How long have you been been disordered for, anon?

>>76400287
>>76400296
My body is telling me
>NOHO! NOO! , Y-YOU CAN'T, NO, STOP NO!

but my mind is telling me that I was offered special privileges and exemptions on the grounds of my fraility growing up, so I internalized that frailty = worth, specialness, affection.

My body might argue that being weak and sickly is not the flex I think it is, and point to my being a 35 year old man who had to move back in with my mom as my ED ruined my life as evidence. It might argue that I was objectively happier in 2017-2020 when I was 53 kg with bitch tits - and my own place where I pursued hobbies and interests not related to diet and exercise

But alas, my letting go in late November was too dysphoric and I ended up feeling embarrassed by my 50.65 kg body (of which 2kg was carb bloat) Every one of those spikes represents me going *nom nom nom* elbow deep in a bag of chips at 9 PM while watching mindless YouTube. That ain't who I am! I am a disciplined anorectic who not only knows the difference between the noun anorectic and the verb anorexic, but who makes the right choices as I grab my organic celery and my high polyphenol EVOO and feel superior to the cattle in the checkout queue paying for chips and frozen pizzas like retards with no impulse control.

Yep... Once I reach my UGW. I might finally feel sick enough and pat myself on the back and say "we did it" and bask in the glory of victory for a week before going back to my Set Point Weight™