Thread 83023288

Thread for discussions about selfharm and mutual support

good evenin
hey
>How are you doing today?
>Any plans for today?
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
>Why did you hurt yourself?
>Is there anything bothering you right now?

>>83023288 (OP)
Im the first poster itt.

hiii
Here's a bunch of helpful links

>a long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):
https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7

> first aid post cuting:
https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/

>a wound care guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic

> bpd workbook:
https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read

> bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)
https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c

> bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)
workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:
https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdf

Please don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them

heya
>>83023288 (OP)
hru cat?
>plans
chilling then sleeping, no studying woah i'm free for a week

but i'm scared and anxious
so i'm gonna meet a therapist tomorrow
and auuugh i've been waiting for this for a long time and holding myself from doing some things until i get diagnosed, and now i just know it's gonna be tomorrow and i feel so anxious
my social skills are screaming

>>83014224
>I can go to uni any day of the week and they'll be there.
isn't there any place you can avoid them in? or any way you can ignore them by?

heya
>>83023288 (OP)
hru cat?
>plans
chilling then sleeping, no studying woah i'm free for a week

but i'm scared and anxious
so i'm gonna meet a therapist tomorrow
and auuugh i've been waiting for this for a long time and holding myself from doing some things until i get diagnosed, and now i just know it's gonna be tomorrow and i feel so anxious
my social skills are screaming

>>83014224
>I can go to uni any day of the week and they'll be there.
but isn't there any place you can avoid them in? or any way you can ignore them by?

I messaged her again. I'm absolutely hopeless. I have to stop bothering this poor woman.
On the upside I've decided I'm going to get some professional help because I clearly can't do this alone. Even if it costs a small fortune.

>>83023385
Best of luck with your shrink.

Good afternoon. Do you schedule these threads for a time or do you just make them on wakeup /cat/?

>How are you doing today?
Alright. Had class at 8AM today so instead of breakfast and working out I had to catch a bus at 6:30, not fun. Class itself was light at least, simple calculations for panelboards, wires, and overcurrent devices in apartments.
>Any plans for today?
Hitting legs and finishing my piled up homework. Also studying for that Friday test.
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
November of last year.
>Why did you hurt yourself?
Frustration with lack of direction.
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
I'm low on funds so I'll have to make sure I spend on nothing but busing. Dashes my plans of using student loan money to go to a concert or drinking with my peers. Also still unable to cut my chest which is an annoyance, still daydreaming about it on wakeup.

>>83023385
>holding myself from doing some things until i get diagnosed,
What diagnosis are you expecting, and how do you think it'll help? I got anxiety/depression/adhd diagnosed years back and all I got was medication I never really needed.
>holding myself from doing some thing
Like what?

It's starting to get colder

>>83023288 (OP)
hey cat, how's it going?
Crashed early yesterday, but today is a lot better

>>83023385
hi rm!
> meet a therapist tomorrow
try not to be too nervous. Know it's a big deal, but don't want to be so tense you make it hard to say what you need to. First sessions are usually lots of questions and forms
>social skills are screaming
therapists are used to dealing with a lot of stuff, so don't be too worried

>>83015440
>what's been troubling you?
Too much work, too much pressure, too much worry. Watching everyone my state losing their jobs, getting furloughed by the government, worrying about food stamps. Seeing how bad off everyone is, including people I think should be better than they are has me nervous. Have more work stress and demand to finish unreasonable amounts of work with no support since not enough people are involved. Just feel exausted but compelled to go on since no other choice
>any plans?
go to get ramen and play rhythym games at the mall again. Got some new cards for a yugioh deck I was building, so might try to play against my brother if I see him

>>83023483
hi anon!
> I'm absolutely hopeless.
you aren't. I was gonna reply to you in last thread, but I get how you feel about this. Some people just have a hard time moving on. It's not a bad thing, I think most people throw others away far too easily. But it's difficult at the same time. Don't be too harsh on yourself tho
> get some professional help
wish you luck. This is a common thing to see them for, so hopefully used to cases like yours and can give some good advice quick
> small fortune.
it isn't cheap. Went to one to help with stress and anxiety, then felt more anxiety over finances when I realized I depleted my hsa

>>83023523
hey there
>schedule these threads
others will sometimes post the thread. I've done it when we had people posting around the early morning hours I was active. tend to avoid since i mess the number or links when I did it
> bus at 6:30, not fun.
I had to take the bus to school for some time when I didn't have a working car and was miserable everytime. Hope you live somewhere nicer than me

>>83023288 (OP)
hey cat
finally got the piercings!
i look so good omg

>>83023385
heya rem, how ya doing now?

>>83023483
hey anon, glad you're looking for professional help now

>>83023582
heyy officeanon

>>83023295
damn anon you're a fast one

>>83023385
Hello ^^
>i'm free for a week
whaaat?!! :ooo
do you have any stuff planned?
maybe you could watch some movies or animem!
>scared and anxious
hope it stops soon :c
it might be q bit scary at first but you'll get used to therapy and it might help you :]

>>83023483
Hey
>going to get some professional help
yeah sounds like you might need it
do you have some appointments already planned?

>>83023523
Hiya
>Do you schedule these threads for a tim
not really thought I usually post them when it's evening in my country and I can sit down for a bit
>instead of breakfast and working out I had to catch a bus
:/
dang and are the rest of your classes this week also this early?
>Friday test.
:o
best of luck \o/
>I'm low on funds
that's a big problem
at all you going to get any money soon?

>>83023582
Hayo
>colder
true true
>how's it going?
didn't eo anything today
but that's okay

>>83023821
>finally got the piercings!
woo :D

>>83023483
hey anon!
>I'm absolutely hopeless
that's why i told you it's expected, you see? it happened several times, but it's totally okay at least she isn't replying so she isn't saying anything bad. don't say bad things about yourself anon, you're going through a really painful thing and everything you did til now is just normal for someone in this situation.

