I'm in a conundrum, /r9k/
I feel like a misanthrope who loves people

The sentence itself doesn't make sense but hear me out.
I love history, I love culture, I love music, I love food, I love everything that's related to humanity BUT I hate humans themselves.
It's like... like I've seen the beauty deep within but what's outside disgusts me - I hate how shallow, how greedy, how self-absorbed humans are yet beyond all that, there is a deep chasm filled with love, there is selflesness, there is humility too - yet it's all just, buried and reserved for the one's closest to them or who they think are closest to them.

Despite it all, one cannot exist without the other so what do you think I should do to reconcile this feeling?

>thread theme
https://youtube.com/watch?v=WjOuEruzoh0&pp=ygUdZ2hvc3QgaW4gdGhlIHNoZWxsIHNvdW5kdHJhY2s%3D

I feel the same way, there is no recourse, it's yin and yang, life and death. Just the way she goes.

>>81850857
>Just the way she goes.
yeah, i "figured" it out along the way
it just is

>>81850131 (OP)
I get it. human culture and the arts are incredibly fascinating to me and something that if I reasonably could, I'd give my life to push forward. unfortunately, humans themselves more often than not, are much less than comparable to the arts that they have the potential to create.

>>81851151
OP here
i get it now too

i want to share my thoughts but it might sound incomprehensible *unless* you get it, and i mean you really *really* get it

>>81851200
spill it and quill it bro. it's your thread so may as well type it anyways.

I'm not sure I entirely get it, but I wonder if it comes from a human desire of idealization. In so many stories, fictional or real, there's a tendency to add personal meaning or idealize certain events in ways that don't actually exist in reality. In these meanings and interpretations of reality, you add a degree of romance and flair. The things humanity creates are about making our existence more than what it actually is, to make magic out of the ordinary. But sometimes in this desire, we can become self absorbed, delusional, and closed off from others. That's the difficulty with being human. In this one reality, there are many different other worlds, everyone believing their own version of reality. When you try to merge two different realities, there will always be a clash between certain differences. But at the same time, we sometimes want to experience a different world, a different reality, and the gates to those worlds are the people you know.

What does this mean? I have no idea, I'm just thinking of random stuff.

>>81851221
so here it goes
at certain points it might sound like i'm contradicting myself but i'm not, like i said if you get it, you get *it*

to me, life is just.. that
it doesnt matter but at the same time it matters - theres no good, no bad, no suffering, no joy, it just is
life is just that, life

what i talked about it in the OP, i was frustated because i thought i was *this* close to figuring it out but it occured to me that you can't figure it out because there's nothing *to* figure out
the people *are* the history, the culture, the food, and the music but the people are *also* the self-absorbed, the greedy, the shallowness - it's fluff, all of it

thats the thing about fluff, thats the thing that both matters and does not matter

some folks detest the shallow talks, the "hey, how are you"s, the "have you eaten" talks because to them that's fluff - that doesn't matter, but that's part of life
likewise with the arts, the culture, the history, the music that our ancestors sang, the food they ate and what we eat now - to those same folks, they think this is what matters, the only thing that matters, but it's still fluff, and it's also part of life

people, nature, the planets, the universe - its all fluff, it doesn't matter but somehow someway it still matters

life is beautiful, anons
life is ugly
life matters
life doesn't matter
life, anons, is just that

>inb4 what am i supposed to do with this information?
i don't know - it's not supposed to be an answer
but for me, personally, this is it - it's my knowledge that i either figured out or someone else before me figured out and we reached the same conclusions
this is a revelation for me personally, now i both know and don't know what to do with my life but that doesn't matter and it matters at the same time

i can't say what this "knowledge" will do to you, anons, i don't care
you might see it as an incoherent ramblings of an old man going mad, but this is my "life" now

