Faking sympathy
Posting this cause I lost a bet with someone... So here goes...
Earlier this year, I was going through a rough patch... College stress, a breakup, and this constant feeling of being invisible. No one seemed to notice when I was struggling. I started showing up late, missing classes, and eventually got a warning from my professor.
The morning I was supposed to present a report I hadn't finished, I panicked. I told them my mother had passed away. I don't know why I said it. She's alive. I just... wanted space. Sympathy. An excuse. They were kind. Too kind. People brought food to my desk. Someone offered to cover for me. My professor gave me attendance and told me to take all the time I needed. I cried. Not because I was grieving because I knew I didn't deserve any of it.
And the worst part? I let it go on. I never corrected anyone. I kept showing up, solemn and quiet, playing the part. I've never told anyone. I don't think I ever can. I don't even know how I'd begin to explain it. "I was tired and lonely and I made up death for attention"? Who says that?
But I think about it every single day.
I'm not strong. I'm a coward.
Earlier this year, I was going through a rough patch... College stress, a breakup, and this constant feeling of being invisible. No one seemed to notice when I was struggling. I started showing up late, missing classes, and eventually got a warning from my professor.
The morning I was supposed to present a report I hadn't finished, I panicked. I told them my mother had passed away. I don't know why I said it. She's alive. I just... wanted space. Sympathy. An excuse. They were kind. Too kind. People brought food to my desk. Someone offered to cover for me. My professor gave me attendance and told me to take all the time I needed. I cried. Not because I was grieving because I knew I didn't deserve any of it.
And the worst part? I let it go on. I never corrected anyone. I kept showing up, solemn and quiet, playing the part. I've never told anyone. I don't think I ever can. I don't even know how I'd begin to explain it. "I was tired and lonely and I made up death for attention"? Who says that?
But I think about it every single day.
I'm not strong. I'm a coward.