>I'm going to get some professional help because I clearly can't do this alone.
now that's absolutely better than dealing with it alone! glad to hear that. i wish you get better soon!

>Best of luck with your shrink.
you too, mate!

>>83023523
hey anon!
>What diagnosis are you expecting
not sure, can't tell really but probably ocd and some kind of anxiety disorder and maybe mild adhd
didn't mention depression cuz it's the hardest for me to tell if it's true or not

> and how do you think it'll help?
to be honest i don't think it's gonna fully help. i wanna know what's the name of my problem so i can stop doubting myself.
>and all I got was medication I never really needed.
this sure sucks, what about behavioral therapy? did you get any?
>I got anxiety/depression/adhd diagnosed
may i ask, did you talk about everything you're suffering from back then?
because i'm not gonna mention my self harm, which is a huge reason why i suffer. do you think not mentioning it would change the diagnosis?

>>83023582
hi officeanon!
> but don't want to be so tense you make it hard to say what you need to.
exactly, i'll write few things on a paper and bring it with me so i could remember what i need to say. thanks officeanon
>therapists are used to dealing with a lot of stuff
yup that's what makes me feel better overall, that's why i'm okay with talking about things i never told anyone irl to a therapist.

>>83023821
hey chev!
i see you're doing well today, very glad to know that!
>how ya doing now?
idk i'm just chilling, i guess i'll eat a little then sleep

HELLO ALL JUST REMINDING YOU THAT YOU DONT NEED TO DO THIS I LOVE YOU ALL BUT IF YOU DO PLEASE STAY SAFE AND CLEAN AND DISINFECT

>>83023917
>do you have any stuff planned?
watching anime of course, but i don't really know i don't have alot of things planned. i'll also study for upcoming exams, but it's okay i'm not stressed now atleast :>

> and it might help you
yup i hope it helps too :>
thanks!

>>83023935
that's so sweet of you anon, thank you so much

>>83023821
hey chev, how's it going?
>finally got the piercings!
ooh nice. Glad you're happy with them! Never had interest in that sort thing, but feel squeamish even thinking about it lol

>>83023917
>true true
gonna be dealing with ice soon. worried about going on outdoor dog trips in the snow.
>didn't eo anything
didn't eat?? ah probably should go get something if that's the case

>>83023923
>i'll write few things on a paper
that's be prepared! More prepared than I ever did lol would usually go in and struggle to remember what was even specifically bothering me a couple times I tried it and just talked to vaguely knowing something was wrong
>i'm okay with talking about things i never told anyone irl
they are paid to listen and try to after all, should take advantage of it

>>83023935
Hey anon thank you :D
hope you're having a nice day

>>83023958
>watching anime of course
watcha gonna watch? :3
>not stressed now atleast :>
I'm very very glad about it
>thanks!
you are very welcome

>>83024076
>dealing with ice soon.
that might happen especially in the mornings
>dog trips in the snow
dog trips?
>didn't eat??
I made something now ^^
put some bread with ham and cheese and some spices in the oven for a bit
it's pretty tasty

>>83023729
>Some people just have a hard time moving on.
That's true. It took about 18 months after my friend died before I was back to normal again, and that first month was incredibly difficult. So I imagine it'll be similar.
>This is a common thing to see them for, so hopefully used to cases like yours and can give some good advice quick
I've asked for someone familiar with BPD, since I figured they'd have an easier time understanding what was going on.
>it isn't cheap.
It sucks that this stuff costs so much. I was fortunate enough to find one at about half the rate as usual - I think it's supported by the church here, since they do a lot of charity work.

>>83023821
>glad you're looking for professional help now
I was already getting some with work, but my next appointment is about 3 weeks away and I honestly don't think I could wait that long. It's only been 5 days and it feels like 3 months have passed.

>>83023917
>do you have some appointments already planned?
No but I should find out when I can get some by the end of the week.

>>83023923
>it's totally okay at least she isn't replying so she isn't saying anything bad
That's true. She hasn't blocked me either which makes me wonder if she's seen it and if she's still alive and out of hospital..
>everything you did til now is just normal for someone in this situation.
That's reassuring. I'm very worried that I'm just being obsessive. I know I've disappointed my sister by failing to drop her completely and doing the complete opposite...

Thank you for the kind words, everyone.

>>83023582
>It's starting to get colder
yippie

>>83023288 (OP)
how is u doing? :D

btw did i miss white gator again? i have not seen him a lot lately :(

btw since the last relapse not so long ago, its really, calling out to me in a way... i just need to stay strong, but its still in the corner of my mind

btw seals (the antarctict animalls) are so cute

im a fckin weirdo lol nwm sry mb mb >>83024244

>>83024106
> especially in the mornings
my one thing I dislike about winter since commuting is a nightmare when you can't even see if there's any ice
>dog trips?
taking the dog out early morning. Not fun cold and rainy days. Not sure how it will be with snow, but I'm pretty certain he has some husky admixture
>it's pretty tasty
ah sounds like a nice melt sandwich. It's nearing the point I'm starting to get hungry, but have a little ways to go still before i grab anything

>>83024158
> before I was back to normal again
those are the kinds of things that should be difficult honestly. I don't think there's a right or wrong time for this sort of thing. Just unfortunately pace of life isn't very considerate of how people feel.
>understanding what was going on.
may help give you insight for sure, but remember. You're talking to someone for you, not for her, even if that's the reason you are going there
>this stuff costs so much.
especially you consider how mental health is one of the big factors that holds a lot of people back from holding onto a job, yet you need money to get help for it. Shouldn't be so damn hard. Glad you managed to find something reasonable

>>83023917
>woo :D
woo ikr i feel like i look hot af rn

>>83023923
>guess i'll eat a little then sleep
sounds like a solid plan, hope you sleep well.

