Thread 82999735

Christians want me to believe this man Jesus went through puberty without masturbating once.

>>82999735 (OP)
It is possible, given it was the antiquity.

only reason christianity exists is because mary got raped and needed an excuse so she accidentally created an entire religion out of it

>Christians want me to believe this man Jesus went through puberty without masturbating once.
Yes.

the real jesus had sex with the apostles all the time

>>82999735 (OP)
I didn't masturbate till I was 18 cause I had phimosis and it was painful so yeah I could see my boy yeshua not masturbating especially if he was a circumcised jew living in a desert with no lube

>>82999830
in what world does a peasant virgin give birth? That's like lord of the rings shit it's just far fetched as fuck and people just roll with it

Threadly reminder that the bible unironically tries to make you believe that heaven is a physical place in the sky you can fly up to

>>82999735 (OP)
>No Internet
>Most of the time spent outside/socializing
>Very little private time by yourself.
Very feasible. Tbh.

Jesus "Yashua" The Christ was actually the first biblical gooner. There are entire books of the bible dedicated to him jorkin it crazy style. Fuck, do you remember that part in Mark where he comes back to earth after getting crucified, and he fucks the holes in his palms like some kind of twisted fleshlight?

That nigga was wild man

>>82999735 (OP)
The part you find hard to believe isn't the 14 year old virgin being visited and impregnated by divine powers, what you find difficult to believe is that he didn't jerk off?

>>82999999
>Six digits in a row.

>>82999735 (OP)
Christians don't even know you exist
Most people don't know you exist
No one likely cares what you believe

>>82999735 (OP)
He had powers retard, maybe he was beyond that, idk

>>82999844
>>82999999
If JEHOVAH can create the entire universe in 7 days it's not unreasonable to assume that he has the power to magically impregnate a virgin woman

>>83000043
>create the entire universe in 7 days
He didn't do that.

>>82999754
Jesus is an incest baby

Jesus isn't resurrected in the first gospel of mark.

>>83000043
>7 days
What did they mean by days?

>>82999999
>14 year old
Some are alleging she was 9