>>82869061 (OP)
Yeah, it shifted. God made you special and he loves you very much.
Follow that feeling and join a church, it will help give you more semblance of structure than this place. Jesus's teachings are the ultimate guide to a happy and fulfilling life, even if you don't fully connect with everything it's hard not to love Jesus once you learn his story. He was a real man who said he was God, performed miracles, and rose from the dead. A man who raises from the dead, people seriously listen to and they did which is what led to everything up to this moment.
Christianity went on to develop every advanced society we have today. When Christianity is removed, it crumbles and we're seeing that in action as well.
I challenge you to open a Bible app and read the book of John. Read Jesus's story for yourself.