>>5010846
When I'm in a blue mood, all the regrets weigh on me. Over the span of my shitty childhood, there were a bunch of animals I just couldn't properly take care of, such as a bunch of geckos my oldest brother just dumped on me to take care of when he moved out mere months after buying them. I tried, but they were clearly not thriving, and when they eventually got sick and died young, I felt so guilty since my brother only got the stupid idea to buy them because I had asked for two bearded dragons and he enjoyed crafting the interiors for their terrarium.
Likewise, I had previously rescued an escapee budgie on my way home from elementary school, and that budgie had the most miserable life living in the living room where my insane, autistic mother watched TV at all times. She eventually tore out all of her feathers from stress, and I blame myself for having brought her in. We had some rodents, too, more often miserable than not.
My bearded dragons were relatively low-maintenance, one died young at 8 years from progressing myasthenia which explained why he'd always seemed klutzy from the start, the other died at 12 or so. My dearest pet was an African giant snail an acquaintance grew tired of weeks after buying it, it seemed content for the 8 years we've had together until it just stopped eating and literally fell apart from one day to the next.

My whole family is dysfunctional and cursed, I still have crippling untreated ptsd (at 27) from abuse, and I refuse to get any pet unless I can ensure its happiness and health.

>>531286095
Gonna give it a few more attempts tonight, I just needed a break after that one.

This is an appropriate response to our entire reality