Thread 82850802

hello anon. how are you? what's on your mind? have you ever screamed so loud that your throat starts to hurt? i hope your pillow is cool and soft tonight.

>>82850802 (OP)
I'm doing good today! Which is perhaps a little strange as I slept in again today, but not for that long I suppose. Getting up in the morning sure is a struggle, I don't know how you do it when your sleep is so poor and when you don't have much to look forward to on most days.

Are you doing okay? You were in a good mood yesterday, or so it seemed to me at least.

>what's on your mind
Nothing troubling, thankfully. I was wondering this morning if you made those cookies today or was that an older picture?
Also I noticed that Vermintide 2 and Darktide are on sale right now, so I'm thingken about buying those. I've been downloading random games from the ones I have on Epic and trying them out just to test out the new PC, and everything seems to run super well so far! I thought my GPU would hold things back more, but it seems pretty much fine even in newer games as long as you don't crank everything to Ultra. So hopefully even Darktide can run well on it. It's a bit surprising to me but it does seem like the new PC has actually given me some motivation to play stuff, I played a bit of Serious Sam this morning which I hadn't touched in ages before that. I guess sometimes buying nice things for yourself is not such a bad idea after all.

>screamed so loud
That's an interesting question... you haven't had to do that recently, have you? But yes, I've done it before... mostly out of overwhelm or feeling totally out of control about something in my life. Sometimes I just feel so stuck between a rock and a hard place, or so backed into a corner, that I can't seem to do anything, and I'm frozen basically, and then eventually I get frustrated by this more and more until I have a mental breakdown and end up screaming at the top of my lungs. That happened a lot for the past few years, but thankfully not in the past few months. I think it's probably thanks to these meds.

>hope your pillow is cool
Thanks, that would be very nice! I prefer firmer pillows doe.

>>82850802 (OP)
Yes. Someone pulled a knife on me once and I screamed "Drop the weapon" like a police officer, and he did. Being visually and vocally intimidating can be a good trait. Tonight, I am going into town. I will have a boxcutter on me because I have reason to believe I am being hunted by Albanian mercenaries, but they will be unarmed.

>>82850802 (OP)
I'm surprised you haven't killed yourself yet

>>82850802 (OP)
>have you ever screamed so loud that your throat starts to hurt?

of course. i used to sing scream in a punk rock band in my teens and 20s

>>82850983
nice to know you're doing good anon. getting up was harder than usual for me too today.
>cookies
i made them a few months ago. i guess i should probably make some ghost shaped ones now.
tide games can be pretty fun sometimes. did you find any games you liked from the ones in your epic library?
>sometimes buying nice things for yourself is not such a bad idea after all
yeah. guess we all need to gift ourselves something sometimes.
>you haven't had to do that recently, have you
think i've done it a few times last month. like you said i also do it when i feel too much and can't cope. hopefully you won't need to do it anymore
>firmer pillows
why?
>>82851011
scary situation to be in. what is the reason why you'd be hunted by albanians? have you been building up debt by betting too much?
>>82851091
so am i.
>>82851296
that's very cool. i'd like to be in a band, though i don't think i have what it takes to be a singer, let alone one that screams.

>>82850802 (OP)
Meh
Bad things
No I don't emote
No sleep

>>82851346
No. Someone I attacked with a pipe wrench for beating a woman. He has connections who has connections. I have no debt. I know these Albanians personally and know they will be unarmed. They are fat and sluggish, if they punch me in the chest it will do as much damage to them as to me because of the armour. I can move at the speed of a rattlesnake.

>>82851382
If you knife them won't they send armed guys?

>>82851346
>i'd like to be in a band, though i don't think i have what it takes to be a singer, let alone one that screams

i never wanted to sing. i only did it cuz i was the first person to say fuck it, and do it when no one else wanted to.
being a bass player was better, if you prefer a more chill band member role.
i've been getting an urge to start a depressive black metal project. but i work a lot and don't have much free time these days. and i don't want to have to deal with BS that can come with having to try to cooperate with band members

>>82851400
I won't knife them, I abide by UK law, which I know after studying for 2 years. If they send armed guys, I can deal with that too by breaking UK law

>>82851367
what bad things? ...and don't call that emoting.
>>82851382
ah, right. well if they're fat then you should be fine, you can just run away from them. wouldn't wanna fight armoured enemies.
>>82851423
>i never wanted to sing
i never wanted to dance
>prefer a more chill band member role
it does seem like bass is the "easiest" role. shame they don't get as much attention as the other band members. i play the guitar though so im stuck with being shit at that.
>depressive black metal project
i wonder how many people still listen to such niche subgenres. i really feel like 90% of people just listen to whatever bs is popular that week.
>with BS that can come with having to try to cooperate with band members
could always be fun though if you find fun people

>>82851564
No no, I am the one with the armour. Causes no small amount of issues walking around town. The sound of the plates scares civilians, which I do not like.

>>82851346
>getting up was harder than usual for me too today.
Any reason for that? Other than just that you've been going to sleep kinda late as of recent.

>i made them a few months ago
Ah I see. It's nice that you can do that at least sometimes! Ghost shaped ones would be super cool. Seeing that actually makes me want to bake something too, I've never done it before but it looks kinda fun. Though, all the things you can bake are so sugary and unhealthy...
Also dang I wonder how many posts of yours I missed out on... I only recently realized you post on esfores hehe. I'm not too surprised given the threads you usually respond to here.

>tide games can be pretty fun sometimes.
They seem like it! I enjoy killing hordes of enemies. I'm not sure if I should play them on my own first or should I save it for when you want to play them with me? I assume the former is better so I'm not totally useless as a teammate, but maybe you'd enjoy me struggling to figure everything out and having to handhold me? IDK lole. That is, assuming you ever even play them again, considering your severe DOTA addiction currently heh.
Also, man, my poor hard drive... it's gonna be filled up to nearly full again after I just deleted a bunch of stuff. Why are games so big these days...

