Thread 82156495

Just making this post because too many turbovirgins act like relationships will fix their lives.
They don't.

>struggle with mental health problems throughout childhood
>decide don't give a fuck about it in early teens and just deal with being a teenager
>date girl for three years in high school
>listen to a lot of the same music, love horror movies and watch them together, get along great with her family, but after three years she decides she "needs a break"
>This coincides with the slow and quiet buildup of suicidal depression
>After a month tell her that this "break" seems to be permanent and if she can't make up her mind about what she wants it might as well be
>Hide a suicide note in the back of my top dresser drawer and take a bunch of pills
>have out of body experience but don't die, vomit everything up and pass out on bathroom floor
>Get pissed when she makes a post online about how she's dating a friend now and talked to me about it and how I was cool with it.
>that post was the first I'd even heard of it.
>doesn't take long before I stop talking to her at all
>this damages my friendships because my friends are cunts
>go to college, date two girls for three months each who are both hot but insane, one keeps breaking up with and getting back together with me because of her drama obsessed friend and the other gets mad when she breaks up with me and I don't fight to get her back
>bitch i asked if there was anything I could do to change your mind, you said no, i respected your decision. Life isn't a fucking movie.
>don't date for a few years, drop out of college to work
>eventually date a friend who has ptsd from her psychologically abusive ex, relationship ends up in state of limbo so she can get help for that, hardly hear from her for the next few years while not knowing if we're still supposed to be dating or what

can anyone read all of that and tell me if there's anything worthwhile in it

>>82156495 (OP)
>eventually don't hear from her foe about 6 months and accept a friend of a friend's invitation for a date
>keep dating her, she spends more time at my apartment than at her home, the dating goes from casual to exclusive
>Lets slip one night that he stepdad used to sexually abuse her
>I should have run, instead I decided to be understanding
>eventually I have to move and she and I get an apartment together
>at the same time I start struggling with getting work, my depression gets worse, other mental health problems start making themselves known
>we date for 12 years before she decides she wants to open the relationship back up
>I have a complete psychological breakdown and begin self mutilating because I hate myself and everything else and think everything is my fault for being a loser
>end up having myself committed to the local psych ward for about a month
>so psychologically fucked up that for tye first three days I'm there I can hardly eat and spend most of my time sleeping or listening to music on my phone(low security so we were allowed to keep phones there)
>while I'm there she bitches over text about me not giving her a schedule to visit me
>I'm so fucked up that I can barely think at all, tell her that I'm done with the drama and we're through
>realize that every woman I've ever dated has left me feeling like a lesser human being in the aftermath of the relationship
>Eventually leave hospital and move back hime while trying to get work
>haven't dated at all in the two years since, meanwhile she's been dating three or more people at a time
>I am disgusted by her now
>Only just in the last month been thinking I would be open to the idea of trying to date again
>I don't think the benefits outweigh the emotional dangers though

Stop lokking for someone else to define you. Lift weights. Learn to cook and bake. Read philosophy. Work hard. Pussy does not belong on a pedestal. You do.

>>82156495 (OP)
>Just making this post because too many turbovirgins act like relationships will fix their lives.
>They don't.
true; but i'll just say as someone who is fond of drug use, getting laid is a really nice substitute for doing drugs. with no sex or drugs i feel pretty miserable all the time and can't fucking sleep worth a damn.

>>82156495 (OP)
>Just making this post because too many turbovirgins act like relationships will fix their lives.
The only thing wrong with my life is lack of a relationship, everything else in it is great. Not reading your greentext.

>>82156614
>I have a complete psychological breakdown and begin self mutilating
i'm glad i'm not this fucked up lol. i have problems but i've never been dumb enough to do that shit.
what drives someone to do this? i will never know.

>>82156967
Suffice it to say that it was either that or jumping from my 9th floor balcony. The self mutilation didn't get that bad before I sought help. I got really drunk and cut myself a few times and burned my arm with a cigarette on a few occasions. After 2 weeks of hating myself and my life enough to do this shit I knew I needed to get help or it would get worse.
What really hurts though is that I haven't heard from any of my so-called friends since I went into the hospital and left my ex. My entire social life is now online.

>>82157090
yeah but why do you cut yourself in the first place.

>>82157531
Because I was not mentally well. I was at the end of my rope. I was not thinking clearly and was in probably the worst and lowest place in my life, consumed with self hatred and confusion and feeling like I couldn't turn to anyone. It was, quite literally, a desperate thing coming from a long period of alienation and anger and sadness and frustration. Hurting myself was better than killing myself, and felt like punishing myself was the least wrong action I could take.
Of course this was not the best action, but when you're in that kind of mindset you aren't exactly thinking clearly.