The idea of not having at least one night a week where I can binge drink or get high without any worries greatly stresses me.
is this normal adult shit or am I cooked?

I can't do this anymore. The lack of aim, the lack of purpose, the feeling of powerlessness, of lack of meaning. It's too much. Too long. I can't stand it any longer. I'm gonna do it. This time for real. Don't try to stop me.

I'm... I'm gonna colonize a system.