>did you find any games you liked from the ones in your epic library?
Maybe! Control seemed kind of neat from what I saw of it, though I only played a little bit. I might end up playing that, but that's assuming I don't poop my pants from all the scawwy stuff in that game, Definitely not suited for evening gaming... I also learned that I will never ever play Shadow of the Tomb Raider because that game impressed me with how bad it is, at least in the beginning. It's basically just a movie that you have to press a button occasionally to progress. The graphics sure are nice though...

Cont.

Cont.

>>82851627
>>82851346
I'll also probably play through Submerged: Hidden Depths at some point, I started it a couple years ago and never finished it but it seemed like an okay game, very pretty environment that you can explore endlessly.
I saw you were playing The Forest yesterday, what's it about? Was it any good, did you maybe finally find a game you're excited to play again?

>guess we all need to gift ourselves something sometimes.
Indeed! You got those shoes now, hopefully they can give you some dopamine every time you wear them from now on.

>think i've done it a few times last month.
I see, that's sad to hear... I guess you did have some pretty bad days. Are you afraid the neighbors will call the police? What sort of stuff do you scream, just ahhhhhhhhh or like profanities or something? I usually scream "fucking kill me" or "I want to dieeeeeeeee" lole.

>when i feel too much and can't cope
Huh, I somewhat didn't expect it to be similar reasons to me. I was sorta expecting you to scream from sadness somehow but that wouldn't make much sense, sadness is a low energy state after all.

>why?
Because they feel cooler usually! Since your face doesn't sink into them as much. Well, that's part of the reason, but also they do just feel better for some reason... I guess I like to have my head a little higher than my shoulders. Maybe that's not healthy for your spine, I dunno, but it's comfy. Usually with the soft pillow that I have, I put my hand under it to make it a little taller. How do you sleep usually? On your back, side, stomach? In the fetal position mayhaps?

today's theme for wrench anon
youtube.com/watch?v=L8b4UIB0LDI

>>82851654
wrong one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j5EEfDA8bE&list=RD6j5EEfDA8bE&start_radio=1

>>82851564
>what things
If I intend to sleep any time soon, things I will distract myself from and forget until the next time I'm forced to remember them.

>>82851624
ah, i see. hopefully it's not a huge bother to put on each time you gotta go out.
>>82851627
>Any reason for that?
just don't really feel like living much
>but it looks kinda fun
i don't normally enjoy making sweets but cookies are an exception i guess. you could try making them too, it's fun being able to make any shape with them
>should play them on my own first
probably better that way. until you get to lvl 30 the game is pretty damn boring. and also it's very unforgiving for higher levels so yeah. and I uninstalled dota for good this time...
>Control
i played it and it's fun, though i haven't finished it
>It's basically just a movie that you have to press a button occasionally to progress
...isn't that what a visual novel is too?
>what's it about?
it's a horror open world survival sandbox game. you fight cannibals and other monstrosities and build stuff by chopping down trees. im not a huge fan of survival games honestly. except minecraft i guess
>every time you wear them from now on
i fear it might wear out soon but oh well. at least i found some stuff to pair them with.
>just ahhh
yes. i scream into my pillow as hard as i can, nobody can hear me anyway.
>How do you sleep usually?
used to sleep on my stomach but now i mostly do it on my side.
>>82851665
i see. hopefully they don't bother you then.

>>82851662
Didn't expect to hear this music here! Nice to see a fellow Serious Sam enjoyer.

>>82852004
>don't really feel like living
Well I'll be damned if I can't relate to that. That's basically what it feels like for me every morning. I guess it's usually not as bad for you as today? Well, you did seem to have a good day yesterday, so it's pretty much guaranteed the next one would be kinda bad. Seems to be how my mood works, anyway. Hopefully talking with Anons a bit will make you feel better.

>don't normally enjoy making sweets
How come? Are they just tedious to make or do you not enjoy the end result much? I lub sweets of all kinds so I'd want to make some because of that, but it's not a good habit to get into if you want to eat healthy... maybe I should make some for a special occasion of some kind, that way it's more of a one-off thing.

>lvl 30 the game is pretty damn boring
Really? I usually like early game in most games, I like the feeling of not having many weapons and skills whatnot and having to work around that. But we'll see how it is with this game I suppose.

>uninstalled dota for good
>this time
How many times is it by now? Haha. Does it make you feel worse after playing? Like do you instantly regret wasting that time right when you stop playing? I get that with online games sometimes.

>it's fun, though i haven't finished it
How far do you think you got? I mostly have trouble finishing games at the very end; but I'm guessing you tend to drop them more in the middle? Also random question but do you like exploration in games or is that too boring for you?

>...isn't that what a visual novel is too?
Yes, but!!!!!! Here's the kicker: that's ALL a visual novel is. And it makes a huge difference! I like two types of "games": gameplay-only games, and story-only games. Anything that's mostly in the middle usually suuucks because then the gameplay gets in the way of the story, and the story gets in the way of the gameplay.

Cont.

>>82852190
>>82852004
Like, with a game like Stronghold it's enjoyable because you don't have to sit there through some boring cutscene before you can go farm up an army of 150 horse archers. And with VNs it works because you don't have to sit through some boring button mashing simulator until you get to the next interesting part of the story that you're really invested in. But when you try to combine the two, it *usually* doesn't work well at all and just makes both gameplay and story suck. There are some exceptions though, like games where the gameplay is really used heavily in telling the story itself, where it works, but it's rare for anyone to do that well enough for it to be good. So I think it's best to keep gameplay and story separate, usually.

