Thread 82271346

i cant deny that i want love and affection and intimacy no matter how hard i try, but i could never fully trust someone. im susceptible to manipulation because im autistic and so fucking lonely. even autistic men know how to tell you what you want to hear to try get what they want. how am i supposed to trust anyone?

i can always use tts to hear "someone" say they love me, i can hold my own hand, pat my own head, cuddle and kiss my plushies. if idk what im missing out on, itll be fine

I recommend you read frogs into princess by John Grinder and Richard Bandler and also look up NLP

>>82271346 (OP)
>i can hold my own hand, pat my own head, cuddle and kiss my plushies
And you don't feel immense shame doing any of this?

>>82271556
but why, these dont really have any appeal to me

>>82271663
it stays between me and the internet, so not really. if someone caught me id probably be ashamed tho

>>82271346 (OP)
Hii, I just wanted to say that I think that those are traits of a good person, kind caring and considerate. I want the same thing and it's really difficult to find. It's helped me to spend time with the person on voice, video because then I can feel hell they are. It's not so much building trust but just having trust with him because of that's who he is. I met a guy like this but he told me his heart is another's.

>>82271833
>it stays between me and the internet, so not really. if someone caught me id probably be ashamed tho
That's good, personally, something about having to perform actions on myself and inanimate objects because I can't find anyone in a world of billions is depressing.

>>82271864
people can still be manipulative over voice, video, or even in front of your own eyes irl. this won't help me trust others, or have trust in them, desu

>>82271869
it does look pretty depressing to people on the outside, but ive chosen this life. its better than being used or abused by the world outside

>>82271934
>its better than being used or abused by the world outside
I guess that's true.

No one can help you work through your mental hangup but yourself. It's analogous to "swimming" in a bathtub versus actually just diving into the water at a pool because you might drown.
All the issues are linked. The anxiety, neetdom, the lack of intimacy.

>>82271346 (OP)
>if idk what im missing out on, itll be fine
almost as bad as my cope, which is repeating "i don't need anyone" like a damn mantra
what a bunch of fucking lies, all of this.

i'm more or less in the same boat, and in fact, have been talking to my one friend about it
i even thanked him for being mentally ill enough to stay near me through my worst years, i'm not even sure how the fuck i lucked out like that, but it's still not enough for me
i want at least 3 or 4 close friends, i feel like 1 is too little, and 0 is nightmarish, so i'm sorry you're in such a place, anon

trust issues are terrible, but not unjustified
there are a lot of snakes out there and we gotta look out for ourselves after all... and i can also relate on the manipulation part, incidentally enough
i like to say my skeleton is made of a neutronium-bone alloy since i can be so fucking dense

sure, we don't get exploited by others if we isolate, but we end up imploding at this rate
we're not schizoids, we crave company but choose we're better off alone, even though it sucks and we know we shouldn't but we can't help it

being a self-destructive piece of shit sucks. i'm sorry, anon.

>>82271833
I just thought NLP might help you it helped me

>>82272005
im aware, im the only one who can fix my issues, but desu? i wont do a single thing to help myself

>>82272038
everyone needs someone unfortunately, so telling yourself that will never work to supress your feelings

its good you at least have one person to talk to about how you feel, i hope you can find more friends like that

unfortunately i really dislike having friends, the pressure to talk to someone and "maintain" a friendship really annoys me. ive had friends and i cut them off for various reasons, not because i want to isolate myself due to some self hatred

you sound like youll make it out of this life and mindset eventually, you sound like you have some hope, and i wish you the best, anon

>>82272246
Accept my fr from the last thread. I'm lonely.

>>82272316
what? fr? friend request??

>>82271346 (OP)
>but i could never fully trust someone
Truth is you could never truly know someone either.The only man you ever really date lives inside your imagination, the phenomena you experience as your boyfriend is a figment of your imagination created inside of your mind and intuited by your senses, but you will never really experience the dasein of another person. You can only infer that a person is there because of your senses. You live inside a world of useful illusions.

>>82272371
youre right, i could never truly know someone. people lie and withhold information all the time. while some of what you said makes sense, the last few lines are a little schizo

>>82272391
>the last few lines are a little schizo
They're not, they're philosophy, Kant specifically. To make it clear, Kant illustrates that numinally your ex exists and Edward Cullen or Dorian Grey does not. But phenomenologically they are equivalent characters in your mind. Constructions of your imagination mediated by the senses. One "exists" one does not, but you experience them both as virtual imaginary constructs.

