[Horror Movie redux]

It's not every day Elodie and I are on the same page. But when we are, nothing in existence or nonexistence is truly safe. The warlocks thought they were clever. They offered "liberation through knowledge" and demonic transactions conducts in bitcoin. They thought to make a tidy profit and appease their sponsors at once. There were two things they didn't reckon with.

Mind Spiders.

And magical girls.

>https://www.blackangeltapes.net/faq

"Well, well, would you look at that" I said, as with a pulse of SWLIHN-give power warlocks all over the net suddenly felt spiritual chitin scrabbling around in their skulls and gnawing their consciousness until they got nosebleeds. "/x/ finally grew a pair"

"Seventh Magia Battalion, I'm running" said Elodie, slamming her signet ring down on the monitor "a multidimensional ADPDoS on the main server. Don't underestimate these freaks, they're PROFESSIONAL predators and abusers. So I want to hit them where it hurts: The demons they've pacted with suddenly getting spammed with online intent"

"But almost every evil wizard gets an ego" I chimed in. "Some lurk in high towers and say things like 'nobody can stop me now!' while daring the hero to come up to them with their fated sword-"

"-and others think a blockchain is a sure bet against sufficiently numerous malware" snarled Elodie. "Let's show them Hell hath no fury like concentrated brainrot"

Suddenly, numerous dark and shadowy entities were exposed to the constant chatter of the internet-every meme, shitpost and ad at once as Elodie forcibly connected the mainframe through which their servants plied their dark trade directly to the forces empowered by it. They immediately took out their wrath on said servants, who were currently in the process of getting their asses handed to them by love-powered energy beams.

A thousand screams echoed over the servers, before suddenly vomiting.

1/3

[Rick and Morty]

The hyperdimensional crystal I'd made to stay in touch with Morty rang, and I stopped calcifying another Spaghetti Person-ruled planet to hop on over to the Smith household. Not the type of human whose organs turn into spaghetti upon death due to a highly specific biological process by the way, these were actually sentient miniature flying spaghetti monsters that existed to fulfil some sort of horribly outdated cultural reference. The point is, I showed up with some spaghetti for what I assumed was a Smith family easter only to find the family having trapped Jerry in a giant crystal after he'd tried to teach everyone the true meaning of easter.

Only to instead of have run over the Easter Bunny in his car. And then vomited on it's corpse.

"Hello, Morty. Would you like me to teach you the true meaning of Easter?" I asked, brandishing an array of Matrix-style plugs. Each festively colored for easy ID. "I've got a few modified strains of the Ouroboros System that can-"

"W-what, no dude! I wanna UN-learn the meaning of Easter!" exclaimed Morty. "I stream Fortnite now, I'm Streamer Morty and my dad's festive cheer is getting in the way of chat! Can you fix him? Please?"

"Is that a simulation?" said Rick, scanning my stuff. "Yep" I said. He burped in outrage. "Dude, not cool! We already did a simulation episode, that's so last couple of weeks ago!"

I ignored him and stared at Jerry's frozen, helpless form. "You know what, that's an absolutely reasonable reaction in this reality. Alright, deactivate the crystal, I'll just inject him with these femtomachines"

"Wait, what?" said Rick, as Jerry was freed, gasping, and I shot him with a harmless laser to fill him full of femites.

"Um...thanks? I feel like some sort of opportunity was missed though..." mumbled Jerry.

"It totally was" I admitted, "but, no offence, your sex life is a lower priority than social order"

"What"

1/3