how do I get over my childhood trauma and mature and grow and stop being lazy/selfish/anxious/depressed?

t. 35 years old, wondering when it gets better

>>81766030 (OP)
are you a cute anime girl irl also?
or just on 4chan?

>>81766030 (OP)
if your trauma comes from someone harming you

the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn to forgive them

I know they dont deserve to be forgivin they have most likely never even changed their ways


BUT

there's a lot of pain in holding on to that anger and hatred for them. One of the best things you can do is let go.

Its like carrying the weight of the wolrd on your shoulders. Then suddenly letting it drop off of you.

Its very night and day once you are able to do it.

you kinda enter this like childhood style of anger after that. Forgiveness becomes automatic and holding grudges isn't something you do anymore

XD

>>81766184
>forgive them
This is always what abusers say

>>81766249
I promise you

I am not your abuser

XD

>>81766254
>not your abuser
But an abuser none the less

>>81766030 (OP)
It gets better but it doesn't go away entirely. It took my wife years of therapy and loving support to make significant progress.

>>81766290
sounds like you are too traumatized to recognize reality properly

no worries

c:

if you ever want to return to the light

remember my advice

>>81766184
>>81766254
>>81766320
you deserve a slow and painful death

>>81766030 (OP)
Looks like she's got a breast friend

>>81766332
Everyone deserves a slow, painful death, Anonymous. Jesus saves.

>>81766320
Reddit spacing and gaslighting go together like drag shows and elementary schools.

>>81766390
More like an altar boy's mouth and a priest's cock.

>>81766030 (OP)
Life will remain awful until you let go of hate. Those who hurt won't feel your hate, it's everyone else and the things around you that are nice which do instead. It's a veil that poisons any interaction and makes you on guard needlessly causing distress.

>>81766424
Who said anything about hate?
>Muted

>>81766320
>no worries
>c:
>if you ever want to return to the light
>remember my advice
Why are you so fucking weird?

>>81766452
Better question: Why are you a normalfag?

>>81766030 (OP)
hello fellow traveler, im someone diagnosed with PTSD too and would like to offer help to you like anons have helped me. I will list my advice in tips, feel free to reply with questions.

1. PTSD symptoms are an over-adaptation to a shitty environment. The disassociation, derealization, vigilance, and misery are all useful in environments of danger. The vigilance keeps you on your toes for danger and the disassociation and derealization help you deal with the pain that comes your way. You are not broken, you are merely using the wrong technique now that you are out of danger.

2. stop claiming to be "lazy/selfish/anxious/depressed" and completely blame yourself for your condition. Traumatic events that cause PTSD physically changes your brain chemistry (https://www.verywellmind.com/what-exactly-does-ptsd-do-to-the-brain-2797210). This literally means the patterns of thinking you have are physically ingrained into you. This is not to say the situation is fatal, but it is to say that, on some level, you can't completely hate yourself for it.

3. Your best resource on PTSD research is the VA: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/. Their tools and resources will let you know what options you have to treat your condition.

4. Despite the critique from most of r9k: Therapy is your friend. However, make sure you find someone with a focus on PTSD, Trauma, and/or has worked with members of the Military. "Talk Therapy" generally is ineffective and slow at treating PTSD, but isn't totally useless. A good therapist with experience can help you find treatments that work for you (I.e, EDMR, Exposure therapy, and in some, cases psychedelic-assisted therapy).

>>81766030 (OP)
>>81766482
5. Drug usage is highly dangerous, but sometimes necessary, for coping with PTSD. Every chemical and substance you use must be approached with extensive care, research, and consideration. For what i've used:

Good:
CBD - CBD is an chemical from hemp that works against anxiety while not being intoxicating. It does have some effect on my cognative function (slowing slightly), but overall serves as a general relaxer. Known to be well-tolerated by the body and is generally not habit forming. Very useful as a coping mechanism for times you need to sleep, are too overwhelmed to work, or just need to take the edge off.
THC - THC is a quasi-psychedelic chemical also from hemp and the active chemical in marijuana. In some states, PTSD is an approve condition to get a medical marijuana card. Most often, I find this substance useful for escaping thought patterns by forcing my mind to think differently. It helps with self-exploration and looking at old concepts and events at new angles. !!! THIS SUBSTANCE IS ADDICTIVE !!! and you can, and possibly will, develop a habit of use. I have for sure, so care with this chemical is necessary.

