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7/4/2025, 5:14:08 AM
7/2/2025, 8:03:53 PM
>Jesse barges into the garage, laptop open, Total War: Rome II running
Jesse: Ayo, Mistah White… why the hell you pickin’ Royal Scythia, yo? They don’t even got real infantry, bitch! The Romans got LEGIONNAIRES, man!
Walter: Goddamn it, Jesse. You idiot. You think heavy infantry wins wars? You think testudo formations matter when you’re being peppered from 360 degrees by a hundred horse archers that never stop galloping?!
Jesse:Yo, but your units don’t even have armor! That’s like... some tier 1 nomad shit, bro!
Walter:*furiously click clacks on his keyboard as a blob of principes melts* These “tier 1” steppe horse archers require no recruitment building, Jesse. None. That’s efficiency. And you fell for the heavy infantry propaganda. I don’t need bronze cuirasses and lorica segmentata. I need speed. I need freedom. And I need a stack of 19 steppe horse archers with Parthian Shot. Do you even know what that means, Jesse?
Jesse: They shootin' backwards while ridin’ away, yo?! That's messed up, bro...
Walter: Mobility is victory. Speed is life. I am become skirmish mode, destroyer of melee infantry...
Jesse: ...yo, I think I understand it now... Praise Tabiti, bitch!
Walter: I am the one who kites!
Jesse: Ayo, Mistah White… why the hell you pickin’ Royal Scythia, yo? They don’t even got real infantry, bitch! The Romans got LEGIONNAIRES, man!
Walter: Goddamn it, Jesse. You idiot. You think heavy infantry wins wars? You think testudo formations matter when you’re being peppered from 360 degrees by a hundred horse archers that never stop galloping?!
Jesse:Yo, but your units don’t even have armor! That’s like... some tier 1 nomad shit, bro!
Walter:*furiously click clacks on his keyboard as a blob of principes melts* These “tier 1” steppe horse archers require no recruitment building, Jesse. None. That’s efficiency. And you fell for the heavy infantry propaganda. I don’t need bronze cuirasses and lorica segmentata. I need speed. I need freedom. And I need a stack of 19 steppe horse archers with Parthian Shot. Do you even know what that means, Jesse?
Jesse: They shootin' backwards while ridin’ away, yo?! That's messed up, bro...
Walter: Mobility is victory. Speed is life. I am become skirmish mode, destroyer of melee infantry...
Jesse: ...yo, I think I understand it now... Praise Tabiti, bitch!
Walter: I am the one who kites!
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