>>82272246
>telling yourself that will never work to supress your feelings
it works for long enough to overcome whatever's bothering me at the time, at least
it's a bandaid but it never solves the issue

>the pressure to talk to someone and "maintain" a friendship really annoys me.
yeah, i get that as well, that's what i meant by choosing we're better off alone
though usually with me it's because i'm just insufferable, aka i burn bridges for stupid reasons like finding it annoying to maintain a friendship, for instance

if you dislike having friends, why are you even lonely then? what is it that you want?
and be real with me this one time

>you sound like youll make it out of this life and mindset eventually
i hope so
>you have some hope
unfortunately, hope is pain by now though, but what choice do i have
i can't deny what i want
>i wish you the best
thanks, i also wish you all the best but we both know we don't buy each other's wishes, despite the thanks, lol

>>82271346 (OP)
How old are you? Sleeping with plushies as an adult is pretty pathetic

>>82271934
Yeah and I could spontaneously burst in a flames at any moment. You're assuming the worst of him and not giving it a chance, and that's the only way you can go forward learning about the person, experiencing them and growing with them. How could I be close to my boyfriend if I didn't spend time with him on voice and video, and then meet up. The ultimate goal is to be with the person in person and that's where you have trust. Of course he could betray me but the point is is given the chance to prove that he won't. Don't just assume that of him and avoid him for a reason that isn't actually real and hasn't even happened.

>>82272371
Of course you can, spend time with them. My last boyfriend I talked with on the phone all the time, Played video games and he cared about me. Through his actions when we were together I learned who he is. I loved him for it. The only reason we broke up is I screwed up

>>82271346 (OP)
you could always lower your bullshit standards and settle for men who just have no desire to manipulate or hurt anyone. but you dont want that, you chadsexual pigs only WANT the men who have the capability to hurt you and who feel some temptation to do it but magically dont do it anyway. Or you just dont care about real people at all. a lot of you foids just fucking hate humanity in general

>>82272737
lying to yourself will never solve the issue no matter how hard you try unfortunately. if only it could, life would be so much easier

i thought it was pretty obvious what i want, i want love, and affection.
friends are hard to maintain and just aren't rewarding, i feel like its forced most of the time.
desu tho not having friends is probably not helping me

you have drive, youll get there eventually. that pain will turn into happiness by the end, youll be glad you got out. do your best

>>82272763
nearly 20 and idgaf, no ones gonna see my room anyways

>>82272846
assuming the worst is how i stay safe in any situation. every online experience ive had with men has been or gone bad, i see guys on here talk about raping and cheating on girls, leaking their nudes, etc. look at the fucking burn victim girl, she spent what, weeks or months with a guy just for him to turn around on her and she killed herself. theres no point trusting people. i am always going to assume the worst of people because its the only way to survive in this hellscape

>>82272846
>Of course you can, spend time with them
That's not the case. There's no amount of time you can spend with them to resolve this issue. To put it clearly, you experience the present as a 3 dimensional grid, you experience the past as a memory, and you experience the future as an exercise of your imagination of what tomorrow might be like. In the numinal world, in the reality you can't actually experience, there is something instead called space-time. The implications of spacetime for instance is that when two clocks orbit around you really fast at different speeds, they are experiencing different spans of time from each other and from you. You can acknowledge spacetime, but you can't really experience it. You experience space, a memory, and a vivid imaginary scene you can expect will happen. That it the phenomena you experience. The numina is space time. The phenomena you experienced with your boyfriend was an imaginary projection inside your mind of what a person is like you gleaned from your senses. But the actual person contains aspects you will likely never know.