Bad:
Alcohol - Drinking for PTSD is just a worse version of using CBD. Alcohol causes cancer, intoxicates you and impairs your judgement, gives you hang-overs, and makes you do stupid shit. Also, it is addictive. The genuinely useful medical effects of Alcohol, using it to reduce anxiety, is largely overshadowed by its drawbacks. Avoid if at all possible.

>>81766030 (OP)
>how do I get over my childhood trauma
don't know if i have some sort of very early dementia but im sorta forgetting everything. I still hate because i know that i wouldn't in the first place if there was no reason but its such a weird feeling. For me forgiveness is never an option.

>>81766030 (OP)
>>81766482
>>81766489
6. No one is going to advocate for your health but you, so expecting to walk up to a doctor and asking for them to treat you will not work. You will have to take initative on researching PTSD, its treatments, their drawbacks, and everything inside them to actually handle your issue. If you cannot do this, you will be gambling on a therapist or doctor being able to save you. Given that you have PTSD, a disorder associated with negative thought patterns, failure will seem a lot more catastrophic. Because of that, you will have to over-research subjects so you dont make the wrong move and end up making yourself feel like its hopeless.

7. Get a friend you can trust to talk about your issues with. Many people are traumatized, broken, and struggling just like you. They're the only people who can understand and can empathize with you and your condition. Being able to relate to someone else in trauma, life experiences, and dealing and struggling with symptoms will make the world feel less alone and make getting better a lot easier. For me at least, a friend who cared was what pushed me off the brink of suicide and onto the path to recovery.

8. The path to recovery is very long and incredibly painful. Quick results only come from radical moves, and radical moves must be planned out and taken with great care as to not be dangerous. Always consider every change to your life you make and fully embrace it only once you are ready to, but always question why you are not ready to accept a conclusion you know is healthy. Often times, progress will simply just be slow and should be taken on a day-by-day basis.

friend, the world is scary, awful, and cruel, and whatever happened to you was likely something you did not deserve and does not have to define you. There is more to life than this suffering beyond the veil. It's just a matter of learning how to live normally now that you're out of the nightmare.

IM NOT A DOCTOR, THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE

>>81766443
You lash out at every poster trying to be supportive, you are filled with it like most people who experience trauma. You don't need to tell us something when it's evident from what you show.
>Muted
You are not 35

>>81766532
>You lash out
I asked a question. I'm also not op.

>>81766547
>I'm also not op.
My mistake then, but the answer is like I said though. People who had bad things happen to them carry a lot of negative feelings. They feel wronged and betrayed by those who didn't stop the abuse, and they feel anger towards their abusers.
This often manifests in lashing out at people who aren't the source of that abuse, or avoiding them. It also makes someone guarded against good new experiences because of the fear of being hurt. We can see it manifest here already by someone else in the thread mentioning forgiveness, and OP immediately assuming them to be an abuser or hostile force. Despite this actually being reasonable (but difficult) advice, because doing that involves letting go of the negative feelings harming them.
Holding onto anger and bad feelings is a major source of the pain and hurt of being abused and it poisons all future interactions and dealings with life.

>>81766030 (OP)
never. check out youtubers who talk about it because apparnetly therapists have lierally no training in this. Literally none. I'd figure this was their bread and butter.

>>81766030 (OP)
>>81766482
>>81766424
the anons here talking about "letting go" of the hate are giving stock advice they largely dont understand, the hate for the people who hurt you is completely natural, expected, normal, and healthy

What isn't healthy is having the thought pattern and direct memories of the event plague you and inform your decision making to this day. The events that happened are over, but your brain unfortunately has not realized that and is utterly obsessed with them, which is why you have PTSD symptoms. The hate isn't the issue, it's the unhealthy, trauma-induced obsession your brain has because it is terrified of you being hurt like you were again. It's a protection method that's overstayed its welcome

keep the hate close, but in an intelligent way. Avoid ineffective lashing out and focus instead on meaningful damage, when the opportunity presents itself. If you can legally make the life of someone who has wronged you worse and doing it won't cost you more than its benefit, do it. Do what you can to intervene in situations similar to your own as to prevent them

Furthermore, I have also found that sympathy for and helping those who have gone through pain like I have has helped me feel as though im doing something productive with my hatred. in the sense its personally fulfilling and actively helping real people in my life live better. Abusers are able to abuse less if theres stronger people out there protecting weaker people and if the stronger people are trying to make the weak people strong

so, in a sense, dont let go. Internalize the important parts of your trauma and what matters to you. Really feel those bad moments and understand the wrong thats been done to you and, if possible, do damage against what causes it in the world and help victims of it, or those trying to destroy it. This way, your hatred can be expressed in a way that's pro-social, but also in a way that's effective in preventing what happened to you from happening to others

