Thread 82302964

I'll start:
>I was in terrorist bombing (visiting britland, a friend dragged me to a ariana grande concert), anyways it throw me like 50 feet and shattered my right hand/wrist. I almost died because of a shitty pop star.
Ok your turn.

I was born blue

>>82302976
Sorry, I just saged another thread and kept the name

>>82302964 (OP)
I smoked weed and had a panic attack, I actually thought I was dying.

>>82302976
>OP: "I almost died in a terrorist attack"
>Anon: "SAGE!"
LOL

>>82302964 (OP)
I crashed my car pretty hard once, it flipped and shit. I was completely fine though, teehee.

>be 8 at the time
>at a hotel
>swimming in pool, gets out to get something to drink
>accidentally slip and fall into the deep end
>can't swim cause I took off floaties
>am i drowning?
>can recall being at the bottom of the pool floor, crouched and looking up and seeing a light
>feeling warmth inside all of a sudden
>I stood up and with all my strength jumped towards the surface
>just barley making it, an arm grabs me
>it's my cousin's dad
I believe God spared me that day. Everytime I get suicidal I think back to all the times when I could have died and regret how selfish I was.

>>82302964 (OP)
Not my story, but your post reminded me of it. I have a family friend who nearly died at the Vegas country concert shooting. One person she was standing right next to (a stranger) got domed when the shooting started.

>>82302964 (OP)
i drowned beneath a wave pool when i was a child

>>82302964 (OP)
Put swim fins on my feet as a kid to swim in a pool and nearly drowned.
Got hit by electricity from my laptop.
Got hit by a car.
Nothing crazy.

>>82302964 (OP)
During Army Basic Training, toward the end, you have to do a "night infiltration course" which includes low-crawling under barbed wire while Drill Sergeants fire M40Bs over your head (not SUPER close, but close enough) and drop grenades in pits nearby, giving the impression of being in an intense firefight. Had I stood up, I probably would've eaten a bullet.

>>82303102
>I believe God spared me that day.
Obviously, people see miracles and call it luck.

>>82302964 (OP)
>Terrorist tried to blow up Ariana grande
Yep didn't happen KYS

>>82303225
It happened, retard
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manchester_Arena_bombing

>>82302976
Ia your house with a little window and your Corvette blue?

>>82303102
>>82303161
>>82303170
>I almost drowned
Found the basketball americans

>>82303249
>82303102
I'm black so yeah, I guess it checks out.

>>82303177
>night infiltration course
I got sick and missed that part sadly. But I did almost die in military:
>>82302964 (OP)
>be me E-4 mrap drive in Syria
>we are taking a platoon of reservists on a route clearance mission with us (I forget why)
>MRAP completely full of people
>one of the reservist fuckers reloads his M249 after the clearing barrels
>he slams it down and a bullet bounces around the inside of MRAP like a bouncing ball inside a box
>smacks into the widow literally 3 inches from my head
Almost died to some retarded hick. Anyways they kicked the shit out of him and then he got arrested and court martialed.

>>82302964 (OP)
I ODed and stopped breathing. My gf luckily found me and was able to administer cpr. No more drugs after that.

>be young
>be at six flags with family
>go all the way to the 6 feet area
>almost drown
>nobody cares
>have to struggle to not die

>be 15 yr old me
>be depressed with school
>find my dad's glock handgun
>aim it at my head to end the suffering
>I can't go thru with it
>I decide to keep living
>my life is good now

>>82303395
btw im 19 now not 15 that was years ago

Was highly depressed and drunk and did a ''driving russian roulette'' in my college's city longest avenue during the night. It had like, 9 or 10 crossing street points and I went full speed not caring if something hit me. In the second last crossing point a massive bus almost hit me, it seriously almost scratched the back of my car by a 2 meter or less difference.

Later that same year I had a cocaine overdose. Fuck 2016, godforsaken year.

>>82303102
>cousin's dad

don't you mean your uncle?

i kinda overdosed on ibogaine and my body was involuntarily twitching so i called the ambulance and had to go to the hospital

also had to go get major surgery after cutting myself deep

>>82302976
If you were born green would you die?

>>82303410
2016 was the best year of my life.

