i wish i was a naturally kind and loving person like some people ive met. their lives seem so much nicer and more fulfilling, just naturally helping others and building relationships that way. even when as i try to be like that, i will always be an imposter. faking being a person i am not. does anyone else feel this way? im so tired of it. im tired of being an internally cynical and jaded person.

>>81486173 (OP)
>does anyone else feel this way? im so tired of it. im tired of being an internally cynical and jaded person
Yes, I used to be a very cynical and jaded person. I still have my moments where I am, but I try to be supportive and positive now. I used to not care about anything and trample all over others for fun just because I was so detached. What made me change was a promise to someone. I promised someone that I would be a good person. That person is long since gone now, but how I managed this was faking it until I became it.

>>81486198
im glad you made it anon. i wish i could one day. i try my best but every slip-up makes me feel so awful and reminds me of who i actually am

>>81486173 (OP)
ok i think you need to tell us a bit of context, what makes you think like this etc. it sounds like you effd up or something

>>81486213
We all make mistakes, it's okay to fail. What's important is that we get back up and try again. As I said, I fail still from time to time because there's a small part of me that still is like that.

It's kind of cute how you're wrestling with what you want and what you need

>>81486229
i spent most of my life as a cynical and jaded person that was awful to be around because i couldnt enjoy anything. i had to try to tear everyone and everything down for no reason whatsoever. i also had trolling tendencies, which ive come to really regret over time. ive changed alot, but fragments of those past behaviours remain and ill sometimes collapse back into them before snapping out of it and hating myself.
>>81486231
i suppose. i just wish i naturally wasnt lile this

>>81486259
i dont understand whats cute about it honestly

>>81486173 (OP)
>does anyone else feel this way?
Yeah, I find myself being pretty neglectful towards my loved ones because of my sloth and laziness. I want to show them love, but I just can't do it.

>>81486260
>ill sometimes collapse back into them before snapping out of it and hating myself.
have you noticed if there's something in particular that triggers these snaps?

>>81486282
im sorry anon. iktf. im frequently slothful and neglectful of others too. when i first started changing, something in my being just resisted being loving at all, like i had some weird subconscious belief that it is cringe.
i hope we can both be better some day.
>>81486293
frustration usually triggers them. i think it overrides my conscious desire to be better and brings out the worst of my subconscious. idk how to fix it.

>>81486324
>idk how to fix it
what if you tried tackling this problem first? like, what makes you feel frustrated for example?

>>81486397
>what makes you feel frustrated for example?
uaually some negative interaction with people. ive tried to tackle it by limiting my exposure to rage bait and whatever else gets people (me included) heated.

>does anyone else feel this way?
Yeah, but I quickly realized how superficial and self centered people are in the long run so I stopped feeling bad about it. Long live asocialism because fucccckkkkk you, people!

>>81486453
people can be awful but i still want to be kind to others anyways even when its hard. idk why.

>>81486429
uhhh but this place is full of rage bait. what kind of baits make you rage?
also, you're going to find assholes everywhere, so maybe you need to work on your patience

>>81486173 (OP)
>does anyone else feel this way?
Yes. I almost didn't reply because it felt like too much trouble. I'm probably a narcissist. I don't want to be like this, but I'm almost 40 and have spent my entire life failing to get better. What is left? I'm so fucking tired.