>>81851381
have you heard of the zoomer term "aura farming" anon?
i feel like if you do, you'd get it
idealization is the right word for it - the banalities of life like walking through a corn field or watching the sun rise or going to the local lake to fish
for zoomers, they'd set up their cameras, they'd set filters on the films, and they'd edit music into it - the end product now is this idealized "reality" that they can then show off to other people
this "reality", though many live it and some have it as their livelihood, is now idealized as *the* life - like, this is what life is all about

>>81850131 (OP)
I think it's the black-n-white thinking of your autistic brain that creates this conundrum. You seem to think that there's only good people or bad people but most people (besides extreme simpletons) have both sides insides themselves and choooose to let either side out when it's appropriate. It's similar how aggression isn't "bad" per se. It's often used in a bad way but you can be sure that defenders need aggression to be good at defending the meek against aggressors.
This is also the reason why that "I chose bears over (any) men" meme is fucking stupid and an insult to the men who defend the freedom of these tards that benefit from their sacrifice while also shitting on them.

>>81851728
it goes deeper than that, anon
i know there's good in the bad people and bad in the good people
Pablo Escobar burned stacks of his money to keep his family warm
Adolf Hitler loved animals and was reportedly a vegan
Genghis Khan proclaimed that in his empire, all are free to practise their own beliefs
>agression
Just as a warrior knows how to wield his sword, he knows also when to sheathe it

>>81851824
>it goes deeper than that, anon
So tell me, anon! 4chan is a place of unhindered learning after all.

>>81851866
i mentioned it up above, see >>81851462
i guess i should expand further but the more i try to comprehend it, the more it slips away like sand in the palm of one's hand

>>81851890
That's all well and good but I can't get any actionable information out of that which would motivate anyone to change their current behavior at all so it's kind of a masturbatory nothingburger, isn't it? I mean, thinking about deep shit while being high is fun and all but I seek new insight and that's not it. No offense intended.

>>81851969
like i said, it's not supposed to be an answer so yeah masturbatory nothingburger is the right word for it

i dont know your situation nor you mine, but we share the warmth of the same sun, stare at the same moon, breathe the same air yet our lives couldn't be anymore different
>new insight
could be it, could be not - it's not the answer to life because life never asked any questions nor demanded any answers
it just is

>>81852017
So are you saying that I might as well install: https://mods.factorio.com/mod/pyindustry
?
It's a factorio mod that lengthens games to about 1500 hours and it took one guy about 20h to DRAW a diagram for the space tech tree. They say Factorio is a game for autists but that shit is just fucking insane. I mean, I would play it if my life was infinitely long but I'm just a normie so what do I know what tickles their brains.

>>81852091
man i don't know
give it a go or don't, i don't care

>>81852118
Nah man, I rather work on my side-projects. The bobs and angel mod was already too much for my taste but that shit is at least 10 times more complex.

>>81852153
what kinda side projects are you working on if you dont mind me asking?

>>81852157
Just documenting open hardware related mini-projects I did over the last couple of months (before I got the depressi unable to work on anything) in book-form to organize the information and to be able to make my own epub ebooks so other people and I can read about my projects with an e-ink reader. I thought to post these as a blog but I'm trying to consume less internet and I kind of find books more comfy, both as a writer and a reader.
The book will be a free one because writing about open hardware and open software in a payed book seems like a weird way to go about it, ideologically speaking. I'm not judging people who make money with open source but I'm aiming to help people with limited resources so I'll be only be using tools like Kicad and FreeCAD to make my work accessible to a wider audience that doesn't have access to expensive tools like SolidWorks and Altium.
This side-project is basically just a means to spend my time on something that can be of use to others as I'm starting to feel bored by hedonistic endeavors.

>>81852269
sorry for the late response
sounds good, man
share 'em here later eh? send a link or something

>>81852605
Sorry but I'm very far away from documenting everything and I'm currently in the process of aggregating all the pictures / fotos and besides, I don't want to share that here as some of you guys are creepy fucks that have nothing better to do than doxxing people. I used to be more open to people but that back-fired pretty hard.

>>81852726
i feel you, man
i posted my face a lot over 10+ years of 4chan and one of the pics blew up and i occasionally see it in racebait threads over here and on X