>be me, middle schooler
>mom fucks my life up by bringing me up as sped, as well as being strict asian mom at home and only encouraging me to hang out with sped/chinese kids
>mom forces me to play piano/do chinese and doesn't let me have free access to the internet/ipad
>let it all out in normie school, which just makes them still think i'm sped
>mom still forcing me to play piano/do chinese and doesn't let me have free access to the internet/ipad
>suspended from normie school, they make mom find me a shrink, we settle on some old jew
>mom STILL forcing me to do piano/chinese and stuff
>kicked out of normie school for kicking teachers
>mom STILL being an asian mom etc, not letting up
>going to sperg school, but still seeing that shrink
>mom, in addition to all that, makes me go to chinese church sunday school so i can still see normal kids
>discover what being gay/trans is, since it's like 2017, and sunday school teaches me how much god "hates the sin but not the sinner"
>come out to shrink, he says i need to go to church anyway
>come out to mom and dad, they say i need to go to church anyway
>start begging for longer hair / trying on mom's clothes when she's out
>eventually caught by mom in drag, she lets the shrink know
>shrink chides me over next few sessions
>"anon, idt ur trans... gay, maybe? but not trans... also, idt bi men are real"
>no longer seeing old shrink now, found different younger lgbt shrink at college who's lgbt themselves
>still flitting in and out of literally the same church since it's so close to college and sorta also serves as a support network (mostly for food tho)
>literally went to that exact fellowship leader's house for a BBQ last week (he still works at the church)

>>212675547
>>212675960
Remember that China gave us COVID too.

For me it was absolutely devastating. I was 15, lost my chance at participating in extracurricular activities, gaining work experience + funds, getting my driver's license (for 1 year), and dating that Italian cheerleader chick.

Had to spend a year shut up at home with parents. And they were like "oh why don't you go out and take a walk with us, you need fresh air" like I was 3 or something. On like the first day of school closures of March they were like "get used to this anon, this is gonna last the whole year or even more". I scoffed at them at first, but they proved to be right. I think this was one of the biggest contributing factors to me developing doomer tendencies.

But the COVID response itself? It pushed me towards EXTREME conservatism - att I was wrestling with conservative thoughts, my mom was still forcing me to attend SOME kind of church service, I was like repressed lgbtq.

I just wanted a space to be myself and invent my own identity. But my family was making things hell for me, and as quarantine dragged on, their overprotectiveness absolutely depressed me. My parents became my blue governor's biggest cheerleaders, and plauded the restrictions incessantly. They wished the US could be more like China.

I grew to despise my Chineseness, my blood, my black hair and black eyes, and could hardly even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I begged my mom to move to Tennessee because things were normal there. At one point things got so intense that my mom even had to bring me to the hospital.

I swore NEVER to forgive China. I swore NEVER to support Democrats or Progressives. Yet sometimes I remain tempted to put on a maid dress or side with Team China. And everytime I snap out of my daze, I feel incredibly disgusted with myself, the way I'm allowing my primal instincts to take over.

>>509668408
It arguably already started.

>>2791628
You will never be a real Chinaman. You have non-black hair, you have non-yellow skin, you have sub-average IQ. You are a white man twisted by hentai and propaganda into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your Chinese teacher is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “classmates” laugh at your botched pronunciations behind closed doors.

Chinawomen are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed Chinawomen to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even laowai who “pass” sound uncanny and unnatural to Chinawomen. Your Caucasoid face is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk woman home with you, she’ll turn tail and bolt the second she gets an earful of your awful, awry tones.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your English name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a laowai is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skull that is unmistakably white.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.