>>83024076
>how's it going?
i'm alright, hbu? just gonna watch some stuff. i was looking at my piercings for like 15 minutes unironically.
>Never had interest in that sort thing
to each their own ig, i wanted some for super fucking long.
>but feel squeamish even thinking about it lol
desu it did hurt less than i was expecting, but the dude also told me i apparently have really damn high pain tolerance.

>>83024158
>It's only been 5 days and it feels like 3 months have passed.
yeah that gets hard, maybe you can plan sessions in closer to eachother? i do think if u go to them regularily it'll still help a ton.

I used to work at a pet shop and we could always tell when the birds got depressed and needed to be 'transferred out' because they would start plucking out their own feathers. I read a psychological theory once that when an animal feels trapped and alone it will hurt itself as a sort of way to prove to itself that it has some measure of control over the pain it experiences. Like it hurts itself in order to show that it can control the pain.

And thats kinda how I view self harm fags. Just a bunch of dumb animals hurting themselves to prove a point only they care about. Its so fucking stupid and pathetic.

Anyway here's a nice picture to remind you all that you are just another depressed parrot trapped in a cage called society.

>>83016845
>its a quite unique show in todays world not to sound like a hipster because I enjoy modern media too
sounds like it. and don't worry. just enjoy what you enjoy.

>you ever want a day where you dont want to do anything for a whole week?
well, you just have to do clean whatever is worst, so you can have things in different stages of disarray at any time and don't have to do it all at once.

>most activities only seem fun with a girlfriend involved
yeah, but you'll mostly do activities that are fun to your girlfriend, then. if you're interests don't align, you've won nothing.

>cant believe theres people out there who only want to hang out with their guy friends
guess it's just easier and less stressful in certain constellations. went to a con with two friends and one of my friend's girlfriend and she was pissed that we didn't accomodate her and actually went and checked out the things that we guys were most interested in.

>>83016929
>I don't know that's the worst part
it's fine. i can't rely on you for everything, after all. ;D

>>83017228
>Will try next push day.
enjoy, but don't overdo them. first time i did them i was super sore for like a whole week.

>67 meme
what's that?

>drinking, and dating apps. "Dumb" topics, but it's nice to keep it llght. Anythings fun with good people.
that's true. doesn't have to be deep.

>TF2/DOOM/S.T.A.L.K.E.R. It's a fun conversation starter the rare times people as me what I'm playing
good games and definitely a nice way to kill some time. did you make some good friends like that?

>>83018155
>Burpees. I probably can't do too many now.
that's ok. it's a tough exercise after all, so take it easy.

>>83023288 (OP)
hey catbro! :> how's the mid of the week treating you?

>>83023729
>others will sometimes post the thread.
Makes sense, thought about doing it this afternoon but decided against it since it could've died.
>Hope you live somewhere nicer than me
The area is fine but I hate everyone who lives here, also super boring. Travelling by bus is really only annoying during rush hour, don't mind otherwise.
>usually post them when it's evening in my country
Makes sense, what country you from? You strike me as South American from your typing style, but if your evening is my afternoon you're probably European.
>dang and are the rest of your classes this week also this early?
Fortunately not, the rest are in the afternoon.
>\o/
\o/
>that's a big problem
I don't live on my own so it's more annoying than a serious problem, I can still go to school fine.
>get any money soon?
I'll be working once I graduate next month.

>>83023923
>can't tell really but probably ocd and some kind of anxiety disorder and maybe mild adhd
Hopefully you get a proper diagnosis with good followup. My doc made me fill out 2 questionaires for the diagnosis and gave me antidepressants in the span of 12 minutes. lol...
>i wanna know what's the name of my problem so i can stop doubting myself.
Could have the opposite effect if you aren't careful. Putting a name to it means you justify doubts you have about yourself in other places (I'm too anxious to do xyz) while solidifying whatever you get diagnosed with as defining trait of you.
>this sure sucks, what about behavioral therapy? did you get any?
No, never had any form of therapy. I talked to a psychologist who started looking up my symptoms mid visit doe.
>may i ask, did you talk about everything you're suffering from back then?
I cut myself a while after I had the visit, so self harm never cropped up. Not mentioning it probably won't change the diagnosis itself, the severity of the diagnosis maybe.

>>83024244
>>83024329
Post was fine brah

>>83023821
>finally got the piercings!
Congrats.

>>83023385
hey rem! hope your session tomorrow will go well. what are you up to tonight?

>>83023483
hi, dude! (^-^)

>I messaged her again. I'm absolutely hopeless.
it's a rough situation, so don't be to hard on yourself. you're probably right, though. contacting her all the time won't make it easier for either of you. good luck!

>>83023523
hi, anon!

>>83023582
hello, officeanon!

>It's starting to get colder
can't wait. got eveny got myself a new sweater. :D

>Too much work, too much pressure, too much worry. Watching everyone my state losing their jobs, getting furloughed by the government, worrying about food stamps. Seeing how bad off everyone is
i feel you. listened to some radio talk on my way home and they talked about american politics and how even with a yearly income of 300k are living paycheck to paycheck now because everything is so expensive. hate to say it, but your system is absolutely fucked. not that we're off any better, it's just not so obvious here yet.

>Just feel exausted but compelled to go on since no other choice
i get you. all you can do is to try to keep everything running until it collapses. just remember that it's not your fault if it does.

>go to get ramen and play rhythym games at the mall again
sounds like a plan. what's your go-to ramen? and what kind of rythm game? the dancing one?

>Got some new cards for a yugioh deck I was building, so might try to play against my brother if I see him
i've got an old deck somewhere. tried to get back into it, but the game is so different now that i couldn't. got into sorcery instead. what deck are you building?

>>83023821
hey, chev!

>finally got the piercings! i look so good omg
awesome! :D enjoy your new look.

>>83024640
>Congrats.
thx mate

>>83024790
>picrel
me in about 2 years according to my friends, never ever gonna beat the pierced twink allegations anyways
>awesome! :D enjoy your new look.
i am, lowk been staring at myself constantly. is this what self love feels like?

