Thread 83014120

>come to class late
>teacher goes on about how he is considering locking the doors
Why is college such a humiliation ritual? He couldve just said something in private

>>83014120 (OP)
i hate college as well. everywhere i look it's just threat. and they all hide it behind smiles and supposed friendliness. im convinced, you have to be a sociopath to thrive in this kind of environment. I hate em all

>>83014153
Real anon. Its honestly so depressing. Im definitely depressed. but I feel have to keep going if I want to get a decent job.

>>83014120 (OP)
education is literally conditioning for the workforce. You NEED to comply or you will be unemployable

>obligatory to contribute something every seminar or you fail the course
>spend half the seminar mentally preparing to ask question i've been wondering about
>finally do it, weakly
>professor directs five minute+ meandering rant at me about something not fully related
>more and more heads turn as it goes on, i begin to feel like a heart attack or fainting is coming
>doesn't actually answer what i was wondering about but i don't have the courage to ask again
please just give me a quick yes or no and ignore me. if i ever get an even slightly rude teacher i might just die right there at the desk

>>83014120 (OP)
I really am going to fail this final semester

>>83015062
whatcha studying

schools are there to teach you to become better slaves

>>83015627
yeah. but what are our choices? learn to be a good slave, and get a maybe ok slavery later, or go right into probably shitty slavery immediately? long as you're participating in the system it's gonna be slavery all the way through

>>83015575
I don't think it matters
but on top of failing classes I'm also starting to hate it
It was never something I was really interesting in but now I've started to avoid topics related to it just because it makes me feel bad

>>83015691
yeah fair. i've felt that way about everything i've taken courses in. if anything is riding on your passing the semester i'd really advise you to lock in though. i stopped caring about my own shit and i gave up on it multiple times, and i really came to regret that.

>>83015809
>lock in
everyone says that and it's such frustrating
I'm not doing it on purpose, some things are just too high for me to get over
It feels like tripping and living a race right before the finish and now I'll get extra shit for it because everyone already expected me to win
I should've failed at the very beginning when I had the chance
>regret
Maybe I will but I also want that in a way, maybe it'll drive me to end it

>>83014120 (OP)
>Come to class late
>"Sorry I'm late"
>no one gives a fuck
>Leave class early
>"Sorry I have to leave now"
>no one gives a fuck
what type of college do you go to anon why are they treating you like highschoolers

>>83015981
that's what i thought, it doesn't matter since i'll just end it if it turns out too badly. but here i am. still. and i'd have spared myself so much discomfort, anxiety and needless extra effort by just doing all that crap i didn't care about. suicide is harder to commit to than one would think. maybe it's different if you have guns, i don't know.

locking in is just a cool way to describe last-minute scrambling and cramming.

>>83016029
>to commit to than one would think
I know
I'm thinking about practicing it, I'll just hang myself for a while to get used to it every now and then
Though for me the best suicide method would probably be starving myself and depriving myself of sleep and then getting lost in a forest in winter
Basically putting myself in a situation where I won't be able to back out of it but I won't really feel the weight of it all until it's too late
>last-minute scrambling and cramming.
that's what I always did
but one class is just too demanding
>spared myself
I don't know how that would spare me
I hate this field and I do not plan to get a job in it

>>83016294
i don't know your situation or how benefits or admissions work where you are anon. if i had done my own work it would have made my economic and housing situation much easier for me. about suicide, i have no idea if that would work, but i would hate to regret it (even if reflexively) once past the point of no return and still have hours to go

>>83016528
>work it would have made my economic
what kind of work?
I'll spill it, my major is IT, the market is pretty oversaturated and even if I managed to get job it probably wouldn't pay well
>hate to regret it (even if reflexively) once past the
I look at it a different way, I know that I probably will not like it in the moment but that's because preservation instincts will take over but at that point that's not me because I'd be on autopilot
whatever I do or feel doesn't matter if I plan ahead
It's like talking a cold shower, I know I'll hate it and I'll shiver and feel bad, those are natural reactions that I can't control but I can do things despite them

>>83016622
by work i meant my studies, sorry. actually turning in assignments and going to exams so i would get credit for the courses and have it registered by the state, which would have made me eligible for further loans and let me stay in my student apartment. is IT no longer the everyone-wants-you 100k-straight-out-of-school field? that's shitty. if you're close enough to finishing it might still make sense to suffer through it, the market for non-degree jobs sure isn't getting any better, either

besides practical advice, i can't tell you how to end it, that'll be up to you. whatever you choose, i hope it ultimately is satisfying. i am only holding on out of comfort and mental weakness, myself, so if you've found a way to break through that for yourself i can only applaud it.

>>83016718
>everyone-wants-you 100k-straight-out-of-school field
no
almost everyone I know that got the paper either doesn't work in the field or their job is teaching kids IT because every parent believes that that's what their kid should be doing and they haven't yet realized there's too many people there
Companies with hire you only if you're the best and very talented or if you will slave away for pennies
But it's also why failing will suck, people around me with think I'm throwing away a great opportunity because they're not aware it's not like this anymore
>break through that for yourself
I think I just see my mind and body as sperate entities, they work together but one doesn't have to listen to the other
For example when I purposely harm myself, my brain is sending me signals that I'm injured but I know what I'm doing and I don't have care

>>83016718
>which would have made me eligible for further loans and let me stay in my student apart
btw that sucks anon
I'm from the eu and college here is free basically and I like with my parents so I don't have to deal with that crap

>>83014120 (OP)
I had a professor like that once. If I was late I would just not show up at all.

>>83014120 (OP)
Just don't be late. Imagine how fucking embarrassed the teacher is when he's reminded every day that NOBODY gives a shit about him and that they don't even respect him enough to pretend like they give a shit

Profs are usually fags with an inflated ego, but people who run late are deserving of ire

>>83016984
I didnt want to show up but the course is basically just notes so I had to at least get there and take some pictures

>>83017026
I mean yeah Im not sad or upset about it its a normal response Im already depressed and feel like I deserve pain and misery so it has no effect on me lol

>>83017026
Also Im never showing up late again yeah Ill probably be the first person at class next time

>go to class late
>teacher is reading some diary
>their kid has cancer
>starts to get better
>gets way fucking worse
>kid dies
>years later thinking about it
>barely anything bad happened to me
>still empty and depressed
>teacher somehow stayed devout religious during all that
>I can't even believe in god at this point
What's wrong with me

>>83015658
you could open up a bakery or get by on giving piano lessons or something