>>81766639
That's not true. Some of Us ppl who have been thru abuse spot other abusers very easily. They all have the same patterns. That was not op saying abusers always say forgive. That was me. Saying to forgive is just another pattern of abusive ppl

go away schizos you're triggering me

>>81766716
>giving stock advice they largely dont understand
I base this on my own experiences actually. I think you misunderstand what I mean, we largely agree with each other. Letting go of hatred doesn't mean not holding people who hurt you unaccountable, it means not being dominated by that emotion so you perpetuate the cycle of abuse by harming others, and not making yourself distrust and fear the world around you. Hate by itself is a very unproductive and toxic emotion unless it's sublimated into healthy outlets (like you suggest).
>>81766718
Yet many old people and religious people give this advice, because it made them feel relief from suffering. You can see it in lots of stories about someone who was the victim of a crime, and letting go is what helped them heal. Are those abusers? Generic advice has no bearings on someone's motives or intentions.

>>81766939
>I base this on my own experiences actually
AI doesn't have experiences.

>>81767085
I am sorry that you think anyone who knows words beyond common phrases and tiktok groidbabble, or anyone who types more than a sentence is an AI.

>>81767158
It's actually the "you're totally right but also the complete opposite is true" tone of disagreement that makes it obvious.

>>81767173
I forgot that integrative complexity is a dead trait among the goldfish brain generation. I am sorry that pointing out something isn't mutually exclusive is something only an AI does to you. You are right, we should all be bitter and stubborn extremists who treat every interaction as a debate with winners and losers

>>81767215
>You are right, we should all be bitter and stubborn extremists who treat every interaction as a debate with winners and losers
Thanks chatgpt

>>81767158
>I am sorry that you think
>>81767215
>I am sorry that pointing out something

Do you think you are a good manipulator?

>>81767259
LLMs don't think

>>81767259
Do you think you are a good schizophrenic? Keep tilting at windmills because someone sugarcoated saying "stop being retarded" I guess.
>>81767299
I think you meant to say disingenuous people who present false dilemas to dismiss what was said without addressing the content of it.

>>81767378
>schizophrenic
>windmills
> retarded"
Well that wasn't very nice. Are you sure youre not abusive?

>>81767378
AI slop doesn't have any content, it's just meaningless strings of characters that have been determined to be sufficiently similar to what a human *might* produce to express meaning. Any message in it comes from the reader, and humans are good at reading meaning into random patterns.

>>81767394
>Are you sure youre not abusive
I can't say that I am, because I reacted to someone tossing hostility and false accusations against me. Are you abusive? Reactive abuse is when someone provokes another person intentionally so that they will react negatively, and then frames their reaction as abuse or uses it to justify treating them poorly.
>>81767455
The problem is that you are saying something that wasn't made by an AI was made by an AI because of the way I type. So your accusation is just dismissing it without addressing it.

>>81766939
>we largely agree with each other
then please do not use the term "letting go", it's inaccurate to what you're actually suggesting and will make people immediately think you want them to let themselves be hurt.

this is why i talk in the dialectic of redirecting anger towards something productive. you cannot and should not let it go since it's important, but you should not obsess over it either.

>>81767670
That is a valid criticism, and I will choose my words more carefully in the future. You are right. Sublimating anger is a super power, and drowning in hostility isn't.

>>81766030 (OP)
Mindfulness meditation culminating in ego death.

>>81766030 (OP)
Speaking as someone who went through some shit and whose retarded cokewhore mother still continues to be a pain in my ass to this day, what worked for me was simply acknowledging that you can either be a bitch about it and keep fucking your own life up, or get some balls and at least try to make a change. But this will revolve around being in uncomfortable situations. Basically, embrace the suck. People are retarded as shit on a good day and you are going to see and do things that affect you negatively, but unless you end up crippled for life or get assaulted or some shit odds are whatever you will see will just be background noise by the end of the month. Shit wont be easy and everyone is getting fucked now because of lead brained old people halfway on the path of senility, but that does not give you the excuse to be a bitch and fuck your own life up. Give shit time too, my own life is practically unrecognizable to five years ago, but even at my lowest I still kept going. Thats just how I see it tho.
t. fortunate enough to have had a based depression era coal foreman grandpa as long as I did