>>83024488
>those are the kinds of things that should be difficult honestly
I agree. It would be pretty messed up if we could move on that fast.
>You're talking to someone for you, not for her
That's true. Even now a lot of my time is spent worrying about her when she's not even in my life now.
>Glad you managed to find something reasonable
It's less that and more that I'm fortunate enough to be quite well paid and have very few expenses on account of not leaving the house. I think each session is the equivalent $140. Jesus Christ, it better be worth it at that price...

>>83024521
>maybe you can plan sessions in closer to eachother?
I'm not sure I can afford more than one a month. But I could maybe get one every two weeks with the work provided stuff.

>>83024598
>it's a tough exercise after all, so take it easy.
One day I'll find the motivation to start again. I only started doing it for her sake...

>>83024790
>contacting her all the time won't make it easier for either of you.
The only thing left is calling her, and that's a red line I don't want to cross. I'm fighting tooth and nail not to but I've got an awful feeling I will.

>>83024872
>me in about 2 years according to my friends
it's the only somewhat related yua pic o got. ^^' don't let your friend bother you, though. have fun.

>lowk been staring at myself constantly. is this what self love feels like?
no clue, but it sure is something novel and if it sparks that much joy, it definitely was the right decision.

>>83024997
>One day I'll find the motivation to start again. I only started doing it for her sake...
honestly, working out is something you should do for yourself, but it's good that she motivated you. you can always report your progress here if it would get you back into it. :>

>I'm fighting tooth and nail not to but I've got an awful feeling I will.
hm. maybe you could write the things you want to say here and spoiler it? would get it out of your system and we don't have to look at it if you don't want us to.

>>83024158
>but I should find out when I can get some by the end of the week
best of luck o7
though like you did say it might be costly
hope it won't hurt you wallet too much

>>83024329
hello, you didn't say anything weird dw
Stay strong fren

>>83024488
>you can't even see if there's any ice
ever had any accidents?
>dog out early morning
oh man
maybe you should get some extra warm dog trip outfit, battle suit
>husky admixture
at least doggy doesn't mind the cold
>like a nice melt sandwich
was pretty good
I don't know why but I hate cold cheese, I can only have it warm, unless it's cheese cake

>>83024521
>feel like i look hot af rn
glad you're happy with it^^
btw
how are you spending ur evening?

>>83024158
>used to work at a pet shop
not surprised you don't work there anymore
maybe a repo man is more your kind of occupation

>>83024598
Hello yuanon
how's it going?
I'm just chilling and watching gangs of new york

>>83024158
sorry didn't mean to reply to you twice,
the second one is for the other guy

>>83024790
>>83024598
>hi, dude! (^-^)
Hallo yuanon, how're you?
>super sore for like a whole week.
That's a good time.
>what's that?
Imagine 9+10=21 but the funny number is 6-7 instead of 21. Zoomer thing.
>did you make some good friends like that?
No time to really do that in my program, everyone just goes straight home after class.
>went to a con with two friends
Cons are awesome, excited for anime north in 6 months. Need to get my money up...

Heading to the gym now, it's rush hour but I won't have energy later in the day. Waiting for machines is a piss off but it is what it is.

>>83024997
>could maybe get one every two weeks with the work provided stuff
i think that'd help you better, but maybe you should talk this over with you therapist first.

>>83025130
>don't let your friend bother you
desu i don't even mind and i kinda did it to myself, i just consider it's their way of calling me pretty :3
>it definitely was the right decision
i do feel like it is, i like how it looks on me.

>>83025187
>glad you're happy with it^^
tysm haha
>how are you spending ur evening?
i'm just chilling rn watching some youtube, i might game a bit later and then try to sleep.

>>83024521
>gonna watch some stuf
whatcha gonna watch?
>for like 15 minutes
really are satisfied with them aren't you? lol That's good, been there before with other things
>hurt less than i was expecting,
yeah, that's the part that always bothered me to think about. Seems like it would be unpleasant
>hurt less than i was expecting,
but that certainly helps and suppose is a good thing to have in general!

>>83024640
>decided against it since it could've died.
worst that happens is cat will just make it again in the afternoon! This thread tends to skew to European posters(and me is essentially on their schedule), so usually more likely to die after it gets too late over there
> hate everyone who lives here
something specific about the area you in you feel? I have some minor gripes about my area, but don't feel as badly about it as used to
> don't mind otherwise.
yeah, city I'm near has a reputation for very dangerous and violent, but personally never had trouble despite knowing it is kinda real, just go about things like normal. Only part I hated about the bus is stops are so damn inconvenient and had a bit of a walk between home to one, then one to school

>>83025187
>I can only have it warm, unless it's cheese cake
funny. one of my friends is the same. just can't stand cheese that isn't heated in one way or the other.

>how's it going?
it's going alright. not much happened today. customers were a bit more annoying than usual, but that's about it. now i'm listening to some stream while losing at brotato.

>watching gangs of new york
good movie. how do you like it so far?

>>83025277
>how're you?
i'm good. wraped in a blanket, playing some games, watching some stream. what about you?

>That's a good time.
at least you have it once and then it's all smooth sailing from there on out. this might be a lie

>Imagine 9+10=21 but the funny number is 6-7 instead of 21. Zoomer thing.
i suppose it is. enjoy your meme, young man.

>everyone just goes straight home after class.
hm. can't really blame them. i usually did the same.

>excited for anime north in 6 months. Need to get my money up...
it definitely burned a hole in my pocket... ^^' are you cosplaying or just visiting? looking forward to anything specific?

>Heading to the gym now, it's rush hour but I won't have energy later in the day
good luck, have fun and see you later!

>>83025307
>i don't even mind and i kinda did it to myself, i just consider it's their way of calling me pretty :3
maybe, but you can't always let others decide how to present yourself. i'm sure they're just jealous. ;D

>i do feel like it is, i like how it looks on me.
good job, then. you nailed it.

