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>>713638207
I was moochin’ about, lookin’ for a bit of quiet. Decided to pop into this empty church near me, ‘cause the world’s gone mental and I just want a sit-down to think about why biscuits never snap evenly or why me head’s so round.
Push open the creaky door, and it’s dead silent inside. Smells like damp wood and old candles. Sun’s streamin’ through them colored windows, makin’ funny patterns on the floor. I’m just stood there when I spot this fella up by the altar, wearin’ a bright yellow t-shirt. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this bloke doin’ here all alone? Bit odd, innit?”
I squint, and blimey, he’s proper hairy. Arms like a rug, back like a doormat. I’m wonderin’ if he’s some hippy who’s allergic to razors or just naturally a human carpet. Bit weird for a church, where you expect hymn books, not some hairy geezer in a t-shirt that looks nicked from a builders’ site.
Step closer, tryin’ not to creak the floorboards, and then it hits me. This ain’t no fella—it’s a flippin’ monkey! Standin’ upright like he’s about to preach. Yellow t-shirt hangin’ off him like it’s his mate’s. I’m gobsmacked, thinkin’, “How’s a monkey in a church? And where’d he get that t-shirt? Primark?”
Wonderin’ if I’m losin’ it or if this is some hidden camera lark. Maybe he’s escaped from a zoo and thought, “Church’ll do for a hideout.” I step forward; he turns, gives me a cheeky look, like he’s in on a joke I ain’t. Half expect him to offer me a banana, but he just scratches his armpit and shuffles behind a pew.
I’m stood there, wonderin’ what now. Tell someone? They’d think I’m daft. “Yeah, saw a monkey in a yellow t-shirt in church.” So I leg it out, back to the real world where things make more sense. Still thinkin’ about that monkey, though, wonderin’ if he’s still there, prayin’ or whatever monkeys do in a t-shirt. Weird innit?

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