I'm actually kinda desperate. I am jacked and on steroids, and I could realistically see myself achieving 8/10 looks, at least 7/10 due to potential gyno and loose skin around my mid section, after losing the rest of my fat. I am NOT looking for a sugar momma. I just need a woman to be a provider for me after my dad passes, since I'm 25 and he's 68. I don't even care if there would be some gross discrepancy where I'm an 8/10 26-year-old and she's a 3/10 45-year-old.

I'm not certain I could fix myself naturally. I am planning on going back to college to study mechanical engineering this year, but I'm not sure how much my OCD bullshit will get in my way, and I'm not even certain I would be able to find a job for that degree that would work with my mental illness after the fact. I can't work any A time to B time (9 to 5 or the like) job due to my insomnia caused by OCD, and my obsessions could potentially get in the way of me doing any higher level job. Instead of thinking of how to solve some analytical problems, I would be focusing on OCD obsessions.

I still think finding some provider woman to essentially be a parasite to would be a realistic option, even though it doesn't sound that realistic. After all, I have been an incel all this time. I feel ashamed at this thought, and I wouldn't want to be nasty to a person like that; although, I have been like this to my dad, and I've felt really guilty about it over the years. I feel like I owe him immensely for everything he's done for me, but I can't make it up to him. I've realized that I may be like this for the rest of my life, and that the alternative would be to end up homeless or potentially stuck in an extremely unpleasant (at least for my insomnia) environment living with my mom.

Bump. I think I've finally figured out I have something other than OCD. I feel like now, I just have to actually visit a psychologist, potentially with my dad, and see what I get diagnosed with.