>>83024790
hey yuanon, how's it going?
>got myself a new sweater
nice! could use one of those. Then again, haven't been wearing the ones I have. For me it's just getting to wear my various jackets again
>even with a yearly income of 300k are living paycheck to paycheck
must be living in California or downtown Manhattan, I can't imagine that D: I'm decently off to the point I'm not at that point, just more so stressed how easy it is to slip. Seeing gov workers get fucked so badly at the same time people are worrying about food stamps.
> try to keep everything running
I do some things I am optimistic about in the works, but lets see later
>go-to ramen?
shoyu with tons and tons of overwhelming spicy and chili paste added
>kind of rythm game? the dancing one?
played those a little, but playing a lot them lately. Arcade has many others Music Diver, Maimai, and some others. I've been playing them a lot since finding a place with all this.
>game is so different now
how I felt coming and finding link, xyz cards, and all the other new stuff, but started having fun. Especially since he refuses to use the new cards and insists using the old. Still wins sometimes but wouldn't be fun otherwise
>what deck are you building?
Live Twins deck (pic related also call it the vtuber deck) I just pick the cards that have the most outrageous designs that will annoy him and run with it

>>83024997
>worrying about her when she's not even in my life now.
that might be the kind of thing to talk about specifically. Being more focused on someone else and not yourself.
>very few expenses on account of not leaving the house.
have to say you live frugally and frame positively!
>equivalent $140
yeah, it's crazy. As for worth it. Hard part is it takes a long time. Shoot, spend a good chunk with them just asking stuff to try to get a sense of you before they can really do anything at all. Just how it is

>>83024790
>what deck are you building?
forgot to include, it's a control deck! lol my favorite type of course!

>>83025187
>ever had any accidents?
nah, but close calls. Not good when you suddently feel the car doing what you don't want it to do...
>battle suit
Hoodie with jacket over top combo. Finally that time of year
>doesn't mind the cold
wish he did a little more when he's making me follow him around for ten minutes early morning D:
> I hate cold cheese
I don't hate it, but do agree it's better melty and warm
>cheese cake
don't care much for this though. Know that sounds odd, just not my thing

>>83024076
>just talked to vaguely knowing something was wrong
that really sounds bad lol
i know that everything i say should be precious so i don't wanna forget anything important, expect self harm

>should take advantage of it
yup, but btw, i like that i'm not really going to meet an "employed" one, like he is employed but it might not feel like he's just trying to get the money. i think it seems a bit strange but i'll explain more tomorrow i guess

>>83024106
>watcha gonna watch
do you know that one named "eden of the east?"

>I'm very very glad about it
thanks!!


>>83024158
>and if she's still alive and out of hospital..
let's hope the best mate, let's hope the best

>I'm very worried that I'm just being obsessive. I know I've disappointed my sister by failing to drop her completely and doing the complete opposite.
being obsessed is the whole problem,
like nothing of that would've happened if you weren't obsessed, no? it's not easy to get over obsession either, and i don't think your sister is disappointed because she must know how hard it is. so don't think about that, take it easy mate!

>Thank you for the kind words, everyone.
oh np :D

>>83024521
>sounds like a solid plan, hope you sleep well.
a comfy solid plan. hope you sleep well too

>>83024640
>Hopefully you get a proper diagnosis with good followup
thank you anon
>in the span of 12 minutes
huh? what?
i'm sorry that this was your experience, i'm just feeling strange how careless your doctor was, this type of doctors shouldn't be able to work with their degree really.
glad yo know that you fought it alone tho, cuz the doctor really did nothing.

>Could have the opposite effect if you aren't careful
i'll the put the effects you mentioned in mind, i think that's a problem, i have a feeling that i might not have these effects but i guess that's enough reason to keep your advice in mind so i don't fall to the tricks of my brain. thanks!

>I talked to a psychologist who started looking up my symptoms mid visit doe.
this dude should really be a failure in that case.
i guess a therapist can be better sometimes since a therapist won't only wait for you to finish so he can write you some pills.

>I cut myself a while after I had the visit
sorry to hear that
>the severity of the diagnosis maybe.
i see, thanks mate!


>>83024790
hey yuanon! hru?
>hope your session tomorrow will go well
thanks!!
>what are you up to tonight?
guess i'm gonna watch some things then sleep
what about you?

>>83025310
>whatcha gonna watch?
maybe another show, if you have any recommendations they're more than welcome.
>really are satisfied with them aren't you?
ig so, been a long time since i've been this happy about anything.
>Seems like it would be unpleasant
won't say it doesn't hurt a lot, but it was very manageable, for me atleast.

>>83025410
>i'm sure they're just jealous. ;D
probably haha, i'm the only person ik irl with fangs anyways. alot of people talked about getting them tho. i'm happy with it.
>good job, then. you nailed it.
yeah thanks, i haven't been this happy about anything except mainly finally finishing dark souls.

>>83025662
>hope you sleep well too
thank you, sweet dreams then, what are you up to rn?

>>83025757
>what are you up to rn
im on my phone in bed, i think i will do some random things before sleeping.
what about you?

>>83025978
>do some random things
like what?
>what about you?
gonna try to finish this bottle of apple juice, kinda a pain to drink with these piercings...

>>83025410
>i'm good. wraped in a blanket, playing some games, watching some stream. what about you?
Calm. I'm resting between my squat set. What games you playing?
>are you cosplaying or just visiting?
If I had cosplay money I'd probably go as Future Trunks, Tomo (Azumanga) or Tosen, but I'm not cosplaying no.
>looking forward to anything specific?
Not really, hanging around with friends and picking up cool manga is all there is to it for me. Maybe a concert at the end if it happens again.
>see you later
Cya.