>horror
>sandbox
Not sure which of these is scarier heh. I guess the sandbox, because I'm so uncreative, I never know what to do in those. I need the game to give me some direction at least usually. You've mentioned before that you used to build castles in MC I think? Did you just copy those from somewhere, or did you come up with the designs entirely on your own?
Not sure how I feel about survival games really, I haven't played enough. It sounds fun enough in theory though.

>might wear out soon
Indeed, such is life... I'm pretty sure my excitement for this PC upgrade is also already starting to wear out. What did you pair with the shoes?

>into my pillow
Ah, that's smart! I usually can't hold back enough to do that when I'm overwhelmed though, so I just yell out without anything to suppress it... I'm amazed I've never had the police called on me yet.

>used to sleep on my stomach
Did it change on its own or did you decide to switch to sleeping on your side for some reason? I sleep on my stomach desu.. not ideal when the weather is hot but I can't fall asleep any other way.

Ah, also, sorry I keep forgetting, but here's your reminder that I don't hate you and you're not obnoxious! You're really cool Anonny!

>>82852004
It's a formal jacket with a lot of inside pockets. 2 spanners Duct taped together makes one armoured plate, enough of them make me stab proof but they make noise.

>>82852190
>usually not as bad
indeed. really wish i had some beer in the house right now.
>How come
partly because someone made me hate making them partly because i just don't like sweets that much. you also have to be more careful when you make sweets since they're easy to mess up.
>Really?
yes, but mostly because early game means small hordes and almost no bosses, which means there's often times where you got nothing to do. though i guess for new players that's a good thing.
>How many times
more than i can remember... it's like saying im never going to drink again after a hangover. you know you're lying anyway.
>instantly regret
yes. post-moba clarity you can call it. i just feel so stupid for wasting an hour of my life playing that.
>How far
i don't remember, i played it ages ago. i think i was at 60% or something like that.
>exploration in games
depends, if i like the environment and if there's anything to do other than to run around for hours on end. if there's vehicles and such to go around fast that's even better
>huge difference
hm, i see what you mean. then you'd probably hate genshin, it's exactly as you described. in fact i can't wait for columbina to be released so i can get her and stop playing it again.
>some direction
well technically there's an objective, you have to find your son that was kidnapped by the cannibals. though you don't get any pointers or stuff like that, you just have to explore and find clues on your own. I also prefer when there's a clear objective though.
>come up with the designs
I did that. i still try to do it nowdays with the things i build. haven't made a castle in a while though. mostly just themed buildings.
>What did you pair
found a pair of baggy dark jeans my mom used to wear. they're... very large for me, but nothing a belt can't fix.
>change on its own
yeah, it just did that i think. it's weird that i always wake up in a different position, from the one i feel asleep in also
>your reminder
...thanks

>>82852227
very discreet. you could work for a spy agency or something. ever thought of that?

>>82850802 (OP)
>how are you
i feel really ill. i cant eat, i cant drink, no matter how many blankets i wear im cold and everything aches
>what's on your mind
melancholic pondering about dying
>have you ever screamed so loud that your throat starts to hurt?
yes, i usually just sob tho.
>i hope your pillow is cool and soft tonight.
thank you i hope yours is as well

>>82852322
>really wish i had some beer in the house
Perhaps it's a good thing you don't... even MOBAs are a healthier alternative to beer!

>i just don't like sweets that much
Huh well I'm sorta surprised you don't like them, sweets are so good.. I'd exclusively eat candy and cakes if I could. But it's probably good you don't like them, maybe this is why your teeth are in good shape.

>you also have to be more careful
That's a good point. I think I heard that you need to measure out ingredients very precisely so I'd probably need to get a kitchen scale too. I guess I won't bake anything like that for now then.

>there's often times where you got nothing to do
Ah, well maybe that would be a bit boring then, unless there's stuff to explore in the environment during those moments.

>post-moba clarity
Haha, that's exactly what I was thinking of! Couldn't quite come up with the term but there it is. Do you think there's something special about MOBAs that makes them like this, or is just because it's an online PvP competitive game?

>60% or something
I see, that's about what I thought. That kind of makes sense because I think games, and maybe most other things, are at their most boring in the middle. That's when there's no excitement of it being a new thing to play anymore, but also the ending is still far away so you're not anxiously waiting for the conclusion. I don't know why it is that I always drop stuff towards the end though, that doesn't make much sense to me.

>if i like the environment
I see, well it's nice to hear that under some conditions you can still enjoy exploration. I would have thought it would be too boring for your ADHD brain to handle. Me personally I quite enjoy exploration if the environment is good, and I take it very, very slow too because I want to see everything and not miss stuff... and then I usually get burnt out on the game.

Cont.

>>82852322
>hate genshin
I might... if it's anything like most JRPGs. Which I guess I don't really hate, they can be okay, but story-gameplay balance usually is a big issue with them. Maybe if the gameplay in Genshin simple enough that you can do it totally brainlessly it might actually still work okay, then you can just sort of turn off your brain and wait until there's more story.

>columbina
What does it mean for a character to be "released"? Do you mean like a side story that's focused on her? And why are you looking forward to that? Is she another one of your favorite characters?

>there's an objective
That actually sounds pretty good then, that might be enough of a pointer to keep it from being too intimidating for the creatively bankrupt like I am when it comes to stuff like Minecraft.

>I did that.
Waow! It's pretty amazing to me that you can essentially pull something out of your imagination and bring it to life like that without even needing to look at a bunch of references. I don't think I could do it. Maybe it's just because I don't have much experience building things in Minecraft. Also I guess the game was pretty limited in terms of block palette back when I tried it, maybe it's easier nowadays.

>themed buildings
What kind of themes can you even go with? I can't imagine much, you could build like, a brick building, a wood one, a small one, a huge mansion...