>>82272958
>i want love, and affection.
>every online experience ive had with men has been or gone bad

the one girl i fell in love with and my only relationship was some edating thing
she was really interest in me all the time, almost always started convos with me, and really pushed for sexy stuff and sending me nudes

after like a few months i told her i wanted to be real and take her on a date since we lived kinda close then she said she was actually gonna be moving far away and our relationship was "never that serious"

so yeah i basically was destroyed for months, she ended up edating someone who was actually schizophrenic and mentally ill and doxxed and leaked her nudes or something online bunch lolololol, not even like a week later or something after we "broke up"

im not even sure how i'd make a girl interested in me like that again, im trying but it feels impossible. worst part is i was in extremely innocent love with her, extremely interested in her and loved talking to her, almost zero complaints, but i guess now i know the harsh reality of things in this world

>>82272958
>lying to yourself will never solve the issue
i know, that was never the point. i guess it just made it easier to detatch from others, and then take it from there

>i want love, and affection.
love comes in many ways, anon
does a parent's love matter more than a brother's? what about a dear, close friend's?
no one can really say for sure, i've seen it happen with others in all sorts of ways, so despite not having experienced a lot of them, well... i know all are irreplaceable, and incomparable

a friend might do you better than a lover, if that's what you mean.
if you think friends are hard to maintain, try a romantic relationship. shit blows up even faster and stronger. forced friendships are no good either, you just gotta click naturally i guess

here's a tip, you don't have to maintain real friendships
they'll go away for a bit but they'll come back, for sure

>youll get there eventually.
almost feels like talking to a mirror here
either we both try our best or we both just... stop
i'll leave that decision up to you, lol

>>82272958
Then you will never find true love because you will never give it the chance to blossom between you and the person who is that way naturally. It's called trust in good faith of the the love between you. It's okay to struggle and grow through that struggle. There are certain things like manipulation and abuse that are clear get the fuck out flags. They're also things that just need to be worked on. Communication is probably the biggest one in my opinion.

>>82273004
Projections and assumptions on your part. The closer I am to my boyfriend the more I'll know about him and if he is completely honest with me then I will be completely honest with him. Being 100% vulnerable with each other leads to 100% trust of each other.

>>82273076
it kinda just sounds like she was a whore anon, especially since she did all that after a week of being apart. you probably deserve much better than that

you'll find someone again eventually

>>82273125
i cant say one would matter more than the other but ive never experienced those either.
close friends are a strange concept to me because no matter how close you think you are to someone they can drop you at any second.
i had a childhood friend i spent nearly every day with and yet when i moved far away she deleted my number straight away, on the drive to my new place i texted her and she said "who is this" and after telling her i never got a message again.
i tried making close friends in highschool but every "friend" treated me like a circus animal for being an autist. they made it a point to rub it in that i wasnt allowed to touch them or sit on their beds or couches. it was miserable. they chased me when i cut them off, but i never went back.
at least with a lover id be able to cuddle and kiss and hear sweet words. but that won't happen either because ill never be able to trust someone to touch me.

you shouldnt leave that choice on someone else, we're both individual beings. you seem to have hope left in you so you need to make the most of it

>>82273278
yeah, trust the person on the internet wont break your heart, take advantage and abandon you. have faith in the love between the screen with someone who could so easily lie.
this shit happens every day online. you act like my fears are retarded and that ive just never tried, when i have, many times.
you blindly trust people cause youve never been hurt before

>>82271346 (OP)
oh hey, love-is-evil. I honestly don't blame you for thinking that, btw. I think love/lust is a jeet scam pulled off by the wiring in our brains to get us to breed. Even understanding this, I think love is worth it because it returns your investment with dopamine and oxytocin, the best feel good chems your brain naturally produces.

>>82273388
>you act like my fears are retarded
they're not
however, good does exist
I've flown out cross-country to be told that she was fucking another guy that she'd just met four months before, to my face, after putting years into a relationship, and finding out that's why she'd ghosted me for a time, not her "anxiety"
I was naive, I was young, I thought it was real, most of it was a lie
I worked myself up for something that didn't exist, worrying about her, leaving her voice messages, hoping that she
Do you know the pain I felt in my chest that day?
Can you even begin to understand the leap it takes to fly for the first time and meet someone you'd never met in person, only video chat, building yourself up, only it for to be completely obliterated after you make the leap?
I still believe good people exist, and not that it matters: I am a decent person. I might be an anxious wreck, but I'm not an asshole.
I don't love easily, but I do have a lot of love to give, and I'll not stop believing that someone is out there who accepts me.