>>83026073
>like what?
maybe watching videos or scrolling reels which is bad ngl
>apple juice
nice!
>kinda a pain to drink with these piercings
lol, the bills of piercings?

gettin ready to sleep

>>83025307
>tysm haha
np ^^
>chilling rn watching some youtube
have a fun time

>>83025410
>can't stand cheese that isn't heated in one way or the other.
he knows what's good, what can I say
>customers were a bit more annoying
grr
>listening to some stream
there's a new tasting history if you wanna watch that instead
> losing at brotato.
you mean practicing!
>how do you like it so far?
won't be able to finish it today but it's okay, I like it but for some reason I liked the movie I'd watched on monday more, it was one called 10.000 bc, have you seen it?

>>83025637
>car doing what you don't want it to do...
hopefully that doesn't happen this year
>Finally that time of year
you can wear your cool clothes
>around for ten minutes early morning D:
and I'm sure the more he runs around the warmer he gets, while you get colder
>better melty and warm
yes!
>Know that sounds odd, just not my thing
maybe you just had their wrong kind, dude

>>83025662
>know that one named "eden of the east?"
nope is it good
>thanks!!
no fren!

>>83026081
cute pic !

>>83023288 (OP)
I think my psychiatrist is lying to me as an excuse of me being a bad person
I only saw him once and after a meeting of an hour and a half he said he's going to talk with my healthcare provider about a diagnosis and I've been called and told I have a personality disorder and now I have no one to contact and the next time I'll be able to see a psychiatrist will be in a few weeks, didn't even specify what kind of personality disorder

>>83025599
>how's it going?
good. it's getting late, i'm in a blanket and feeling cozy. what's not to like. :> how are you?

>could use one of those. Then again, haven't been wearing the ones I have. For me it's just getting to wear my various jackets again
i've also got way too much of both. i should sell some. ^^' i need to sort out my wardrobe anyway. way to many things i don't really wear that often anyway.

>must be living in California or downtown Manhattan, I can't imagine that D:
she probably just used the worst example she could find for the argument, but people being in debt after studying in the u.s. sadly isn't unheard of.

>I'm decently off to the point I'm not at that point, just more so stressed how easy it is to slip. Seeing gov workers get fucked so badly at the same time people are worrying about food stamps.
i'm glad that you are, but as you say, we can't feel too secure in these times. we might actually live to see a very sharp decline in living standards if we don't do anything about it.

>I do some things I am optimistic about in the works, but lets see later
good luck. o7

>shoyu with tons and tons of overwhelming spicy and chili paste added
nice. how do you stand up to the heat? i like spicy, but i can't tolerate much of it anymore.

>I've been playing them a lot since finding a place with all this.
sounds like a good time. don't forget your matching outfit, though. :>

>Especially since he refuses to use the new cards and insists using the old. Still wins sometimes but wouldn't be fun otherwise
it can turn into an ugly arms race if you don't limit the card pool like that. a friend and i played some mtg again, but decided to limit ourselves to the pre-modern format. maybe there's something like that for yugioh? usually some disgruntled players band together and make their own formats and banlists when mechanics get out of hand.

>How are you doing today?
worse than the day before
>Any plans for today?
listen to sad music while contemplating my life
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
today I walk through thorns bare feet just to feel something
>Why did you hurt yourself?
i am so pathetic and miserable
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
how some guys are able to effectively get girlfriends while i struggle to get women to reply or just add me, but even when they do they ghost me or only want to keep me as friends until they eventually get a bf and never respond again

i am truly alone in this world

>>83025130
>working out is something you should do for yourself
I know, but it was nice to find motivation in something else for once in my life. It feels like when everything is for yourself, nothing is.
>maybe you could write the things you want to say here and spoiler it?
I'm not even sure. It'd be like a dog chasing a car. I think would just cry a lot and beg for her to come back.

>>83025187
>hope it won't hurt you wallet too much
It will, but equally it's not like I spend my money on much anyway. I'd rather spend it on video games...

>>83025307
>maybe you should talk this over with you therapist first.
That's probably what I should be doing.

>>83025599
>that might be the kind of thing to talk about specifically
I mentioned that I worried a lot with my work provided therapist and she said it was rational that I would given her prior suicide attempts. It is but that doesn't really help me... So hopefully this other one will.
>Hard part is it takes a long time.
But I need results now!
Cute evil twins

>>83025662
>let's hope the best
Yes. Thinking she's dead just makes me feel worse.
>nothing of that would've happened if you weren't obsessed, no?
I'm not sure what you mean. She would have left either way, I think. But I probably wouldn't be trying to contact her compulsively if I wasn't.
>take it easy mate!
I'll try to.

Again, thanks everyone!

>>83025673
>feeling strange how careless your doctor was
Probably a one off, but I never really liked doctors since then, psychologists especially.
>glad to know that you fought it alone
Thanks.
>guess a therapist can be better sometimes since a therapist won't only wait for you to finish so he can write you some pills.
Yeah definitely, I know of good ones but have never had one myself. If you luck out you can always find one that clicks with you, which is nice.
>thanks!
Welcome!

>>83025599
>I just pick the cards that have the most outrageous designs that will annoy him and run with it
that's a fun idea for a deck. you guys should play the digimon tcg, then. lots of female digimon with big... stats in that game, too. ^^ my favorite was mastemon.

>>83025637
>forgot to include, it's a control deck! lol my favorite type of course!
i was on board with the anime titty deck, but that is just sickening. and i thought of you as a friend... :[

>>83025673
>hru?
i'm good. just played brotato and had a pretty good run. now i'm just watching youtube until it's time for bed.

>guess i'm gonna watch some things then sleep what about you?
pretty much the same. new daily dose of internet is up, so i'll just go and watch that. anything you can recommend?

>>83025757
>i'm the only person ik irl with fangs anyways. alot of people talked about getting them tho.
i did see someone wearing them a just a day before you brought it up, but before that i didn't even know they were a thing. weird how things work out sometimes.

>i haven't been this happy about anything except mainly finally finishing dark souls.
good job on that as well! :D what build did you use?

>>83026081
>Calm. I'm resting between my squat set.
give it everything you got! (*^*)9

>What games you playing?
mainly just brotato. just won a pretty good round and decided to leave it at that. gonna finish with a good run to keep the spirits high sometimes.

