Found an escort who is everything i want except someone who loves me, shame i cant pay for that. Can pay her to act like it, but ill know in my head its not real

If you visit her enough times, are nice to her, around the same age and decent looking. There is a considerable chance she'll end up developing feelings for you.

>>81871757 (OP)
You need internal validation instead of trying to get it from other people, I think this is caused by forced group work in school. Unless you are world famous you won't get love like that. You need to become an expert at something so you can mog others.

Sadly, escorts have been such a head-fuck for me that I can't even perform with them. It became tough to justify doing it anymore.
Yes, one can develop a rapport with them over a few encounters, but it's still 'fake'; and many have a shit attitude regardless, which is a dick-killer.
I really wish I had an actual fuck-buddy who was attracted to me. I can't do the socialising/dating thing. Too NEET for that, or escorts.

>>81871757 (OP)
Learn about manifestation.