>>82302976
libtard lol lets go brandon

>>82303441
lold kek
DD2f2

>>82303337
>fucking Reserves
every time, lmao. No wonder Active Duty hates them...damned weekend warriors.

>>82302976
LMFAOOOO LOOK AT THIS SMURF ASS NIGGA

>>82303436
It was by far the worst year of my life. Btw if you were a kid or teen during 2016 its kinda hard to take it seriously lmao.

>>82303249
i was stuck under several big floaty things and was small so got knocked around by the waves, there was no way to the surface for me

>>82303472
>It was by far the worst year of my life.
Yeah, probably because you're a faggot leftist and got lost in dooming over Trump.

>first year of college
>btc was rising and I owned some
>watched my poli sci professor seeth for an entire lecture over Trump and nearly crying
>made lots of money, had lots of free time and shitposting was the best
Good times.

When I was 6 me and my older 10 year old cousin were together and he got a hold of one of his dad's guns. Said dad had recently started teaching the boy to shoot so he knew how to load and rack it. Long story short he was dicking around and had a negligent discharge with the bullet coming about a foot away from my leg. I can still remember my ears ringing. When the adults came running in he tried to blame it on me too and said I tried to take the gun away from him. So we both ended up getting a beating from our dads.

Asshole fuck Jason, I'm glad your a heroin junkie now.

>>82302964 (OP)
I once jumped in front of two readied AK-47s on a highway in Afghanistan. The army and police wanted to kill each other and I was trying to talk them down. What a retarded way for me to send my time

>>82303583
>*spend my time
Whoops. A word.

>>82303569
>negligent discharge with the bullet coming about a foot away from my leg
This happened to me but with a S&W pistol my dad had. My cousin (who ended up in prison) tried to convince me to do russian roulette, instead I did it but aimed at the door and it went off, if I had listened i'd be dead.

>>82303583
>I once jumped in front of two readied AK-47s on a highway in Afghanistan. The army and police wanted to kill each other and I was trying to talk them down. What a retarded way for me to send my time
Why would you willing try to stop Muslims from killing each other? Just let them next time.

>>82302964 (OP)
I inhaled car exhaust
Suddenly lost the ability to think clearly
Then fell down and was unable to balance
I would stutter over and over without even realizing Im stuttering
Then I stopped thinking entirely I was just durrrr
Then lights out

>>82303716
>I inhaled car exhaust
Ok but why?

>>82303422
Uhhh yeah, thing is he's actually his step dad, so...

>>82303232
>It happened, retard
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manchester_Arena_bombing
nta, but how come I don't remember this? I go 4chan everyday this is first time I'm hearing about this. Is this some kind of mandela effect?

>>82303751
I remembered that though I forgot the date, you just have a shitty memory. OP was listening to normie pop slut brainwash.

>>82303699
Nah the Afghan army guys were fucking solid. The police were absolute trash. I literally lived with them btw, we were the equivalent of an ETT.

I'm not sure how close I was to dying or if it was really a possibility at all, but I suddenly had the worst headache of my entire. The worst pain I have ever felt. So agonizing. I already had bad experiences with doctors dismissing my concerns of feeling wrong but it was so immensely painful I went to the ER. Basically said nothing was imminently wrong and I just had a migraine.

So I just went home. It was so immensely painful. I was in tears every day. I begged my family members to kill me. And I could not sleep as well, because it was so painful, and I couldn't feel my face. No pain medication I could get my hands on would help. My vision would blur and I would see shining dots in my vision. Every night I would be up agonizing in pain, and only sleeping when my body was so tired that I would collapse for 2-4 hours, and the chronic sleep deprivation made me feel terrible, my body felt weak all over, I felt I would collapse at any moment. It was my own personal hell on earth.

Well, after about 2 months, it went away. In the following months I would sometimes feel it in my head again for a few days, but it went away shortly after. I lived in fear it would return and it would never go away.

Well, it took a few months and I finally after begging a few times at Dr appts for an MRI to see what was wrong, hoping somebody would take me seriously, I finally got one and when results came out I immediately got a referral to neurosurgery. I had a tumor, benign thankfully but the neurosurgeon told me it shows signs of hemorrhaging. I had a somewhat rare, sometimes life-threatening complication called pituitary apoplexy and I guess it's been bleeding for some time lol. So I got the tumor removed a few months ago but I guess I have to take some meds for the rest of my life.