>baggy dark jeans my mom used to wear
Lole so your mom wears baggy stuff too. I guess it really does look better on everyone. Nice that you can re-use something you already had though. Are you going to always pair these jeans and shoes together? I actually have no idea how this stuff works, but I assume you usually wear one pair of shoes with several different outfits, right? Otherwise you'd need way too many.

>different position
Me too I think, though it's hard to tell for sure because I flip around often when falling asleep so I don't remember which way I was when I fell asleep.

>>82850802 (OP)
One of these days, I'm gonna take it out on the wrong person. I don't want to end up in hell

>>82852350
>really ill
oh, that sucks. i hope you feel better soon. should call your doctor if you think it's bad though.
>pondering about dying
you and me both anon.
>usually just sob
probably better than losing your voice screaming your lungs out i think
>>82852619
>healthier alternative
eh... i'm not so sure. if time is the most precious thing then they take way more than just my brain cells like beer does.
>sweets are so good
for me they get stomachy really quickly. it's not that i dislike them but i'll always prefer salty food
>there's stuff to explore
the levels are pretty linear, though they're also littered with random crates to open around so there's that a i guess. at least the environment is cool to look at
>something special
hm, they just really fit well when im feeling in certain ways. like when i feel like dying and can't really play anything that requires me to feel things or follow a story. or when i want to listen to a certain type of music that would otherwise ruin the vibe in other games. right now i'd be playing it if i didn't uninstall it
>get burnt out on the game
yeah, happens to me very often with games like those
>do it totally brainlessly
oh yeah, absolutely. i mean it's a mobile game after all. i play it while watching other stuff in the background usually.
>character to be "released"
when you're able to pull (gamble) for them to get them in your team. and yeah she's a character i really like. been waiting for her to be available for a few years now.
>it's easier nowadays
there's a lot more stuff to build with yeah. and also, i don't just make up everything, i still take inspiration from themes and other buildings, i just then make them how i like.
>baggy stuff
ah, no, it's not baggy for her. only for me...
>re-use something you already had
until a few years ago everything i wore was of my brother's desu. im not going to always use those jeans, there's other cargos that fit well too.
>>82852681
wouldn't harming innocents get you in hell?

>>82850802 (OP)
>how are you?
Crusing. I'm feeling alright.
>what's on your mind?
Mostly trying to get some stuff drummed up for D&D.
>have you ever screamed so loud that your throat starts to hurt?
Absolutely. When I was a team lead it was a weekly occurrence at minimum.
>i hope your pillow is cool and soft tonight.
You know, that might be one of my favorite blessings I've ever received. How are you doing, HuTao anon? Still having a rollercoaster or have things stabilized a bit?

>>82852756
>if time is the most precious thing
That's... a good argument actually. Time really is one of the most important things we have. I think that might be part of why NEETs tend to struggle with doing things, having so much time on their hands makes them complacent and they end up just wasting it all. Still, you gotta have something to cope with sometimes, so I dunno about uninstalling it... oh well I guess if you really need it you can always reinstall.

>stomachy
I'm not sure if I know this word, does that mean like they just feel too intense in terms of taste? Cause that is pretty true, sweets are at their best when you eat a little bit of them after eating something salty or savory. I just have issues with holding back so once I start eating them I can't stop. Salty foods are definitely good too though, I guess I just like food in general. It's one of the few things you can't really get tired of because if you're hungry enough anything tastes good.

>at least the environment is cool to look at
Yeah, I think I'll enjoy it then because I like just looking around. I like atmospheric games also for this reason, it's one of my favorite things to just feel like I can exist in a different space and time for a little while, and certain games can do that really well, especially if you turn off the lights in your room and the game is the only thing you can see. Then you can really get immersed in a different world.

>like when i feel like dying and can't really play anything that requires me to feel things
I see, so it's sorta the same thing as alcohol lol. They really are pretty similar, both help when you feel really bad but that's what makes them addictive. I do feel like playing your own music is a bit of waste when playing it though, the vibe really is pretty top notch in DOTA I think... such a nice fantasy world and all. I guess you just have too many hours on it to still appreciate that part of it.

Cont.

Cont.

>>82853366
>>82852756
>yeah, happens to me very often with games like those
Ah, welp I guess we are pretty much the same in that regard then. I should really try to be less of a completionist and just go through games faster so I don't burn out, but I hate missing things sooo much... urgh.

>i mean it's a mobile game after all.
True, makes sense it would have braindead gameplay... but maybe it's not such a bad thing in this case then since it lets the story shine a little more. You started out playing it on your phone right? Do you still do that or play on PC now? Also what other stuff are you watching, anime?

>(gamble) for them to get them in your team.
Ahh I see, so she has existed for a while but was not gettable. A few years is a long time to wait, would be nice if they released stuff more often... but I guess it's nice enough they release anything at all still for a game that came out a while ago. What's she like, and why do you like her? I actually don't really know what sort of characters you like besides Tao now that I think about it... and even then I only have a vague idea of what Tao is like.

>i still take inspiration from themes and other buildings,
Well yeah, but that's still really crazy to me, that you can just take inspiration from something but still make it your own thing... I think I could only copy stuff directly at first, maybe make some slight changes here and there (which would probably just make it look uglier), and that's about it. I suppose that might be fine starting out, maybe once I learn what works and what doesn't I could build something on my own.

>only for me...
Ah... you are pretty thin. Well that works out well then, if they weren't baggy you wouldn't want to wear them.

>until a few years ago everything i wore was of my brother's
Makes sense I suppose, that really saves a lot of money. It's nice you've been able to get some of your own stuff by now though! Would suck to always be confined to someone else's style.