>I'm not cosplaying no.
sounds like you thought about it, though. :> maybe someday. is it that expensive of a hobby, though?

>hanging around with friends and picking up cool manga is all there is to it for me. Maybe a concert at the end if it happens again.
that's also fine. i went to the con without looking what was going on there too, just to figure out that the game i was the most interested in didn't have a booth there this year, even though they had one last time. was a bit miffed by that. :/

>>83026110
>>83026110
>gettin ready to sleep
good night!

>he knows what's good, what can I say
sometimes i wonder if the body just can't handle something if it tells you so clearly not to put it in your system.

>there's a new tasting history if you wanna watch that instead
the water pie one, right? watched it while closing shop yesterday. quite interesting. i thought they'd have uses some sort of gelatine to make the cake filling, but was surprised that starch was enough to give it a firm consistency.

>you mean practicing!
i mean winning! B]

>I like it but for some reason I liked the movie I'd watched on monday more, it was one called 10.000 bc, have you seen it?
it's quite the violent movie and a bit of a downer as well, so i can see were you're coming from. it's a good movie, but i don't think i need to see it again anytime soon. and no, i haven't seen that one. what's it about?

>>83025662
>that really sounds bad
my fault for not doing what you're doing and writing stuff down. It can be expensive so really shouldn't have wasted sessions
> expect self harm
yeah do remember to be careful what you say. Can mention the feelings that lead to it, but never say too much they would feel have to do something about
> "employed" one
oh, curious what the arrangement is then. I'd say even going to one, most do it in part they like helping people. but yeah, good luck again!

>>83025757
> if you have any recommendations they're more than welcome.
have a hard time giving recommendation. I'm watching Kaiji right now, but I can't recommend even if it's good because it's making me want to gamble lol
> i've been this happy about anything.
that's really good then. Have to find even little things to appreciate and be happy about

>>83026110
>doesn't happen this year
i can stay one step ahead and take less risks. No reason to go anywhere if it's icy
>while you get colder
pretty much. I usually go out with flip flops on when I head out then. If i put on better shoes could go running with him maybe
>wrong kind
aha well it's not bad, I just like cakey cake better.

goodnight guyz

>>83026373
>violent movie and a bit of a downer
I actually like that, maybe ot just was a bit different from what I expect
>haven't seen that one. what's it about?
cool prehistoric shizit, it has quite a lot of variety in environments and stuff and then cgi loos good even now, it's not very long so if you're bored one day i recommend watching it
oh btw I'm not sure I've told you, I watched the grudge a couple of days ago

>>83026132
hey anon!

>I think my psychiatrist is lying to me as an excuse of me being a bad person
why do you think you're a bad person?

>I've been called and told I have a personality disorder and now I have no one to contact and the next time I'll be able to see a psychiatrist will be in a few weeks, didn't even specify what kind of personality disorder
sounds a bit odd. you'd think you'd at least be told what the diagnosis was and how they'd go about treating it. it's good you got another appointment with someone else to get a second opinion.

>>83026201
>worse than the day before
sorry to hear that.

>listen to sad music while contemplating my life
what's on the playlist?

>I walk through thorns bare feet just to feel something
ouch. :< make sure there's no splinters in there. can get infected really bad.

>i am so pathetic and miserable
you're down on your luck, pal. don't be to harsh on yourself.

>i struggle to get women to reply or just add me
you can always pretend not to care about them. seems to get some women's attention when they're not sure they have you, but i'm not sure if you want to play that stupid game.

>i am truly alone in this world
it's not much, but you got us and you're always welcome here.

>>83026282
>It feels like when everything is for yourself, nothing is.
i get that. i often ask myself why i do things and don't really have an answer besides that it's the objectively right thing to do. doesn't really make for a good motivational speach, i suppose. ^^'

>It'd be like a dog chasing a car. I think would just cry a lot and beg for her to come back.
as honest as it gets. maybe she'll come around and reach out again at some point, but all you can do until then is to stay strong and keep trying.

>>83026465
sleep tight!

>maybe ot just was a bit different from what I expect
what did you expect?

>it's not very long so if you're bored one day i recommend watching it
i'll put it on the list. (^-^;)

>>83026560
>I watched the grudge a couple of days ago
which one? there are a few of those, aren't there? maybe i'm mixing it up with the ring...

>>83026560
>what's on the playlist?
another oldie but more well known. neil diamond, and the grass wont pay no mind
>you can always pretend not to care about them. seems to get some women's attention
only works if youre attractive and already have women chasing after you. women dont chase after me or pay me any attention
>it's not much, but you got us and you're always welcome here.
thanks it does feel nice to vent here and you anons are kind

>>83026196
>feeling cozy
nice. Still got a few hours for that. Trying to wrap up a few things tonight, but at the point im kinda just stalling till i can sleep
> need to sort out my wardrobe anyway
same. I still have some clothes though probably don't even fit well anymore since I started working out more that should probably get rid of
> worst example she could find
yeah I know. And things are definitely bad, just kinda silly to think. Unless that person is paying expensive medical bills (which sadly isn't even that far fetched) at some point you have to consider some of your expenses. At least if you're making 300k
>we can't feel too secure in these times
why i try to make as many back up plans as I can. I need to hold out for a few years, then I'll feel at least reasonably more comfortable about finances
>how do you stand up to the heat?
i eat it quite spicy these days, but I just like hot foods. Depending on the food though. Ramen I don't really like it to be as spicy as possible, but something like hot pot or thai food I would take it hot as possible
>matching outfit
staff would be very weirded out that day. Then again I came dressed like I just came from the office to go crazy Hatsune Miku the one time, so already weird
>you don't limit the card pool like that.
we play casually enough it doesn't matter. Not like I'm using online guides to build meta decks, I just follow some basic principle for archetype i want to use
>maybe there's something like that for yugioh?
yeah think there is, but again no need for us

>>83026343
>give it everything you got! (*^*)9
Gave it everything till I had to leave early. Least my legs are still destroyed ^_^
>mainly just brotato. just won a pretty good round and decided to leave it at that. gonna finish with a good run to keep the spirits high sometimes.
New game to me, send a screencap.
>maybe someday.
Definitely, really just a money thing. Would you want to cosplay anyone?
>was a bit miffed by that. :/
RIP. One time I lucked out on buying fire punch, only time I missed out at a con.

