>>24520630
You are being very silly.
>the blitzkrieg of earthen dust
What does this even mean?
>which were all glancing down at a very strange world
Strange how?
> A blazing sensation of doom would trudge upon those who gaze into its lair and pull out from it unheard of beliefs.
"It's lair"? Whose lair? Lair of what? The strange world?
>The turbines blew and blew continually rotating at a constant speed not dissimilar to the lovers of our trove. In and out arrows of Cupid strike some more and then the anecdote is poured upon the wound by a god to whom is unseen, theist or atheist.
Completely incohrenet. ESL?
>The lovers dance in a fruitless embrace to dance
It's redundant to say they dance to dance.

All in all it feels like something you'd write to mess with people.

>>24468562
There are redundancies in it. Here's how I would rewrite the first sentence
> Green - A full bodied and verdant green that stuck to every element of the memory like a good smell,
Green - a full-bodied, verdant green that stuck to the memory like a pleasant aroma
>it was a green that suffused the clover and the trees and the twin emeralds of her eyes that sparkled brighter than the lake did under that baking sun
> - suffused the clover, the trees and the twin emeralds that were her eyes, sparkling brighter than even the lake under the baking sun.
I'm too lazy to do the rest but I hope this gives you an idea on where it's clunky.