>>82850802 (OP)
>hello anon
Hey, anon. How're you today?
>how are you?
Good. Sipping blue rasberry vanilla juice and just ate. Now it's 4chan time.
>what's on your mind?
My food ran out and I can only afford one more pizza using my credit-card and I'm saving that pizza for Friday (i.e., drug day). So I need to restock on food or go hungry tomorrow. Other than that I've been bed-rotting for the last 3 days(1st day was drug day, so I've been in bed on 4chan. 2nd day was recovery day, so recovery sleepy pills and floating in bed in bliss. 3rd day, today, I just didn't see a point in going out or on my PC so I stayed in bed :p), and now I'm talking a few anons through some hardships and dilemmas. Do you have days where you don't get out of bed? It's kinda comfy feeling kinda guilty feeling.
>have you ever screamed so loud that your throat starts to hurt?
I scream at my cat when he's in the other room meowing so loud it bothers my sleep, and got a sore throat. But in general? I suppose everyone did that at some point or another in conflicts. I'm sure I've had times where I screamed at someone this much, but don't care much to remember any specifics right now.
Have you screamed at anyone recently, anon?
>i hope your pillow is cool and soft tonight
Thank you! I have 2 pillows, a hard one for the bottom and a soft one for the top and a 3rd ~secret~ pillow I use as back support when sitting-up in bed. How many pillows do you use? I think 2 is the ideal amount of pillows.

>>82852884
>get some stuff drummed up for D&D
hmm, what kind of stuff? that reminds me i need to finish my own campaign too...
>weekly occurrence
did that get you throat issues or deepen your voice or something like that?
>favorite blessings
heh, i know what the people need. im... all over the place I fear. though i guess i've stabilized to a "i hope i die" level for the day.
>>82853366
>tend to struggle with doing things
yeah, i never really understood the importance of time until i lost it. that's why i try to be more careful with how i spend it now. and why i feel so guilty all the time for wasting it.
>you can always reinstall
sigh... didn't i ask you to stop me next time i was going to play a moba?
>just feel too intense
yeah, and after a while your stomach goes "enough please" so you can't eat anymore and kinda feel weird. the only sweet i could eat forever are cookies
>atmospheric games
for me immersion is a huge factor when i play a game, unless it's a pvp one. have you ever played a warhammer game before?
>a nice fantasy world and all
i mean it's nice, but it's hard to get immersed when there's a manifold of russians yelling at you all game.
>on your phone
im no mobile pleb anon. i was a consolefag before i got my pc though, used to play on a ps4. i also have a switch. usually i just watch something on yt. i try to pay attention to anime still the few times i watch it.
>released stuff more often
there's regular updates, but she was teased long ago that's all. shes... hard to describe. she has biblically accurate angel vibes and a bit of horror to her and i like that. though in the game she's more of a damsel in distress which is... eh. i also like furina which is the blue girl. she's funny and has a really cool backstory.
>only copy stuff directly at first
i did that too. it's a matter of practice to come up with your own ideas. just like everything else.
>someone else's style
yeah. thankfully 1 of my brothers pretty much used to dress like i do now anyway.

>>82853428
hi anon. im not doing too well but thanks for asking. did you have something good to eat?
>so I stayed in bed
it's nice to just do nothing sometimes anyway. i hope you're able to help those anons out. i don't think i've had a day where i don't get out of bed in a long while, because i just get too bored and need to do something. perhaps if i had a laptop then i wouldnt get out.
>had times where I screamed at someone this much
hmm, i was trying to think of sometime when i did that too, but i don't think i ever did, maybe only as a kid. i guess i was never too emotional when it came to arguing with others. i've always seen it as a waste of time and never cared much. haven't screamed at anyone recently either, only at myself.
>many pillows do you use
that's a lot of pillows... i only use 1. sometimes when i sit up in my bed to use my phone i used two. honestly i wish i could get one of those pillows that are sooo soft you sink in them.

>>82853594
>what kind of stuff?
Well a party member may have quit, he's been real wishy washy about what he's doing so I think I'm switching his character over to being an NPC.

>throat issues or deepen your voice
It was only a couple months that I was a team leader so I don't think I had any lasting effects. Probably would have if I'd re-upped but I didn't feel like staying in.

>stabilized to a "i hope i die" level for the day.
Well I hope it gets better, brother. But I know those periods can last for a long time.

>>82853594
>yeah, i never really understood the importance of time until i lost it.
That's a kind of pain I'm gonna have to face at some point as well... I mean I already do feel it I guess but it's probably only gonna get worse. So much lost time...

>why i feel so guilty all the time for wasting it.
You know what sucks, feeling guilty about it usually doesn't stop one from keeping on wasting it. Why do we even have these stupid feelings if they're not gonna help us do what's needed anyway. Sometimes it feels like all they do is just get in the way.

>sigh... didn't i ask you to stop me next time i was going to play a moba?
Haha... sorries, I guess I just don't think it's thaaaat bad to indulge in something like this on occasion. Besides, I don't think it's a good plan to just uninstall it without replacing it with something. The need to have some cope is still there, so you're either gonna come back to it or find an even worse cope (like alcohol). Also I can't stop you, unless you mean by shouting NO MOBA BEEAAAMMMMMMMUU!!!! and thrusting my hands out in front of me in a pretentious fashion, cause yeah I can do that and it magically works eberi tiem.

>"enough please" so you can't eat anymore and kinda feel weird.
Ah I think I know the feeling you're talking about. It does seem like you can't eat that many sweets before you start to feel sick of them... doesn't really stop me unfortunately though.

>immersion is a huge factor
Ah, you too? I guess it shouldn't be too surprising, since you like music and that's kind of one of the most important things when it comes to immersion. It makes a huge difference to how much I like a game as well usually. Also makes sense because immersion is what lets you escape this hellish world we live in.