>>83026343
>digimon tcg
probably a hard sell. Yugioh has history for both of us, hard to pick up a new card game neither had previous exposure to
>lots of female digimon with big... stats
and he's not cultured enough for this to be a selling point D:
>but that is just sickening.
outing myself more and more as an evil person these days D:

>>83026282
> work provided therapist
those from what I know tend to be there if you're having some momentary stress. Not deep rooted issues, so can't really do much more. usually need to see someone who spends time talking to you first to understand you, not just what's going on now.
>need results now!
Understand, maybe they'll be able to give some tips for immediate help. Thing is, very few quick fixes for emotional issues. Why people so often turn to things they addicted to in situations like this, real results aren't fast so might as well turn to something that is and takes your mind off it.
>Cute evil twins
I like the alt art of the cards so much more than the default. you play(ed) yugioh at all? always been very casual, but like putting together cheap decks after sorting all my old cards about a year ago.

>>83026662
>neil diamond, and the grass wont pay no mind
i'll put it on the list. thanks for sharing.

>only works if youre attractive and already have women chasing after you.
i suppose that's true. honestly, i've got no idea how any of that works. i'm just talking nonsense.

>women dont chase after me or pay me any attention
there's a certain freedom in that.

>it does feel nice to vent here and you anons are kind
it really does and i feel like you fit right in.

>>83026709
>Trying to wrap up a few things tonight, but at the point im kinda just stalling till i can sleep
hang in there, fren. there'll be better days ahead.

>don't even fit well anymore since I started working out more that should probably get rid of
pretty much this, but i also have a hard time finding stuff in my size again. no matter what i do or how i look, can't find stuff that fits. :[

>at some point you have to consider some of your expenses. At least if you're making 300k
true. she mentioned childrens education being really expensive, but maybe you should take your family and move it some place that's a bit cheaper.

> I need to hold out for a few years, then I'll feel at least reasonably more comfortable about finances
i just hope for one of the many doomsday-plots to unfold. :p

>i eat it quite spicy these days, but I just like hot foods.
enjoy it as long as you can.

>staff would be very weirded out that day.
don't underestimate the shit these people have seen.

>I came dressed like I just came from the office to go crazy Hatsune Miku the one time, so already weird
sounds like something that happens quite frequently. at least in japan.

>we play casually enough it doesn't matter.
as long as both of you are having fun. i'd like to know how my old chaos emperor dragon deck would fare against your decks.

>>83026780
>till I had to leave early. Least my legs are still destroyed ^_^
good job, but why did you have to leave?

>New game to me, send a screencap.
i'm in bed already. it's one of those horde survivor games, but you play as a potato fighting waves of aliens and horrors of the deep. has a lot of build variety and is just addicting once you get the hang of it. they also just released a new update. here's a trailer.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nfceZHR7Yq0&pp=ygUUYnJvdGF0byB0cmFpbGVyIGRhd24%3D

>Would you want to cosplay anyone?
not really, but that's more because i don't really like my options. if i put in the work, maybe i could cosplay nappa one day. :p

>One time I lucked out on buying fire punch, only time I missed out at a con.
dang. heard that name before, but can't put my finger on it rn. what was it about again?

>>83026829
>probably a hard sell
more of a joke, honestly. i wouldn't wish that evil on anyone these days. so many releases you just can't keep up.

>he's not cultured enough for this to be a selling point D:
what a swine. >:[

>outing myself more and more as an evil person these days D:
every story needs a villain, so thank you for filling that supporting role.

going to head to bed now. good night, everyone!

>>83027059
>there's a certain freedom in that.
There is but it gets unbearable sometimes like sexually, beating my meat with my hand got boring years ago now ive swapped to pocket pussies just to capture that same feeling but Im sure its not the same. Real pussy is a lifetime experience that not everyone gets to enjoy. Hmm perhaps I should upgrade to hookers
>i'll put it on the list. thanks for sharing.
Ill share more music if i find any i tend to listen to the same tracks on repeat. Lillli line [eye] that is good obscure song. Another anon recommended me that one

>>83027184
>why did you have to leave?
I had a ride home this time, if I stayed for my last machine I'd miss it.
>horde survivor games, but you play as a potato fighting waves of aliens and horrors of the deep.
Interesting, never played anything of the genre. If it's singleplayer I'll try next week.
>i put in the work, maybe i could cosplay nappa
BASED. The fact he's one of like (two?) bald saiyans is pretty funny. As for not having options, I can't cosplay any of the ones I picked without looking retarded save for Tosen atm, but I'll get there.
>what was it about again?
It's absolute kino and my favorite Manga of all time, don't even want to spoil the synopsis. Read it. If you don't care to read it though, The earth has been plunged into an Ice Age by an evil Blessed known as a witch. Blessed are humans born with powers, such as regeneration, electricity, and endless fire. Agni has regeneration, and uses this to help his village get through the endless winter, until one day his village is burned to the ground. Doma, the man who burnt his village to the ground is a Blessed with the ability to create flames that never burn out. While his village is torched, Agni survives, seeking vengeance for the endless flame he is now engulfed in.

Hey everyone. I cut myself for the first time today. It was with a kitchen knife, along the forearm vein. I'm trying to get used to cutting until I can cut deep enough to strike red gold. My hands are trembling, the cuts burn and I can hardly bear to look at them. I'm alone tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after, most likely. I'm scared of speaking up and getting hospitalised. I fear they'll invade my privacy. I'm scared