>around 10 years old
>appendix bursts suddenly while eating dinner
>notoriously threw fits over eating my veggies
>mom thinks im just overreacting
>crying and screaming
>get yelled at for it, start puking
>mom thinks something may actually be wrong
>takes me to the hospital
>dogshit medical system has us sit and wait
>"about 8 hours of waiting" is what my mom claims
>dont remember any of it
>dad tried to convince us to just go home, took my sister and left
>last thing I remember is going into the back room, doctor does some things and then has a panicked look
>completely black out
>wake up in hospital with scar

>>82303910
my best friend while working in retail had a similar thing and he would drink 3-5 energy drinks because it supposedly helped.
then one day the regional manager was there telling us he had died in his sleep.

>>82303937
Yeah, I was given some butalbital-caffeine pills to help with the headaches from the er, but of course only a script for like 5 days because they don't let people have painkillers
I tried the caffeine trick people suggested by drinking lots of coke but did it really help? Not really sure it did.

>be me
>born
That's literally it. I was like two months premature and apparently received an emergency baptism because they didn't think I was going to make it.

>>82302964 (OP)
my mom was on her phone on the highway and there was a semi parked in the middle of the road just ahead of us and she realized too late. she reacted really fast and turned just in time but still hit the back of her Toyota yaris rear bumper that came clean off once contact was made.

>>82303538
Quite the opposite. I'm a hardcore catholic monarchist and I consider Trump and America as a whole a godforsaken leftist r*publican masonic wasteland. Where I stand in the political spectrum, I can see Reagan far away stadinf close to Lenin on the other side of it.

>>82302964 (OP)
>What's the closest you've come to dying anon?
Car accident.

>>82304043
In India this is how we normally park our truck

>>82303910
Sounds like you have "cluster headaches" apparently they're so painful people kill themselves. But lucky for you, they have a device that cures them (picreal).

>>82302964 (OP)
>Got stalked by a pack of wolves alone in the forest in the middle of nowhere.
>Been a passenger in a car that narrowly avoided a head on collision with a logging truck on a dirt road on the side of a mountain, probably would have killed us instantly and also run our car off the mountain. Missed the truck by inches.
>Lived in some shitty parts of Spain as an American, once lived in a neighborhood that got raided by authorities where they found an ISIS terror cell that had like 20+ members, guns, explosives, plans to carry out attacks and how to kidnap American tourists. I never told people there that I was American, I look like a native and my skill in the language was apparently decent enough to fool the Arabs that lived there. This was also in 2016 when ISIS was really active in the country.

>>82302964 (OP)
I was hit by a bus when I was 16.
Tried to cross, but he didn't even brake.
Got my feet off the ground and I ended up hitting my head on a metal bollard.
I saw stars and knew I had to get to my feet immediately, or I'd probably pass out and never wake up.
Went to hospital later on, and they didn't keep me overnight.
It's a disappointment to me that I survived. Despite passing two years of college. All I lived for was 20 years of NEETdom and inceldom.

>>82303853
>Nah the Afghan army guys were fucking solid.
You have to be ruthless my friend. The ability to be ruthless in war is a necessity for victory:
1)force the afghans to pay for their own occupation
2)put a mandatory shot-to-kill curfew on all afghans at night.
3)break up their clan structures and urbanize them
4)have mandatory formation/roll calls for ALL afghans 4 times a day
5)bring in Americans to run their government (don't train afghans, don't advise afghans, bring in Americans)
6)give afghan women to American soldiers as brides as incentives for long term deployments (20 years long)
7)bring in tons of jeet mercenaries so the Taliban kills them instead
That's how you win.

>>82304556
>didn't join isis
Where are your balls?

i was like 7 and almost drowned

>>82302964 (OP)
I was in a defective roller coaster at a state circus when I was a small child. I almost fell out. I had to hug the coaster interior in order not to fall out and die. I was held 30 feet above a steel stairwell in my school when I was 13 by an older teenager. A guy tried to mug me when I was in my early twenties. I intimidated him into backing off. He probably had a gun. I had a knife. There's other shit too, but I can't talk about it.

>>82304650
>There's other shit too, but I can't talk about it.
Sure you can, tell us, we are your friends.