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>>82853929
>>82853594
>have you ever played a warhammer game before?
Nope, never have! Gonna be my first time desu. I've heard of them I think but I always assumed they were like, card games or something? Or some other genre of game I don't particularly care for. I'm really silly like that, I know... I never looked into them enough to see that it might actually be something I like.

>it's hard to get immersed when there's a manifold of russians yelling at you all game
That's true... I suppose that's sort of the case for all PvP stuff in general, it's hard to get invested in the world and appreciate the pretty environments and stuff when you have to tryhard. Maybe that's why it feels so empty and wasteful to play such games. In singleplayer at least it feels like you get to be in another world, learn about characters who you can feel are real, etc., in PvP stuff it all feels a little hollow and soulless because it's just an arena to fight in basically. Sorry I'm not really describing this very well, I dunno how to put it.

>i was a consolefag before i got my pc though, used to play on a ps4.
Ah, I misremembered I suppose. Not that I think it's so bad to play stuff on your phone, at least it means you can burn away the downtime at work or school. Also, PS4... that came out just yesterday! How is this something we're speaking of in past tense...

>i just watch something on yt
Ah, another thing I must have misunderstood at some point, but I thought you don't watch YT at all! Outside of listening to music on there. So you do actually watch some channels on there? What sort of stuff is it usually?

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>>82853944
>>82853594
>angel vibes and a bit of horror to her
That does sound pretty cool! It's also interesting how they chose to give her dark hair instead of white hair, which is what I'd expect for someone who is angelic. I guess she has a darker part to her or something, maybe. But yeah damsel in distress is not a particularly appealing trope for me either. I generally like characters who are, well, cool, for a lack of a better word. Stoic & strong & stubborn & serious, cold-hearted but with a bit of hidden softness. I also have a thing for devoted characters, like ones that promise to always be by their master's side and whatnot, for some reason I find that very admirable. Do you like characters like that or are these traits usually something you dislike?

>furina
Ah, I knew that!! Helldiver Anon used to post her sometimes, if I'm not mixing things up. I guess she is like the ice to Tao's fire, at least design-wise, I dunno about personality.

>i did that too.
Well that makes me feel a bit better, maybe I'm not hopeless when it comes to this stuff too then. I guess I did the stupid thing of assuming people started out where they are at right now, instead of having to get there through lots of hard work.

>used to dress like i do now
Is he not a cool punk guy anymore? Is that something you grow out of? Is it cringeworthy to be like that when you're older, I wonder?

Also random question but did you rename the picture you used in the OP just recently? Were you looking at it while listening to that The Comfort of a Laugh Track song or something?

>>82850802 (OP)
Not recently
but I did shout Jebac ruskie kurwy just a moment ago
I need to relax and unwind tonight. Too much is on my mind upcoming things to do and such. Life is stressful.

>>82853641
>im not doing too well
Aww, I hope thing will look up soon enough. I'd ask why but I think it's too personal of a question.
>did you have something good to eat?
Fried chicken-fingers. Simple to make in a jiffy.
>get too bored and need to do something. perhaps if i had a laptop then i wouldnt get out
I listen to music with my eyes closed or post on 4chan from my phone.
>only at myself
Aww, don't do that! You should be your best friend.
>i only use 1
That is a subpar amount of pillows. You should get more. Definitely. More.
What if you want to change between soft and hard pillows in the middle of the night? It's also good for you to be a bit eleveted at the neck. I think. Actually scratch that, Google AI says it's bad for you. Too bad. I like it too much to go back now.

>>82853804
>switching his character over to being an NPC
hmm, that's actually a great idea. will steal this in case one of my members quits. which will be likely if i take too long to finish my campaign.
>don't think I had any lasting effects
good then. honestly i wonder how those drill seargents manage to scream so much without issues everyday. though perhaps they don't actually scream that much.
>can last for a long time
yeah. but thanks regardless. ill do my best to make things better
>>82853929
>only gonna get worse
https://youtu.be/PNFjLzVKVdk
>even have these stupid feelings
leftover feelings from when they were useful centuries ago. loneliness itself is a pointless feeling now. before we needed it to force ourselves to interact with others in order to survive. now it's not needed anymore, but pains us all the same.
>I can't stop you
i guess... but you could stop enabling me... besides mobas take away time from me even when i don't actually feel bad.
>card games or something?
initially they were rts games and also dnd stuff. then the franchise because so popular it bled onto new genres. it's a really cool universe though, i think you'll enjoy it.
>hollow and soulless
yeah exactly. the only pvp games i can really enjoy are the ones i can do silly stuff in. honestly, the major factor that makes me come back to multiplayer games isn't even the game tself, just the interaction with others.
>just yesterday!
that was almost 13 years ago anon...
>don't watch YT at all!
truth be told i only do while playing boring games like genshin or while eating if im not watching anime. usually i just watch episodes of kitchen nightmares or whatever interesting else stuff i can find. i don't really follow channels that much. 90% of my recommended is music.
>Do you like characters like that
sure, they're cool and good role models. there's a character from LoL who'se like you described and i like him a lot. though i also like batshit crazy characters.

>>82853953
>used to post her sometimes
hm yeah, he did. i posted her too sometimes. she is kind of the opposite of tao in some ways.
>Is he not a cool punk guy anymore?
i mean he's pushing 40 but he does still dress like a punk which i respect. i don't think you ever grow out of being one. some people might find it cringe but i believe dressing and doing the things you love despite being a grown up is admirable.
>you looking at it while listening to that
yes. there was a time when i'd rename every pic i'd post to a word or more words of the title of the song i was listening to while posting. nobody ever noticed though. hehe, thank you for noticing.
>>82853962
>did shout Jebac ruskie kurwy just a moment ago
understandable, what prompted it? and perhaps drink something warm, it relaxes you
>>82854054
>I'd ask why
in this case it's not, it's just how i feel recently.
>chicken-fingers
never understood why they call them fingers...
>post on 4chan from my phone
yeah but what do you do while waiting for replies? i get bored quickly of doomscrolling. well i tend to stop myself from doing it actually.
>You should be your best friend
haha, right!
>You should get more
doesn't it give you neck pain to sleep with your neck inclined, though?
>in the middle of the night?
uhm, im (normally) asleep so i dont worry about my pillows that much...

