simulated wrestling show.
>>18309128>creating a bunch of high-effort OC makes you a loserthe fact that you have this attitude explains a lot. lmao. Yeah, how dare someone spend many hours of their time to make a show for us while asking literally nothing in return. What an asshole, huh?
Anons coming in and cutting promos on OP is better that OP's original content. They're hard carrying this topic.
>Pepe Von Horse Fucker is still having a melt down in his own thread because /pw/ rejected his trash
>>18309316>high-effort OC that gets low-resultsKek
This is a lot of reading, but it's pretty based if you can read quickly enough to keep up. I do hope OP will come up with a way that involves fewer walls of text but I like what I see so far. The Brody/Bandito match alone was worth my time.
Why didn't pwcw come out?
>>18309349>one salty anon is continuing to have a meltdown itt because for some reason this thread hurt his little feelings. So sad.
Honestly, what kind of pitiful loser seethes this much over someone else making a thread? When I see that, I become that much more willing to support OP just to make that homo seethe some more.
>>18303396 (OP)I thought this would be retarded and gay but it's really not bad. It was at least interesting enough for me to read it through to the end. Keep doing this, but bear in mind that a lot of people don't want to do that much reading.
>>18306690promo must be good, because it set off a powder keg of jealous seething
>>18309481the hulkster tends to have that effect on faggots
This is Pepe Von Erich with an official update. There will be a show next week, but it will not be a new episode of Saturday Night Metal. Instead, it will be a special event, and this one will include a lot more participation from the rest of the board. I want to thank all the anons who continue to support this project, and I thank them for their patience as I take the time to work out all the little details and get this thing right. So make sure you join us Saturday at 10pm eastern time, right here on the /pw/ network and we will see you then.
>>18310356Hope you spend "many hours" again.. See you next week, horse fucker.
this thread has potential with the easy troll and baiting it gets out of the op and the horse fucker defense force. keep it up pepe, every "good" promotion needs detractors, yeah? I'll be bait posting next week to bump your thread for you pal.
Is this the dude who posted detailed fantasies about sucking off horses on discord?
get raped and die OP. I'd rather have another nash rape thread or random joshi #58 that doesnt get bumped
