doctor -> CAN speak calmly with people about to die
pilot -> CAN land a plane with broken engine
military/policemen -> CAN kill people in cold blood
CEO -> CAN fire thousand of people to "stop-loss"
fireman -> tourist buildings in fire to save people
Any leader -> the goals justify the means

But they still contribute more to the common good than your average joe.

So?

>>33296663
>introduced to me by my mom
Your mother is unfathomably evil.
>I envision myself dying and it makes me feel physically tingly and euphoric
If this is recurrent, I'm sorry you are on the verge of some psychotic breakdown, a living hell.
>terrified of the afterlife
Not such a thing exist. Get things straight. This is not a nightmare you can wake up from.
You should take action now.

Ghost your mother and go on a summer travel, far away, alone. You can tell us about your experience later.
Good luck anon.