>>82854298
I was listening to 1914's new track and it moved me enough to shout it, normally I only do this mentally when listening to music. I will go get some tea I think it will help like you say, and is good this time of year now it getting colder.

>>82852332
It's not discreet unfortunately. A winter jacket lined with spanners on the inside attracts attention and people cross the road, but that could be the venom in my eyes.

>>82854298
>in this case it's not, it's just how i feel recently
Ah, the crossed wires, throwing sparks.
>never understood why they call them fingers
Cus they're long and thin thus are similar to fingers. It is not to say those are fingers of chickens, but to describe the shape, like chicken nuggets.
>yeah but what do you do while waiting for replies?
I cast a big net so I have replies most of the time, and when I don't, I close my eyes and listen to the music and relax.
>haha, right!
That's true. Something I learned from years of total isolation. Forgotten by the world. You are your only true alley. No one else will be there for you but yourself. You'd never backstab yourself (and if you do, then it's a very bad habbit and you should stop) You need to be your best friend and greatest cheerleader. Your president of your own fanclub. Give yourself pep-talks. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Feed yourself, and make sure you get enough sleep, water, and sunlight. Nurse yourself back to health in sickness. You are all you got. And you'll always stay by your side, in good times or bad times, casualy, and at important moments or events, health and sickness, even death won't do you part; you'll be there with yourself in the grave vibing with the maggots for all of time ever and for good.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone."
>doesn't it give you neck pain to sleep with your neck inclined
Nooo T_T. The top pillow is the *soft* pillow, did you forget? The soft pillow is kind to the neck. I like the soft pillow, but I also like the hard pillow sometimes too; I can slump forward a bit to land on it so it's kinda like sleeping on one pillow.

>>82854292
>https://youtu.be/PNFjLzVKVdk
Heh, I think I've actually heard of this song before. It's pretty good and feels pretty true as well, I swear things only get worse. I like that it's somewhat upbeat but has depressing lyrics.

>leftover feelings from when they were useful centuries ago.
So it seems... evolution still hasn't caught up with modern realities. On the other hand sometimes I think my brain is just broken in some way, and if it weren't and I was like everyone else, my emotions wouldn't get in the way either.

>but you could stop enabling me...
Right... I apologize if you were actually really serious about this and I sort of joked about it! I'll stop enabling you about it now. Though I don't know how much I can do, in the end you're free to play whatever you want.

>take away time from me even when i don't actually feel bad.
Yeah, that's very true... it does seem like you were playing it more than just when you were feeling bad.

>initially they were rts games and also dnd stuff.
Ah okay, interesting. I wonder what the fans of the original games feel about these newer ones. Maybe they think it ruined the genre. Or maybe they are happy to see it become so popular. Have you been a fan of the games for a long time?

>silly stuff
Unfortunately that usually feels a bit hollow to me too... that's actually a good way to describe it. That's why I don't like comedy shows much usually, they feel hollow. I guess it's an issue on my part though because I don't see why funny stuff necessarily has to feel hollow, it just does to me.

>just the interaction with others.
Yeah, it is pretty nice. Though I would prefer some sort of more collaborative interaction rather than competitive I guess. Feels like it's better for making a connection with others.

>13 years ago
Haha, come on, you can't fool me with such ridiculous numbers. Stop making stuff up!

>while playing boring games
Ah, I see, so it's really not that much.

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>>82854761
I haven't been watching it much lately either, there just hasn't been anything interesting. Maybe the suggestion algorithm is bad now, I swear they keep making it worse as time goes on somehow.

>kitchen nightmares
I see, that's fitting for a future chef. Gordon Ramsay makes it entertaining too. Though I haven't seen it in ages myself. Do you think you'd ever want to open your own restaurant, or would you rather only work for someone else's?

>good role models
Ehh I don't know about that, to some degree I guess they are but you don't want to copy everything about them. Being like that would lead to a very lonely life in the real world. Well, that's part of their charm I suppose, characters like that are usually quite lonely... anyhow. Who's this character from LoL? I want to take a look at him desu.

>batshit crazy characters
Those can be entertaining too! Is Tao batshit insane? Or just a little insane? She seems a bit like it anyhow. Or at least rather fiery. Which, I enjoy those sorts of characters a lot too.

>kind of the opposite of tao
Interesting that you like both of them then. Though I think I do like opposite characters too sometimes. I like both cold kuuderes and warm and bubbly derederes, for instance.

>pushing 40
That's older than I expected, I didn't realize you were such different ages. It's good to know being punk is not a phase haha, I guess I didn't think it was or anything but it feels like with fashion at least, people do change as their style as they grow older.

>doing the things you love despite being a grown up
Me too! I'm a huge believer in that. I respect people who stick to their guns on stuff like that a lot.

>hehe, thank you for noticing
I'm happy I noticed it then! I forgot to ask about it earlier in the thread. But huh, I guess you had a desire to share the music you were listening to if you were renaming pics to that? And also, do you sometimes just look at the Taos in your folder? I've been doing that lately heh.