>>82273388
>it kinda just sounds like she was a whore anon
she quite literally was, she was a good person otherwise and i really vibed with her a lot...
i dont know how to feel about myself knowing the only time i was loved it was something that cheap

>>82273430
hi.
i wish my brain worked normally so that love could feel good instead of hurting me immensely. it actually felt wonderful at first but it quickly turned to shit

>>82273437
bad exists more than good, in that case.
i can only begin to imagine your suffering, to be completely real with you if this scenario happened to me id kill myself, what she did was so fucking evil.
youre pretty strong willed to keep trusting after that. pretty admirable. i hope only the best for you after all youve been through.

>>82273454
these things happen, cant help who you fall in love with. itll be ok

>>82272958
you're definitely right to be wary of anyone on here (and everyone in general) as seen with the burn girl falling for a too good to be true lovebombing scam, you just have to filter people properly. that's the part that sucks is this is the only way to actually find someone, this required step of searching and filtering is the only way to get someone worth spending time with at all which is why everyone is alone these days.

are you looking for friends or a man? what country you in?

>>82271346 (OP)
you have to give your trust and believe it'll work out. You cannot be a 100% sure, because your are not in their head.

>>82273561
im not good at filtering people. im retarded and fall for shit all the time. its not even worth the trouble

i dont want to say where im from either

>>82273641
yes, yes, put your trust in someone and get hurt again, good idea

>>82273515
>cant help who you fall in love with. itll be ok
i hope so, i guess im trying to put myself more in social situations now to make that happen, because i doubt i'll ever meet anyone again with how i currently am socially (no friends)
i kind of had gotten used to being alone, it sucked but i got by. now when im alone i sometimes get physical pain in my stomach thinking about how theres no one i care about to reach out to me, send me a silly message, share something with their day about me, or to spend some time with

anyways thanks for replying to my rant posts i hope you find yourself better soon

>>82273701
well that's just how we were made, we are flawed creatures. no one can ever truly know if their girlfriend or wife is with them for love or for something else. in the end, we all fall for the version of our partner that we perceive, not necessarily who they really are.

do something productive
noone needs love Lol

Lets talk about something positive for once! How do you imagine love and affection? Holding hands, buying gifts? I always fantasize about lying side-by-side with my second half and cuddling, kissing, staring at each other and talking all day. Yeah, I'll probably never open up to anyone like that, but fantasies make me feel warm inside

>>82273701
They have to risk putting their trust in you... Are you 100% trustworthy?

>>82273717
you should probably try and make some friends instead of just looking for a relationship. itll make things easier on you as well

youll have someone or some people to spend time with eventually, keep trying, anon. and thanks

>>82273730
youre right about that. another reason why it isnt worth trying

>>82273738
like what?

>>82273751
i hate dwelling on it too much cause it makes me feel worse, so i dont think ill answer this

>>82273760
i would say i am, but i couldnt blame someone for not trusting me. yet another reason its just not worth the stress

>>82273867
>you should probably try and make some friends
are you?

>>82273867
>youre right about that. another reason why it isnt worth trying
That's exactly why it is worth trying ! that's the only way to forge a strong shell that will protect you from being hurt.

>>82273901
well no, but thats different, because im not going to talk to people again. and you are, and getting friends would help achieve your goals of finding love

>>82273904
how does that make it worth trying? never being able to trust someone, falling for only your perception of them and not them themselves, whats the point?

>>82273751
omg so much I want to do

>>82273760
>;) yes lol

>>82273937
>how does that make it worth trying? never being able to trust someone, falling for only your perception of them and not them themselves, whats the point?
because the point is that you'll learn their real personality in the long run. Nobody can hold a mask for years.

>>82273954
but why would i waste years on someone like that? what if i dont like the real them? i cant get those years back. ill have given everything to someone for potentially nothing

if im going to be with someone, i want to be with that person forever, i want to know what they are before putting myself into a relationship situation

>>82273701
i don't mind being your friend or helping you filter, i'd list my positive qualities but it's honestly too long, feel free to add my disc: alpacadisco3

>>82273983
well that's sadly impossible anony.. i hope you can find someone that'll love you for who you are though

>>82271346 (OP)
https://voca.ro/1f0WiLY3OGaK

>>82274032
https://voca.ro/1iZrKUdbdmEd

>>82273937
>because im not going to talk to people again
you shouldnt give up! you clearly want to find what you're looking for

>>82274076
https://voca.ro/1oIiCi4agLCp

>>82273986
helping me filter would be a little weird, idk. i appreciate the offer but i don't think ill accept it

>>82274010
no one will be able to get close to me to love me, but thank you

>>82274032
im so sorry, but i cringed a little

>>82274080
i already have anon, i dont want to keep trying

>>82274098
https://voca.ro/1bFwkfQhypIn

>>82271346 (OP)
>if idk what im missing out on, itll be fine
good luck with that. all of the greatest music is about love and heartbreak. you will see happy couples everywhere, even in places you thought were your retreat.

