Thread 82912204

How did some of you anons change your worldview when it was shattered and you've accepted or are open to a realization but still don't know what to do about it?

>be me
>lost soul blackpilled too much no grounded principles or the ones I have are not good enough
>I need to find a tribe to align with and be comfortable working with to survive
>don't like people on a fundamental level and am scared of them.
>want to be alone yet crave the attention or acceptance at the same time.

What do desu? I've been kinda going through that lately and how I might know or think or believe that is because I am in a better mood regularly. If I can find enjoyment in things still then there must be a correct way to operate or cope even with my own disabilities or retardation.

>>82912204 (OP)
ive found that simply shifting focus, and forcing a sort of psychic split between different operational modes is very helpful. you suffer because you are too self-conscious and seek after some contained whole to ground yourself in, when such a whole doesnt exist. you identity is really just a fragmented assemblage of different functions, habits, and states of perception that shifts between situations, contexts, moods, etc. thinking of myself in this way has enabled me to be a highly functional person despite my own overly self-conscious and introspective nature

>>82912280
A lot of the time it's almost like I can arrive 95% of the way to an understanding or truth but I become resentful towards the 5% and give up or just throw it all away.

A good example of what I am thinking might be general therapy stuff I thought was bullshit

>love yourself
>forgive yourself
>positive affirmations

Do I even deserve to be forgiven? If I do how do I know? It's like I cannot find the operating system for true growth because I will never "know" if that is the correct operating principle or is absolute.

>>82912345
Accepting that it's ok to not know things would maybe be the answer to that I guess.

Still though with literally every thought I have it is followed by

>Well fuck I don't know and I'll never know so gg I guess fuck of all it.

>>82912345
i think the idea of a unified self is wrong, and the therapy stuff like you mentioned might as well be hypnosis trying to trick your brain into forcing coherence and structure around some narrative self that doesnt exist. the analogy of an operating system is good, but an operating system does not arrive at its principles, it just executes its functions

>>82912450
>an operating system does not arrive at its principles, it just executes its functions
This makes sense to me. Something weird is is that I have been extremely resentful towards chaos in life but in turn it's just causing me more chaos. Then if I try and think about it deeper it makes since why chaos maybe should be a factor if I was in control. I am very focused on arriving at conclusions and it's literally mind raped me my whole life.

>>82912204 (OP)
I don't know what to say or how I could relate to you, OP
But for me, the past few years hasn't been about me *learning* per se, but remembering. Like, imagine the confidence of a toddler where he just shits his pants in public.

Bad analogy sure, but I don't know. To me it just feels like to have that sort of confidence again, like not a care in the world

>>82912557
That's not really a bad analogy but the toddler is not as self aware.

>confidence
This has been a major problem. I actually have always viewed it as bad.

>I have to hate myself.
>I have to doubt myself.
>I must always think i could be or am wrong.

This has made me believe I am correct in this operation.

since you're an avatarfaggot it's shameful to say this but you're my favourite poster and i always look forward to seeing your threads