Thread 82299804

Would you tread on someone else in the pursuit of love? If you don't fight and compete for love, is that abandoning the person in question?

I've had all kinds of nightmares about that shit. when you have her, you're taking her away from some other guy, who's turbo insecure and jealous and angry because he can see that she's in love with you, etc.

>>82299852
That's a real nightmare, isn't it? Is it ``fair" to win something like that? Love is zero sum, somebody gets hurt. So who should be hurt? Who deserves to receive love in such a place?

all is fair in love and war as they say

>>82299804 (OP)
If I have to tread on someone else, I am not her first choice and that's enough for to abandon the person in question.

>>82299804 (OP)
Depends what you mean. If you mean starting a relationship with someone who already is in a relationship, or stabbing someone you know in the back to get a relationship. Then that is a terrible idea because relationships that start via underhanded methods always end up failing.
Normalizing hurting people, or disrespecting a relationship causes that sort of belief to be seen as acceptable in the relationship. Inevitably the same thing will end up happening to you too.

>>82300082
All?

>>82300092
What if you were tread on and removed from being a choice initially?

>>82300503
Not any of what you mentioned. But competing when things are in an unknown state.

>>82299804 (OP)
>Would you tread on someone else in the pursuit of love?
I'd tread on someone for a piece of cheese, let alone something as grand as love.

>>82299804 (OP)
>Would you tread on someone else in the pursuit of love?
if i can help it, no
but if i have no choice, i will do what i must

>If you don't fight and compete for love, is that abandoning the person in question?
sometimes, but not always
for instance, there's no point in fighting for love if the other person is being toxic and only using you, aka you love them but they don't love you
it is worth it however to, for instance, defy your parents' disapproval and whatever consequences that brings if you love a person and they love you too

you gotta know when to pick your fights, some are worth it but not all
drop a fight worth fighting and you're dropping your love for the person, which might as well be dropping the person themselves

>>82300624
>But competing when things are in an unknown state.
Try to find out what state things are in, in that case.

>>82300705
The state itself is unknown for all parties. Or maybe one party is kept in the dark while the other two know it's unknown. How weird, no?

>>82300650
What kind of cheese?

>>82300674
>drop a fight worth fighting and you're dropping your love for the person, which might as well be dropping the person themselves
Ah, so it does come off as abandonment eh, Junas?

>>82300727
>Or maybe one party is kept in the dark while the other two know it's unknown. How weird, no?
Then describe the very little that is known about the situation between all parties.

>>82300727
>What kind of cheese?
Lots of different cheese frankly.
I live in Switzerland so I have access to my country's cheese as well as french, italian, spanish and dutch cheese.
Tried tasting cheeses from beyond but I'm not really fond (like central asian cheese tastes like salt for example).

>>82300674
>you gotta know when to pick your fights, some are worth it but not all
Reciprocity is the key.
If the person doesn't do as much as you, there's an issue.

>>82300759
>If the person doesn't do as much as you, there's an issue.
Depends, I'd reword that to say if the person doesn't do what they are able for you back within their ability and means. For example if someone with money is with someone with no money, the person with money can't realistically expect an expensive gift back if they give an expensive gift away to the person with no money. They should however expect some other form of consideration back.

>>82300792
Fair enough.
I never consider money or material wealth as important, the intent behind is what matters.
Like if we take the example of the gift, something homemade is always better than something bought.

>>82300875
I completely agree. I just mean that people have different issues, resources, and talents. What matters is someone shows they care more than tit for tat exchanges.

>>82300624
>What if you were tread on and removed from being a choice initially?
I would never consider her romantically ever again.

>>82300624
>But competing when things are in an unknown state.
The biggest sign someone cares about someone is if they try to engage with someone or pursue someone even when met with hardship, indifference, or apathy. If one party is doing that, then the odds they like the person are incredibly high. All the advice I could give other than trying to ask and find out where people stand.

>>82299804 (OP)
when i was in love years ago? i decided not to. now? probably. and of course, i deeply wish i would have. it wouldn't even be treading on so much- would have been better for all parties involved. but no, had to have Muh Morals and Muh Code. lookit what that got me! nothin'!

>>82300746
It's difficult to summarize without a lot of detail. Two people must tread on each other if they both want the same thing in the end, wouldn't you say? Is it reasonable for one to ask two others to be isolated from each other?

>>82300748
Which one would you say is your favorite?