>>82304708
My lips are sealed. I'd love to hear about your own near death experiences though.

>>82304083
Same but in 2016 Trump was the fascist candidate.

>>82304606
I was completely oblivious to it. When I think of the caliber of individual needed to be part of a clandestine terrorist cell I think of someone who's at least somewhat sophisticated. Most of the neighborhood was north African and Arab migrants and they were the most intellectually incapacitated people I have ever encountered. I wouldn't have batted an eye if one of these people got riled up, ran out into the street and stabbed the first white person they saw as an act of Jihad but I didn't expect a coordinated cell. Guess there's a reason they got caught lol.

Remove Kebab

>>82304733
>I'd love to hear about your own near death experiences though.
Nigga I remember my past life, you're not shocking me:
>Was old man in 1970s in a hospital in NYC (or some other city)
>Die (lit. sink into myself like falling asleep)
>Wake up and don't realize I'm dead, try to talk to people
>realize I'm dead life "flashes before eyes"
>start moving million miles an hour in various directions
>see people taking my stuff and get really fucking mad
>demons/whatever start chasing me, try to hid in churches
>try to reenter my dead body
>visit people in dreams they ignore me
>forget who I am, how I look, where I come from, etc
>become cold, hopeless and in despair
>start getting pulled towards something, see people having sex, get really angry
>get pulled into one
There you go. Now what about you?

>>82304840
I'm a bit stoned right now, please forgive my stupidity. Are you saying you reincarnated?

>>82304862
>Are you saying you reincarnated?
I believe I did, or it was a really vivid nightmare LOL. That's not the only one I remember. I've been around since about 20,000bc.

>>82304923
I live an absurd life, so I almost believe you. What were your favorite parts of your very long life?

>>82302964 (OP)
Swam in crocodile infested water when I got drunk for the very first time

>>82302976
HE NEEDED DA MONEY

>>82304934
>What were your favorite parts of your very long life?
Well remembering things people today don't know, such as: the reason Roman ships have those up-curved ends is because they purposely made them to look like tied reed boats. Or that the lepenski Vir "fish god statues" are actually shamans who would get sickly and have bags in their eyes from the poison they took. I like remembering the vibe of a time and place. Some are great some bad. We are not in a great era, but it's also not bad either, out era is like being in an airport: it's comfortable and efficient but also annoying, expensive alienating and exhausting.

>>82305128
How many children did you have throughout your ancient existence?

>>82302964 (OP)
>be me
>8 years old dumbass
>wanted to be electrician
>was pretty good at electricity lesson in primary school
>suddenly has idea
>unscrew lightbulb from lamp
>leave lamp on
>put my metallic scissor in the bulb hole
>sparkle everywhere
>power of the whole house go off
>look at my scissor, it was completely black
>realized I didn't get electrocuted because the handle of my scissor was plastic.

>>82305467
>put my metallic scissor in the bulb hole
I got electrocuted holding a pair of keys while plugging in something. One key fell down and touched the prongs and I got zapped. I woke up on the ground and and my bones hurting everywhere.

>>82302964 (OP)
The one and only time I tried marijuana I had a heart attack. I also nearly choked to death 2 times in my life while eating sabotaged food

>>82302964 (OP)
A teenager bigger than me asked me if I wanted to see something cool so he pulled out a hairspray and lighter. It was cool, then he cornered me with it while I cowered as far back as I could while I was stuck watching the fire. I think I was like 10 or 11 years old at the time.

>>82304587
Oh yeah there was a lot else that could have been done. In the end it was mostly political posturing for cameras or a feeding frenzy for contracting money, nobody was serious about winning. I tried my best for a while though.

>>82302964 (OP)
Unironically got hit by lightning. Woke up in the hospital, got some gnarly scars from it

>>82302964 (OP)
I entered a favela and armed drug traffickers approached me with a thousand questions

mines boring as fuck
>go on bike ride with fren
>riding next to hedgerow
>handlebars get tangled in a second because someone had strung lights into the hedge which were turned off and basically invisible during the day, van passes a milisecond faster than me falling into the road so I narrowly avoid being squashed

>>82306547
coolest one in the thread, only thing that tops this is a shark attack with an even sicker scar