Thread 82146711

You know, I found this book.
The Underground Man.
It basically sums up what our relationship was.
I think I learned where I fucked up in it too, after all these years.
When you pushed me away the first time, I should have acknowledged what you were doing as a self-destructive behavior. Before anything bad happened. The very first time. I should have accepted it and acknowledged that for what it is.

I think we're both underground men at this point, but I think originally, before I went off the deep end, and made the big mistakes.

I think I was Liza.

I love you, and I'll always love you. It won't ever change. I'll wait until I'm dead.

>The Underground Man's "love" for Liza is not a selfless emotion; it's a desire for control. He admits that he is "incapable of loving her" and that he imagines love only as a form of moral subjugation. When he has the opportunity for a real connection, he sabotages it, leading to a profound sense of loss and misery when she leaves. His torment over her departure confirms that he was, in some twisted way, capable of feeling something for her, but his pride and spite prevented him from ever acknowledging or reciprocating it.

I found it. It's my dumb validation.
But it doesn't make me happy.
What would make me happy would be just being able to exist next to you, nothing more and nothing less.

I love you, earnestly, with every fiber of my being. You are the only human being I will ever be able to ascribe love to. And you don't have to respond, you don't have to say anything. But you should know, I love you. More than you could ever know.

>This new perspective shifts the focus from the Underground Man's cruelty to his profound and overwhelming self-loathing. Instead of being driven by spite and a desire to humiliate her, his actions would stem from a twisted form of altruism. He would be acting on the belief that he is so vile and corrupted that a relationship with him would be a far worse fate for Liza than her life of prostitution.

>This interpretation reveals an intense level of self-awareness. He recognizes his own capacity for cruelty, his inability to love genuinely, and his tendency to dominate and manipulate others. He would see himself as a destructive force, and his rejection of Liza would be a desperate, misguided attempt to protect her from that force. In this scenario, his "spite" and "revenge" would be directed at himself, as he punishes himself by driving away the one person who offers him a chance at redemption.

"Why Fish Don't Exist" - Lulu Miller
>>82146711 (OP)
Sweet post
>>82146730
Sweet response

>>82146749
wow the underground man is literally me, the metaphor being that he's buried underground (under his layers of flesh and bone)
very cool

>>82146760
i wish this fucking month would end so i could stop remembering this shit. Hate august. despise august.

I will read the book, thank you.

>>82146770
oh fuck off

I know you were being self destructive, but so was I.

There are different kinds of control. I don't want the kind that forces your hand in love, but I do have a draw for control in lust.

I know we are both capable because we had it all before. Only needed to work on communication.

>>82146774
Did it happen in August? It's a good read.
>Fuck off
rude

>>82146783
synchronicity are so wild. yeah it did, it happened in august

>>82146788
>Synchronicity is wild
>Gets dubs
Fbflbpfpblfl

Anyway, what happened?

>>82146807
I hurt you.

>>82146849
Well, I don't remember that. But I'm fairly certain I'm not the person you're thinking of. Explain the context/what happened.

>>82146941
Might just be another synchronicity.
It might be something deeper.
The person I'm describing I knew for a long time
And have been in love with for a long time
Still love her. Still get that static feeling when I think about her.

The book is nice btw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG5cR7lgRUY

>>82146969
>6969
I tell I've been on a roll with the numbers lately

>>82146969
I'm a dude, dude. Kek
What's stopping you from contacting them?

>>82146985
Yeah, but that state changes fluidly
In any case this is how I do it, this is how I've done it for years, I guess. I like doing it this way. And usually things click for me.

>>82146994
>but that state changes fluidly
What in the tranny hell are you talking about dude? I've been trying to be kind lately, but this is something that I feel the need to tell you to shut the fuck up to make you aware of how coombrained pornrotten that shit was to say.

>>82146711 (OP)
>I love you, and I'll always love you. It won't ever change. I'll wait until I'm dead.
i'm reading notes right now. am on part 2. what a coincidence. nice op

>>82147014
Mindless toxicity and anger about gendershit in the current day is kinda misguided. I've been here a long time. If you don't like my posts, you can leave. You don't have to reply. I'm not here to defend or espouse being transgender to you. Just don't respond. Maybe direct that energy towards the real evils in this world.

>>82147032
Oh I thought you were trying to say I was transgender. I don't care if you're trans as long as you aren't a freak.