>>82300759
>>82300792
Everyone must act within their means.

>>82300944
By the other party, not the object of desire, to clarify.

>>82300960
Interesting, thank you for the feedback. Do you have experience with this yourself?

>>82300996
How deep runs the regret?

Love doesnt require fighting or treading. If two people want to be with each other its simple.

>>82299804 (OP)
You found your shift key.

>>82301043
>Which one would you say is your favorite?
Well, I can't choose one.
At best, I can pick one from every subtype of cheese (hard cheese, soft cheese, blue cheese, etc).
But tell me the type of cheese you like (mild, strong, etc) and I can give you a recommandation.

>Everyone must act within their means.
To have a proper respectful relationship (and not just about love but any type of relationship), you need sincerity and reciprocity at least.

>>82300908
Yep, equality is dumb in that case, you need equity. Give what you can give and see how it goes.

>>82301043
>Two people must tread on each other if they both want the same thing in the end, wouldn't you say?
>Is it reasonable for one to ask two others to be isolated from each other?
I will assume the context is two people who want the same person. In that situation, not at all. If people want to be together that is on them, you should not force them apart. Yes, one person will lose out. However it is not right to force something already existing to end. In that situation the person has to either hope to have their own chance in the future, or find someone else. Trying to force things will just lead to a volatile situation where all three people end up unhappy.

>>82301043
>How deep runs the regret?
buddy, you've got no idea. how about this: i was very briefly together with this girl a couple times FIFTEEN YEARS AGO and maintained the same social circle. she went back to my then-friend and i got to sit there and watch her be leeched on and more or less abused and try and kill herself but didn't do anything but be a Good Friend. loved her the whole time and since. didn't talk to her for 8 years, she hit me up out of the blue couple months back and i'm right back in love and fantasizing about life together. and it probably won't work again, though she's free of entanglements. all of my other relationships fizzled awful quick because they just weren't her.

couldn't just drop her out of my mind, couldn't sack up and "tread on" that cunt that frankly deserves a bullet (boy is it difficult to get away with killing someone well-known to you!) so i wasted my prime romantic years and am now.....still regretting at 33! yep! tread away. and throw up a quick prayer to the Almighty that my estimated chances of 5-15 percent end up in my favor.

i think you should die and go to hell

>>82299804 (OP)
i'd feel really bad about it but if i really really love that person i'd do anything to get to them.

>>82301062
That's a very cute way to look at things. I wish life were so simple.

>>82301132
I like Brie and Camembert. What else should I try?

>>82301140
Thank you for the elucidation. I will think deeply on your words.

>>82301152
This sounds like a rough and harrowing situation. I'm sorry.

>>82301183
That's quite rough. Why?

>>82301247
Should you be doing it if you feel bad about it, then?

>>82301272
>Should you be doing it if you feel bad about it, then?
do you never do anything that makes you feel bad anon? it's the same thing. i still do it if the reward i get is worth the struggle.

>>82301312
I try not to do things if they make me feel bad, no. That's bad for the soul.

>>82301359
not even if the reward for doing such things is the best thing that could ever happen to you?

>>82301399
The end does not justify the means

>>82301502
we agree to disagree then

>>82300727
>so it does come off as abandonment
aye, i mean think with me here, if your love isn't something worth fighting for, when it's viable and right to do so, do you really love that person?
and if you don't really love them, what the fuck are you doing with them?
if you're not ready to fight for your love, for the person you love, you're pretty much dropping them by extension

>>82300759
>If the person doesn't do as much as you, there's an issue.
as anon said, i think it's not so black and white
we all love in different ways, and someone may be doing their best to show their love for you but if it's not up to your standards, it may come off as too weak or too little
i think that's a selfish way to look at it, as you're evaluating their love from a specific perspective
to me, i feel like genuine love is priceless and immeasurable because of that, so if someone shows you they love you, in their own way, that's enough

>>82301043
>Interesting, thank you for the feedback. Do you have experience with this yourself?
Yeah, that's how I show I care about someone. It's also how others who ended up liking me showed they cared.

>>82301272
>Thank you for the elucidation. I will think deeply on your words.
Who are the two people involved that aren't yourself?

>>82301561
It's not good to chase things if it harms others wouldn't you say?

>>82299804 (OP)
Stop being melodramatic about wanting to make kid. The reality of it is much less grandiose than you want it to be.

>>82302103
To make kid? What?

I'm selfish but not that kind of selfish