What are the most intimate and excruciating and vivid and reverent descriptions or depictions of suicidality and major depression in literature?

I'm looking for something to relate to and I can't find refuge from the idea of escaping the pain and fear of life through death in any modern media, and text in music and literature has been the only thing that I can find fragments of mutuality in. Not even dialogue with my own real therapist feels "real" to me at this point.

I’m suicidal. Does this happen in your cunt tree?