>>82413613
There are many factors involved. The pain of childbirth is excruciating. But the nine months before delivery are probably worse. The very abstract concept of something growing inside me, changing my body, causing vomiting, headaches, and dizziness. That it would take nutrients from me. Women after giving birth often look gray because the fetus takes away a lot of nutritionals. The fact that my teeth could fall off, and my already problematic spine would become even more strained, would cause the skin to stretch, and the cracking in my private parts. And many other things are like something out of a body horror movie. And body horror really gets me.
Socially and legally, unfortunately, I can't imagine having children, even adopting them. I've seen motherhood drain so many women of their energy and spit them out. Discrimination against mothers in the job market is also terrible. My mother was fired from her job when she was pregnant with me. This isn't possible anymore, but still, if you're planning to become a mother or if you've just given birth and are looking for work, there's less chance of finding a job. Not to mention the housing and social situation. I don't know if I could provide a decent life for my child.
On a more personal note, I simply don't think I'd be a good mother. I'm a disturbed person. I have many of my own problems and get irritated easily. Frustration and my enormous stress problems would make me scream, get angry, or cry in front of my child. And I don't want them to go through the same thing I did. Even though I love my parents and am grateful to them, I can't help but blame them for making me think (not knowingly) throughout my life, that I was the source of all their problems. And that I ruined their lives.