>>82854406
sometimes music makes me scream too, though i only do it when im driving and no one else can hear me. i hope you'll enjoy your tea anon
>>82854660
hm yeah that makes sense. perhaps it's best you wear sunglasses if your eyes are so captivating.
>>82854693
>No one else will be there for you but yourself
i know this anon. i don't know how to accept it and i dont know how to like myself. i have betrayed promises that i've made to myself many times and for that reason i cannot trust myself anymore. i know im all i've got... but isn't it sad? isn't it so damn depressing how everyone is so isolated, despite living in a world with almost 10 billion of us? why do we need to rely on ourselves, why can't we rely on each other like we used to do? i hate this so much. we are all alone, stuck in a world filled with ourselves.
>>82854761
>upbeat but has depressing lyrics
exactly how i like it.
>just broken in some way
it is. mine is aswell. but what can you do.
>a long time
naw, i only started playing warhammer games last year with vermintide 2.
>collaborative interaction
i also prefer that, which is why i like co-op games more than anything. but you'd be impressed by the amount of people that get angry at those too.
>open your own restaurant
i don't know. as of now i just want to be good enough to work in a kitchen. then we'll see
>very lonely life in the real world
lole, like my life isn't lonely anyway even if i don't act like them. at the very least doing what they do would make me feel cool or something.
>a little insane
she's just a bit chaotic. and i like that about her. would give me energy to do things if someone energetic as her would be around me.
>you had a desire to share the music
that, and what i was feeling while listening to it, i guess... i do look at taos occasionally. you better not wear her out by looking too much anon.

im feeling pretty exhausted both mentally and physically so i think i'll go to sleep. thanks for putting up with me today anons.

>>82854931
Good night Anonner!! Thanks for the chats, they made me happy as always!

>>82854950
i really can't believe you

>>82854968
That's okay Anon, I don't expect you to! But thanks for trying.

>>82854292
>will steal this
Feel free, I have no patent.

>wonder how those drill seargents manage to scream so much
DIs in the Marine Corps almost always have severe vocal cords damage. Army drills aren't expected to scream with the same intensity and frequency.

>do my best to make things better
It's all we really can do.

>>82854931
>exactly how i like it.
Me too hehe. Wish more songs were like this. I like fast beats but songs with them usually have some sort of inane lyrics, or it's about love which is like what half of all songs ever are about so it gets a bit tiring.

>but what can you do.
Not much I guess... but I wish I could somehow overwrite my brain connections so I feel things more in line with how I should be feeling them. I hate the idea that some of my feelings are wrong basically and need to be overridden or pushed past, I identify too much with them and feel like they are a part of me so it feels very wrong to disregard them like that.

>>82854931
>i only started playing warhammer games last year with vermintide 2.
Ah I see. I thought maybe you had tried the RTS ones since you seem to have played a lot of those. There's more of them than I thought, I only knew of Warcraft and Age of Empires I think.

>i also prefer that, which is why i like co-op games more than anything.
I see, that makes sense I suppose. I've never played co-op games before really since I didn't have anyone to ever play them with, so it's been really nice! I like the feeling of working towards a shared goal a lot. Now that I think about it, I've never even experienced this in real life before, since it's not like I ever had anyone to collaborate with IRL either... I did school projects and whatnot but I was always basically on my own during those and only interacted with other group members when absolutely necessary.

>the amount of people that get angry at those too.
Heh, well it's not too surprising I guess, people get angry at all sorts of things, singleplayer games included. Unfortunately I understand that sort of frustration all too well...

>as of now i just want to be good enough to work in a kitchen. then we'll see
Fair enough, it's a bit too lofty of a goal anyways I think. But maybe you'll want to do it one day.

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>>82855455
>>82854931
>at the very least doing what they do would make me feel cool or something.
True, we are lonely as it is anyways so maybe we may as well LARP as cool characters. I actually tried that a bit some years ago, I tried to make my voice intentionally more monotone and I tried to always think logically and stuff. I cringe thinking back on it... I guess these days I just don't want to be like that, even if I still like those characters. It did help a little bit with being more productive I think, like I was sort of channeling these characters and some of their traits actually became my own to a degree. Not a whole lot, though. Mostly I was still lazy.
I really like the idea of emulating some character though. Maybe one day I'll find someone who is a perfect fit for who I want to be and then I can try always being like them.

>she's just a bit chaotic.
Ah, yeah she does seem to be chaotic. I like that too desu, it's fun and as you said it's contagious and feels like it inspires you to do more things somehow. Sometimes I wish I had a friend like that, but then on other days I think that would just be annoying, so I dunno.

>what i was feeling while listening to it, i guess
That's the most important thing about sharing a song! Unfortunately I don't know how well that stuff is conveyed. I think we all project certain themes and experiences and memories onto the songs we listen to, and that can color the experience quite a bit, so even if two people are listening to the same song, they are not necessarily feeling the same thing. Which really sucks. Makes me wish I had some way to transmit exactly what I'm feeling to another person. But I suppose music is about the closest we can get to that anyway.

>you better not wear her out
Hopefully I won't! I mostly only look at her when I really miss you. Also you post so many Taos, it'd be hard to wear out all of them.

Behold! Some nice cats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T4_yQT5Glw
Also I'm doing fine. I've been thinking about electric bacteria.
>have you ever screamed so loud that your throat starts to hurt?
Nope, don't think I have. My pillows were freshly cleaned today also.

>>82854931
>but isn't it sad?
Nha, I like me. Me can stay.
You can and will ultimately must forgive yourself and trust yourself. That is something to work at, your homework, if you will. Nurture your relationship with yourself before attempting to do any thing in the wider world since this is a monolitic foudation and will be at the center of every choice you make, especially in the wider world. Love yourself. It is as important as air and food.
A little too poetically dramatic towards the end for my taste, though, and untrue (or at least inaccurate) at the same time. But I'm not in a mood for philosophy right now so I won't elaborate. Though I could, and have much to say.