>>82274098

Maybe it's the accent, but your voice is hot.

>>82274145
>I cringed a little
Then my voca had the intended result. I was just checking my power level, good day. My work here is concluded.

>>82274153
Jemaine Clement is a stud.

>>82274145
there's nothing wrong with trying to seek help if you're aware you're lacking in a certain area, I enjoy using my specialties to help others and improve people's experience where I can so they don't need to make the same mistakes most people do and just get carried to success faster, this concept is pretty much the backbone of our success as a species, if everyone had to start making fire from sticks in a forest we wouldn't be here chatting on the internet right? you'll have to work it out alone, but honestly researching correct information in the current digital landscape is made to be as difficult as possible, be careful

>>82274169
too many god damn wizards on my block setting my path ablaze like a fuck nigga i stg

>>82274174
Aw, I'm a fucking idiot, I thought it was really an Anon. It's from Flight of The Concords

>>82274151
i wont see them in my room, so its ok. youre right about the music tho. oh well

>>82274169
well, it certainly did its job lmao. pretty funny tho. thanks

>>82274175
youre right, theres no shame in it, but like ive said, i just wont bother trying anyways. i still appreciate it

>>82274194
Every real anon is going to sound like a foreigner or androgynous 15 year old there is no in between.

>men this
>women that
The truth is everyone that spent a greater part of their formative years online is fucked, myself included.
In six years I hadn't let a soul in until I met her. Treated her like I'd treat a friend for the longest time, initiated further and she let me in. Called for days on end, slept on call, every moment we could spend with one another we did. Wrote down all I learned from her, dedicated myself to understanding all of her, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. & all of a sudden, without warning after years of on and off, of knowing who I am and want I wanted she says "I just don't have it in me" "I just dont have the energy" "I just need to focus on myself"
Wont explain the context, but we shared a social circle, and I knew from her interactions there she had energy and wayward focus a plently.
Internet socialisation fries the brain, it conditions you to view relationships in much the same way we view media - you drop in, you drop out, you try one thing, you try something else. Solutions? I dont have them. Just sitting here frustrated and enraged, it would be so easy to slip back into old habits, but the only lesson I can draw from this tryst is that I have the capacity for love and true appreciation, and so I shall repress my maladaptive urges

>>82274212
Ehhh, you can be a sexy foreigner. Australian accents get me going.

>>82274207
why bother posting about it if you're not going to try? just sitting around trembling about something maybe going wrong is a bad strat, everyone has to deal with this exact thing despite it being difficult

>>82274238
everyone has to deal with it but that doesnt mean we should. i dont want to

i post about it cause, idk, i like the social interaction i get from this board, and i am a little lonely. talking to anons is very low risk but is kinda rewarding, idk

>>82274296
if trickles of interaction from people that don't care if they never encounter you again are enough then you must not be that lonely, it'll get harder to get started the more your flesh decays and your value withers. unfortunately this is the easiest you'll ever have it.

>>82271346 (OP)
Did u make a similar thread a few days ago? Same OP an shit? If ur looking for a middle ground bc U can't open urself to relationships why not make some friends online or irl it should help ur loneliness a bit. For me I don't rly have shit rn pretty much all my friends fucked off years ago doing their own thing bc of age n jobs n shit. Dating issues didn't bite as hard back then probably bc I had people I could vent to.

>im autistic and so fucking lonely
my problem is i like taking my time to make "good points" on various topics, but nobody wants to engage, either irl or online. half the time i don't even want to engage with anyone myself, i just want my thoughts to be acknowledged in some way. so it's not affection that i crave, but some kind of intellectual camaraderie.

>>82274145
>no one will be able to get close to me to love me, but thank you
i choose to believe that it can and will happen ! :D

>>82274145
Why wouldn't they get close? Are you fat? Nigger? Tranny?